_Showing how it was the fashion to harangue Mrs. =Bull=._
Altho’ Mrs. Bull, in all matters of consequence, generally took her
resolution before she came into the office, yet it was the fashion to
talk to her, as if she was undetermined to the last; and she herself
humoured people in this whim, by listening to them, as if she was
drinking in instruction at both her ears, from every word they said.
This same had its consequences, for she got the habit of doing nothing,
unless some body spoke to her more or less, and then if she was never
so much determined upon a point, she was often out of countenance,
when all the talk and the noise was on the other side.
This circumstance made Jowler so precious a fellow, that Hubble-bubble
himself, at the time he had most to say with Mrs. Bull, would have
given a piece of his ear to have had Jowler hold his tongue; which he,
however, would never do, till he saw time and place convenient. Then do
historians say, that they have seen him as silent as a lamb, or making
his noise on t’other side of the same question.
However this be, you may believe that this affair of sister Peg’s was
not to pass without talking enough. Mrs. Bull was no sooner seated,
than there were people enow ready to advise her; she was told to
put off the matter to another time, that it was an affair of great
consequence, and that Peg appeared to be in too great a hurry. Which
was scarcely said, when she was told, that her ladyship was no stranger
to such subjects, that she had heard enough of it lately from her own
husband, and given her opinion; that the people who spoke of Margaret’s
hurry, were certainly in jest, and meant to ridicule the poor woman for
her long patience and forbearance.
In short, some people said, that they did not think it was safe to
trust sister Peg with any arms at all. They bid Mrs. Bull recollect,
whether she had not heard, that Peg had been in the practice of biting
and scratching her brother, when they were both in the nursery; and
asked, what security John now had, that she might not beat him out of
his own house, or otherwise use him as she thought proper.
Mrs. Bull herself was ashamed of this argument; for a woman, whatever
she may think, cannot bear to hear her husband meanly spoke of. But she
was soon relieved of this distress, by a person who set forth John’s
manhood to some purpose; and in short, gave his opinion, that to be
afraid of so inferior a force was mean and dastardly, to express any
jealousy of Margaret’s dispositions was injurious and abominable, as
they had every reason to believe, that she was well satisfied with her
brother, and only meant to tread in his steps, in a matter which would
be so honourable for both.
One fellow came running from the pantry, with a bib and an apron, and
quoted the nurse’s dream; he said, that although John Bull had banished
the weavers, it was no reason why his sister Peg should do the like;
that she had more need to have a piece of cloth sent her to make coats
for her children, than authority for any such pernicious scheme; and
that if she and her whole house were at the door, he would not grant
so ruinous a favour; that he remembered to have heard the condition
that both houses were in, when every body thought himself qualified to
fight, that there was then neither wheel nor loom within the door, and
nobody wrought any at all; and he asked Mrs. Bull, whether she would
have those times revived?
To this it was said, that every body might have heard of times, when
people wrought very little, but that they always wrought more or less;
and that if there was less work done formerly than now, it was because
fewer people were bred to business, and because there was not so ready
a market for fine cloaths or other niceties, by which tradesmen get
their livelihood; but that now when every body is bred to business, and
a tradesman’s work is well paid for, it was absurd to say, they would
grow idle, merely because they could keep their own, and were put in a
condition not to be robbed and plundered.
This did not hinder others from talking on without end. Some of your
fine-spun faint-hearted thinking people declared, that they did not
think that John Bull or his sister could prosecute this scheme; it
was a fine one indeed, they said, but the brother and sister were now
too old to think of such projects; a good warm bed, an elbow-chair,
or a couch, a glass of cordial, or a bit of comfortable dinner, were
properer subjects for them to think of, than scrambling over hedges,
lying out of nights, and dry blows: That game-keepers might be
dangerous within doors, but that John had now no other chance to keep
off roguish neighbours: That either his own game-keepers, or those of
other people, would lay him in his grave at last: That it became him
and his sister who had so many marks of age about them, rather to think
of preparing themselves for the other world, than to talk of vapouring
any longer in this. In short, there was no end of the impertinencies
which were spoken in this strain, all giving Mrs. Bull a speedy
prospect of widowhood, and turning her thoughts toward Sir Thomas, or
some other of your spruce young gallants.
Some said it was lucky that John heard nothing of all this, for he was
sometimes as jealous as ten furies, and if he had symptoms of age,
he had likewise remains of youth, which would have very ill brooked
such insidious attacks on his honour. For our parts we wish that he
had heard every word of it, and had given the person who spoke so, a
slap in the face; for we do not see what any body has to do putting
people in mind of their age, and we are very sure that John will not
die the sooner, for doing all he can to keep himself alive; and if he
was to die to-morrow, we would rather see him hearty and well while he
lives, were it but for an hour, than moping and drooping his head, and
in terror not only of what is to come in the other world, but even of
every fool who may think to tread upon him in this.
No sooner the rustling, whispering and hubbub which this speech had
occasioned was over, then in steps a game-keeper, to tell how much
better he could defend the house than any body else. For you must know
that the game-keepers were very angry, and treated John Bull as little
better than a poacher, for pretending to keep a gun in his own house.
He told Mrs. Bull that her husband and his family were mere aukward
lubbers, who never could get the strut nor the air of a game keeper to
the end of the world; that a man could not fight unless he gave his
whole time to it; and that unless a man could fight to purpose, he had
better not fight at all.
This speech met with an answer too. It was said, that every body would
fight till he ran away; that some people ran away sooner, and others
later; that nobody, however, could do it sooner than the game-keepers
themselves had done upon occasion; whether their manner of running
away was better than any that John or his sister could attain, this
speaker would not pretend to say; but he saw no harm in letting them
have a gun in their hands now and then, to use them to it, in order
that they might stand as long as possible, if any body came to attack
them; and he could see no objection to this, unless it was said, that
people were the worse for being used to a firelock, and fought best
when they knew nothing of the matter, which from what he had heard of
new hired game-keepers might possibly be the case; but that people
would probably not urge that argument; and for his part, he had always
considered a previous use of arms, as an advantage in times of danger;
and therefore, he thought that not only Mr. Bull, but his sister too,
should have as much of it, as was consistent with their situation.