--A Checkered Dialogue--The Beauty and Necessity of Human Frailty
--A Burning and Shining Light Going Home in the Dark--The Value of a
Lanthorn.
“The character or forms of decency which had hitherto prevailed, now
began to disappear. M'Clutchy's blood-hounds, or wreckers--for they
were indiscriminately termed both--having drank a great deal of liquor,
became quite violent, and nothing now was heard but party songs, loud
talk, and offensive toasts, mingled with a good deal of personal abuse,
and private jealousies of each other's influence with M'Clutchy.
“'D--n your blood, Grimes, I'm as loyal as ever you were. Wasn't
my grandfather a Tory hunter, who houghed and hanged more bloody
Papishes--'
“'Who's that,' said Bob, 'talking about hanging Papishes? Where--where
are they to be hanged? Under God, I have seen more of the villains
hanged than any other frail sinner in the province. Oh, it is a
consoling--a sustaining sight!'
“'What's the reason, then, that the Protestant gentry of the country
don't stand by their own? Why do they deal with Papishes? By Japers they
don't daserve us to stand by them.'
“'I say, Fulton, it's a d--d lie. I was at the wrecking of the
Ballygrass Threshers, when you shabbed sickness and wouldn't go.'
“'And I am glad I didn't. A purty business you made of it--to pull down
the houses, and wreck the furniture about the ears of a set of women and
children; I say such conduct is disgraceful to Orangemen.'
“'An' what the devil right have you to expect the sargeantship, then,
when you won't perform its duties?'
“'I don't care a d--n about you or it. The Pope in the pillory, the
pillory in h--l--'
“'--Sent the bullet through his palm, and kept his finger and thumb
together ever since--
“'Lerolero lillibullero, lillibullerobuuenela.'--
'--Sleet or slaughter, holy water,
Sprinkle the Catholics every one;
Cut them asunder, and make them lie undher,
The Protestant boys will carry their own.--.
“'They can never stand the guns--the lead makes them fly--and, by
Japers, they'll get it.--'
“'What health, man? out with it; are we to sit here all night for it?--'
“'He gets half his bread from a d----d Papish, merely because, he's his
tenant--instead of getting the whole of it from me, that's better than a
tenant, a brother Orangeman--
“'King James he pitched his tents between
The lines for to retire;
But King William threw his bomb balls in,
And set them all on fire.'--
“In fact the confusion of Babel was nothing to it now, every voice was
loud, and what between singing, swearing, shouting, arguing, drinking
toasts, and howling, of various descriptions, it would not be easy to to
find anything in any other country that could be compared to it.
“Phil himself was by this time nearly as drunk as any of them, but in
consequence of several hints from those who preserved their sobriety,
and several of them did, he now got to his legs, and called silence.
“'Silence, sil-sil-silence, I say, d--n my honor if I'll bear this. Do
you think (hiccup) we can separate without drinking the Castle
Cu-Cumber toast. Fill, gentle-(hic-cup)-men, here's Lord Cumber and
the Castle-Castle Cu-Cumber property, with the health of
Sol-Sol-Solo-Solomon M'Slime, Esq.--
“'For God will be our king this day,
And I'll be the general over--eh--over--no, no, under.'--
“'Under, I believe (hiccup)--'
“'Silence, there, I say.'
“'My friends--my dear friends,' said Solomon--'my brothers--Christian
brethren, I should say, for you are Christian brethren--Lord Cumber's
health is a good thing, and his property is a good thing; and I--I
return you thanks for it, as I am bound to do, as a Christian. Am I
Christian? Well--' (here he smiled, and laying his hand upon his heart,
added,) 'well I know what I feel here, that is all. My dear friends, I
said that Lord Cumber's health and property were good things, but I know
a thing that's better, more valuable, richer--and what is that? It
is here, in this poor frail--but not frail so long as that thing is
here--that thing, what is it? Oh, if you had prayed for it, wrestled
for it, fought for it, as I did, you would know what it is, and all the
delightful and elevating consolations it brings along with it. Surely
some one drank Lord Cumber's health! That was well; he sitteth in a high
place, and deserveth honor. Let us drink his health, my friends--let us
drink it, yea, abundantly, even unto rejoicing. But what is this thing?
