Night fell upon the waters, dark and drear, and thick and misty. How
unlike those brilliant hours that once summoned him to revelry and love!
Unhappy Popanilla! Thy delicious Fantaisie has vanished! Ah, pitiable
youth! What could possibly have induced you to be so very rash? And all
from that unlucky lock of hair!
After a few natural paroxysms of rage, terror, anguish, and remorse,
the Captain as naturally subsided into despair, and awaited with sullen
apathy that fate which could not be far distant. The only thing which
puzzled the philosophical navigator was his inability to detect what
useful end could be attained by his death. At length, remembering that
fish must be fed, his theory and his desperation were at the same time
confirmed.
A clear, dry morning succeeded the wet, gloomy night, and Popanilla had
not yet gone down. This extraordinary suspension of his fate roused him
from his stupor, and between the consequent excitement and the morning
air he acquired an appetite. Philosophical physicians appear to
have agreed that sorrow, to a certain extent, is not unfavourable to
digestion; and as Popanilla began to entertain some indefinite and
unreasonable hopes, the alligator-pears quickly disappeared. In
the meantime the little canoe cut her way, as if she were chasing a
smuggler; and had it not been for a shark or two who, in anticipation
of their services being required, never left her side for a second,
Popanilla really might have made some ingenious observations on the
nature of tides. He was rather surprised, certainly, as he watched his
frail bark cresting the waves; but he soon supposed that this was all in
the natural course of things; and he now ascribed his previous fright,
not to the peril of his situation, but to his inexperience of it.
Although his apprehension of being drowned was now removed, yet when he
gazed on the boundless vacancy before him, and also observed that his
provisions rapidly decreased, he began to fear that he was destined for
a still more horrible fate, and that, after having eaten his own
slices, he must submit to be starved. In this state of despondency, with
infinite delight and exultation Le clearly observed, on the second
clay, at twenty-seven minutes past three P.M., though at a considerable
distance, a mountain and an island. His joy and his pride were equal,
and excessive: he called the first Alligator Mountain, in gratitude to
the pears; and christened the second after his mistress, that unlucky
mistress! The swift canoe soon reached the discoveries, and the happy
discoverer further found, to his mortification, that the mountain was
a mist and the island a sea-weed. Popanilla now grew sulky, and threw
himself down in the bottom of his boat.
On the third morning he was awakened by a tremendous roar; on looking
around him he perceived that he was in a valley formed by two waves,
each several hundred feet high. This seemed the crisis of his fate; he
shut his eyes, as people do when they are touched by a dentist, and in
a few minutes was still bounding on the ocean in the eternal canoe, safe
but senseless. Some tremendous peals of thunder, a roaring wind, and a
scathing lightning confirmed his indisposition; and had not the tempest
subsided, Popanilla would probably have been an idiot for life. The dead
and soothing calm which succeeded this tornado called him back again
gradually to existence. He opened his eyes, and, scarcely daring to try
a sense, immediately shut them; then hearing a deep sigh, he shrugged
his shoulders, and looked as pitiable as a prime minister with a
rebellious cabinet. At length he ventured to lift up his head; there was
not a wrinkle on the face of ocean; a halcyon fluttered over him, and
then scudded before his canoe, and gamesome porpoises were tumbling at
his side. The sky was cloudless, except in the direction to which he was
driving; but even as Popanilla observed, with some misgivings, the mass
of vapours which had there congregated, the great square and solid black
clouds drew off like curtains, and revealed to his entranced vision a
magnificent city rising out of the sea.
Tower, and dome, and arch, column, and spire, and obelisk, and lofty
terraces, and many-windowed palaces, rose in all directions from a mass
of building which appeared to him each instant to grow more huge, till
at length it seemed to occupy the whole horizon. The sun lent additional
lustre to the dazzling quays of white marble which apparently surrounded
this mighty city, and which rose immediately from the dark blue waters.
As the navigator drew nearer, he observed that in most parts the quays
were crowded with beings who, he trusted, were human, and already the
hum of multitudes broke upon his inexperienced ear: to him a sound far
more mysterious and far more exciting than the most poetical of winds
to the most wind of poets. On the right of this vast city rose what
was mistaken by Popanilla for an immense but leafless forest; but more
practical men than the Fantaisian Captain have been equally confounded
by the first sight of a million of masts.
The canoe cut its way with increased rapidity, and ere Popanilla had
recovered himself sufficiently to make even an ejaculation, he found
himself at the side of a quay. Some amphibious creatures, whom he
supposed to be mermen, immediately came to his assistance, rather stared
at his serpent-skin coat, and then helped him up the steps. Popanilla
was instantly surrounded.
