HOW TO KISS—THE ACT FULLY DESCRIBED—SIZE OF THE MOUTH TO BE
CONSIDERED—LARGE MOUTHS AND THOSE OF THE ROSE-BUD SORT—
THE GIRL WHO CLAWS AND STRUGGLES—POETICAL DIRECTIONS—
DANGERS OF HUGGING—TAPPING THE LIPS OF A MEXICAN
SENORITA—KISSING A CHINESE GIRL—HOW TO RECEIVE A KISS—
LONG-REMEMBERED KISSES—THE KISS IN BETROTHAL AND
MARRIAGE.
Having at least learned something as to the nature of a kiss, let us
seek information on how to kiss. There are various general directions;
the gentleman must be taller than the lady he intends to kiss. Take her
right hand in yours and draw her gently to you; pass your left hand over
her right shoulder, diagonally down across her back, under her left arm;
press her to your bosom, at the same time she will throw her head back
and you have nothing to do but lean a little forward and press your lips
to hers, and then the thing is done. Don’t make a noise over it as if
you were firing off shooting crackers, or pounce upon it like a hungry
hawk upon an innocent dove, but gently fold the damsel in your arms
without smashing her standing collar or spoiling her curls, and by a
sweet pressure upon her mouth, revel in the blissfulness of your
situation without smacking your lips on it as you would over a glass of
beer. It might be well at the conclusion of the operation to ask the
young woman if it was satisfactory, for we are never satisfied that a
lady understands a kiss unless we have it from her own mouth.
A Kentucky authority insists that a man must be in humor for the
business; you want to get the idea into your head that the girl is just
dying to be kissed by you and is only waiting for you to make the break.
Then you want to take a good view of her mouth and see just how much of
it you can take in. If she has a regular rose-bud mouth, why, take it
all in and throw your whole soul into one kiss, but if her mouth has the
appearance of a landscape cut in two by a waterless river, then the
safest plan is to take in the corners and byways, and sort of divide
your kiss into sections. Most girls have no end of cheek, therefore a
fellow can seldom miss fire in kissing a girl on the cheek. Do not kiss
her ear as nine cases out of ten the girl will make a slight dodge so as
to impress you with the idea that you are really surprising her in your
action; the result is you miss the ear, kiss her hair and get your mouth
full of ten-cent hair oil. Only actors kiss on the brow. If a girl has a
pretty mouth kiss it every time, but if her mouth is so large that you
endanger your life by getting too near it, then resort to the next best
thing and kiss her on the cheek.
We repeat, to kiss a woman properly the size of her mouth must be
carefully gauged before proceeding to the work. Large mouths put a man
to the severest test; he will be driven to his wit’s end whether to
begin at one corner and conclude on the other, or to make a heroic dash
at the middle and endeavor to reach both corners. The heroic dash is
considered by students in the art of kissing to be the best, for it
takes the least amount of time, and allowance should always be made for
the struggle to get away from the kisser which, albeit only a mock
effort, might inadvertently prove successful. Delicately-formed mouths
with rounded lips and of a velvety color are the easiest to kiss, and
most submissive.
You must never kiss a young girl if she doesn’t want you to. The main
ingredient that makes kissing endurable is a willingness on the part of
the female. If it deepens into anxiety so much the better. When a girl
claws a man’s hair and scratches his face like a little fool drop her at
once. As long as the girl doesn’t claw and yell and struggle like a
panther, it is perfectly safe to continue prospecting. If you are just
beginning to teach a shy girl, who has only been kissed heretofore by
her brothers and father, touch your lips gently to her forehead. She
will take this as an exhibition of profound respect. That position
gained, working the way down to the lips is as natural and easy as the
course of a log sliding down the wood flume of a lumber company.
A popular comic song with the imperative title of “Sock her on the
kisser” states that when a man falls in love with a little turtle-dove
“he will linger all around her under-jaw” and goes on, in a chorus, to
give directions, to wit:
If you want to kiss her neatly, very sweetly and completely,
If you want to kiss her so’s to kiss her nice,
When you get a chance to kiss her, make a dodge or two and miss her,
Then sock her on the kisser once or twice.