Why, it is the sense of inward support, a mild, sweet light, that
diffuses pleasant thoughts through you, that multiplies every good gift
about you, that makes one cup of pleasant liquor seem two. It is not
to many that these things are vouchsafed; not, I believe, to any here,
always with humility and fear be it spoken, excepting Bob Spaight and
myself--
“'--July the first in Oldbridge town,
responded Bob,
“' There was a grievous battle,
Where many a man lay on the ground,
By the cannons that did rattle.'--
“'Yea,' pursued Bob, 'the gift is come, brother Solomon--the fifth cup
always brings it--
--'King James he pitched his tents between'--
“'Aye, but, brother Bob,' resumed Solomon, 'the gift is a little too
soon on this occasion. Let me give the words, and, Bob, if you could
manage the 'Protestant Boys,' rather than 'Croppies lie Down,' it would
suit it; and, indeed, it would be well if the whole congregation joined
us in it. I shall give the words--let me see, long measure, eight lines,
four nines, and four six-sixes;--
“'There's nought but care on every hand,
In every hour that passes, oh,
What signifies the life o' man,
An' 'twere not for the lasses, oh.”
eh, let me see--am I right?'
“'Right,' they shouted, 'never were half so right, Solomon. We'll join
you to a man,' and accordingly, with one voice, they gave the stanza
at the top of their voices, little Bob leading them, to the air of
'Croppies lie Down,' in a style that was perfectly irresistible.
“Thus ended a night in an Orange Lodge, but not so out of it. Those who
had to go any distance, were armed, and the consequence was, that when
they got into the street, they commenced their usual courses: shots were
fired in every direction, offensive songs were sung--any money for the
face of a Papist--to hell with the Pope--Ram down Catholics, and so
on. At length, by degrees these all ceased, the streets gradually grew
quiet, then still, and another night closed upon the habits of a class
of men, who, in the wantonness of their power, scarcely knew what they
did.
“Having witnessed the scene just described--a scene that accounted very
clearly for at least one important phase of Irish life--I deemed it full
time to go to bed, this being the inn in which I stop. I accordingly was
about to ascend the staircase, from the lobby, for we sat in the back
drawing-room, when I thought I heard a voice that was not unfamiliar to
me, giving expression to language--in which I could perceive there was
a very peculiar blending of love and devotion; that is to say, it was
exceedingly difficult, from the admirable tact with which he balanced
the application of the two principles, whether Solomon, for it was he,
loved the physical or the spiritual system of the barmaid, for it was
she, with more earnestness and warmth. The family at this time had all
retired for the night, with the exception of boots, and the barmaid in
question, a well made, pretty Irish girl, with a pair of roguish eyes in
her head, that beamed with fun and good humor. Solomon, instead of going
home, had got into a little retired spot behind the bar, called the
snuggery, and into which, of course, she attended him with a glass of
liquor.
“'Eliza,' said Solomon, 'Eliza, I have often had an intention of asking
you to allow me the privilege and the pleasure, Eliza, of some serious
conversation with you. It is a trying world, a wicked world, and to--to
a girl--so charming a girl as you are, Eliza--'
“'Charming, Mr. M'Slime; well, well!'
“'Charming, certainly, as regards your person, your external
person--your person is indeed very charming, and verily, Eliza, this
brandy and water is truly precious, so beautifully blended, that I
cannot--now, Eliza, will you pardon me a small, but, I trust, not
unedifying joke; yes, you will--I know--I see you will--very well, then,
the little joke is pardoned--this brandy and water are so beautifully
blended, that I cannot help thinking there is something in that sweet
hand of yours that diffuses a delicious flavor upon it--I know that such
things exist.'
“'Upon my word, Mr. M'Slime, from such a religious gentleman as you are,
I didn't expect--'
“'Ah, my dear Eliza, that is coming to the root of the matter, and I
am glad to find that you are not insensible to it. On that subject, my
sweet girl, and you are a sweet girl--it is that I propose to speak
with you--to commune with you--in a spirit, my dear Eliza, of love and
affection. Will you then take a seat--a seat, my dear Eliza.'
“'I fear I cannot, sir; you know there is no one else to keep an eye to
the bar.'
