be turned out. Never run into a person, if ordinary care can prevent it,
and especially give way to a lady, no matter how you may meet. Always
keep to the right of the sidewalk, and never pass in front of a lady
coming at right angles at a street corner, unless a distance of six
feet intervene between said lady and the crossing-point when you reach
it. In bowing when alone the hat should be carried quickly down to the
right, or left if left-handed, till the back of the hand strikes the
hip, then slowly replaced on the head. The taking-off of the hat is to be
accompanied by a slight forward inclination of the body and a smile of
recognition.
Unless the cause of the act is known to the lady as well as yourself,
never cut her, that is, do not look at her and refuse absolutely to
return her bow, but recognize it in an indifferent manner sufficient to
convey the fact that something is wrong, and that the return bow was
forced, while still it is polite. If you know a lady whom you dislike and
have no desire to recognize, never look at her in passing, as you would
thus invite recognition, and would be exceedingly impolite in cutting
her. When you meet a person walking, and that awkward dodging in the
effort to pass occurs, always stop and turn slightly to the right till
the other has passed on. If it be a lady, the expression “Pardon” is
to be used as she passes. If you step on a man’s foot, address him with
an apology merely; if on a lady’s, the apology must be accompanied by a
slight bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: if a hat is to be taken to
the store, carry it in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry them
in a satchel. Do not wear too large a boutonnière; a few dozen violets
or two or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily of the valley, or a few
pansies, or a very small red rosebud for afternoon, and as few leaves as
possible. For the evening a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the valley
is the only proper buttonhole bouquet.
2. When walking with a lady keep either a military step, or if her step
is too short for your comfort, then take a Newport drag pace, taking care
that the body does not rise much, thus preventing a see-saw appearance.
Always walk on the side nearest the curbstone, except in the case of a
very crowded street, when it may be the most convenient for the lady to
walk on your right. A distance of half a foot should be kept between
the lady and yourself at all times when the walk is not crowded; this
is necessary always in the daytime, and also in the evening unless
the acquaintance is such as permits taking arms. Never lock arms in
the daytime. Always pay attention if your companion is speaking; your
mind should not be distracted by persons or objects passing; there is
nothing more unsatisfactory and disagreeable to a young lady than for
her to realize that she is unheard and unheeded. When with a lady it is
unnecessary to stop at all to permit another lady to pass when coming at
right angles, as is necessary when alone. When raining always hold the
umbrella; when sunny never offer to, or hold a parasol, unless expressly
requested to do so; a sunshade is for a lady to hold, and looks out of
place in a gentleman’s hand, unless it is a particularly heavy one, or
the wind is too strong to permit of the lady carrying it comfortably. If
she has a satchel or large parcel when you meet her, immediately offer to
carry it.
3. When joining a lady, if coming toward her, wait till she has passed;
then turning, join her with the usual or intended salutation, without
stopping her. Never come intentionally face to face to join her; she
will, presumably, think that you wish to stop, and it is a settled
conclusion that a lady and gentleman should never stop to talk on the
street; in a party it is permissible only if the several persons thereof
have chanced to meet, or are in the act of parting. When joining a lady
in the morning on the street only accompany her a few blocks, for the
morning is shopping-time, and escorts are seldom desired. Never fail to
raise the hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at doors or windows.
When it is muddy cross before a lady that she may profit by your action,
by crossing in your foot-prints. If very muddy offer your hand for her
support in finding good foot-rests. Never carry the cane in the hand next
the lady if it is possible to carry it in the other; if not possible,
because the other is the useful one, then it should be carried under the
arm next to her with that hand placed at the cane-head. The reason of
this rule will be understood on reflecting, that if the cane is carried
in the useful hand, it must necessarily be conveyed to the other every
time a man bows; it is a poor action, and presents an awkward appearance,
especially if the cane drops. This rule also applies to umbrellas when
rolled. Of course this is plain, as it is not supposed that a gentleman
when promenading carries any but these two articles. Never let a lady
carry your cane in the city.
When entering a door or passageway, allow the lady to precede you, as is
done indoors. When with a lady, and she bows, your bow should be less
marked than when alone; the hat is to be raised and carried quickly
to the front as low as the chin, then as speedily replaced. When you
consider the side you occupy, the advisability of this manner of bowing
is at once seen on reflecting that a sweeping bow would more or less
interfere with the continuation of your companion’s recognition of the
third party, which is a complaint the majority of young ladies set up.
