And of those who have to be Ward Mistresses, as well as those who are
Ward Mistresses already, or in any charge of trust or authority, I will
ask, if Sisters and Head Nurses will allow me to ask of them, as I have
so often asked of myself--
What is it that made our Lord speak “as one having authority”? What was
the key to _His_ “authority”? Is it anything which we, trying to be
“like Him,” could have--like Him?
What are the qualities which give us authority, which enable us to
exercise some charge or control over others with “authority”? It is not
the charge or position itself, for we often see persons in a position of
authority, who have no authority at all; and on the other hand we
sometimes see persons in the very humblest position who exercise a great
influence or authority on all around them.
The very first element for having control over others is, of course, to
have control over oneself. If I cannot take charge of myself, I cannot
take charge of others. The next, perhaps, is--not to try to “seem”
anything, but to _be_ what we would _seem_.
A person in charge must be felt more than she is heard--not heard more
than she is felt. She must fulfil her charge without noisy disputes, by
the silent power of a consistent life, in which there is no _seeming_,
and no hiding, but plenty of discretion. She must exercise authority
without appearing to exercise it.
A person, but more especially a woman, in charge must have a quieter and
more impartial mind than those under her, in order to influence them by
the best part of them and not by the worst.
We (Sisters) think that we must often make allowances for them, and
sometimes put ourselves in their place. And I will appeal to Sisters to
say whether we must not observe more than we speak, instead of speaking
more than we observe. We must not give an order, much less a reproof,
without being fully acquainted with both sides of the case. Else, having
scolded wrongfully, we look rather foolish.
The person in charge every one must see to be just and candid, looking
at both sides, not moved by entreaties or, by likes and dislikes, but
only by justice; and always reasonable, remembering and not forgetting
the wants of those of whom she is in charge.
She must have a keen though generous insight into the characters of
those she has to control. They must know that she _cares for_ them even
while she is checking them; or rather that she checks them _because_ she
cares for them. A woman _thus_ reproved is often made your friend for
life; a word dropped in this way by a Sister in charge (I am speaking
now solely to Sisters and Head Nurses) may sometimes show a probationer
the unspeakable importance of this year of her life, when she must sow
the seed of her future nursing in this world, and of her future life
through eternity. For although future years are of importance to train
the plant and make it come up, yet if there is no seed nothing will come
up.
Nay, I appeal again to Sisters’ own experience, whether they have not
known patients feel the same of words dropped before _them_.
We had in one of the Hospitals which we nurse a little girl patient of
seven years old, the child of a bad mother, who used to pray on her
knees (when she did not know she was heard) her own little prayer that
she might not forget, when she went away to what she already knew to be
a bad life, the good words she had been taught. (In this great London,
the time that children spend in Hospital is sometimes the only time in
their lives that they hear good words.) And sometimes we have had
patients, widows of journeymen for instance, who had striven to the last
to do for their children and place them all out in service or at work,
die in our Hospitals, thanking God that they had had this time to
collect their thoughts before death, and to die “so comfortably” as they
expressed it.
But, if a Ward is not kept in such a spirit that patients can collect
their thoughts, whether it is for life or for death, and that children
can hear good words, of course these things will not happen.
Ward management is only made possible by kindness and sympathy. And the
mere way in which a thing is said or done to patient, or probationer,
makes all the difference. In a Ward, too, where there is no _order_
there can be no “authority”; there must be noise and dispute.
Hospital Sisters are the only women who may be in charge really of men.
Is this not enough to show how essential to them are those qualities
which alone constitute real authority?
Never to have a quarrel with another; never to say things which rankle
in another’s mind; never when we are uncomfortable ourselves to make
others uncomfortable--for quarrels come out of such very small matters,
a hasty word, a sharp joke, a harsh order: without regard to these
things, how can we take charge?
We may say, so-and-so is too weak if she minds that. But, pray, are we
not weak in the same way ourselves?
I have been in positions of authority myself and have always tried to
remember that to use such an advantage inconsiderately is--cowardly. To
be sharp upon them is worse in me than in them to be sharp upon me. No
one can trample upon others, and govern them. To win them is half, I
might say the whole, secret of “having charge.” If you find your way to
their hearts, you may do what you like with them; and that authority is
the most complete which is least perceived or asserted.
