_House of Commons, Monday, July 20_.--"Man and boy I've sat in this
House for seven years," said WHITTAKER ELLIS, as he reposed behind
Ministers diffusing a sense of aldermanic respectability over an
appreciable area of space; "never have I seen Irish Estimates got
through in this style. LORD LIEUTENANT has his salary voted without
a word of comment, and CHIEF SECRETARY will, I believe, get his in a
couple of hours. Have known the time when it wasn't done in a couple
of nights."
[Illustration: Aldermanic Respectability.]
Strange indeed the scene; not thirty Members present whilst the
Woluminous WEBB goes all the way back to the Tipperary riots in search
of text for dreary observations; then fearsome speeches by FLYNN and
P.J. POWER. Some fillip to proceedings when JORDAN rolls in.
JORDAN is Member of Parliament for Clare, as he once or twice
incidentally remarked. Evidently much impressed by distinction.
House laughs at reiterated claim. The billows of Jordan rise; had
no personal objection to Prince ARTHUR, he said, but "as Member of
Parliament for Clare" had to complain of him in his official capacity.
What had he done? "He has given Clare such a resident Magistrate as
CECIL ROCHE, a low tyrannical man, who ordered a low policeman to
seize me--me, Member of Parliament for Clare."
JORDAN glared round on laughing House; quite incomprehensible what
they should be guffawing at. Marvel increased when he introduced
Father GILLIKAN on the scene,
[Illustration: "Member of Parliament for Clare."]
"What had happened to Father GILLIKAN?" JORDAN roared, fixing a
bloodshot eye on ASHMEAD-BARTLETT, who had just dropped in on Treasury
Bench. "Why, Father GILLIKAN had been sent to prison for a speech
delivered in the middle of the River Shannon."
House shouted with laughter; began again when JORDAN explained that
Father GILLIKAN, though he had been making a speech in the middle
of the River Shannon at the moment of his arrest, was primarily in a
boat. Even that didn't mend matters, and JORDAN, giving up attempt to
understand ill-timed hilarity of House, dried up.
Later, TIM HEALY turned up, TIM TRUCULENT no more. Where was the
excited crowd he was wont to address in Sessions of not very long
ago--the jeering Ministerialists, the applauding Liberals, the
enthusiastic band of united Irishmen, with PARNELL sitting placid in
their midst, he only quiet amid the turbulent throng? Now the House
more than half empty; the audience irresponsive; Prince ARTHUR sitting
solitary on Treasury Bench with head bowed to hide the blushes that
had mantled his cheek at hearing TIM extol his improvement since, in
1887, he tried his prentice hand as Chief Secretary. Prince ARTHUR,
when he rises, is careful not to introduce a discordant note. He has,
he says, listened with interest to the able speech of the Hon. and
learned Gentleman, the Member for North Longford. There must be a
division for decency's sake; but only 150 Members turn up, and no one
would have been greatly surprised if Prince ARTHUR and TIM HEALY had
walked off arm in arm into the same lobby.
[Illustration: Lalor's Lament.]
"Shade of me departed frind, JOSEPH GILLIS," said LALOR, wearily
rising to go forth to the division, "what d'ye think of us, suppose
this night you chance to be looking down from whatever answers with
you to the Strangers' Gallery, where you used to betake yourself after
being suspended?"
_Business done_.--Irish Votes in Committee of Supply.
_Tuesday_.--The alliance, offensive and defensive, established between
the two Houses of Legislature by Lord DENMAN and Mr. ATKINSON been
temporarily blighted by machinations of the enemy.
DENMAN, the other night, wanted to move for return showing how many
times he had been in attendance. House said it didn't particularly
care to know. DENMAN insisted; then the MARKISS, as usual, appeared on
the scene, and moved that DENMAN shouldn't be heard for remainder of
sitting. DENMAN, never at loss in Parliamentary strategy, wanted to
move that the MARKISS's motion should be put from Chair on that day
ten months. But LORD CHANCELLOR, well known to be in league with the
MARKISS, promptly put question. Before DESMAN knew where he was (a not
unfamiliar access of haziness) Motion put, declared to be carried, and
he condemned to sit silent for rest of evening.
Same tactics, slightly varied, carried on to effacement of other wing
of allied forces. ATKINSON wanted to put question to JOKIM about his
Coinage Bill. Took some pains in framing it; handed it in at
table; next day question appeared on paper shorn of its oratorical
excellencies.