That rhyme will do for the “gallery gods”; those in the orchestra seats
will appreciate the following:
The cutest trick in a kiss that’s quick
Is to put it where it belongs;
To see that it goes below the nose
And knocks at the gate of songs.
A kiss that is cold may do for the old,
Or pass with a near relation;
But one like that is a work—that’s flat—
Of supererogation.
If you’re going to kiss, be sure of this—
That the girl has some heart in her;
I wouldn’t give a darn for the full of a barn
Of kisses without a partner.
The point of this rhyme is to take your time,
Kiss slowly and do it neatly;
If you do the thing right and are halfway bright,
You can win her sweet heart completely.
Of course hugging is often a legitimate part of kissing. A Western
writer has given us a humorous account of the dangers of hugging. He
claims that hugging is a comparatively modern institution and draws the
line between the hug and the embrace. The hug is an earnest, quick,
impetuous contraction of the muscles of the arms and the chest when the
object to be hugged lies within the circle bounded by the arms, while
the chest is the goal or final point of the hug. The warmth of the hug
is determined by the extent of the muscular contraction. But the hug is
not, as anatomists assert, terminated when the object is brought in
contact with the chest. On the contrary the sweeping in is but the shell
of the operation. The kernel is reached when the space between the
hugger and the huggee is annihilated, and the blade of a knife could
scarcely be inserted between both surfaces. The release, if not
skillfully managed, is attended with danger and should be as gradual as
the elementary pressure. Expressions of anguish on the part of the
huggee may, as a rule, be regarded as hypocritical, and should have no
effect in inducing the hugger to diminish the pressure. Danger signals,
from the huggee, without foundation may be punished by from two to three
pounds additional pressure.
The senoritas of Mexico, it is said, have but a faint idea of kissing,
that art from which so few possess the capacity of extracting the most
available ecstasy. An American stopping in Mexico writes: “I one day
offered to show a dark-eyed, raven-haired young lady how _los
Americanos_ performed the act. She laughingly agreed and I advanced upon
her, my right arm bent at the elbow, afforded my hand an opportunity of
accumulating her dimpled chin. Gently folding back her head and throwing
a look or rather a rapid series of looks of unutterable nothing into my
eyes, I gazed clean through hers for a moment, and then with a long
drawn breath I tapped her lips. It was a revelation to her; she quivered
visibly, but, instead of returning my kiss she broke away from my
embrace and ran off to lock herself up, frightened, pleased, but
astonished. With me it was merely a mechanical operation but, after two
days, I saw her and she told me with a deep blush that she wished she
had been born in America.”
An American naval officer who, while in Japan, had become smitten with a
Chinese girl, invited her to give him a kiss. Finding her comprehension
of his request somewhat obscure, he suited the action to the word, and
took a delicious kiss. The girl ran in another room exclaiming “terrible
man-eater. I shall be devoured.” But in a moment finding herself
uninjured she returned to him, saying “I would learn more of your
American rite, kee-es me.” He knew it was not right but he kept on
instructing her in the rite of “kee-es me” until she knew how to do it
like a native Yankee girl. And after that she suggested a second course,
remarking “kee-es me some more, Mee-lee-kee!” (American). And the lesson
went on until her mamma’s voice rudely awakened them from their
delicious dream.
The concluding lines of a Chinese poem show that in some circles of
China, at least, kissing is understood:
Oh for those blushing, dimpled cheeks,
That match the rose in hue!
If one is kissed, the other speaks,
By blushes, KISS ME TOO!
A man ought to know how to kiss and a girl ought to know how to receive
a kiss. The Rev. Sidney Smith, the witty divine, says: “we are in favor
of a certain amount of shyness when a kiss is proposed, but it should
not be too long, and when the fair one gives it, let it be administered
with a warmth and energy; let there be soul in it. If she close her eyes
and sighs immediately after it the effect is greater. She should be
careful not to slobber a kiss but give it as a humming-bird runs his
bill into a honeysuckle, deep but delicate. There is much virtue in a
kiss when well delivered. We have the memory of one we received in our
youth which lasted us forty years, and we believe it will be one of the
last things we shall think of when we die.”
