On his return to Hubbabub, the Chevalier de Fantaisie found the city in
the greatest confusion. The military were marshalled in all directions;
the streets were lined with field-pieces; no one was abroad; all the
shops were shut. Although not a single vehicle was visible, Popanilla’s
progress was slow, from the quantity of shells of all kinds which choked
up the public way. When he arrived at his hotel he found that all the
windows were broken. He entered, and his landlord immediately presented
him with his bill. As the landlord was pressing, and as Popanilla wished
for an opportunity of showing his confidence in Skindeep’s friendship,
he requested him to pay the amount. Skindeep sent a messenger
immediately to his banker, deeming an ambassador almost as good security
as a nation, which we all know to be the very best.
This little arrangement being concluded, the landlord resumed his usual
civility. He informed the travellers that the whole island was in
a state of the greatest commotion, and that martial law universally
prevailed. He said that this disturbance was occasioned by the return of
the expedition destined to the Isle of Fantaisie. It appeared, from his
account, that after sailing about from New Guinea to New Holland,
the expedition had been utterly unable not only to reach their new
customers, but even to obtain the slightest intelligence of their
locality. No such place as Fantaisie was known at Ceylon. Sumatra
gave information equally unsatisfactory. Java shook its head. Celebes
conceived the inquirers were jesting. The Philippine Isles offered to
accommodate them with spices, but could assist them in no other way. Had
it not been too hot at Borneo, they would have fairly laughed outright.
The Maldives and the Moluccas, the Luccadives and the Andamans,
were nearly as impertinent. The five hundred ships and the
judiciously-assorted cargo were therefore under the necessity of
returning home.
No sooner, however, had they reached Vraibleusia than the markets were
immediately glutted with the unsold goods. All the manufacturers, who
had been working day and night in preparing for the next expedition,
were instantly thrown out of employ. A run commenced on the Government
Bank. That institution perceived too late that the issues of pink shells
had been too unrestricted. As the Emperor of the East had all the gold,
the Government Bank only protected itself from failure by bayoneting its
creditors. The manufacturers, who were starving, consoled themselves for
the absence of food by breaking all the windows in the country with
the discarded shells. Every tradesman failed. The shipping interest
advertised two or three fleets for firewood. Riots were universal. The
Aboriginal was attacked on all sides, and made so stout a resistance,
and broke so many cudgels on the backs of his assailants, that it was
supposed he would be finally exhausted by his own exertions. The public
funds sunk ten per cent. daily. All the Millionaires crashed. In a word,
dismay, disorganisation, despair, pervaded in all directions the wisest,
the greatest, and the richest nation in the world. The master of the
hotel added, with an air of becoming embarrassment, that, had not his
Excellency been fortunately absent, he probably would not have had the
pleasure of detailing to him this little narrative; that he had often
been inquired for by the populace at his old balcony; and that a crowd
had perpetually surrounded the house till within the last day, when
a report had got about that his Excellency had turned into steam and
disappeared. He added that caricatures of his Highness might be procured
in any shop, and his account of his voyage obtained at less than
half-price.
‘Ah!’ said Popanilla, in a tone of great anguish, ‘and all this from
losing a lock of hair!’
At this moment the messenger whom Skindeep had despatched returned, and
informed him with great regret that his banker, to whom he had entrusted
his whole fortune, had been so unlucky as to stop payment during
his absence. It was expected, however, that when his stud was sold
a respectable dividend might be realised. This was the personage of
prepossessing appearance who had presented Popanilla with a perpetual
ticket to his picture gallery. On examining the banker’s accounts, it
was discovered that his chief loss had been incurred by supporting that
competition establishment where purses were bought full of crowns.
In spite of his own misfortunes, Popanilla hastened to console his
friend. He explained to him that things were not quite so bad as they
appeared; that society consisted of two classes, those who laboured,
and those who paid the labourers; that each class was equally useful,
because, if there were none to pay, the labourers would not be
remunerated, and if there were none to labour, the payers would not be
accommodated; that Skindeep might still rank in one of these classes;
that he might therefore still be a useful member of society; that, if
he were useful, he must therefore be good; and that, if he were good,
he must therefore be happy; because happiness is the consequence of
assisting the beneficial development of the ameliorating principles of
the social action.
As he was speaking, two gentlemen in blue, with red waistcoats, entered
the chamber and seized Popanilla by the collar. The Vraibleusian
Government, which is so famous for its interpretation of National Law,
had arrested the Ambassador for high treason.