In giving a lady soda-water or other cooling drink, do not allow her
to use her own kerchief, but insist upon her using one of your own; a
gentleman should always carry two. Also, in view of the fact that many
pockets in dresses are difficult to discover immediately, the gentleman
should thus be prepared for emergencies. If walking in the afternoon
with a lady, and you are overtaken by darkness, do not continue, but
immediately board a horse-car, enter a stage, or have your carriage
follow and meet you, and thus return. This rule is on the principle that
ladies and gentlemen should not walk the streets after dark, and this
principle is universally approved of by society. The walk to and from
cars to attend theaters in the evening, is a different matter entirely,
and cannot be offered in opposition to the above rule (as many have
claimed), as it is confined to only a few particular streets, and has
nothing whatever to do with avenue promenades; besides, it is understood
that crossing to theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. In taking a
lady for a walk, you should always provide her with a fair-sized bouquet
of violets, if popular, or, if not, of roses to harmonize with her type,
whether blonde or brunette; or any class of flowers which you know would
suit her taste, provided they are not out of style, or unsuited to the
season or for street wear, or perhaps too loud for her general appearance.
4. When with a lady, always pay her fare in a public conveyance, at a
ticket office, or gate, or any place where fare is demanded, unless she
has a ticket for the occasion.
If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, or any place requiring the
payment of fare, and you meet a lady friend who has not as yet paid
her fare, do not offer to do so for her, as it is very bad form, and
presents the appearance of a desire on your part to let people know you
have money, and the act more or less reflects upon the lady’s purse. If
accompanying a lady into a store, do not offer to buy her this and that;
such an act is simply out of consideration; it is an affront to her
purse, and she rejects your offer; no lady would accept it unless for
some very trifling purchase.
5. When in any crowded public conveyance, a lady gets in, always rise
immediately and notify her of the vacancy. Do not think, because you are
tired, you are justified in keeping the seat, for you do not know but
that the lady is just as tired as yourself. Again, when you see a small
space between two ladies, do not try to wedge yourself in; it is better
to be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause discomfort to the ladies. Do
not lean over or against a lady when holding the strap overhead, and she
is seated below. Always, if next the fare-box, offer to deposit a lady’s
fare, especially in stages. Never in city conveyances, if a conductor
is at hand, offer your assistance in raising or lowering a window,
but solicit the conductor to do it for you; if none is upon or in the
conveyance, then lend your help.
6. When asking a lady to drive, do so only on an advanced acquaintance,
and do not keep her out after dark. Take care not to allow the whip
to dangle in her face, and, in urging on the horses, do so in an easy
manner, without that sudden start which throws the lady so violently back
in her seat. Do not talk about horses; it is a very poor subject, and
savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady do not keep her waiting, but
have the vehicle at the door on time. If possible to leave the reins
loose on the horses, step out and help the lady into the vehicle, then
pass round to the other side and take your seat, carefully adjusting the
lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a continuous chuckle to the horses,
as it is a very monotonous sound, but use the whip. A full driving suit
should always be worn if a lady accompanies you. Always wear gloves in
driving. If you have spirited horses to handle, it is not necessary while
driving to take off the hat when recognizing a person; a smile and an
inclination of the head are sufficient, for taking off the hat interferes
considerably with your management of the animals, and has often resulted
in serious accidents. Do not take a lady riding in the morning. The
afternoon from three till five is the proper time. Never on any account
drive on Sunday. Never take a lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out with
fast horses, in the city, for it is not stylish; in fact, such turnouts
are common, as in use only by sporting men or horse lovers.
7. Riding should be confined to the morning as much as possible, and a
complete outfit worn upon all occasions. Especially is this urged when
with a lady. Always keep head and neck of your own horse beyond your
companion’s, if a lady, in view of being able and prepared to assist her
in case of fright or accident to her horse. Always assist her in mounting
and alighting from her horse.
8. Sailing is a pastime which can be indulged in at leisure by a
gentleman who knows a thing or two about such pleasure; whether he has
confidence in his ability or not, if he ventures upon that pleasure he
does so at his own risk. But when he has a lack of knowledge, and lack of
confidence in his ability to handle a boat, not under any consideration
should he venture to invite a lady to accompany him. To take ladies
sailing, when you are ignorant of the methods of handling sailing craft,
is a risk that often has frightful results; these have been often seen,
where summer men who know positively nothing about the art of sailing
have issued invitations, and ventured on their perilous, uncertain
pleasure. Always take a skipper, and no danger will arise. Take care to
look first after the comfort of the ladies, and always provide cushions,
field-glasses, and especially ice-water in view of a calm. This latter is
very often neglected, to the great distress of the ladies when the boat
is becalmed. The writer can safely make this suggestion, as he had such
an experience himself.
[Illustration]
PERSONAL APPEARANCE