CHAPTER VII

The fear that most people have of the criminal law has its origin

in their ignorance of it. They are, luckily, most of them unfamiliar

with bailiffs and constables, except at a distance. The gruff

voice of authority has echoed but dimly for them. They have heard

of the "third degree," "the cooler," "the sweat-box," and "the

bracelets," yet they have never seen the inside of a station-house;

and their knowledge of jails, if they have any at all, is derived

from reading in their childhood of the miraculous escapes of Baron

Trenck or the Fall of the Bastille. They picture officers of the

law as human bulldogs, with undershot, foam-dripping jaws and

bloodshot eyes. The bourne--from which so many travellers never

return--bounded by the criminal statutes, is a _terra incognita_

to the average citizen. A bailiff with a warrant for his arrest

would cause his instant collapse and a message that "all was

discovered" would--exactly as in the popular saw--lead him to flee

at once.

Upon this dread of the unknown the criminal attorney plays whenever

possible. It is his strongest asset, his stock in trade. The

civil lawyer, vaguely believing that there must be a criminal law

to cover every obvious wrong, retains him to put the screws on the

evil-doer and bring him to terms. The man who has done a dirty

business trick--in reality a hundred miles from being a crime--

engages the shyster to keep him out of jail. The practical weapon

of the criminal lawyer is the warrant of arrest. Just as at civil

law any one can bring a groundless suit and subject his enemy to

much annoyance and expense, so almost anybody can get almost anybody

else arrested. Of course if there is no justification for it a

suit for malicious prosecution and false arrest may arise; but most

persons who resort to such tactics are "judgment proof" and the

civil law has no terrors for them at all. At least fifty persons

out of every hundred would gladly pay an unrighteous claim rather

than be subjected to the humiliation of arrest, even if their

confinement were of the most temporary character.

In New York the right of having the defendant arrested in certain

classes of civil cases is a matter of statute. It is a preliminary

remedy not half as much availed of as it might be. The young lady

who brings a breach-of-promise suit against her faithless follower

has the right to put him under arrest and make him give bail; and

the young gentleman who would laugh ordinarily at the mere service

of papers may well settle her claim if a sheriff whispers in his

ear that he has a warrant for his person.

In the early days, before Gottlieb and I practised at the criminal

bar, a judgment creditor could arrest and lock up his delinquent

debtor. This was a most ancient and honorable form of redress;

and the reader has undoubtedly read dozens of novels in which some

of the scenes are laid in "Fleet Street." This locking up of people

who owed other people money but could not meet their just obligations

was sanctified by tradition and deeply rooted in our jurisprudence;

but the law governing the procedure in such cases was highly

technical and the wind of destiny was somewhat tempered to the

shorn lamb of the creditor. Thus, a warrant for the arrest of a

debtor could not be executed on the Sabbath, and, of course, had

no value outside of the State. Accordingly the neighboring cities

of New Jersey harbored thousands of bankrupt New Yorkers who could

not pay their bills and suffered a voluntary exile until they should

be in funds again. Indeed, there were certain hostelries entirely

given over to their accommodation. The man who had defied his

creditors simply converted his available property into ready cash

and slipped across the river to Jersey City or Hoboken, where he

remained six days in every week and returned to the bosom of his

adoring family on the seventh.

Later on civil orders of arrest were limited by statute to certain

classes of cases, such as, for instance, the conversion of money.

Among our clients there was a certain exceedingly attractive young

lady of French extraction, named Mademoiselle Valerie Carrell, who

was a popular favorite upon the light-opera stage when light opera

was in swaddling-clothes. Our fair client, like many another

histrionic genius, had more charm than business ability and was

persuaded by an unscrupulous manager to intrust to him a large sum

of money for investment in his various enterprises. Time went on,

and, although he seemed to be successful in his ventures, he insisted

that he had no money and was absolutely unable to repay her. In

utter desperation she came to Gottlieb and myself for assistance

and we speedily secured judgment for the full amount--fifteen

thousand dollars--after a hotly contested trial, in which the

defendant perjured himself very unlike a gentleman. The only result

was that Mr. Brown, the manager, gayly offered to settle for fifteen

hundred, and, on receiving a curt refusal, transferred his residence

to Hoboken, from which place he managed his business and paid

furtive visits to the metropolis in the night-time. On Sundays,

however, he always appeared in full regalia on Broadway and could

invariably be seen entertaining his friends lavishly in the

restaurants.

