terrible Remora, to the Prosperity of this unfortunate unthinking
Country. I have often thought if _Ireland_ had never been allowed to
import Foreign Wines, and we had learn'd to Content ourselves, with
drinking our own Ale, Beer, Mead and Cyder, and used no other
Spirituous Liquors, we shou'd have been the richest, and the honestest,
the healthiest, and the happiest Nation under Heaven. It is a
melancholy Thought, that poor as we are, and wretched as the
Circumstances of most of our Gentry are allowed to be, as to Debts and
Incumbrances; yet we actually Drink more _French_ Wine, then all
_England_ together, that is so much richer and abler. The Case is, few
People drink _French_ Wine in _England_, but those who have very large
Estates; Numbers who have a Thousand _per Annum_, seldom tasting it;
but with us, every Creature, that has tolerable Cloaths upon his Back,
and a Guinea in his Pocket, drinks little else, tho' he has scarce the
Conveniences of Life for his Family. There are such Multitudes that
can't relish Life or their Food without it, that one wou'd wonder how
they can all be provided with it. This Difficulty indeed was soon
remov'd; for I hear such Crowds now Trade in it, that it is to be
fear'd, if their Customers this Year do not make haste to take it off
their Hands, it grows so foul, they must Drink it themselves, or they
must sell it at last for Vinegar.
PRIOR. I have heard from some Ghosts, who died of the last Vintage,
that (to the Infamy of the Year 1753, be it remembered) 8000 Ton of
Wine was imported into this Kingdom from _France_; to the dreadful
Drain of our ready Cash, the encrease of the general Poverty of our
People, and the Misery of all who Labour and cannot Eat. Allow me to
observe here, Mr. _Dean_, that the _Chinese_ seem to know us well, who
send us not only their Teas, but also Cups to Drink it out of; and I
have often wondered that the _French_, don't send us Bottles and
Glasses with their Wines, as we have not Industry enough to make them;
tho' the very Bottles for 8000 Ton are computed to cost us 67000 _l._
It is dreadful to look over such Scenes of Destruction, and much more
so to know they are remediless, while our People thus court _France_ to
undo them, by sending for such vast Quantities of her Claret, at the
same Time I hear it is pleaded in behalf of the Importers, that they
never were guilty of such a Fault before.
SWIFT. A pretty Defence truly, and yet as this was the Excuse of
_Balaam_'s Ass to his Master, one wou'd think none but an Ass wou'd
plead it, and I will venture to say, they had better Change it for a
solemn Vow, never to be guilty of such a Folly again. However if they
did take such a Resolution, I wou'd not advise them to enter into
Bonds, for the Performance of that Engagement; for I fear they wou'd
forfeit them, tho' the Nation was to be Bankrupt by it, as in all
probability, if we continue to tun down such Quantities of this
destructive Liquor, it must soon be. For my part, when I think of this
national Madness, in drinking Oceans of _French_ Wine, I know not how
to account for such prodigious Extravagance, in such ruinous
Circumstances. We seem to live the faster, for being in a deep Decay,
as Clocks have a quicker Motion, the nearer they are to being run down.
'Tis an hard Case, that evident right reason can't Influence a Nation,
and that there is a Necessity for a Majority of right Reasoners, to
make thinking Creatures (as we are commonly called) act as their
Interest and Happiness demand. When once that fortunate Majority is
gain'd, between wise Laws and good Customs, People take up general
Maxims and Manners, that direct their Conduct, and form both their
private and publick Behaviour, so as to conduce to the good of the
Whole, and the well Being of each Individual. But alas! _Tom_, in
_Ireland_, we neither think, or act for ourselves or the Publick, nor
seem to have any System of Rules, for managing our Estates or our
Country; but we live in an extempore Method, and as Time serves, and
Accidents happen, we Conduct ourselves. When we are famish'd we think
of Bread, when frozen to Death, of Coals and Fire, and when we grow
uneasy with the Thoughts of all our Mismanagements, Madness and
Follies, a large Dose of Wine (a Hair of the very same Dog) relieves
all our Griefs over Night, and we rise as Wise and as Provident as ever
in the Morning. As to the Kingdom itself, we make such haste to get it
undone, as if we fear'd it wou'd not be ruin'd Time enough; and yet we
may plead in Excuse, that particular Gentlemen manage no better for
themselves, or their Families. It is certain he is reckon'd no bad
Manager, among his neighbouring 'Squires, who can cleverly stave off
his Creditors, and keep up his Port of living undisturb'd, till he can
sell (I mean settle) his Son, and clear off his Incumbrances with the
Wife's Fortune.
