The invalid came from _Bremen_ to America and hoped to be soon
_acclimated_, but was stricken down with a disease that was not
_amenable_ to treatment, although he had many physicians:
_allopathists_, _hydropathists_ and _homeopathists_. He said that the
aim of _allopathy_ was to poison him; of _hydropathy_ to drown him;
and of _homeopathy_ to let him die unaided.
* * * * *
One of the _combatants_ struck his _opponent_ in the _abdomen_ with a
club, cut off an _alder_ tree; he was carried under the shade of an
_ailantus_ and immediately expired.
* * * * *
_Sophia_ found the egg under a _piony_ near the _shumac_ tree; but she
broke it in carrying, and spilled the _albumen_ all over her _alpaca_
dress.
* * * * *
The dose for an _adult_ is a _dessert-spoonful_.
* * * * *
It was a plain supper--nothing but _aerated_ bread, _Bologna_ sausage
and _radishes_.
* * * * *
He told his _demonstrative disputant_ that he did not wish to _get_
into an _altercation_, but it only appeared to arouse his
_combativeness_ still more.
* * * * *
Why do you accent the _antepenult_ of _espionage_?
* * * * *
He _illustrated_ his proposition by cutting off the _apex_ of the
figure, and then exhibited his _apparatus_ for the production of
_statical_ electricity.
* * * * *
Two-thirds _gum-arabic_ and one-third _gum-tragacanth_ make a good
mucilage.
* * * * *
The _archbishop_ dreamed that an _archangel_ came to him and told him
to have his _architect_ send to an island in the Grecian _Archipelago_
for white marble for the _pilasters_.
* * * * *
Search the _archives_ of history and you will not find another such
_prodigy_ as Admirable _Crichton_.
* * * * *
When, after _traversing_ the ocean, you find yourself in the _arid_
desert of _Sahara_, where there is no _aroma_ of sweet flowers, or
anything _at all_ to regale your exhausted energies; where there is no
_herb_ nor _herbaceous_ plant near you; where you are almost famished
for want of some _potable_ fluid; where you are in constant fear of
being _harassed_ by _truculent nomads_--then will you realize that
there are no joys _comparable_ to those that exist around the
_hearthstone_ of your humble home.
* * * * *
When the contents of the _museum_ were sold by _auction_, the
antiquary bought a roll of _papyrus_ filled with _hieroglyphics_, a
kind of _bellows_ used by the ancients for starting their fires, and a
fine collection of _trilobites_.
* * * * *
The attempt at a _reconnoisance_ in force had been unsuccessful;
immediately after _reveille_, the commander of the _fortress_ _put_ it
to vote amongst his officers, whether or not they should surrender.
The _ayes_ carried it, although some _vehemently_ opposed on account
of the excellent _morale_ of the garrison.
* * * * *
The _heroine_ of the _melodrama_ sent to her _betrothed Seignior_ an
_exquisite bouquet_, composed of _catalpa_ flowers, _dahlias_,
_marigold_ and _thyme_, and prayed his forgiveness for not allowing
him the promised _tête-à-tête_ at the _trysting_ place; she had been
suffering with the _tic-douloureux_, she said. He generously forgave
her and sent her a _sonnet_, in which he said that her voice was
sweeter than that of _Piccolomini_, or any other _cantatrice_; that no
_houri_ could be more beautiful than she; he called her a fair
_florist_, and after _extolling_ her _naïveté_, _roseate_ cheeks and
_nymphean_ graces, he swore eternal _homage_ and that he would love
her forever and for _aye_.
* * * * *
The judge _bade_ the _desperado_ cease his _badinage_ and answer his
_inquiries_, and threatened that if he did not, he would punish him
for his _contumacy_.
* * * * *
The _vicar_ was one of the _notable_ men of his day; his wife was a
pattern of _industry_, a _notable_ housekeeper. While the birds were
chirping their _matin_ song, she might be seen with her _besom_ in her
hand.
* * * * *
Is this a _bona fide_ transaction, or is it a _Machiavelian_ attempt
to _inveigle_ the _prelate_ into an _imbroglio_?
* * * * *
A _booth_ was erected at the fair where the _pretty_ Misses _Agnes_
and _Rosalind_ with much _complaisance_ dispensed _gratis_ to the
visitors, _soda-water_ flavored with _orgeat_ or _sarsaparilla_.
