["China, properly opened up, would be an El Dorado for
mankind.... The true conquest effected by the war is the
conquest of the right to a market, and that apparently on an
enormous scale."
_"Daily News" on the terms of Peace between China and Japan._]
_Little Jap loquitur_:--
Come, wake up, old chap! I'm the go-ahead Jap.
_Open Sesame!_ Yes, that's the word, JOHN!
In your den you would stop, or e'en shut up your shop,
Your proceedings are highly absurd, JOHN!
Spite your bounce and your boast, I have got you on toast,
And thereby, friend JOHN, hangs a _big_ tale.
When your carcase I'd wake, I have only to take
A sailor's round turn at your pigtail!
Your notion of shopkeeping's shutter and key.
Since you don't know their use, hand 'em over to _Me_!
For thousands of years your pride and your fears
Have muddled your market completely.
Ah! would you, old slug? But a twist and a tug
Bring you up to your bearings most sweetly.
'Tis no use to kick! You will have to move slick,
Now you've got in the hands of Young Jappy;
Don't you get in a scare for your crockery ware.
Rouse up, open shop, and be happy!
Afraid? Superstitious? Oh, fiddle-de-dee!
Throw open your markets, and leave it to _Me_!
For ever so long you've been going all wrong.
Your Empire is under a shadow;
But well opened up, by ships, railways, and KRUPP,
It will turn out a true El Dorado.
_Don't_ fly to your door! Eh? your pigtail is sore?
You think me a cocky invader?
Why you'll find in the end I'm your very best friend,
When I force you to be a free trader.
Blow your grandfather's bunkum, you Heathen Chinee!
Take down all your shutters, and hand _me_ the key!
For _my_ use alone? you inquire with a groan.
Oh, dear! you _must_ be an old duffer!
Excuse me this wink,--but what do _you_ think?
Do you hold "Outside Devils" will suffer
The Flowery Land to be locked by my hand,
Any more than by yours, in their faces?
Pig-headed old Pigtail, I fancy I know
How to get into Europe's good graces.
So pay up my millions, you Heathen Chinee!
Throw open your market, and _hand me the key_!
* * * * *
"STRANGE DISAPPEARANCES."
The four strangers were gathered together in the all-but-deserted
inn. They were forced to enter into conversation, because the solitary
periodical taken in by the landlord had been read from title to
imprint by everyone of them.
"A strange article," said the first, as he laid down the _Lancet_.
"And so men disappear entirely for awhile, and then come back to their
homes and profession as if nothing had happened."
"Extraordinary," murmured the second. "I see that the scientific
publication you have just relinquished suggests that the cause
of these hurried exits partake of the nature of post-epileptic
phenomena." And then the talk went on. The four strangers dined
together, supped together, and on the following morning partook in
company of breakfast. The waiter, at about eleven o'clock, presented
each of them with a note. It came from the landlord, and was full of
figures. A weird look appeared on their faces.
"We must move on," said one of the quartette; "but as the staircase is
steep, let us descend by the window."
The no-longer-perplexed strangers adopted the suggestion, and gently
sliding down a rope, were soon quit of the inn. They walked together
for about a quarter of a mile, and then coming to four cross-roads,
scattered.
"Dear me," said the landlord of the inn, when he once again found
himself alone. "Their disappearance is most strange. I am inclined
to agree with the _Lancet_, 'that the phenomenon remains striking
and mysterious, interesting in its psychological aspect, but in its
concrete form full of practical and medico-legal difficulties;' and,
believing this, I must write to the proper authorities." And he sat
down and composed two letters. One he addressed to the President of
the Royal College of Physicians, and the other to the Editor of _Hue
and Cry_.
* * * * *