‘Who are you?’ said one.
‘What are you?’ asked another.
‘Who is it?’ exclaimed a third.
‘What is it?’ screamed a fourth.
‘My friends, I am a man!’
‘A man!’ said the women; ‘are you sure you are a real man?’
‘He must be a sea-god!’ said the females.
‘She must be a sea-goddess!’ said the males.
‘A Triton!’ maintained the women.
‘A Nereid!’ argued the men.
‘It is a great fish!’ said the boys.
Thanks to the Universal Linguist, Captain Popanilla, under these
peculiar circumstances, was more loquacious than could have been Captain
Parry.
‘Good people! you see before you the most injured of human beings.’
This announcement inspired general enthusiasm. The women wept, the men
shook hands with him, and all the boys huzzaed. Popanilla proceeded:--
‘Actuated by the most pure, the most patriotic, the most noble, the most
enlightened, and the most useful sentiments, I aspired to ameliorate the
condition of my fellowmen. To this grand object I have sacrificed all
that makes life delightful: I have lost my station in society, my taste
for dancing, my popularity with the men, my favour with the women;
and last, but, oh! not least (excuse this emotion), I have lost a very
particular lock of hair. In one word, my friends, you see before you,
banished, ruined, and unhappy, the victim of a despotic sovereign, a
corrupt aristocracy, and a misguided people.’
No sooner had he ceased speaking than Popanilla really imagined that he
had only escaped the dangers of sedition and the sea to expire by less
hostile, though not less effective, means. To be strangled was not
much better than to be starved: and certainly, with half-a-dozen highly
respectable females clinging round his neck, he was not reminded for
the first time in his life what a domestic bowstring is an affectionate
woman. In an agony of suffocation he thought very little of his arms,
although the admiration of the men had already, in his imagination,
separated these useful members from his miserable body and had it not
been for some justifiable kicking and plunging, the veneration of the
ingenuous and surrounding youth, which manifested itself by their active
exertions to divide his singular garment into relics of a martyr of
liberty, would soon have effectually prevented the ill-starred Popanilla
from being again mistaken for a Nereid. Order was at length restored,
and a committee of eight appointed to regulate the visits of the
increasing mob.
The arrangements were judicious; the whole populace was marshalled into
ranks; classes of twelve persons were allowed consecutively to walk past
the victim of tyranny, corruption, and ignorance; and each person had
the honour to touch his finger. During this proceeding, which lasted a
few hours, an influential personage generously offered to receive
the eager subscriptions of the assembled thousands. Even the boys
subscribed, and ere six hours had passed since his arrival as a coatless
vagabond in this liberal city, Captain Popanilla found himself a person
of considerable means.
The receiver of the subscriptions, while he crammed Popanilla’s
serpent-skin pockets fall of gold pieces, at the same time kindly
offered the stranger to introduce him to an hotel. Popanilla, who
was quite beside himself, could only bow his assent, and mechanically
accompanied his conductor. When he had regained his faculty of speech,
he endeavoured, in wandering sentences of grateful incoherency, to
express his deep sense of this unparalleled liberality. ‘It was an
excess of generosity in which mankind could never have before indulged!’
‘By no means!’ said his companion, with great coolness; ‘far from this
being an unparalleled affair, I assure you it is a matter of hourly
occurrence; make your mind quite easy. You are probably not aware that
you are now living in the richest and the most charitable country in the
world?’
‘Wonderful!’ said Popanilla; ‘and what is the name, may I ask, of this
charitable city?’
‘Is it possible,’ said his companion, with a faint smile, ‘that you are
ignorant of the great city of Hubbabub; the largest city not only
that exists, but that ever did exist, and the capital of the island of
Vraibleusia, the most famous island not only that is known, but that
ever was known?’
While he was speaking they were accosted by a man upon crutches, who,
telling them in a broken voice that he had a wife and twelve infant
children dependent on his support, supplicated a little charity.
Popanilla was about to empty part of his pocketfuls into the mendicant’s
cap, but his companion repressed his unphilosophical facility. ‘By no
means!’ said his friend, who, turning round to the beggar, advised him,
in a mild voice, to work; calmly adding, that if he presumed to ask
charity again he should certainly have him bastinadoed. Then they walked
on.
Popanilla’s attention was so distracted by the variety, the number, the
novelty, and the noise of the objects which were incessantly hurried
upon his observation, that he found no time to speak; and as his
companion, though exceedingly polite, was a man of few words,
conversation rather flagged.