“'The business of the bar, my dear girl, is over for this night; but
not, I trust--sincerely trust--that of the sweet barmaid; do sit, Eliza,
pray be seated, and let me have a word with you in season; thank you,
but not at such a distance, Eliza, such an inconvenient distance; I say
inconvenient--because--ugh, ugh, I have caught a slight cold--as a trial
it came--and I will receive it so, that has fallen for the time--ugh,
ugh, ugh--upon my lungs, and renders it a good deal troublesome to me
to speak loud; so that the nearer you sit--and it has affected my head
a little, only with a slight deafness, though, which--were you speaking,
my dear?'
“'No, sir.'
“'Yes, so I thought, you were saying something--will soon pass away.'
“I thought this dialogue, on the part of M'Slime, too characteristic
to be lost. I accordingly stole somewhat near the snuggery, until I got
into a position from whence I could see them clearly, without being seen
myself. It was quite evident from the humor, which, in spite of a demure
face glinted from her eye, that Eliza's object was to occasion M'Slime
to assume his real character, for I could easily see that from time to
time she felt very considerable difficulty in suppressing her laughter.
“'The deafness, Eliza, I feel particularly troublesome, though not
painful; as while transacting business it f-forces me to sit so, very
close to my clients.'
“'But I am not a client, Mr. M'Slime, and you need not draw your chair
so close to me--there now, that will do.'
“'You are my sweet--sweet girl; you are my client--and you shall be my
client--and upon a most important subject--the most important of all;
verily, Eliza, this is a most delicious cup of refreshment. How did
you flavor it--but, indeed, if I were, as I have been, before I was
graciously called and chosen, I would have recourse to a harmless
gallantry, and say that this most ambrosial beverage must have caught
its sweetness from your lips--its fragrance from your breath--and its
lustre from your eyes--I would say so--if I were as I have been--and,
indeed, as I am--even yet, frail, Eliza, still frail, and very far,
indeed, from perfection--but--still, even as I am I could scarcely
scruple to relapse a little--yea, only a little, Eliza, for the sake of
such lips--of such eyes--and such a fragrant breath. Alas! we are all
frail.'
“'But, Mr. M'Slime, I surely didn't think that you who stand so high
in the religious world, and that the people look upon as a saint, would
talk as you do.'
“'Ah, Eliza, my dear girl, it is very natural for you in your hitherto
darkened state to say so; but, sweet Eliza, if you had your privileges,
you could understand me. For instance, in the indulgence of this
precious little dialogue with you, I am only following up a duty that
strengthens myself; for, Eliza, my precious creature, if more light were
given you, you would be permitted to feel that an occasional lapse is
for our good, by showing us our own weakness and how little we can do
of ourselves. No--there is nothing which gives us so much confidence and
strength as to know our own weakness; but, my sweet girl, of what use is
it for us to know it, if we do not feel it; and why feel it--unless we
suffer it for better purposes to teach us a practical lesson to humble
us.'
“'That's queer doctrine, Mr. M'Slime, and I don't properly understand
it.'
“'I know you don't, my darling girl; for it has not been given to you,
as yet, to understand it. Nay, it seems, as it were, a stumbling block
to you, in your present state.'
“'Why, do you think me so very great a sinner, sir?'
“'Not by acts, Eliza--and what a soft name is Eliza--soft as a pillow
of down--but by condition. You are exalted now, upon pride--not personal
pride, but the pride of position. You think you are incapable of error
or infirmity, but you must be brought--down to a sense of your own
frailty, as it were, for it is upon a consciousness of that, that you
must build.'
“'That is to say, I must commit sin first, in order to know the grace of
repentance afterwards.'
“'You put it too strongly, Eliza; but here is the illustration:--You
know it is said 'there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth,
more than over ninety and nine just men.' And I know many, Eliza, who go
through a long course of virtuous iniquity, in order that their triumph
in the end may be the greater. I have myself practised it on a small
way, and found it refreshing. And now, Eliza, bring me another cup of
brandy and water, even for my stomach's sake; and, Eliza, my
charming girl, put it to those sweet lips--that it may catch the true
fragrance--Christian fragrance I wish I could say--for they are fragrant
lips--and a sweet arm--a full tapering arm you are gifted with. Ah!
Eliza, if you could feel as I feel--nay, it was the chair that was
unsteady--my my heart is dis--dissolving, Eliza. If you were only a
little more frail, my sweet girl--we could feel this a kind of religious
exercise. Oh! these precious little frailties--these precious little
frailties!'