The world, whether of a Ward or of an Empire, is governed not by many
words but by few; though some, especially women, seem to expect to
govern by many words--by talk, and nothing else.
There is scarcely anything which interferes so much with charge over
others as rash and inconsiderate talking, or as wearing one’s thoughts
on one’s cap. There is scarcely anything which interferes so much with
their respect for us as any want of simplicity in us. A person who is
always thinking of herself--how she looks, what effect she produces upon
others, what others will think or say of her--can scarcely ever hope to
have charge of them to any purpose.
We ought to be what we want to seem, or those under us will find out
very soon that we only seem what we ought to be.
If we think only of the duty we have in hand, we may hope to make the
others think of it too. But if we are fidgety or uneasy about trifles,
can we hope to impress them with the importance of essential things?
There is so much talk about persons now-a-days. Everybody criticises
everybody. Everybody seems liable to be drawn into a current, against
somebody, or in favour of every one doing what she likes, pleasing
herself, or getting promotion.
If any one gives way to all these distractions, and has no root of
calmness in herself, she will not find it in any Hospital or Home.
“All this is as old as the hills,” you will say. Yes, it is as old as
Christianity; and is not that the more reason for us to begin to
practise it to-day? “_To-day_, if ye will hear my voice,” says the
Father; “_To-day_ ye shall be with me in Paradise,” says the Son; and He
does not say this only to the dying; for Heaven may begin here, and “The
kingdom of heaven is within,” He tells us.
Most of you here present will be in a few years in charge of others,
filling posts of responsibility. _All_ are on the threshold of active
life. Then our characters will be put to the test, whether in some
position of charge or of subordination, or both. Shall we be found
wanting? Unable to control ourselves, therefore unable to control
others? With many good qualities, perhaps, but owing to selfishness,
conceit, to some want of purpose, some laxness, carelessness, lightness,
vanity, some temper, habits of self-indulgence, or want of
disinterestedness, unequal to the struggle of life, the business of
life, and ill-adapted to the employment of Nursing, which we have chosen
for ourselves, and which, almost above all others, requires earnest
purpose, and the reverse of all these faults? Thirty years hence, if we
could suppose us all standing here again passing judgment on ourselves,
and telling sincerely why one has succeeded and another has failed; why
the life of one has been a blessing to those she has charge of, and
another has gone from one thing to another, pleasing herself, and
bringing nothing to good--what would we give to be able _now_ to see all
this before us?
Yet some of those reasons for failure or success we may anticipate now.
Because so-and-so was or was not weak or vain; because she could or
could not make herself respected; because she had no steadfastness in
her, or on the contrary because she had a fixed and steady purpose;
because she was selfish or unselfish, disliked or beloved; because she
could or could not keep her women together or manage her patients, or
was or was not to be trusted in Ward business. And there are many other
reasons which I might give you, or which you might give yourselves, for
the success or failure of those who have passed through this Training
School for the last eleven years.
Can we not see ourselves as others see us?
For the “world is a hard schoolmaster,” and punishes us without giving
reasons, and much more severely than any Training School can, and when
we can no longer perhaps correct the defect.
Good posts may be found for us; but can we keep them so as to fill them
worthily? Or are we but unprofitable servants in fulfilling any charge?
Yet many of us are blinded to the truth by our own self-love even to the
end. And we attribute to accident or ill-luck what is really the
consequence of some weakness or error in ourselves.
But “can we not see ourselves as God sees us?” is a still more important
question. For while we value the judgments of our superiors, and of our
fellows, which may correct our own judgments, we must also have a higher
standard which may correct theirs. We cannot altogether trust them, and
still less can we trust ourselves. And we know, of course, that the
worth of a life is not altogether measured by failure or success. We
want to see our purposes, and the ways we take to fulfil such charge as
may be given us, as they are in the sight of God. “Thou God seest me.”
And thus do we return to the question we asked before--how near can we
come to Him whose name we bear, when we call ourselves Christians? How
near to His gentleness and goodness--to His “authority” over others.[4]
And the highest “authority” which a woman especially can attain among
her fellow women must come from her doing God’s work here in the same
spirit, and with the same thoroughness, that Christ did, though we
follow him but “afar off.”