_Which treats of matters relating and appertaining to this adventure,
and to this memorable history._
The history then proceeds to relate, that when Sancho saw the
afflicted lady faint away, he said, "Upon the word of an honest man, I
swear I never heard or saw, nor has my master ever told me, nor did
such an adventure as this ever enter into his thoughts! A thousand
devils overtake thee--not to say curse thee--Malambruno, for an
enchanter and giant! Couldst thou hit upon no other punishment for
these poor creatures, than clapping beards upon them? Had it not been
better to have whipt off half their noses, though they had snuffled
for it, than to have covered their faces with scrubbing-brushes? And,
what is worse, I'll wager a trifle they have not wherewithal to pay
for shaving." "That is true, indeed, sir," answered one of the twelve;
"we have not wherewithal to satisfy the barber; and therefore, some of
us lay on plasters of pitch, which being pulled off with a jerk, take
up roots and all, and thereby free us of this stubble for a while. As
for the women who, in Candaya, go about from house to house, to take
off the superfluous hairs of the body, and trim the eyebrows for
ladies, we, the duennas of her ladyship, would never have any thing to
do with them; for they are most of them no better than they should be;
and therefore, if we are not relieved by Signor Don Quixote, with
beards we shall live, and with beards be carried to our graves." "I
would pluck off my own in the land of Moors," said Don Quixote, "if I
failed to deliver you from yours."
"Ah, valorous knight!" cried the Trifaldi, having now recovered from
her fainting-fit, addressing the knight: "Once again, then,
illustrious errant and invincible hero, let me beseech and pray that
your gracious promises may be converted into deeds!" "The business
shall not sleep with me," answered Don Quixote; "therefore say, madam,
what I am to do, and you shall soon be convinced of my readiness to
serve you." "Be it known, then, to you, sir," replied the afflicted
dame, "that from this place to the kingdom of Candaya, by land, is
computed to be about five thousand leagues, one or two more or less;
but through the air in a direct line it is three thousand two hundred
and twenty-seven. You are likewise to understand, that Malambruno told
me that, whenever fortune should direct me to the knight who was to be
our deliverer, he would send him a steed--not like the vicious jades
let out for hire; but one of a very remarkable description, for it
should be that very wooden horse upon which Peter of Provence carried
off the fair Magalona, and which is governed by a peg in his forehead,
serving instead of a bridle. This famous steed tradition reports to
have been formed by the cunning hand of Merlin the enchanter, who
sometimes allowed him to be used by his particular friends, or those
who paid him handsomely; and he it was who lent him to his friend the
valiant Peter, when, as I said before, he stole the fair Magalona;
whisking her through the air behind him on the crupper, and leaving
all that beheld him from the earth gaping with astonishment. Since the
time of Peter to the present moment, we know of none that mounted him;
but this we know, that Malambruno, by his art, has now got possession
of him, and by his means posts about to every part of the world.
To-day he is here, to-morrow in France, and the next day in Potosi;
and the best of it is, that this same horse neither eats nor sleeps,
nor wants shoeing; and, without wings, he ambles so smoothly that, in
his most rapid flight, the rider may carry in his hand a cupful of
water without spilling a drop. No wonder, then, that the fair Magalona
took such delight in riding him."
