_Wherein the Countess Trifaldi continues her stupendous and memorable
history._
Every word uttered by Sancho was the cause of much delight to the
duchess, and disgust to Don Quixote, who having commanded him to hold
his peace, the Afflicted went on. "After many questions and answers,"
said she, "the infanta stood firm to her engagement, without varying a
tittle from her first declaration; the vicar therefore confirmed their
union as lawful man and wife, which so affected the Queen Donna
Maguncia, mother to the Infanta Antonomasia, that three days after we
buried her." "She died then, I suppose," quoth Sancho. "Assuredly,"
replied the squire Trifaldin; "in Candaya we do not bury the living,
but the dead." "Nevertheless," said Sancho, "it has happened before
now, that people only in a swoon have been buried for dead; and
methinks Queen Maguncia ought rather to have swooned than died in good
earnest; for while there is life there is hope; and the young lady's
offence was not so much out of the way that her mother should have
taken it so to heart. Had she married one of her pages, or some
serving-man of the family, as I have been told many have done, it
would have been a bad business and past cure; but as she made choice
of a well-bred young cavalier of such good parts,--faith and troth,
though mayhap it was foolish, it was no such mighty matter; for, as my
master says, bishops are made out of learned men, and why may not
kings and emperors be made out of cavaliers, especially if they be
errant?" "Thou art in the right, Sancho," said Don Quixote; "for a
knight-errant, with but two grains of good luck, is next in the order
of promotion to the greatest lord in the world. But let the afflicted
lady proceed; for I fancy the bitter part of this hitherto sweet story
is still behind." "Bitter!" answered the countess, "ay, and so bitter
that, in comparison, wormwood is sweet and rue savoury!
"The queen being really dead, and not in a swoon, we buried her; and
scarcely had we covered her with earth and pronounced the last
farewell, when--'_Quis talia fando temperet a lacrymis?_'--lo, upon
the queen's sepulchre, who should appear, mounted on a wooden horse,
but her cousin-german the giant Malambruno! Yes, that cruel
necromancer came expressly to revenge the death of his cousin, and to
chastise the presumptuous Don Clavijo and the foolish Antonomasia,
both of whom, by his cursed art, he instantly transformed,--her into a
monkey of brass, and him into a frightful crocodile of some strange
metal; fixing upon them at the same time a plate of metal engraven
with Syriac characters; which being first rendered into the Candayan,
and now into the Castilian language, have this meaning: 'These two
presumptuous lovers shall not regain their pristine form till the
valorous Manchegan engages with me in single combat; since for his
mighty arm alone have the destinies reserved the achievement of that
stupendous adventure.' No sooner was the wicked deed performed, than
out he drew from its scabbard a dreadful scimitar; and, taking me by
the hair of the head, he seemed preparing to cut my throat, or whip
off my head at a blow. Though struck with horror, and almost
speechless, trembling and weeping, I begged for mercy in such a moving
tone and melting words, that I at last prevailed on him to stop the
cruel execution which he meditated. In short, he ordered into his
presence all the duennas of the palace,--being those you see here
present,--and, after having expatiated on our fault, inveighed against
duennas, their wicked plots, and worse intrigues, and reviled all for
the crime of which I alone was guilty; he said, though he would
vouchsafe to spare our lives, he would inflict on us a punishment that
should be a lasting shame. At the same instant, we all felt the pores
of our faces open, and a sharp pain all over them, like the pricking
of needle-points; upon which we put our hands to our faces, and found
them in the condition you shall now behold." Hereupon the afflicted
lady and the rest of the duennas lifted up the veils which had
hitherto concealed them, and discovered their faces planted with
beards of all colours--black, brown, white, and pyebald. The duke and
duchess viewed the spectacle with surprise; and Don Quixote, Sancho,
and the rest, were all lost in amazement. "Thus," continued the
Trifaldi, "hath the wicked and evil-minded felon Malambruno punished
us--covering our soft and delicate faces with these rugged
bristles:--would to Heaven he had struck off our heads with his huge
scimitar, rather than have obscured the light of our countenances with
such an odious cloud!" Here, being overcome with the strong sense of
her calamity, she fell into a swoon.