_A continuation of Sancho Panza's government; with other entertaining
passages._
The morning of that day arose which succeeded the governor's round,
the remainder of which the gentleman-waiter spent not in sleep, but in
the pleasing thoughts of the lovely face and charming grace of the
disguised maiden; on the other side, the steward bestowed that time in
writing to his lord and lady what Sancho did and said; wondering no
less at his actions than at his expressions, both which displayed a
strange intermixture of discretion and simplicity.
At last the lord governor was pleased to rise; and by Dr. Pedro
Rezio's order, they brought him for his breakfast a little conserve
and a draught of fair water, which he would have exchanged with all
his heart for a good luncheon of bread and a bunch of grapes; but
seeing he could not help himself, he was forced to make the best of a
bad market, and seem to be content, though sorely against his will and
appetite; for the doctor made him believe that to eat but little, and
that which was dainty, enlivened the spirits and sharpened the wit,
and consequently such a sort of diet was most proper for persons in
authority and weighty employments, wherein there is less need of the
strength of the body than that of the mind. This sophistry served to
famish Sancho, who, however, hungry as he was, by the strength of his
slender breakfast, failed not to give audience that day; and the first
that came before him was a stranger, who put the following case to
him, the stewards and the rest of the attendants being present:
"My lord," said he, "a large river divides in two parts one and the
same lordship. I beg your honour to lend me your attention, for it is
a case of great importance and some difficulty. Upon this river there
is a bridge, at the one end of which there stands a gallows, and a
kind of court of justice, where four judges used to sit for the
execution of a certain law made by the lord of the land and river,
which runs thus:
"'Whoever intends to pass from one end of this bridge to the other,
must first, upon his oath, declare whither he goes, and what his
business is. If he swear truth, he may go on; but if he swear false,
he shall be hanged, and die without remission upon the gibbet at the
end of the bridge.'
"After due promulgation of this law, many people, notwithstanding its
severity, adventured to go over this bridge, and as it appeared they
swore true, the judges permitted them to pass unmolested. It happened
one day that a certain passenger being sworn, declared, that by the
oath he had taken, he was come to die upon that gallows, and that was
all his business.
"This put the judges to a nonplus; 'for,' said they, 'if we let this
man pass freely, he is forsworn, and according to the letter of the
law, he ought to die; if we hang him, he has sworn truth, seeing he
swore he was to die on that gibbet; and then by the same law we should
let him pass.'
"Now your lordship's judgment is desired what the judges ought to do
with this man: for they are still at a stand, not knowing what to
determine in this case; and having been informed of your sharp wit,
and great capacity in resolving difficult questions, they sent me to
beseech your lordship, in their names, to give your opinion in so
intricate and knotty a case."
"To deal plainly with you," answered Sancho, "those worshipful judges
that sent you hither might as well have spared themselves the trouble;
for I am more inclined to bluntness, I assure you, than sharpness:
however, let me hear your question once more, that I may thoroughly
understand it, and perhaps I may at last hit the nail upon the head."
The man repeated the question again; and when he had done, "Hark,
honest man," said Sancho, "either I am a very dunce, or there is as
much reason to put this same person you talk of to death, as to let
him live and pass the bridge; for if the truth saves him, the lie
condemns him. Now I would have you tell those gentlemen that sent you,
since there is as much reason to bring him off as to condemn him, that
they even let him go free; for it is always more commendable to do
good than hurt. Nor do I speak this of my own head; but I remember one
precept, among many others, that my master Don Quixote gave me the
night before I came to govern this island, which was, that when the
scale of justice is even, or a case is doubtful, we should prefer
mercy before rigour; and it has pleased God I should call it to mind
so luckily at this juncture."
"For my part," said the steward, "this judgment seems to me so
equitable, that I do not believe Lycurgus himself, who gave the laws
to the Lacedaemonians, could ever have decided the matter better than
the great Sancho has done. And now, sir, sure there is enough done for
this morning; be pleased to adjourn the court, and I will give order
that your Excellency may dine to your heart's content." "Well said,"
cried Sancho; "that is all I want, and then a clear stage and no
favour. Feed me well, and then ply me with cases and questions thick
and threefold; you shall see me untwist them, and lay them open as
clear as the sun."
Sancho having plentifully dined that day, in spite of all the
aphorisms of Dr. Tirteafuera, when the cloth was removed, in came an
express with a letter from Don Quixote to the governor. Sancho ordered
the secretary to read it to himself, and if there was nothing in it
for secret perusal, then to read it aloud. The secretary having first
run it over accordingly, "My lord," said he, "the letter may not only
be publicly read, but deserves to be engraved in characters of gold;
and thus it is:"
_Don Quixote de la Mancha to Sancho Panza, Governor of the Island of
Barataria._
"When I expected to have had an account of thy carelessness and
blunders, friend Sancho, I was agreeably disappointed with news of thy
wise behaviour; for which I return thanks to Heaven, that can raise
the lowest from their poverty, and turn the fool into a man of sense.
I hear thou governest with all discretion; and that, nevertheless,
thou retainest the humility of the meanest creature. But I desire thee
to observe, Sancho, that it is many times very necessary and
convenient to thwart the humility of the heart, for the better support
of authority. For the ornament of a person that is advanced to an
eminent post must be answerable to its greatness, and not debased to
the inclination of his former meanness. Let thy apparel be neat and
handsome; even a stake, well dressed, does not look like a stake. I
would not have thee wear foppish gaudy things, nor affect the garb of
a soldier in the circumstances of a magistrate; but let thy dress be
suitable to thy degree, and always clean and comely.