The poets have sung of long remembered kisses. One fugitive poem
entitled “Three Kisses” describes the lover as sitting beneath the
whispering trees and speaking the tender words that rose unbidden upon
his lips.
I gently raised her sweet, pure face,
Her eyes with radiant love-light filled.
That trembling kiss I’ll ne’er forget,
Which both our hearts with rapture thrilled.
After ten years the sweetheart, now his wife, dies and he is gazing at
the pale shape of clay, once warm with the throb of human life.
Softly I stoop those lips to kiss,
That oft have thrilled with rapturous love,
But they are cold and motionless,
No power again can make them move.
The last farewell caress is o’er,
E’en that cold touch is now denied;
A grief, like waves on barren shore,
Sweeps over me, an endless tide.
And so the bereaved one gives way to his sad thoughts and recognizes the
fact that he must struggle on alone. But while his tearless eyes with
madness shine he feels the arms of his baby child stealing round his
neck and the baby lips laid against his own.
My bonds are loosed; I press the child
Against my breast while fall the tears;
Beyond the throes of passion wild
A ray of living hope appears.
Sweet child, thy mother’s very soul
Was in that kiss. Through worldly strife
Perchance men find a Heavenly goal,
A purer love in death than life.
There is another anonymous fugitive poem also entitled “Three Kisses.”
The first of the three is “sacred unto pain,” and on account of the many
times the twain had hurt each other. The second kiss is full of joy’s
sweet thrill.
We have helped each other always,
We always will.
We shall reach until we feel each other,
Beyond all time and space;
We shall listen until we hear each other
In every place;
The earth is full of messengers
Which love sends to and fro;
I kiss thee, darling, for all joy
Which we shall know!
The last kiss is given with the remembrance that they may die and never
see each other.
Die with no time to give
Any sign that our hearts are faithful
To die as live.
Token of what they will not see
Who see our parting breath,
This one last kiss my darling seals
The seal of death.
A poetical apostrophe to the benefit of a wife’s kiss is entitled “Angel
food”;
“Give me a kiss, ’twill cure the pain and ache
Of the long day of weariness and toil;
Like summer sunshine all life’s shadows make,
My burdens lighter, and my sins assoil.”
So every day he lived on angel’s-food;
Made strong and valiant by her wifely kiss;
To bravely put aside temptations rude,
Yet knew not whence his armor came, I wis,
Nor knows he now, albeit she is gone,
But lives his life in brave and saintly mood—
The kisses which he grew and strengthened on,
Are still to him his daily angel-food.
And here is a description of “Two Kisses”:
You bent your head, then close you pressed
Your warm and glowing lips to mine;
Your tender hand my hair caressed,
When first you gave that kiss divine,
My heart was throbbing with delight,
My soul was steeped in holy bliss;
I gazed into your eyes so bright,
When first you gave me that sweet kiss.
In all the after years of pain,
When from my side you I did miss,
I think I see your face again,
When you first gave me that sweet kiss.
I stand again in that old lane.
But now the leaves are sere and yellow,
And with a heart of grief and pain,
I see you kiss another fellow.
In the ceremony of betrothal a kiss has played an important part in
several nations. A nuptial kiss in church at the conclusion of the
marriage services is solemnly enjoined by the York Missal and the Sarum
Manual. In the old play of “The Insensate Countess,” by Marston, occurs
the line:
The kiss thou gav’st me in church here take,
It was also considered an honor to be the first to kiss the bride after
the ceremony, and all who would might contend for the prize. In the
“Collier’s Wedding,” by Edward Chicken, we read:
Four rustic fellows wait the while
To kiss the bride at the church stile.
When ladies’ lips were at the service of all it became usual to have
fragrant scented comfits or sweets, of which we find frequent mention.
In Massinger’s “Very Woman” occurs the following:
Faith! Search our pockets, and if you find there
Comfits of amber grease to help our kisses,
Conclude us faulty.
Pliny describes the introduction of the custom to the degeneracy of the
Roman ladies who, in violation of the hereditary delicacy of the females
of Rome, descended to the indulgence of wine. Kissing was resorted to by
husbands as the most courteous process to ascertain the quality of their
wives’ libations; and Cato, the elder, recommends the plan to the
serious attention of all careful heads of families.