PRIOR. A very true, and as sad an Account of Things; and what inhances
our Misery is, that _France_ thrives by thus draining our vital Blood
from us, as the Physicians in old _Rome_, made their decay'd Patients
sustain themselves, by sucking the streaming Veins of their poor
Slaves. If we paid a moderate Price for our Liquor, it were something,
but the _French_ raise their Demands, in proportion to our Calls for
it; and our generous Importers, never endeavour to beat them down, as
they find they get the greater Gain, the dearer they buy it; and our
Gentlemen take up the same prudent way of Thinking, and never believe
themselves so generous, as when they drink Wines, that their poorer
Neighbours cannot Purchase. The present Fulness of the Treasury, vastly
beyond all former Years, shews how far our Madness is risen; for this
Folly of drinking away both our Estates and our Reason, has seized like
an epidemical Plague, on all Ranks of Men among us. Even those of the
poorer Sort, from a noble Emulation of copying their betters, drink as
much Wine as they can; and where their Purses or their Credit will not
reach so high, they must have foreign Liquors, tho' they be only Mum or
Cyder, Porter or Perry, and seem resolved to shew they are as little
afraid of a Jail, as greater Persons.
SWIFT. In other Nations the Nobility and Gentry, think for the
Commonalty, and govern their Manners by the Laws they make, and the
becoming Examples they set them. But in this poor ill-starr'd Island,
they corrupt them by their false Splendour, by their foreign Luxury, by
despising Virtue, Religion and Temperance, and as fast as they can
drinking themselves out of the World, and sinking their Fortunes, in
both which they are faithfully copied, by their Inferiors. I have often
thought while I was among them, that if our Gentlemen were oblig'd by
Law, to give in Accounts to the Publick of their annual Expences, as
Children do to their Parents, in order to have them regulated; what
miserable Oeconomists they wou'd appear to be, both for their own and
their Country's Interests. The Article of Drinking is grown so immense,
and at the same Time so general, that if some Fence is not provided for
it soon, this Nation will be more in Danger from this Land-Flood, than
the _Dutch_ are from being overwhelm'd by the Ocean. What imbitters
these Reflections the more is, that tho' all our Exports are the very
Necessaries of Life, which we send off to Feed and Cloath other
Nations, yet all our Imports, are the meer Superfluities of Luxury and
Vanity, that keep our Natives naked and starv'd, and ruin the Healths
of those of the better Sort. I say ruin the Healths, for I believe, if
you and I, _Tom_, were to draw up a List of all our Acquaintances, who
have died Martyrs to Wine and good Fellowship, it wou'd look like a
_London_ Plague-Bill in 1666. _Pharaoh_ and his Army wou'd appear but
as an Handful to those I cou'd reckon up, within these last fifty
Years, that have perish'd in this red Sea of Claret; and what Crowds
are there, now creeping by this way alone, into Stone and Gout,
Rheumatisms, Palsies and Dropsies; after having by their Love of the
Bottle, exchang'd their Youth and their Strength, not for a short and a
merry Life, but a short and a miserable one.
PRIOR. It is a terrible Thing to consider, if half the Money paid for
_French_ Wine, was laid out in Building and Planting here, what a
Garden they wou'd make of this whole Island; and instead of this, they
make the Bottle the Business of their Lives, and sacrifice to this
noble Passion, I will not say their Country, (for that no body minds)
but their Healths and their Fortunes as readily as their Reason. It is
odd to me, Mr. _Dean_, if we must use foreign Wines, why we do not make
those of _Portugal_, _Spain_, _Italy_ and _Sicily_, cheap by low
Duties, and the _French_ twice as dear by high ones; for by this means,
we cou'd get Drunk with the Loss of less Time, and Health, and Money.
