Wedding presents should be chosen with due reference to the
circumstances of the bride. For the daughter of wealthy parents, who
weds a husband of large means--and to whom all desirable _useful_
things are assured--articles of _virtu_, and bewildering creations in
the way of costly "fancy articles," are suitable wedding gifts. For a
quiet little bride who is going to housekeeping on a moderate income,
articles that are useful as well as beautiful are appropriate and
acceptable. A handsome substantial chair, a cabinet for china, pretty
china to put in it, some standard books, a set of fine table
linen,--almost anything within the range of dainty house-furnishing
shows the good taste of the giver.
Presents that owe their creation to the ingenuity and labor of one's
friends--as hand-painted screens or china, embroidered work, or, if one
is artistic, a painting or etching--are peculiarly complimentary
wedding gifts.
In general, the exchange of gifts is desirable only between friends who
care enough for each other not only to _give_, but to be willing to
_accept_--the latter being a severer test of friendship. Between two
women, or between two men, these matters adjust themselves.
A man should not offer valuable gifts to any lady outside of his own
family, unless she is very much his senior, and a friend of long
standing. Similarly, a lady should not accept valuable gifts from a
gentleman unless his relationship to her warrants it. Trifling tokens
of friendship or gallantry--a book, a bouquet, or a basket of
bon-bons--are not amiss; but a lady should not be under obligation to a
man for presents that plainly represent a considerable money value.
When a gift is accepted, the recipient should not make too obvious
haste to return the compliment, lest he or she seem unwilling to rest
under obligation. It is polite to allow a generous friend some space
of time in which to enjoy the "blessedness of giving."
"Independence" is an excellent thing; but it becomes peculiarly rude
when it takes the form of refusing all trifling favors. It is often
the greatest wisdom as well as kindness, to allow some one to do us a
favor. Enemies have been transformed into friends by this tactful
process; for, as one always hates one whom he has injured, so, on the
reverse, he cannot help feeling an increased glow of kindliness toward
one whom he has benefited.
When some unsophisticated person innocently offers a gift that strict
conventionality would forbid one to accept, it is sometimes better to
suspend the rules and accept the token, than by refusal to hurt the
feelings of one who has perhaps offended the letter, but not the
spirit, of the law.
Gifts of flowers to the convalescent--tokens that the busy outside
world has not forgotten him--are among the most graceful expressions of
courteous interest. Any one--even a total stranger--may send these, if
"the spirit moves," and the circumstances are such that the act could
bear no possible misinterpretation.