Gottlieb suffered this course of conduct to become a habit and then

informed me that he proposed to collect the full amount of Mademoiselle

Carrell's judgment upon the following Monday. I expressed some

incredulity at the idea, but later events proved that my partner

was well justified in his prophecy. We had long before procured

a warrant for Brown's arrest and the only difficulty lay in executing

it upon a week-day. Sunday came and as usual Brother Brown, with

his customary bravado, made his appearance in the city. That

evening Gottlieb invited me to dine with him at the resort ordinarily

frequented by our quarry. True to his invariable custom, Brown

turned up there with a party of his cronies and spent the evening

in merry feasting, presumably upon the money of our client. It

was a clear, moonlight night and when the glowworm showed the matin

to be near--or, more correctly, when it neared twelve o'clock--

Brown beckoned to the waiter, paid his bill out of a fat roll of

greenbacks, winked good-naturedly at us, and bade his friends good-

night. A moment or two later Gottlieb whispered to me to follow

him and we stepped forth upon the street. Brown was strolling

quietly down Broadway toward Twenty-third Street. A short distance

behind followed a thick-set man with a square-cut jaw whom I had

frequently noticed in Gottlieb's office.

On the corner of the cross-town thoroughfare Brown paused, looked

first at the moon and then at his watch, and proceeded on his

constitutional toward the ferry. The street, save for a distant

and presumably somnolent policeman, was deserted. The thick-set

man crossed to the other side of the way, quickened his steps,

overtook and passed Brown, recrossed and sauntered toward him. A

moment later there was a collision between them, voices were raised

in angry altercation and presently Brown was rolling undignifiedly

on the pavement, his calls for the police rending the stillness of

the night. The officer hastily approached, whistling wildly for

aid. Gottlieb and I took refuge in an adjacent doorway. Abruptly,

however, Brown's outcries ceased. It is probably that a sudden

vision of the consequences of an appeal to police protection came

to him as he lay like an overturned June-bug upon the sidewalk.

But the law had been invoked. The car of Juggernaut had started

upon its course.

"What's the trouble here?" cried the policeman, as he arrived

panting upon the scene.

"This fellow here assaulted me!" instantly answered the man with

the bulldog jaw.

"It's a lie!" bellowed Brown, climbing to his feet.

"Well, what have you got to say?" inquired the officer.

Brown hesitated. If he made a counter charge he realized that he

would have to go to the police station to make the complaint. This

would keep him in the city until after midnight.

"Well?" continued the policeman.

Still Brown paused, rapidly taking account of stock. If he did

not deny the charge in terms he would be locked up, which was just

as bad. But the bull-jawed chap spoke first.

"I want this man arrested!" he insisted. "He deliberately attacked

me!"

"I did no such thing!" shouted Brown. "He came at me without

provocation and knocked me down."

"It took you long enough to say so," commented the officer. "I'll

have to take you along to the house. Come on, both of you."

Grasping Brown by the arm, he marched him down the street. Suddenly

the unfortunate manager began to pour forth a long explanation,

quite incoherent so far as the policeman was concerned. He was

the victim of a frame-up--it was a job to get him arrested. The

officer remarked unsympathetically that he had heard that sort of

thing many times before. Gottlieb and I skulked in the rear. When

the police station was at last reached the thick-set man made a

charge of assault against the manager and Brown was compelled

perforce to make a similar charge against his adversary. Then both

were locked up to await a hearing the next morning in the magistrate's

court, when, after a prolonged examination, Brown was discharged

with an admonition against a too free indulgence in alcoholic

liquors.

