_The eldest Miss Bluestocken (to Mrs. Mugby, of the village laundry)._
I'm delighted that you were able to come to our schoolroom performance
of _Scenes from Shakspeare_.
_Mrs. Mugby._ Oh, so was I, mum. That there "'Amblet"--and the grand
lady, mum----
_Eldest Miss B. (condescendingly)._ You mean "Hamlet" and his
mother--the vicar and myself. You enjoyed it?
_Mrs. Mugby._ Oh, we did, mum! We ain't 'ad such a rale good laugh for
many a long day.
[_Exit_ Miss B., _thinking that Shakspeare is perhaps somewhat thrown
away on this yokality_.]
* * * * *
THE BOOK OF THE PLAY (_as managers like it_).--"All places taken for the
next fortnight."
* * * * *
When actors complain that all they require is "parts," they generally
tell the exact truth.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SCENE FROM SHAKSPEARIAN PANTOMIME
"Where got'st thou that goose?--look!"
(_Macbeth_, Act V., Sc. 3.)]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A DISENCHANTMENT.--_Grandpapa._ "_What_? Bob in love with
Miss Fontalba, the comic actress at the Parthenon?" _Bob (firing up)._
"Yes, grandpa! And if you've got a word to say against that lady, it had
better not be said in my presence, that's all!" _Grandpapa._ "_I_ say a
word _against_ her! Why, bless your heart, my dear boy! I was head over
ears in love with her _myself_--_when I was your age!_"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PROBLEM PLAY.--_New Woman (with the hat)._ "No! _My_
principle is simply _this_--if there's a _demand_ for these plays, it
must be _supplied_!" _Woman not New (with the bonnet)._ "Precisely! Just
as with the bull-fights in Spain!"
[_Scores_
]
* * * * *
[Illustration: CHURCH THEATRES FOR COUNTRY VILLAGES--THE BLAMELESS
BALLET
["_Mr. Chamberlain has expressed himself in sympathy with the scheme of
the Rev. Forbes Phillips for running theatres in connection with the
churches in country villages._"]
There would, our artist imagines, be no difficulty in obtaining willing
coryphees among the pew-openers and philanthropic spinsters of the
various parishes.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Mr. M'Chrustie (in the washing-room of the Minerva
Club)._ "Look here, waiter, what's the meaning of this? These brushes
are as beastly grimy as if they'd been blacking boots----!" _Waiter._
"Yes, sir: it's them members from the 'Junior Theshpian,' sir--as are
'ere now, sir. They do dye theirselves to that degree----!"
[_Mr. M'C. rushes off and writes furiously to the Committee!_
]
* * * * *
_Q._ What were the "palmy" days of the drama?
_A._ When they were first-rate hands at acting.
* * * * *