_She being at home with her Husband, is Courted by Gallants; one of
which Cuckolds him; She is out witted by her Gallant, and cheated of a
Gown, and three Rings; she is Courted by another Gallant, and they
study a Revenge on the first; which she executes, by appointing the
first to come to Bed to her; where her Husband, by her appointment,
was in her stead; who taking him in the manner, soundly whips him; in
the mean time she is in Bed with her new Gallant._
The next day after our unfortunate Wedding-night, all Persons concerned
began to reckon up their losses; in which, neither I, nor my Husband
suffered but little; for he had nothing there but the Clothes on his
back, and I only had mine, and a Trunk of Clothes, and Linnen, which
were safe. Our Land-lord lost some of his Goods, and an hundred pounds
would not repair the damage the House had sustained by the fire; he
therefore complained much of his losses: but his lamentations were not
equal to those of an Old Woman, who lived in the Town, and was the
Mother of the Unfortunate Maid, whom I had so treacherously, and
ungratefully murthered: I was almost as joyful as she was sad, that I
was rid of so dangerous a Corrival, whom I had entrusted with my
greatest secrets.
The disorders of this House caused us to quit it sooner than we
intended; for that very day we removed to my Husbands Habitation, which
was not above four Miles distant, and there we Lodged, where that night
I received those imbraces from my Husband which were very pleasing to
me, and then all things were as well fixed as I could desire; only my
Mothers coming was every day expected, I having given her notice of my
Transactions by Letters: She came in few dayes, and that not
empty-handed; for she brought an hundred pounds in ready money with her:
this, she told her new son-in-law, was but part of a greater Sum, my
Father and she intended for my Portion; although my Husband expected
five hundred pounds with me (I having given out that I should have so
much) yet he was content with this for the present; and this money was
part of what was left me of my first Husbands. During the stay of my
Mother, we kept open House; and giving up our selves to all manner of
mirth, I found my Husband to be but an easie Coxcomb, and one whom I
thought I should out-wit, and over-rule; he was much inclined to
gameing; and, as the fortune of the Dice went, he sometimes won, and
lost again as often; at which he would be somewhat waspish and griping:
and what he lost by gameing, he would get up again out of large
Reckoning, and tricks he would put upon his Guests, who now were more in
number than formerly; for it being given out, that he was Married, and
that to one that was handsom, all the Countrey came in upon us;
especially all the roaring Lads, who spent highest, came all to see, and
present their service to their Land-lady; and as a Citizens shop is
never so well furnished, as when a handsome Wife is placed in a varnisht
seat; even so is an Inn-keepers Barr; and doth draw in Customers, all in
hopes to have a lick at her honey pot; and although a Woman be never so
chaste, and the Guests finde it so, yet if she be but handsome, her
company is still desired; but you know my temper so well, that you may
guess I should not hold out a seven years siege, if I were but once
bravely assaulted; but withall, I resolved to be as cunning as all my
Observations had taught me, and not be like a Glove for every ones
drawing on. If I had any Servants, I resolved they should be of the
best; and those I counted so, who wore most money in their Pockets, I
had my choice of several of that kind; and though I still counterfeited
a great Modesty yet I was treated, and regalia’d both at home and
abroad; there was no sport, or divertisements, but I made one of the
Company; no fair near our Town but I visited, being conducted thither by
one Gallant or other: where I had several Fairing presented me. I had my
Husbands consent to all my actions, for I still acquainted him with all;
and when I was carried to any place, I told him every particular, and
caused him to meet me at the place and time appointed; without which I
pretended a mighty unwillingness; and this I did, that he might put the
greater confidence in me.
This trade I did drive for a long time, without joyning issue with any
of my Gallants, and they gained no more upon me than a kiss, or a
languishing look, which I sometimes cast upon them to cause them to
believe that in time they might arrive to the height of their desires;
and for these my kind looks I was as kindly rewarded; they presenting me
with Gloves, Scarffs, Hoods, Rings and Cabinets, and such like Womanish
toyes, and all in hopes that they might toy with me, as in fine they
did: I had several of these Gamesters, but one above all the rest was
most in my favour, he having been the most prodigal in expences upon me;
I gave him full freedome with me, and I cornuted this as well as I had
done my other Husband; he spent much of his time in gaming, and was very
earnest at it with his Guests: and while he was at his game, I and my
Gallant were at ours. My friend for his greater pretence of freedom in
our house, would humour my Husband, and Game with him, and lose his
money; for indeed my Husband was at that sport the better Gamester,
although my friend pleased me better at the other; by these
extravagancies of his, and his losses at Gameing, he in time came to a
low ebb of money in his pocket, and was necessitated to withdraw, and
lessen his expences; so that he was not so welcome to me or my Husband
as he had been: for I was of the Old Womans Opinion, _No longer Pipe, no
longer Dance_: as he avoided expences I shunn’d his Company; and having
Friends enough who desired to be my Customers, I endeavoured to be rid
of him. He still continued his wonted freedome, and desiring my Company
abroad; and so confident he was grown, that he would ask my husbands
leave, who had not yet refused him; and therefore a Comedy being to be
acted at a Town not far off, he gained my company to go with him; I had
other company that I liked better than his, but I could not shift him
off, although I very much endeavoured it.