* * * * *
General _Silvester_ and his _protégé_, _Reginald_, met with a
_casualty_ that nearly cost them their lives. The horses attached to
their _Brougham_ became frightened at a _yacht_ and made a
_tremendous_ leap over a high embankment into a _creek_.
* * * * *
At the _zoological_ garden was found nearly every animal _extant_,
from a mouse to a _camelopard_.
* * * * *
The _rendezvous_ of the _topographical_ surveyors was at the camp of
some hunters on a _knoll_ near the banks of a _cañon_.
* * * * *
The monk concealed his features with his _capoch_ and would have been
_irrecognizable_ if his _discourse_ had not betrayed him.
* * * * *
The _étagère_ stands _cater-cornered_ in a _recess_ and contains many
beautiful ornaments that his _predecessor_ _gathered_ within the last
_decade_ of years; amongst which may be mentioned the heads of
_Beethoven_, _Béranger_, _Goethe_, Percy _Bysshe_ Shelley, and many
other celebrities, cut in _onyx_.
* * * * *
The _Caucasian_ races obtained their name on account of originating
near Mount _Caucasus_.
* * * * *
The _mischievous_ children got _cayenne_ all over their _chaps_, by
which they were sufficiently punished without any further
_chastening_.
* * * * *
The _chivalric_ Don Quixote, having become a _monomaniac_ on the
subject of _chivalry_, bestrode his _Rosinante_, and, attended by his
squire, started out to perform _chivalrous_ deeds.
* * * * *
Lord C. has been absent since _February_, 1870; it is said that he has
been traveling _incognito_, but it is certain that in Italy he has
retained his _cognomen_. He is now at _Modena_ awaiting the recovery
of his _Cicerone_, when he intends to visit _Genoa_ and _Milan_.
* * * * *
The _obesity_ of the _florid_-faced prebendary is observed to increase
with his _prebend_.
* * * * *
I have heard much of the _gamins_ of _Gotham_, but I never realized
what the _gallows_-deserving rascals were till I settled in New York
City. I opened business as a _pharmaceutist_ on a corner that was a
favorite _haunt_ of theirs. Such a crowd of _tatterdemalions_ as stood
in front of my show-window the first day I made my display of
_Parisian_ fancy goods, baffles description. One had the _hooping_
cough, and every now and then would hoop till the _perspiration_
rolled down his face; then he would shriek out the daily _newspapers_,
in a voice like a _calliope_. One dirty-faced _gourmand_ ate _papaws_
till he had to _gape_ for breath, and would shoot the seeds and throw
the skins at his _hundred_ comrades, half of them coming in my front
door. Another, dressed in ragged _jean_, his face covered with _soot_,
played the _jew's-harp_ hour after hour, with as much pride in his
ability as _Paganini_ at his violin. Another, a tall, _jaundice_
visaged youth with an _embryo_ beard of about a dozen hairs, covered
nearly to his heels with his great-grandfather's _surtout_, in the
_lapel_ of which was pinned a death's-head, danced upon the iron
cellar door till it roared like distant artillery.
Then there were many other "_partners_" bearing such _sobriquets_ as
"Sore Snoot," "Pig Eye," "Limpy," etc., _improvising irrational_
songs, boxing, _wrestling_, indulging in _raillery_ and _ribald_
jests, pitching _quoits_, _meawing_ like cats, howling at my _patrons_
and driving reputable _patronage_ away. Every now and then they would
send in little, _saucy_, _precocious_ urchins, who offered to
_patronize_ me by asking for two cents' worth of _jujube_ paste,
_tolu_ or _licorice_, or some _Samaritan_ _salve_ for Jim Biles' sore
nose. At last, when the sun had reached the _horizon_, as a _finale_
of the day's _progress_, one of the young villains hurled a bowlder
through my French plate-glass, which, after its flight through a lot
of _citrate_ of magnesia, _cochineal_ and _quinine_, finally spilled a
large bottle of red ink all over my new _pharmacopœia_. Springing
over the _débris_, I rushed to the door with _implacable_ anger
flashing from my eyes. But one glance at that _imperturbable_ crowd
showed me how _impotent_ I was. One of them with _placid_ countenance
and _stolid_ indifference simply accosted me with, "Say, Mister, are
you going to see the '_Naiad_ Queen' to-night?"