"Steward!" said the middy.
"Ay, ay, sir."
"See if that beggarly bumboat-man is alongside, and get me another pat
of butter and some soft tack; get the grub first, then tell him I'll pay
to-morrow."
These and such like scraps of conversation began to give me a little
insight into the kind of mess I had joined and the character of my
future messmates. "Steward," said I, "show me my cabin." He did so;
indeed, he hadn't far to go. It was the aftermost, and consequently the
smallest, although I _ought_ to have had my choice. It was the most
miserable little box I ever reposed in. Had I owned such a place on
shore, I _might_ have been induced to keep rabbits in it, or
guinea-pigs, but certainly not pigeons. Its length was barely six feet,
its width four above my cot and two below, and it was minus sufficient
standing-room for any ordinary-sized sailor; it was, indeed, a cabin for
a commodore--I mean Commodore Nutt--and was ventilated by a scuttle
seven inches in diameter, which could only be removed in harbour, and
below which, when we first went to sea, I was fain to hang a leather
hat-box to catch the water; unfortunately the bottom rotted out, and I
was then at the mercy of the waves.
My cabin, or rather--to stick to the plain unvarnished truth--my burrow,
was alive with scorpions, cockroaches, ants, and other "crawlin'
ferlies."
"That e'en to name would be unlawfu'."
My dispensary was off the steerage, and sister-cabin to the pantry. To
it I gained access by a species of crab-walking, squeezing myself past a
large brass pump, and edging my body in sideways. The sick came one by
one to the dispensary door, and there I saw and treated each case as it
arrived, dressed the wounds and bruises and putrefying sores, and
bandaged the bad legs. There was no sick-berth attendant; to be sure
the lieutenant-in-command, at my request, told off "a little cabin-boy"
for my especial use. I had no cause for delectation on such an
acquisition, by no means; he was not a model cabin-boy like what you see
in theatres, and I believe will never become an admiral. He managed at
times to wash out the dispensary, or gather cockroaches, and make the
poultices--only in doing the first he broke the bottles, and in
performing the last duty he either let the poultice burn or put salt in
it; and, finally, he smashed my pot, and I kicked him forward, and
demanded another. _He_ was slightly better, only he was seldom visible;
and when I set him to do anything, he at once went off into a sweet
slumber; so I kicked him forward too, and had in despair to become my
own menial. In both dispensary and burrow it was quite a difficult
business to prevent everything going to speedy destruction. The best
portions of my uniform got eaten by cockroaches or moulded by damp,
while my instruments required cleaning every morning, and even that did
not keep rust at bay.
Imagine yourself dear reader, in any of the following interesting
positions:--
Very thirsty, and nothing but boiling hot newly distilled water to
drink; or wishing a cool bath of a morning, and finding the water in
your can only a little short of 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
To find, when you awake, a couple of cockroaches, two inches in length,
busy picking your teeth.
To find one in a state of decay in the mustard-pot.
To have to arrange all the droppings and eggs of these interesting
creatures on the edge of your plate, previous to eating your soup.
To have to beat out the dust and weevils from every square inch of
biscuit before putting it in your mouth.
To be looking for a book and put your hand on a full-grown scaly
scorpion. Nice sensation--the animal twining round your finger, or
running up your sleeve. _Denouement_--cracking him under foot--
full-flavoured bouquet--joy at escaping a sting.
You are enjoying your dinner, but have been for some time sensible of a
strange titillating feeling about the region of your ankle; you look down
at last to find a centipede on your sock, with his fifty hind-legs--you
thank God not his fore fifty--abutting on to your shin. _Tableau_--
green and red light from the eyes of the many-legged; horror of yourself
as you wait till he thinks proper to "move on."
To awake in the morning, and find a large and healthy-looking tarantula
squatting on your pillow within ten inches of your nose, with his
basilisk eyes fixed on yours, and apparently saying, "You're only just
awake, are you? I've been sitting here all the morning watching you."
You know if you move he'll bite you, somewhere; and if he _does_ bite
you, you'll go mad and dance _ad libitum_; so you twist your mouth in
the opposite direction and ejaculate--
"Steward!" but the steward does not come--in fact he is forward, seeing
after the breakfast. Meanwhile the gentleman on the pillow is moving
his horizontal mandibles in a most threatening manner, and just as he
makes a rush for your nose you tumble out of bed with a shriek; and, if
a very nervous person, probably run on deck in your shirt.
Or, to fall asleep under the following circumstances: The bulkheads, all
around, black with cock-and-hen-roaches, a few of which are engaged
cropping your toe-nails, or running off with little bits of the skin of
your calves; bugs in the crevices of your cot, a flea tickling the sole
of your foot, a troop of ants carrying a dead cockroach over your
pillow, lively mosquitoes attacking you everywhere, hammer-legged flies
occasionally settling on your nose, rats running in and rats running
out, your lamp just going out, and the delicious certainty that an
indefinite number of earwigs and scorpions, besides two centipedes and a
tarantula, are hiding themselves somewhere in your cabin.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note 1. Officers, as well as men, are allowed one half-gill of rum
daily, with this difference,--the former pay for theirs, while the
latter do not.