The Play being done, he desired to treat me privately, which I accepted
of, having a design to manage that was newly come in my head, and which
was this: I had seen a Gentlewoman at the Play, who had a new silk Gown,
of a pretty colour and fashion, I was resolved to beg such another of
him, and in case of refusal, to break with him totally: I therefore took
my opportunity, and when he desired his wonted freedom with me, I told
him he was mistaken, and I absolutely refused, and forbid him turning up
any more Coats then he was willing to pay for: he asked what I meant by
my discourse and refusal: I told him unless he would give me such a new
Gown as I prescribed to him, he should have no more to do with me: my
Gentleman was as blank as a Bell founder, and his courage was somewhat
cooled at my demands; so that he soon arose, and walked up and down in a
musing posture; at length he spake, and made some excuses and pauses:
but I being resolved on the question, told him, that he had forborn his
Pension a great while, and therefore I was resolved he should be the
more liberal, and that I would to try his love by performing that
request; if he would not grant my desires, I would also refuse him his;
but if he would give me such a Gown, he should still oblidge me, and
have the first taking of it up. Come, come, said he, you and I will not
fall out for such a matter as that, and you shall have it, or any thing
else that is in my power, or indeed that you can wish for; and within
these three dayes I will send it you, on condition that I may have a
full nights lodging with you, well, replyed I, be you so good as your
word, and I will order the matter so, as you shall have your desire: and
thus we having clapt up a bargain, concluded the discourse with two or
three kisses; and so after a considerable repast, we returned home, and
there we parted; he to contrive how to be so good as his word, and I to
order my Husbands absence, that we might lye together, as I had
promised.
My Gallant examining the matter, found that at present the strength of
his Pocket would not be sufficient to accomplish his desire, and
therefore he supplyed that defect by the strength of wit; he visited the
Gentlewoman who was owner of the Gown, and being of her acquaintance, he
requested her to let him have her Gown to shew a Taylor to make such
another by for a Sister of his; his desires being modest were the sooner
granted; and a Taylor of his acquaintance receiv’d it of her, and
immediately at his commands brought it to me, I accepted it with a
smileing countenance, and giving him a small piece of Money for his
pains, dismiss’d him; when soon after my friend likewise followed; and
my Husband being absent, we concluded that night to devote our selves
holy to _Venus_; and he being us’d to lye at our house, it was no great
difficulty for him to quit his bed and come to mine, where we spent all
that night in all those amorous enjoyments that we could devise: but he
thinking he had paid dear for his nights pleasure, was resolved to have
something more into the bargain; and that he might engage me another
time, if I fell out with him, as he foresaw I would; wherefore he taking
his opportunity when I was asleep, slipt no less then three of my Rings
off from my fingers, and put them on his; and early in the morning he
left me and my Bed, and went into his own: and having before contrived
now to play his Cards, he went to the Taylor, and advised him to come to
me, and tell me he had forgot to finish somewhat that was very
necessary, and had been omitted to be done in the Gown, and therefore he
was come to fetch it, that it might be mended, and he might have no
disgrace by his work; I being without all suspition, and seeing indeed
there were some defects, which he shewed me, delivered it to him,
desireing him to make haste with it, because I intended to have it home
before my Husbands return, and then to tell him that my Father had sent
it me; but I reckond before my Host; for although I waited two or three
dayes, and sent to the Taylor, and asked my false friend, yet I could
have none, but idle excuses and flashes; so that in conclusion I found
my self cheated; for as I understood afterwards, the Gown was presently
sent home to the right owner; whom I saw wear it the next sunday; and
then knew it, by some particular marks to be the same. This passage
vexed me to the heart; but I was three times more angry when I missed my
Rings, and upon examination found that he had beguil’d me of them; and
indeed for further confirmation, I saw them upon his fingers; this (said
she) extreemly perplexed and inraged me; so that then I converted all my
love into (its contrary) hatred, and studyed nothing so much, as how to
compass revenge. He finding that I was angred, refrained my Company at
present, and that gave opportunity to another, who had long time courted
me at a distance, to lay a closer siege to me; and he so far prevailed
with me, what with gifts, treats and presents, that I promised him that
in short time he should reap the fruits of his desired Harvest; but I
was resolved to make him instrumental in my revenge upon my abuser; and
to that end I thus broke the matter to him.