"Don't be hard on him, judge," said the bull-jawed man. "I had no

trouble in defending myself. I think he has had lesson enough."

Much the worse for wear, Mr. Brown passed out of the court-room,

only to be confronted on the sidewalk by a marshal with a warrant

for his arrest. It was Monday morning. His period of immunity

was over. His eye caught Gottlieb and myself standing on the

corner.

"Well, boys," he exclaimed ruefully, "I'm caught. How much is it

going to cost?"

"Fifteen thousand dollars," answered Gottlieb, adding, after a

moment's pause--"and disbursements."

I need hardly add that Mr. Brown lost no time in raising the

necessary ransom and within the hour had paid his judgment in full

and secured his discharge. The days are long since over, however,

when judgment defaulters had anything to fear; and now a beneficent

bankruptcy law, merely for the asking, washes all their debts away.

But the power to secure another's arrest is even more easily

available now than in the days of my early practice owing to the

great number of new crimes created by the statutes.

One of the most ingenious devices for extorting money that ever

came to my attention was invented by a client of mine named Levine

--a poor sort of character, to be sure, but cleverer than many a

better man. In detail his method was as follows: He first bought

at wholesale a large quantity of cheap watches covered with gold

plate. To the inexperienced they looked as if they might possibly

be worth forty or fifty dollars apiece. They cost Levine about

two dollars and twenty-five cents each. His next step was to select

some small shop belonging to a plumber, grocer, or electrician

which was ordinarily left in the charge of a clerk while the owner

was out attending to his work or securing orders. Levine would

find some excuse for entering the shop, engage the clerk in

conversation, and having secured his attention would produce one

of his watches and extol its merits at length, explaining what a

great bargain it was and how--only owing to an exceptional

concatenation of circumstances--he was able to offer it for the

ridiculously low figure of thirty dollars.

Now it never made any difference to Levine whether the clerk wanted

the watch or not. His procedure remained the same in all cases.

He would first offer to let the fellow have it by paying one dollar

a week on the installment plan. If this did not appeal to the

clerk Levine would persuade him to keep it for a short time on

approval, paying down a dollar "as security." Almost all of his

victims would agree to this if only to be rid of him. In default

of aught else he would lay the watch on the counter and run away.

Nothing more would occur for a couple of weeks, during which the

clerk would hold the watch pending its owner's return, little

suspecting what was going on meantime. Levine, having "landed"

his watch, immediately swore to a verified complaint in an action

at law for "goods sold and delivered," setting forth on the date

in question he had sold--not to the clerk, but to his _employer_--

a gold watch for the sum of fifty dollars, which the latter had

then and there promised to pay for at once. The complaint further

recited that the money had been duly demanded and payment refused,

and asked judgment for fifty dollars and the costs and disbursements

of the action. Levine would then procure from some irresponsible

person an affidavit that the latter had personally served a copy

of the complaint in question, together with a summons, upon the

defendant, and place the case on the calendar for trial. Of course

no papers were in fact served upon anybody and Levine would in due

course secure judgment by default for sixty-odd dollars. Armed

with a certified copy of the judgment and a writ of attachment,

and accompanied by a burly deputy marshal selected for the ferocity

of his appearance, Levine would wait until some opportune time when

the owner of the shop was again absent and the shop had been left

in charge of the same clerk or a member of the family. Bursting

roughly in, he would demand whether or not it was the intention of

the owner to pay the judgment, while at the same moment the deputy

would levy on the stock in trade.

The owner of the shop, having been hastily summoned, would return

to demand angrily what the rumpus was all about. By this time the

clerk would have recovered his wits sufficiently to denounce the

proceeding as an outrage and the suit as baseless. But his master,

who saw judgment against himself for sixty dollars and his goods

actually under attachment, was usually in no mood to listen to,

much less believe, his clerk's explanations. At all events, they

availed naught, when Levine, with an expression of horror at such

deliberate mendacity on the part of the clerk, was wont to say:

"Ask him, pray, whether he has not got the watch in his pocket at

this very moment!"

