[_Here she points dramatically at a stout matron, who fans
herself consciously._
--was the slender form, and the sweet girl-face of our
new "School Harm"!
Say, boys! hev' ye heard an Æolian harp which a Zephyr's tremulous
finger twangs?
Wa'al, it kinder thrills ye the way I felt when I first beheld
LOBELIA BANGS!
_Soc. Chat._ Oh, you really _ought_ to go--so touching! DICK and I
both regularly howled all through the last Act ... Not in the _least_,
thanks. Well, if there _is_ a seat ... You're sure there _are_ any
ices? Then, strawberry, please--no, _nothing_ to drink!... _Will_ you
allow me?... Told she could dress hair perfectly, but I soon found she
was ... a Swedenborgian, my dear, or something horrid ... Haven't you?
_I've_ had it three times, and ... so many people have asked me for
cards that really I ... had the drains thoroughly looked to, and now
they're ... delicious, but rather overpowering in a _room_, I think!
&c., &c.
_Miss F.B._ (_with genuine feeling_).
Who would imagine one meek-voiced girl could have held her own, in a
deafening din!
But LOBELIA's scholars discovered soon she'd a dead-sure notion of
discipline;
For her satin palm had a sting like steel, and the rowdiest rebel
respected her,
When she'd stretched out six of the hardest lots in the Bible-Class
with a Derringer!
_Soc. Chat._ No, a very dull party, you could move about quite easily
in all the rooms, so we ... kicked the whole concern to shivers and
... came on here as soon as we could ... Capital dinner they _gave_
us, too ... &c., &c.
_Miss F.B._ (_with as much conviction as possible under the
circumstances_).
And the silence deepened; no creature stirred in the stagnant hush,
and the only sound
Was the far-off lumbering jolt, produced by the prairie rolling for
leagues around!
_Soc. Chat._ (_crescendo_). Oh, an old aunt of mine has gone in for
step-dancing--she's had several lessons ... and cut her knees rather
badly, y'know, so I put her out to grass ... and now she can sit
up and hold a biscuit on her nose ... but she really ought to mix a
little grey in her wig!
[_&c. &c., to the distraction of the Unsophisticated Guest,
who is getting quite interested in LOBELIA BANGS whom he
suddenly discovers, much to his surprise, on horseback._
_Miss F.B._
And on we cantered, without a word, in the midday heat, on our swift
mustangs.
I was only ignorant Cowboy CLEM--but I worshipped bright LOBELIA BANGS!
_Soc. Chat._ (_fortissimo_). Not for ages; but last time I met him he
was ... in a dreadful state, with the cook down with influenza ... and
so I suppose he's _married_ her by this time!
_Miss F.B._ (_excitedly_).
But hark! in the distance a weird shrill cry, a kinder mournful,
monotonous yelp--
(_Further irruption of Society Chatter_) ... is it jackal?--bison?--a
cry for help?
_Soc. Chat._ Such a complete _rest_, you know--so perfectly peaceful!
Not a soul to talk to. I _love_ it ... but, to really enjoy a tomato,
you must see it dressed ... in the _sweetest_ little sailor suit!
_Miss F.B._
My horse was a speck on the pampas' verge, for I dropped the rein in
my haste to stoop;
Then I pressed my ear to the baking soil--and caught--ah, horror--the
Indian whoop!
_Soc. Chat._ Some say it _isn't_ infectious, but one can't be too
careful, and, with children in the house, &c., &c.
_Miss F.B._
I rose to my feet with quivering knees, and my face turned white as a
fresh-washed towel;
I had heard a war-cry I knew too well--'twas the murderous band of
Blue-nosed Owl!
_Soc. Chat._ Nice fellow--I'm very fond of him--so fresh--capital
company--met him when I was over there, &c.
_Miss F.B._
"What? leave you to face those fiends alone!" she cried, and slid from
her horse's back;
"Let me die with you--for I love you, CLEM!" Then she gave her steed a
resounding smack,
And he bounded off; "Now Heaven be praised that my school six-shooter
I brought!" said she.
"Four barrels I'll keep for the front-rank foes--and the next for
you--and the last for me!"
_Soc. Chat._ Is it a _comic_ piece she's doing, do you know? Don't
think so, I can see somebody smiling. Sounds rather like SHAKSPEARE,
or DICKENS, or one of those fellahs ... Didn't catch what you said. No
Quite impossible to hear oneself speak, _isn't_ it?
_Miss F.B._
And ever louder the demons yelled for their pale-faced prey--but I
scorned death's pangs,
For I deemed it a doom that was half delight to die by the hand of
LOBELIA BANGS!
Then she whispered low in her dulcet tones, like the crooning coo of
a cushat dove!
(_At the top of her voice_). "Forgive me, CLEM, but I could not bear
any squaw to torture my own true love!"
And she raised the revolver--"crack-crack-crack!"
[_To the infinite chagrin of the Unsophisticated Guest, who
is intensely anxious to hear how Miss BANGS and her lover
escaped from so unpleasant a dilemma--the remaining cracks
of her revolver, together with the two next stanzas, are
drowned in a fresh torrent of small-talk--after which he
hears Miss F.B. conclude with repressed emotion_:
But the ochre on Blue-nosed Owl was blurred, as his braves concluded
their brief harangues;
And he dropped a tear on the early bier of our Prairie belle, LOBELIA
BANGS!
[_Which of course leaves him in a state of hopeless
mystification._
_Soc. Chat._ Is that the _end_? Charming! Now we shall be able to
_talk_ again! &c., &c.
* * * * *