Sir, your friendship and love I very much esteem; and believing you to
be sincere, and one in whose breast I may repose trust and confidence; I
shall discover somewhat to you, that may for the future be of good
consequence to us both; and it is this: I believe you have not been so
dim sighted, but you have observed more than common familiarity between
me and Mr. such a one, naming my abusive Lover; some presents he hath
given me, for which he expected more freedome with me than I was willing
to impart; but I still kept him at a distance, although he pressed hard
upon me to enjoyment; which I not thinking fit at present to permit, he
began to clamour, at length through his importunities, I consented he
should lye with me at such a time, on condition he gave me such a silk
Gown as I named; to this he agreed, and sent in the Gown accordingly:
now it so fell out, that I could not perform what he expected, and
therefore delay’d him for a few dayes longer, till my Husband should be
absent, promising then to keep touch with him; but whether he not
believing me, or else the necessity of returning the Gown, which he had
but borrowed, as I since found; one or both these reasons induced him to
be false to me, and by a while he got the Gown out of my hands; and he
was not content with doing that only, but he also intending to abuse me
further, when we were toying together, cheated me of three of my rings;
which he as a Trophy of his Victory, and my weakness and shame, still
wears on his fingers; and I fear he is so prodigal and lavish of his
tongue, as to bray to his acquaintance, that he had those as my gifts
for unhandsome service done me.
Thus did I disguise the truth of my dealings with my abusive Lover, and
having given my new one this account, desiring his assistance in a
revenge: to this he quickly answered, that as for the Gown I had been so
out-witted in, he would make up that loss, by giving me another; and so
he would also for the rings, if I pleased; or else compel my abusive
lover to deliver them; and in all things else he would vindicate my
credit. I replyed to him, that I would not have any compulsion, for that
would make too much noise; but rather have his assistance in my revenge,
which I had thus contrived.
I would have him possess my Husband with jealousie against my abusive
Lover, and leave the rest to my ordring, which I managed thus: I gave my
abusive Friend more freedom, & shewed a kinder Countenance than I had
done of late, & that only to draw him on, which I did with much ease,
for he had a great desire to be friends with me, and upon our first
convenient parley, he confessed himself guilty, & made some trivial
excuses, which I admitted of, as I did his love, in hopes to gain my
rings, and a revenge; as for the rings, he presently returned me one,
and promised the other two the third night following, when I agreed to
lye with him, promising so to order the matter, that my Husband should
be then out of the house; we after this parley parted, and my new friend
had so dealt with my Husband, in discovering my abusive Friends freeness
and privacy with me, that he now became absolutely jealous, and intended
to make me sensible of his anger; but I knowing where the shooe wrung
him, was before hand, and the next night told him, that if he did not
take some speedy course, I was in danger, and he too, to be abused by my
abusive Lover; for said I, he hath gotten two of my rings, and shews
them abroad, reporting he had them of me, as tokens of my dishonour; and
to me he will not deliver them, unless I will promise him a nights
lodging: now said I, if you have a mind to save my honour, your own, and
revenge us both on him, I will thus do; I will seemingly consent that he
shall come to bed to me to morrow night, and to that end, I will have
you pretend to go out of Town; but instead of your going, I will go to
such a friends house, and there I’le stay; you shall lye in my Bed, and
at the hour I will appoint him he will come to bed to you, when you and
your friends, and servants, I hope taking him in the manner, will so
handle him, as he shall have little cause to boast of his nights
lodging; and you and I shall be sufficiently revenged on him for thus
attempting my Chastity.
To all this discourse my Husband gave very good attention; and it
corresponding with what he suspected, he now wholly quitted any
suspitious thoughts of me, and agreed to execute all I had propounded;
so that when the time came, my Husband pretended to lye out, took his
leave of me, and my abusive Friend, who was glad of his absence: I made
haste with him to bed, telling him about ten a Clock he might come
safely into my Chamber, and bed which he knew well enough, not to
mistake the way. I then left him, and taking horse, went to my new
friend, who expected me at our appointed Rendevouz, where he presented
me with the desired Gown, and I according to my promise, gave him a
nights lodging with me, which was much more pleasant to us both, than
was that of my abusive Friend; who at the hour appointed, went to my
Chamber, and into the Bed where my husband was expecting him; he
believing it was I, began his embraces, and other actions, declaring his
intent; with that my husband leap’d out of the Bed, and four good Old
Women of my Friends, who were hid under the bed, discovered themselves,
and having a dark Lanthorn, lighted the Room, and fell to work: first,
they tyed his hands and feet to the posts of the Beds Head and feet; and
then each being provided with a good handful of Birch laid on lustily,
till he roar’d sufficiently; my Husband making offer to geld him: but
when it came to that point, he begg’d so heartily, that my Husband
consented to his desire, only he paid the two rings he had of mine, as
ransome for his Jewels.
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