If even such a Tax was laid on it, as would make its Consumption less
general, and hinder the poorer part of our People, from being ruin'd by
the dreadful Affectation, of drinking like the Men of Figure and
Fashion, it wou'd be an excellent Method; and above all if the
additional Taxes, were appropriated to extend the Linen Manufacture
thro' the Southern Provinces. This wou'd soon enrich us, and impoverish
at the same Time, the great Enemy to the repose of _Europe_; for 'tis
by her Wines and our Money chiefly, that _France_ has been enabled, to
soar towards Universal Monarchy, and if this Feather was pluck'd from
her, she wou'd soon shorten her Flights, and droop her Wings.
SWIFT. You think extravagantly and wildly! You cheat yourself like most
Projectors, with your own Dreams, and your Expectations are suited only
to Citizens, who live and act, _Tanquam in Republica Platonis_. Can you
be so absurd as to hope, that Men in these Days, and in Manners like
ours, shou'd listen to Reason; and think our own Beer, Ale, Cyder, Mead
and home Wines, fittest and best for themselves, their Friends and
their Families? Can you imagine that this Age of Intemperance and
Luxury, will think a while of these important Truths, instead of
pleasing their Palates, and driving off that heavy Load, their Time,
with the Roar of Jollity and Riot? Is it to be expected that good
Fellows and Pot Companions, will be influenced by a Regard for the
Welfare of _Ireland_, when they will not value their own Healths, nor
avoid all the Distempers we lately reckon'd up, as well as all the
nervous Disorders, that spring from the fatal Tartar, which Claret by
sad Experience is found to abound with? I was weak enough, to read
Physick Books in my old Age, and I remember _Galen_ told me, that in
all Wine there is something Indigestible in its self, and ruinous to
true complete Concoction; but our best modern Physicians do also
assert, that the Tartar in _French_ Wine, is the Fountain of a Crowd of
Plagues and Pains, to our wretched Bodies. We read this in a Number of
Authors, and have the Tradition handed down, from the Records of the
Dead and the Living, who have suffered by neglecting such good Advice;
but where are the _Recabites_ that will listen to such Councils, in
these drinking Days.
PRIOR. But as destructive as Wine is to us, we must not forget the
dreadful Effects, Spirituous Liquors have on our Country and our
Bodies. They are really a sort of Liquid Flames, which corrode the
Coats of the Stomach, thicken the Juices, and enflame the Blood, and in
a Word, absolutely subvert the whole Animal Oeconomy. The frequent use
of them, has had as bad Effects on our poor Natives, as Gin in _Great
Britain_; and besides driving many Wretches into Thefts, Quarrels,
Murders and Robberies, it kills as many of the Poor, (when Drunk to
excess) as Wine does of the Rich. Even our own renowned _Whisky_, tho'
it has banish'd the Brandies of _France_, yet is almost as pernicious
to our Healths and our Morals; tho' we have this poor Comfort, since
Spirituous Liquors we must have, that it is better to pay our _Irish_
Farmers, for destroying us, (if we must be destroy'd) than the _French_
Vignarons about _Bourdeaux_.
SWIFT. I allow indeed our _Irish_ Spirits, are preferable to those made
in _France_; but after all, the chief good Quality of them is, that the
King gets a prodigious encrease of his Revenue, by our Stills. It were
to be wish'd, that this Part of his Majesty's Duties, that is founded
on the Intemperance of his People, was supplied by some other Tax; for
it is dreadful to consider, how much the Crown is interested, that the
Subject shou'd neither be frugal or sober. The Duty on our Spirits is
the best paid Money in the World, unless we except what we pay for our
Wine; for I think the only Debts we pay well, are to the Merchant who
Poisons us, and the Sharpers who bubble us at Play. If I were alive, I
wou'd write a Book against the dreadful Intemperance of this Age and
this Country; tho' I doubt if it wou'd do us much Service; for there is
a Time, when the noblest Medicines are of no Use in a Distemper, and I
fear our political Diseases are now so desperate, that to die as easily
as we can, and to put it off as long as we can, is all our poor Country
can hope for. I will therefore leave this, and go to another great
Obstacle to the welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the want of Tillage
amongst us.
