Popanilla was discomposed, but he was not discomfited. He consoled
himself for the Royal neglect by the recollection of the many
illustrious men who had been despised, banished, imprisoned, and burnt
for the maintenance of opinions which, centuries afterwards, had
been discovered to be truth. He did not forget that in still further
centuries the lately recognised truth had been re-discovered to be
falsehood; but then these men were not less illustrious; and what wonder
that their opinions were really erroneous, since they were not his
present ones? The reasoning was equally conclusive and consolatory.
Popanilla, therefore, was not discouraged; and although he deemed it
more prudent not to go out of his way to seek another audience of his
sovereign, or to be too anxious again to address a public meeting,
he nevertheless determined to proceed cautiously, but constantly,
propagating his doctrines and proselytizing in private.
Unfortunately for Popanilla, he did not enjoy one advantage which all
founders of sects have duly appreciated, and by which they have been
materially assisted. It is a great and an unanswerable argument in
favour of a Providence that we constantly perceive that the most
beneficial results are brought about by the least worthy and most
insignificant agents. The purest religions would never have been
established had they not been supported by sinners who felt the burthen
of the old faith; and the most free and enlightened governments
are often generated by the discontented, the disappointed, and the
dissolute. Now, in the Isle of Fantaisie, unfortunately for our
revolutionizer, there was not a single grumbler.
Unable, therefore, to make the bad passions of his fellow creatures the
unconscious instruments of his good purposes, Popanilla must have been
contented to have monopolised all the wisdom of the moderns, had he not,
with the unbaffled wit of an inventor, hit upon a new expedient. Like
Socrates, our philosopher began to cultivate with sedulousness the
society of youth.
In a short time the ladies of Fantaisie were forced to observe that the
fair sex most unfashionably predominated in their evening assemblages;
for the young gentlemen of the island had suddenly ceased to pay their
graceful homage at the altar of Terpsichore. In an Indian isle not to
dance was as bad as heresy. The ladies rallied the recreants, but their
playful sarcasms failed of their wonted effect. In the natural course
of things they had recourse to remonstrances, but their appeals were
equally fruitless. The delicate creatures tried reproaches, but the
boyish cynics received them with a scowl and answered them with a sneer.
The women fled in indignation to their friendly monarch; but the
voluptuary of nature only shrugged his shoulders and smiled. He kissed
away their tears, and their frowns vanished as he crowned their long
hair with roses.
‘If the lads really show such bad taste,’ said his Majesty, ‘why I and
my lords must do double duty, and dance with a couple of you at once.’
Consoled and complimented, and crowned by a King, who could look sad?
The women forgot their anger in their increasing loyalty.
But the pupils of Popanilla had no sooner mastered the first principles
of science than they began to throw off their retired habits and
uncommunicative manners. Being not utterly ignorant of some of the
rudiments of knowledge, and consequently having completed their
education, it was now their duty, as members of society, to instruct
and not to study. They therefore courted, instead of shunned, their
fellow-creatures; and on all occasions seized all opportunities
of assisting the spread of knowledge. The voices of lecturing boys
resounded in every part of the island. Their tones were so shrill,
their manners so presuming, their knowledge so crude, and their general
demeanour so completely unamiable, that it was impossible to hear them
without delight, advantage, and admiration.
The women were not now the only sufferers and the only complainants.
Dinned to death, the men looked gloomy; and even the King, for the first
time in his life, looked grave. Could this Babel, he thought, be that
empire of bliss, that delightful Fantaisie, where to be ruler only
proved that you were the most skilful in making others happy! His
brow ached under his light flowery crown, as if it were bound by the
barbarous circle of a tyrant, heavy with gems and gold. In his despair
he had some thoughts of leaving his kingdom and betaking himself to the
mermaids.
The determination of the most precious portion of his subjects saved his
empire. As the disciples of the new school were daily demanding, ‘What
is the use of dancing? what is the use of drinking wine? what is the use
of smelling flowers?’ the women, like prescient politicians, began
to entertain a nervous suspicion that in time these sages might even
presume to question the utility of that homage which, in spite of the
Grecian Philosophers and the British Essayists, we have been in the
habit of conceding to them ever since Eden; and they rushed again to
the King like frightened deer. Something now was to be done; and the
monarch, with an expression of countenance which almost amounted to
energy, whispered consolation.
The King sent for Popanilla; the message produced a great sensation; the
enlightened introducer of the new principles had not been at Court
since he was cut. No doubt his Majesty was at last impregnated with the
liberal spirit of the age; and Popanilla was assuredly to be Premier.
In fact, it must be so; he was ‘sent for;’ there was no precedent in
Fantaisie, though there might be in other islands, for a person being
‘sent for’ and not being Premier. His disciples were in high spirits;
the world was now to be regulated upon right principles, and they were
to be installed into their right places.
‘Illustrious Popanilla!’ said the King, ‘you once did me the honour of
making me a speech which, unfortunately for myself, I candidly confess,
I was then incapable of understanding; no wonder, as it was the first
I ever beard. I shall not, however, easily forget the effect which it
produced upon me. I have since considered it my duty, as a monarch, to
pay particular attention to your suggestions. I now understand them with
sufficient clearness to be fully convinced of their excellence, and in
future I intend to act upon them, without any exception or deviation.
To prove my sincerity, I have determined to commence the new system at
once; and as I think that, without some extension of our international
relations, the commercial interest of this island will be incapable
of furnishing the taxes which I intend to levy, I have determined,
therefore, to fit out an expedition for the purpose of discovering new
islands and forming relations with new islanders. It is but due to your
merit that you should be appointed to the command of it; and further
to testify my infinite esteem for your character, and my complete
confidence in your abilities, I make you post-captain on the spot. As
the axiom of your school seems to be that everything can be made perfect
at once, without time, without experience, without practice, and without
preparation, I have no doubt, with the aid of a treatise or two, You
will make a consummate naval commander, although you have never been at
sea in the whole course of your life. Farewell, Captain Popanilla!’
No sooner was this adieu uttered than four brawny lords of the
bed-chamber seized the Turgot of Fantaisie by the shoulders, and carried
him with inconceivable rapidity to the shore. His pupils, who would
have fled to his rescue, were stifled with the embraces of their former
partners, and their utilitarianism dissolved in the arms of those they
once so rudely rejected. As for their tutor, he was thrust into one of
the canoes, with some fresh water, bread-fruit, dried fish, and a basket
of alligator-pears. A band of mermaids carried the canoe with exquisite
management through the shallows and over the breakers, and poor
Popanilla in a few minutes found himself out at sea. Tremendously
frightened, he offered to recant all his opinions, and denounce as
traitors any individuals whom the Court might select. But his former
companions did not exactly detect the utility of his return. His offers,
his supplications, were equally fruitless; and the only answer which
floated to him on the wind was, ‘Farewell, Captain Popanilla!’