At last, overwhelmed by the magnificence of the streets, the splendour
of the shops, the number of human beings, the rattling of the vehicles,
the dashing of the horses, and a thousand other sounds and objects,
Popanilla gave loose to a loud and fervent wish that his hotel might
have the good fortune of being situated in this interesting quarter.
‘By no means!’ said his companion; ‘we have yet much further to go. Far
from this being a desirable situation for you, my friend, no civilised
person is ever seen here; and had not the cause of civil and religious
liberty fortunately called me to the water-side to-day, I should have
lost the opportunity of showing how greatly I esteem a gentleman who has
suffered so severely in the cause of national amelioration.’
‘Sir!’ said Popanilla, ‘your approbation is the only reward which I ever
shall desire for my exertions. You will excuse me for not quite keeping
up with you; but the fact is, my pockets are so stuffed with cash that
the action of my legs is greatly impeded.’
‘Credit me, my friend, that you are suffering from an inconvenience
which you will not long experience in Hubbabub. Nevertheless, to remedy
it at present, I think the best thing we can do is to buy a purse.’
They accordingly entered a shop where such an article might be found,
and taking up a small sack, for Popanilla was very rich, his companion
inquired its price, which he was informed was four crowns. No sooner had
the desired information been given than the proprietor of the opposite
shop rushed in, and offered him the same article for three crowns. The
original merchant, not at all surprised at the intrusion, and not the
least apologising for his former extortion, then demanded two. His
rival, being more than his match, he courteously dropped upon his knee,
and requested his customer to accept the article gratis, for his sake.
The generous dealer would infallibly have carried the day, had not his
rival humbly supplicated the purchaser not only to receive his article
as a gift, but also the compliment of a crown inside.
‘What a terrible cheat the first merchant must have been!’ said the
puzzled Popanilla, as they proceeded on their way.
‘By no means!’ said his calm companion; ‘the purse was sufficiently,
cheap even at four crowns. This is not Cheatery; this is Competition!’
‘What a wonderful nation, then, this must be, where you not only get
purses gratis but even well loaded! What use, then, is all this heavy
gold? It is a tremendous trouble to carry; I will empty the bag into
this kennel, for money surely can be of no use in a city where, when in
want of cash, you have only to go into a shop and buy a purse!’
‘Your pardon!’ said his companion; ‘far from this being the case,
Vraibleusia is, without doubt, the dearest country in the world.’
‘If, then,’ said the inquisitive Popanilla, with great animation, ‘if,
then, this country be the dearest in the world; if, how--’
‘My good friend!’ said his companion, ‘I really am the last person in
the world to answer questions. All that I know is, that this country
is extremely dear, and that the only way to get things cheap is to
encourage Competition.’
Here the progress of his companion was impeded for some time by a great
crowd, which had assembled to catch a glimpse of a man who was to fly
off a steeple, but who had not yet arrived. A chimney-sweeper observed
to a scientific friend that probably the density of the atmosphere might
prevent the intended volitation; and Popanilla, who, having read almost
as many pamphlets as the observer, now felt quite at home, exceedingly
admired the observation.
‘He must be a very superior man, this gentleman in black!’ said
Popanilla to his companion.
‘By no means! he is of the lowest class in society. But you are probably
not aware that you are in the most educated country in the world.’
‘Delightful!’ said Popanilla.
The Captain was exceedingly desirous of witnessing the flight of the
Vraibleusian Daedalus, but his friend advised their progress. This,
however, was not easy; and Popanilla, animated for the moment by his
natural aristocratic disposition, and emboldened by his superior size
and strength, began to clear his way in a manner which was more cogent
than logical. The chimney-sweeper and his comrades were soon in arms,
and Popanilla would certainly have been killed or ducked by this
superior man and his friends, had it not been for the mild remonstrance
of his conductor and the singular appearance of his costume.
‘What could have induced you to be so imprudent?’ said his rescuer, when
they had escaped from the crowd.
‘Truly,’ said Popanilla, ‘I thought that in a country where you may
bastinado the wretch who presumes to ask you for alms, there could
surely be no objection to my knocking down the scoundrel who dared to
stand in my way.’
‘By no means!’ said his friend, slightly elevating his eye-brows. ‘Here
all men are equal. You are probably not aware that you are at present in
the freest country in the world.’
‘I do not exactly understand you; what is this freedom?’
‘My good friend, I really am the last person in the world to answer
questions. Freedom is, in one word, Liberty: a kind of thing which you
foreigners never can understand, and which mere theory can make no man
understand. When you have been in the island a few weeks all will be
quite clear to you. In the meantime, do as others do, and never knock
men down!’