"How is this?" says ATKINSON, addressing the SPEAKER.
"Question full of errors," SPEAKER explained.
"Will the Right Hon. Gentleman kindly state them?" said ATKINSON,
folding his arms, and looking triumphantly round the House. Had the
SPEAKER now. He would go into particulars. Sure to leave opening for
master of argumentative tactics; ATKINSON would dart in and pink him
amid applause of Senate. Public business might be delayed, but what of
that? House liked intellectual treat.
SPEAKER, however, not so unwary as he looked. Took no notice of
ATKINSON's inquiry; went on to next business. ATKINSON wrote to Clerks
for explanation. No reply; so to-day gives notice of Vote of Censure
on SPEAKER and Clerks.
"Sorry to be driven to this course, dear TOBY," he said, when I
ventured to remonstrate with him on his remorseless career; "have the
greatest respect for the SPEAKER; shrink from depriving the Clerks at
table of means of livelihood. But an example must be made. Effect not
confined to walls of this Chamber. My Motion of Censure on the SPEAKER
will strike terror to the House of Lords, and go long way to deliver
my noble friend DENMAN from thraldom under which a too sensitive
nature lies bound hand and foot. The House need apprehend no
inconvenience to the course of public business. Last night, in
response to a bait artfully thrown out by Mr. TIMOTHY HEALY, I felt it
my duty to rise in my place and announce that nothing would induce me
to take office under the Crown. But in the matter of the SPEAKER, I
shall recognise my personal responsibility, and when, in consequence
of my Motion of Censure, he withdraws into private life, _I_ will take
the Chair."
_Business done_.--In Committee of Supply.
_Thursday_.--Haven't seen SEYMOUR KEAY lately. Report in House is,
that he has been close and interested attendant on CATHCART case.
Rumour receives some confirmation from circumstance that to-day,
CATHCART case concluded, KEAY suddenly turns up full of spirits
and valuable information. Subject (Land Purchase Bill back from
Lords) particularly attractive to him, since it is bristling with
obscurities. Once, when a Lords Amendment submitted, TIM HEALY asked
what it meant. MADDEN sprang up with reassuring alacrity and said a
few words, apparently of explanation. Didn't clear up anything; TIM
insisted on wanting to know, you know; MADDEN nervously read and
reread Amendment, couldn't make head or tale of it, but wouldn't do
for ATTORNEY-GENERAL for IRELAND to say so. Accordingly smiled on TIM
with pitying air of superiority. "Couldn't understand what the Lords
meant by their Amendment? Well, well; surprised at such confession
from one of TIM's acuteness."
Prince ARTHUR all the while turning over Amendment; at length
interposed. "The Hon. and learned Gentleman opposite," he observed,
"asks for an explanation of this Amendment; I frankly tell him I
cannot give it. I don't understand it myself, and as it would be
undesirable to include in the Act a provision that might lead to
controversy, we will strike it out."
"And thus are our laws made!" said SHIRESS WILLS, throwing out his
hands in astonishment.
[Illustration: "Thus are our Laws made!"]
Certainly a narrow escape. It was after this that KEAY's
patent-leather boots glistened on the floor of House as he walked up
to take seat below Gangway. Determined to make up for lost time; led
astray in all directions; SPEAKER called him to order with increasing
sternness; HENNIKER HEATON asked if he might move that for rest of
Session he be no longer heard; SPEAKER evidently sorely tempted; here
was a short sure way out of the difficulty. Faltered a moment, then
rose heroically to sense of duty; put aside proposal, and KEAY went
on again for another half-hour. "A long rigmarole," JOKIM called the
speech. This not Parliamentary, but no one objected.
_Business done._--Land Purchase Bill got ready for Royal Assent.
_Friday._--Nothing can exceed MORTON's obliging disposition; talked
for half an hour just now on subject of fortune-telling. Members
can't prevent ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS from making speeches, but they needn't
listen; so kept up lively conversation whilst ALPHEUS talked to
CLEOPHAS. When he sat down, it appeared he had desired that his
remarks should reach ear of Home Secretary; concluded by asking
question; MATTHEWS unwarily protested, that, owing to noise in House,
he had not been able to catch the drift of the Hon. Gentleman's
remarks.
"Oh, very well," said ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS, "I'll repeat them."
"No! no!" MATTHEWS almost shrieked.
"No trouble at all," said ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS, and he set off again,
making his speech once more. _Business done._--Very little.
* * * * *