"To gain the hearts of thy people, I chiefly recommend two things: one
is, to be affable, courteous, and fair to all the world; the other, to
take care that plenty of provisions be never wanting,--for nothing
afflicts or irritates more the spirit of the poor than scarcity and
hunger.
"Do not put out many new orders; and if thou dost put out any, see
that they be wholesome and good, and that they be strictly observed;
for laws not well obeyed are no better than if they were not made, and
only shew that the prince who had the wisdom and authority to make
them had not the resolution to see them executed; and laws that only
threaten, and are not kept, become like the log that was given to the
frogs to be their king, which they feared at first, but at last
scorned and trampled on.
"Be a father to virtue, but a father-in-law to vice. Be not always
severe, nor always merciful; choose a mean between these two extremes;
for that middle point is the centre of discretion.
"Visit the prisons, the shambles, and the public markets; for the
governor's presence is highly necessary in such places.
"Be a terror to the butchers, that they may be fair in their weights;
and keep hucksters and fraudulent dealers in awe, for the same reason.
"Write to thy lord and lady, and shew thyself grateful; for
ingratitude is the offspring of pride, and one of the worst
corruptions of the mind; whereas he that is thankful to his
benefactors gives a testimony that he will be so to God, who has done,
and continually does him, so much good.
"My lady duchess despatched a messenger on purpose to thy wife Teresa,
with thy hunting suit, and another present. We expect his return every
moment.
"I have been somewhat out of order by a certain encounter I had
lately, not much to the advantage of my nose; but all that is nothing;
for if there are necromancers that misuse me, there are others ready
to defend me.
"Send me word whether the steward that is with thee had any hand in
the business of the Countess Trifaldi, as thou wert once of opinion;
and let me also have an account of whatever befalls thee, since the
distance between us is so small. I have thoughts of leaving this idle
life ere long; for I was not born for luxury and ease.
"A business has offered, that I believe will make me lose the duke and
duchess's favour; but though I am heartily sorry for it, that does not
alter my resolution; for, after all, I owe more to my profession than
to complaisance; and, as the saying is, _Amicus Plato, sed magis amica
veritas_. I send thee this scrap of Latin, flattering myself that
since thou camest to be a governor, thou mayest have learned something
of that language. Farewell, and Heaven keep thee above the pity of the
world.
"Thy friend,
"DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA."
Sancho gave great attention to the letter; and it was highly
applauded, both for sense and integrity, by every body that heard it.
After that, he rose from table, and calling the secretary, went
without any further delay, and locked himself up with him in his
chamber, to write an answer to his master Don Quixote, which was as
follows:
_Sancho Panza to Don Quixote de la Mancha._
"I am so taken up with business, that I have not yet had time to let
you know whether it goes well or ill with me in this same government,
where I am more hunger-starved than when you and I wandered through
woods and wildernesses.
"My lord duke wrote to me the other day, to inform me of some spies
that were got into this island to kill me; but as yet I have
discovered none, but a certain doctor, hired by the islanders to kill
all the governors that come near it. They call him Dr. Pedro Rezio de
Anguero, and he was born at Tirteafuera. His name is enough to make me
fear he will be the death of me. This same doctor says of himself,
that he does cure diseases when you have them; but when you have them
not, he only pretends to keep them from coming. The physic he uses, is
fasting upon fasting, till he turns a body to a mere skeleton; as if
to be wasted to skin and bones were not as bad as a fever. In short,
he starves me to death; so that, when I thought, as being a governor,
to have plenty of good hot victuals and cool liquor, and to repose on
a soft feather-bed, I am come to do penance like a hermit.
"I have not yet so much as fingered the least penny of money, either
for fees or any thing else; and how it comes to be no better with me I
cannot imagine, for I have heard that the governors who come to this
island are wont to have a very good gift, or at least a very round sum
given them by the town before they enter. And they say too that this
is the usual custom, not only here, but in other places.
"Last night, in going my rounds, I met with a mighty handsome damsel
in boy's clothes, and a brother of hers in woman's apparel. My
gentleman-waiter fell in love with the girl, and intends to make her
his wife, as he says. As for the youth, I have pitched on him to be my
son-in-law. To-day we both design to talk to the father, one Diego de
la Llana, who is a gentleman, and an old Christian every inch of him.
"I visit the markets as you advised me, and yesterday found one of the
hucksters selling hazel-nuts. She pretended they were all new; but I
found she had mixed a whole bushel of old, empty, rotten nuts among
the same quantity of new. With that, I adjudged them to be given to
the hospital boys, who know how to pick the good from the bad, and
gave sentence against her that she should not come into the market for
fifteen days; and people said I did well.
"I am mighty well pleased that my lady duchess has written to my wife
Teresa Panza, and sent her the token you mention. It shall go hard but
I will requite her kindness one time or other. Pray give my service to
her; and tell her from me, she has not cast her gift in a broken sack,
as something more than words shall shew.
"If I might advise you, and had my wish, there should be no falling
out between your worship and my lord and lady; for, if you quarrel
with them, it is I must come by the worst for it. And, since you mind
me of being grateful, it will not look well in you not to be so to
those who have made so much of you at their castle.
"If my wife Teresa Panza writes to me, pray pay the postage, and send
me the letter; for I mightily long to hear how it is with her, and my
house and children.
"Your worship's servant,
"SANCHO PANZA, the Governor."
The secretary made up the letter, and immediately despatched it. Then
those who carried on the plot against Sancho combined together, and
consulted how to release him from the cares of government; and Sancho
passed that afternoon in making several regulations for the better
establishment of that which he imagined to be an island.
In short, he made so many wholesome ordinances, that, to this day,
they are observed in that place, and called "The Constitutions of the
great Governor Sancho Panza."