PRIOR. That is indeed, Mr. _Dean_, a terrible Evil, and like most of
our Evils, chiefly owing to ourselves. We do not want this additional
Hardship to many others, that what we earn by our Labours in good
Years, goes all from us in a scarce one, and leaves us either without
Food or without Money.
SWIFT. Surely if repeated Sufferings make us patient, we might expect
that our frequent Misfortunes, might make us Wise; and yet Famines are
not able to oblige us to Plow, nor our Legislature to force us to it,
by salutary Laws. One wou'd believe there were neither Thinkers or
Reasoners, (unpoison'd by French Wine) left in _Ireland_. Are we to be
a Nation of Beasts, and a few Savages to watch them, and only some
Landlords and Butchers to divide the Spoil, and share the Plunder of a
Nation, wasted of its Villages and People, as _William Rufus_, serv'd
part of _Kent_, to feed his Deer? Good God! what a Scandal are we
growing, to all the Kingdoms of the Earth, that set up for a regulated
Government, or a sensible equal Polity? Surely, _Tom_, Men with common
Sense, and common Industry, might make something else of this fertile
Country, than a wild solitary Extent of Pastures; and that Men and
civilized Creatures, might thrive here as well as Beasts and
Barbarians; and that we need not let this poor Region, look like the
one ey'd _Polyphemus_'s Island, spoil'd of its Inhabitants, and
occupied only by his Sheep and his Cattle? We all know, Grazing makes
Countries wild and horrid, their People slothful and uncultivated as
the Soil; but one might bear any Fault but starving; and yet every
three or four Years, Men here are near famishing for want of Bread, and
ready to eat up each other, like Lord _Al----ms'_ Dogs in the Kennel.
It is hard to say, what sort of People we are, for it is strange that
the universal Instinct, that governs all the lower Ranks of Animals, or
that the great Law of Self-preservation, does not influence our
Countrymen so far, as to provide their own Bread. Not to Insult us with
wiser Nations, I wou'd at least expect, that we shou'd shew ourselves,
as provident as the Republick of Ants, and keep something to preserve
Life and Soul together, when Want and Winter come. We seem to be quite
uninfluenced by Hopes or Fears, the two great ruling Passions of the
Soul; and as merry and improvident, as so many Grass-hoppers. In other
Countries if Sheep eat up Men, the Men have their Revenge and eat up
Sheep; but in _Ireland_, wretched, thoughtless _Ireland_, Sheep eat up
more Men than all the Wolves on the Earth, without our poor Natives,
being able to devour one of them, but now and then, when we Steal them,
just to keep Life and Soul together.
PRIOR. The very Earth seems to cry out against us, Mr. _Dean_, for our
want of labouring it, as it is ready to reward the Industrious, with
fertile Crops, and large Returns. He who will work up its natural
Strength sufficiently, need never want Food or Raiment, or a good warm
Cabbin, to encourage him to go on, and by honest Care and Toils, in
Time enrich himself and his Country. We observ'd before, that the Women
who were once the idlest part of our People, are now the most
Industrious; and if the Men will improve as fast at the Plow, as they
have done at the Wheel, we shou'd soon see a vast Change in our
Circumstances. Our pinch'd miserable way of Living, wou'd be turn'd to
Plenty and Neatness, Warmth and Health; and the Plow wou'd enliven the
Wheel and the Reel, and keep every Child, and every Sex in Motion. All
this we may hope from good and wise Governors; of such force is
Thinking for the Body, when the Body in return, will Work to make
itself and the Mind easy. If our Rulers and Legislators, wou'd once
heartily set about contriving, to get us Bread out of our own Fields,
and oblige us by Laws to till the Ground sufficiently, we might soon
see our People and their Children, as busy as so many _Japonese_
Villagers, when the Earth is loaded with their Harvests. However, I
fear neither of these Things will be done, till we are forc'd to it, by
seeing Twenty-Thousand poor Mortals starv'd once more, and twice as
many driven out of our Country; just as we see People seldom build
Bridges over the River, till they find Numbers of Travellers, have been
drown'd in Fording it.
