As Shakspeare could not write his plays
(If Mrs. Gallup's not mistaken),
I think how wise in many ways
He was to have them done by Bacon;
They might have mouldered on the shelf,
Mere minor dramas (and he knew it!)
If he had written them himself
Instead of letting Bacon do it.
And if it's true, as Brown and Smith
In many learned tomes have stated,
That Homer was an idle myth,
He ought to be congratulated;
Since, thus evading birth, he rose
For men to worship from a distance:
He might have penned inferior prose
Had he achieved a real existence.
To him and Shakspeare some agree
In making very nice allusions,
But no one thinks of praising me,
For I composed my own effusions:
As others wrote their works divine,
And they immortal thus to day are,
If someone else had written mine
I might have been as great as they are!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Famous Lion Comique_ (_to his agent, who is not much of
a cigar smoker_). "What did you think of that cigar as I give you the
other day?"
_Agent._ "Well, the first night I liked it well enough. But the second
night I didn't like it so well. And the third I didn't like it at all!"]
* * * * *
Numerous applications were received by the manager of Covent Garden from
"professionals" wishing to take part in _The Forty Thieves_. It was not
found possible to offer engagements to the following (amongst others):--
_The Thief_--who stole a march.
_The Thief_--in the candle.
_The Thief_--who was set to catch a thief.
_The Thief_--who stole the "purse" and found it "trash."
_The Thief_--who stole up-stairs.
_The Thief_--of time, _alias_ procrastination, and--
_The Thief_--who stole a kiss (overwhelming number of applicants).
* * * * *