"As for easy going," quoth Sancho, "commend me to my Dapple, though he
is no high-flyer; but by land I will match him against all the amblers
in the world." The gravity of the company was disturbed for a moment
by Sancho's observation; but the unhappy lady proceeded: "Now this
horse," said she, "if it be Malambruno's intention that our misfortune
should have an end, will be here this very evening; for he told me
that the sign by which I should be assured of my having arrived in the
presence of my deliverer would be, his sending me the horse thither
with all convenient despatch." "And pray," quoth Sancho, "how many
will that same horse carry?" "Two persons," answered the lady; "one in
the saddle, and the other on the crupper; and generally these two
persons are the knight and his squire, when there is no stolen damsel
in the case." "I would fain know," quoth Sancho, "by what name he is
called." "His name," answered the Trifaldi, "is not the same as the
horse of Bellerophon, which was called Pegasus; nor is he called
Bucephalus, like that of Alexander the Great; nor Brilladore, like
that of Orlando Furioso; nor is it Bayarte, which belonged to
Reynaldos of Montalvan; nor Frontino, which was the steed of Rogero;
nor is it Booetes, nor Pyrois--names given, it is said, to horses of
the sun; neither is he called Orelia, like the horse which the
unfortunate Roderigo, the last king of the Goths in Spain, mounted in
that battle wherein he lost his kingdom and his life." "I will venture
a wager," quoth Sancho, "since they have given him none of these
famous and well-known names, neither have they given him that of my
master's horse, Rozinante, which in fitness goes beyond all the names
you have mentioned." "It is very true," answered the bearded lady;
"yet the name he bears is correct and significant; for he is called
Clavileno el Aligero; whereby his miraculous peg, his wooden frame,
and extraordinary speed are all curiously expressed; so that, in
respect of his name, he may vie with the renowned Rozinante." "I
dislike not his name," replied Sancho; "but with what bridle or with
what halter is he guided?" "I have already told you," answered the
Trifaldi, "that he is guided by a peg, which the rider turning this
way and that, makes him go, either aloft in the air, or else sweeping,
and, as it were, brushing the earth, or in the middle region--a course
which the discreet and wise generally endeavour to keep." "I have a
mighty desire to see him," quoth Sancho; "but to think I will get upon
him, either in the saddle or behind upon the crupper, is to look for
pears upon an elm-tree. It were a good jest, indeed, for me, who can
hardly sit my own Dapple, though upon a pannel softer than silk, to
think of bestriding a wooden crupper, without either pillow or
cushion! In faith, I do not intend to flay myself, to unbeard the best
lady in the land. Let every one shave or shear, as he likes best; I
have no mind for so long a journey; my master may travel by himself.
Besides, I have nothing to do with it; I am not wanted for the taking
off these beards, as well as the business of my lady Dulcinea."
"Indeed, my friend, you are," said the Trifaldi; "and so much need is
there of your kind help, that without it nothing can be done." "In the
name of all the saints," quoth Sancho, "what have squires to do with
their masters' adventures? Are we always to share all the trouble, and
they to reap all the glory? Body o' me, it might be something if the
writers who recount their adventures would but set down in their
books, 'such a knight achieved such an adventure, with the help of
such an one his squire, without whom he could not have done it.' I
say, it would be something if we had our due; but instead of this they
coolly tell us that 'Don Paralipomenon of the three stars finished the
notable adventure of the six goblins,' and the like, without once
mentioning his squire, any more than if he had been a thousand miles
off; though mayhap he, poor man, was in the thick of it all the while.
In truth, my good lord and lady, I say again, my master may manage
this adventure by himself; and much good may it do him! I will stay
with my lady duchess here; and perhaps when he comes back he may find
Madam Dulcinea's business pretty forward; for I intend at my leisure
times to lay it on to some purpose."
"Nevertheless, honest Sancho," quoth the duchess, "if your company be
really necessary, you will not refuse to go: indeed, all good people
will make it their business to entreat you; for piteous, truly, would
it be, that through your groundless fears, these poor ladies should
remain in this unseemly plight." "Ods my life!" exclaimed Sancho,
"were this piece of charity undertaken for modest maidens, or poor
charity-girls, a man might engage to undergo something; but to take
all this trouble to rid duennas of their beards--plague take them! I
had rather see the whole finical and squeamish tribe bearded, from the
highest to the lowest of them!" "You seem to be upon bad terms with
duennas, friend Sancho," said the duchess, "and are of the same mind
as the Toledan apothecary; but, in truth, you are in the wrong; for I
have duennas in my family who might serve as models to all duennas;
and here is my Donna Rodriguez, who will not allow me to say
otherwise."
"Enough, your excellency," quoth Don Quixote; "as for you, Lady
Trifaldi and your persecuted friends, I trust that Heaven will
speedily look with a pitying eye upon your sorrows, and that Sancho
will do his duty in obedience to my wishes. Would that Clavileno were
here, and on his back Malambruno himself; for I am confident no razor
would more easily shave your ladyships' beards, than my sword shall
shave off Malambruno's head from his shoulders! If Heaven in its
wisdom permits the wicked to prosper, it is but for a time." "Ah,
valorous knight!" exclaimed the afflicted lady, "may all the stars of
the celestial regions regard your excellency with eyes of benignity,
and impart strength to your arm, and courage to your heart, to be the
shield and refuge of the reviled and oppressed duennian order,
abominated by apothecaries, calumniated by squires, and scoffed at by
pages!"