SWIFT. A Foreigner wou'd think it as absurd, to hear that our Natives
want Food, while we Export such amazing Quantities of Provisions; as
that the Commonalty round _Newcastle_, wanted Firing, tho' they furnish
_London_ with their Coals. He wou'd ask, why we don't Tax such a mad
Exportation, and by laying Twelve-pence per Barrel, on all salted Beef
and Pork, raise a Fund for Premiums, to the greatest Number of Acres
plow'd in each County; that at least we may have Bread for our Natives,
who dare not hope for Flesh to eat with it. 'Tis a sad and a
reproachful Prospect to us, to observe the _Chinese_ levelling
Mountains, banking in Rivers, and draining Morasses, to improve and
Dung them for the Plow; and to see in _Ireland_, as fertile Plains as
any in the Earth, lying untill'd, and feeding Sheep and Bullocks,
instead of Men, of Industrious social thinking Creatures! The Plow is
the Cause that _China_ swarms with large Cities and Villages, and 'tis
from the want of Tillage, that I remember to have seen in _Munster_,
the wretched Tenants, as ill-housed as so many _Hottentots_; which
proceeds from the same Defect, the Country there is so little Populous.
Great Towns, and fair Villages, are not only the Strength and Ornament
of any Country, but good Dwellings do naturally encrease Children, as a
Barn does Mice, and from the same Reason too. Besides Buildings like
those in _China_, always bring Crowds of Artificers together, as they
are sure of Business and Employment from them; and thence also the
Country too, must become thicker Planted and better Peopled; but in
_Ireland_, all these Blessings are as hopeless, and as rare as Virtue,
Wisdom or Industry. Without Tillage properly follow'd and encourag'd,
'tis impossible our Numbers will ever encrease sufficiently; nay they
must necessarily decline every Day; nor shall we be able to feed
tolerably, those Remnants of our Countrymen, whom our Flocks of Sheep,
and Herds of Bullocks, don't drive to _France_ and _America_, those
great Drains of wretched _Ireland_. But what is fully as bad is, that
without Tillage, we shall be perpetually drawing off what little Money
we have, and Bread will be so dear, that 'tis impossible but other
Nations who feed cheaper, must undersell us in our Manufactures.
Besides how can there be any depending on stated Prices for our Goods,
while Bread is constantly so fluctuating in its Value, as it is in
_Ireland_; since the Wages of the Workmen, will ever depend on the
Price he pays for his Food? This is by the bye, a Circumstance, which
must for ever shut out the Linen Business from Munster, and all the
grazing Counties; it being absolutely impossible for it to subsist,
without Tillage and Hands, which ever go together. It cannot be the
Profit, that endears Grazing to the Southern Provinces; since many
excellent Authors, and particularly Mr. _Dobbs_, have clearly
demonstrated the vast Difference, betwixt Tillage and Grazing, as to
the real Gain by each; and it is clear we lose one Year with another,
200,000_l._ to our Country, by this impolitick Turn to Stocks. This is
enough in Conscience, one wou'd imagine for this unthinking Kingdom;
but we must add to this Loss also, the Multitudes, we force Abroad or
starve at Home, and the real Gain we shou'd make by their Arts and
Labour, and the encrease of Houses, Marriages, Children, Health, Wealth
and Plenty, which they naturally bring with them. If our wise Graziers
wou'd once consider these Things, and that our Northern Colonies in
_America_, are supplying those in the South with Beef, and threatning
to beat us by Degrees out of that Trade, they will perceive how
necessary it is, to have a Law for Tillage, and that without it, we may
say with the _AEgyptians_, 'We be all dead Men.' This I am sure of, and
I will only add that 'tis in vain to make Laws, for encouraging our
Linen, or to expect to keep Money enough in our Kingdom, to pay our
Rents, or circulate Trade, when such prodigious Sums, go out annually
for Grain, by which, and the vast Importation of _French_ Wine, we are
now actually on the very Brink of Bankruptcy and Ruin.