“'Mr. M'Slime you will excuse me, but I think you have got enough, and a
little too much liquor. If you should be seen going home in an unsteady
state your character would suffer.'
“'Another cup of refreshment, Eliza--but I am not perfection--no--nor
would I be perfection. What would life be without these precious little
frailties--that make us what we are.'
“'With all piety and undher------'
“'Who is that,' inquired the maid, evidently startled, if not affrighted
by a strange voice.
“'I join--join you, brother M'Slime, for another cup of refreshment.'
“'Bob Spaight--brother Bob--I am glad you are here; Eliza, my
darling--my dove--another cup for Bob, and after that we shall aid each
other home--will render one another Christian and mutual assistance.'
“'Yes,' replied Bob, clearing his voice:--
(Both voices simultaneously:)
Bob--'King James he pitched his tents between
Solomon--'There's naught but care on every hand,
Bob--'The lines for to retire,
Solomon--'In every hour that passes, O
Bob--'But King William threw his bomb balls in,
Solomon--'What signifies the life o' man,
Bob--'And set them all on fire.'
Solomon--'An' 'twerna for the lasses, O!'
“Many thanks, sweet Eliza--oh! that I could say my frail Eliza; but I
shall be able to say so yet, I trust; I shall be able to say so.'
“'God forbid,' she replied. 'This is not for you, Mr. M'Slime--I
certainly will give you no more this night. But Bob here is a favorite
of mine. Bob, you will see Mr. M'Slime home?'
“'In all piety and truth, I shall see that burning and shining light
home,' returned Bob; 'in the meantime I will thank you for the loan of a
lanthorn; the night is one of most unchristian darkness.'
“Solomon had now reclined his head upon the table as if for sleep, which
he very probably would have indulged in, despite of all opposition;
but just at this moment his horse, car, and servant most opportunely
arrived, and with the aid of Bob, succeeded in getting him away, much
against his own inclination; for it would appear by his language that he
had no intention whatsoever of departing, if left to himself.
“'I shall not go,' said he; 'it is permitted to me to sojourn here this
night. Where is Eliza? Oh! Eliza, my darling--these precious little
frailties.'
“'Bring the little hypocrite home out of this,' said she, with a good
deal of indignation; for, in truth, the worthy saint uttered the last
words in so significant a voice, with such a confidential crow, as
might have thrown out intimations not quite favorable to her sense of
propriety on the occasion. He was literally forced out, therefore; but
not until he had made several efforts to grasp Eliza's hand, and to get
his arm around her.
“'She's a sweet creature--a delightful dove; but too innocent.
Oh! Eliza, these precious little frailties!--these precious little
frailties!'
“'It's a shame,' said Eliza, 'and a scandal to see any man making such
pretensions to religion, in such a state.'
“'In all piety and truth,' said Bob, 'I say he's a burning and a shining
light!'
“' King James he pitched his tents between
Their lines for to retire,' &c., &c.
“And so they departed, very much to the satisfaction of Eliza and Boots,
who were both obliged to sit up until his departure, although fatigued
with a long day's hard and incessant labor. I also retired to my pillow,
where I lay for a considerable time reflecting on the occurrences of
the night, and the ease with which an ingenious hypocrite may turn the
forms, but not the spirit of religion, to the worst and most iniquitous
purpose.”
* * * * *
And thus far our friend, Mr. Easel, whom we leave to follow up his
examinations into the state of the Castle Cumber property, and its
management, hoping that discoveries and disclosures may at some future
day be of service to the tenantry on that fine estate, as well as to the
country at large. In the meantime, we beg our readers to accompany us to
the scene of many an act of gross corruption, where jobs, and jobbing,
and selfishness in their worst shapes, aided by knavery, fraud, bigotry,
party rancor, personal hate, and revenge long cherished--where active
loyalty and high political Protestantism, assuming the name of religion,
and all the other passions and prejudices that have been suffered to
scourge the country so long--have often been in full operation, without
check, restraint, or any wholesome responsibility, that might, or could,
or ought to have protected the property of the people from rapine, and
their persons from oppression. The scene we allude to is the Grand Jury
Room of Castle Cumber.