Usually this was indeed the fact, as the clerk had no idea what

else to do with it until Levine should return.

"So-ho!" his master would shout wrathfully. "What do you mean by

saying that you did not agree to buy the watch? Why, you have kept

it all the time! What's more, you've pretended to buy it in my

name! And now my shop is turned into a bear garden and there is

a judgment against me and my goods are attached! A fine result of

your extravagance!"

"But I never agreed to buy it!" insists the clerk. "This man left

it here on approval!"

"Pish!" answers the employer. "That is all very well; but what

have you to say to the judgment of the court? Now, my fine fellow,

you will either pay up this money that you owe or I'll advance it

myself and take it out of your wages."

In every case, despite the protests of the clerk, the money would

be handed over and the shop released from levy. Unfortunately,

after working the game for several years, Levine came a cropper by

carelessly trying it on one of the same clerks that he had victimized

some time before. The clerk, being of an unusually vindictive

disposition, followed the matter up. Having first arrested the

man who made the false affidavit of service, he induced him to turn

State's evidence against my client and landed the latter in jail.

Being a great reader, however, Levine did not find his incarceration

particularly unpleasant; and, hearing of the Court of Appeals

decision in the McDuff case, he spent his time in devising new

schemes to take the place of his now antiquated specialty. On his

release he immediately became a famous "sick engineer" and for a

long time enjoyed the greatest prosperity, until one of his friends

victimized him at his own game by inducing him to bet ten thousand

dollars on the outcome of a prize-fight that he was simple-minded

enough to believe had already been fought and won.

This was an elaborate variation of the ordinary wire-tapping game,

where the sucker or lamb is introduced to a person alleged to be

an inside official of a large telegraph company, who is ready to

sell advance information of the results of sporting events in return

for a share in the profits. The victim is taken to a supposed

"branch office" of the company and actually hears the results of

the races coming in over the wires and being telephoned to the pool-

rooms. Of course the whole place is merely a plant fitted up for

his benefit. He is then taken to a supposed pool-room and gives

up his money for the purpose of having it placed as a wager on a

horse-race already won. Under the McDuff case, it had been held

by the courts that he had parted with his money for an illegal and

dishonest purpose--to wit, in an attempt to win money from another

who was wagering his own money in good faith--and the rogue who

had seduced his conscience and slit his purse went free. This was

Levine's favorite field of operations.

But his friend went him one better. Knowing that Levine had salted

away a lot of money, he organized a gang of "cappers" and boosters,

who made a great talk about the relative merits of two well-known

pugilists. It was given out that a fight was to be "pulled off"

up the Hudson and a party was made up to attend it. A private car

was taken by the friend in question and Levine was the guest of

honor. Champagne flowed freely. The fight came off in a deserted

barn near a siding above Poughkeepsie; and Levine wagered all of

his money, with other prosperous-looking guests in the car, under

the assumption that a bargain had been made between the "pugs" that

his man should win. But the supposed sports were all "boosters"

in his friend's pay and the other man won after a spirited exhibition,

which, although exciting, hardly consoled Levine for the loss of

his money.

It is a curious fact that those of my clients who made great sums

from time to time in ways similar to these rarely had any money;

most of them died in abject poverty. Sooner or later all ran foul

of the law and had to give up to the lawyers all they had managed

to lay by.

When at last John Holliday, a dealer in automatic musical instruments,

was "trimmed" out of sixty-five thousand dollars by various schemes

of this character, the tardy Legislature finally amended the penal

code in such a way as to do away with the farcical doctrine of the

McDuff case and drove all our erstwhile clients out of business.

The Confessions of Artemas Quibble Being the Ingenuous and Unvarnished History of Artemas Quibble, Esquire, One-Time Practitioner in the New York Criminal Courts, Together with an Account of the Divers Wiles, Tricks, Sophistries, Technicalities, and Sundry Artifices of Himself and Others of the Fraternity, Commonly Yclept "Shysters" or "Shyster Lawyers" · 第 7 / 9 章