Hearts; and it is on this Principle, that Love be made to take the
deepest Root in them. Love and Fear are two great Springs of human
Actions; both which must be maintained, both should by turns appear,
but Love must be predominant. Would Parents make their Children good,
let them daily instill into them that noble Motive, Love. Would they
make their Children happy, let them prove they desire it, by shewing
their Love to them. Would they make Duty a Pleasure, let them teach
their Children to love it, by teaching them a chearful Obedience. In
the whole Oeconomy of human Life nothing is so essential to Happiness
as this Principle; for as all Actions are, or should be guided by some
Principle or other, so those which have a generous well-directed Love for
their Motive, bid fairest for attaining that genuine Happiness, which
all aspire at, but so few find. Hence it is easy to see how necessary
it is for Parents to cherish in their Children this great Principle of
Virtue and Happiness; ’tis this keeps their Duty awake, and turns that
into Ease and Joy, which otherwise would be a Burthen and a Pain; ’tis
this that stems the Torrent of irregular Actions, and checks the rising
Passions of our Children, by producing in them the opposite Effect, Fear;
that is, a Fear of offending. Of all the important Steps necessary for
forming the Minds of Children, and for conducting them thro’ Life with
Happiness to themselves and others, nothing is more truly so, than the
animating their Actions with well-tempered Affection; it makes them
open, generous, and noble; and it takes off that Narrowness of Mind and
Heart, so disadvantageous to themselves, and so detrimental to Society:
for in proportion to the Affection they prove for their Parents, so
much will they increase in what in their future Lives they bestow upon
others. Children who love their Parents as they ought, will seldom fail
to diffuse in social Life a general Affection around them; they will
love their Husbands, their Wives, their Children, and their Friends: nay
they will love the whole human Race, by promoting, in some Degree or
other, the Good of every one within their Reach. Such are the Benefits
arising from a Love founded on just Principles; such the Force of this
Heaven-born Quality!
I have observed that Fear is another great Spring of human Actions; and
were it only such a Fear as Love creates, it would be truly laudable.
But Experience too sadly proves how much Mankind are actuated by a
Fear of Pain, Disgrace, and Poverty; a Fear which, in it’s Nature, is
servile, mean, and base; such as Parents should seriously endeavour
to banish from their Children’s Breasts. It may be reasonably asked,
whether this Baseness, this unworthy Fear, so visible in the Majority of
Men, be natural or acquired? When we view indeed our Children in some
Individuals, and see them forsake every generous Offer of being happy,
and cling immoveably to sordid Meanness, we may, in these Instances,
conclude it is Nature; but when we consider them in the Lump, and take
a general Survey of the Principles which guide their Actions, we must
surely own it is in great Measure acquired: that is, the Dignity of Man
is debased, in an almost constant Succession from Father to Son, by the
false Estimation we make of Happiness; by forsaking Reason’s purest
Streams, to follow our corrupt Passions.
To evince this, let me here descend a little to Particulars. Parents
desire their Children’s Happiness, (I say nothing of those Monsters
who neither feel nor act the Parent’s Part) but how do they attempt to
reach it? certainly in a Path the most remote from it. No sooner have
Children a Place on the great Stage of the World, but their Will is
irregularly cherished; before they know where they are, or know to what
End they have a Being, their tender Minds are impressed with Principles
as opposite to Happiness as Light to Darkness. Who first awakens in them
a Spirit of Resentment and fierce Revenge, even before they can speak?
Those who beat the Floor, the Chair, the Table, or whatever little Master
has heedlessly run against, and hurt himself with. Who first inflames
their Vanity, by kindling in them Self-admiration, and a Passion for
Dress? Those who set out with teaching Miss to admire herself only
because she is fine. Who is it raises in them a Thirst of Gain, an early,
and a sordid Love of Money? Those who give a mean Reward the Preference
to Virtue; or who, by direct or oblique Insinuations, persuade them
that there is no Happiness but in Riches. Who, in a Word, exposes them
to the Fury of every tempestuous Passion, by opening the Flood-gates of
irregular Pleasures? Those who indulge them in every thing they ask;
who never contradict their Humour, however irregular; or who neglect
to curb their Passions, and subject them to Reason. From this View of
the too general Conduct of Parents, we may with Reason infer that Fear,
the Spring which actuates the Majority of Mankind, is more acquired
than natural: for where inordinate Desires are cherished, a Fear of
not obtaining what we wish, or of losing what we possess, produces many
Actions unworthy ourselves: Actions not only unjustifiable, but which
constitute certain Misery under the Mask of Happiness.
To obviate then these Evils, to prevent the Acquisition of a base, mean,
unmanly Fear, and to lead Children into the Path to Happiness, let
Parents, as I have before recommended, make Love take the deepest Root
in them, but as Fear will naturally by turns prevail, let them with the
warmest Zeal labour to make it a Fear dictated by Love, and guided by
Reason.
But how shall this be effected unless Parents act on right Principles?
The grand Obligations of Parents to their Children consist in teaching
them a Knowledge of themselves, a Love of Duty, and a Love of Virtue.
Whence it is evident, that the Attention of Parents to conduct their
Children as they ought, is indispensably necessary, even to the third
Stage of Life; but it is doubly so at the Beginning. It is a judicious
Observation, that he who sets out wrong is half undone; and tho’ this
holds good in the general Concerns of Life, yet it is no where more
applicable than in the false Steps taken in the initiating our Children.
For if Principles opposite to Self-knowledge, Duty and Virtue, are
either created, inculcated, or cherished, where is the Wonder that
Children prove the reverse of what was expected? or that while they seem
to aim at Happiness they find themselves wretched?
Those who build with Judgment, are always careful to lay a solid
Foundation. I will now hope that Parents are sensible that the general
Practice in the Management of Children is erroneous; and the general
Neglect of them unjustifiable. I will hope too, that I have here shewn,
however imperfectly, that Virtue alone is the Basis on which their
Happiness is to be raised. An early Obedience, a Love of Truth, a
spotless Innocence, and a becoming Courage, tempered with Self-knowledge,
make the Ground-work of my Design; of that genuine Manners I mean to
recommend. The Edifice however is still to be rear’d; that is, other
Virtues both general and particular are to be taught, and brought into
Habit: the whole Frame of Mind and Heart must appear regular, orderly,
and beautiful; not accidentally so, but resulting from Reflection; they
must be eager to embrace Virtue, and watchful to shun Vice: in a Word,
be always dispos’d to do what is right, and never, with Design, do what
is wrong. Here perhaps I should throw aside my Pen: if I have been so
happy as to convince Parents of their first Mistakes in this important
Work; those once rectify’d, the rest may be supply’d by abler Guides: for
I neither have, nor pretend to have, the Power requisite to display or
enforce those Virtues, the Knowledge and Observance of which make up the
Measure of our Duty.
But to awaken Parents still farther, I must observe, that teaching their
Children all the moral Duties is not only their Province, but more or
less their Obligation. A learned and ingenious _French_ Author says,
that Parents are the best Instructors, if they themselves are well
instructed. For, says he, “A Father who has but two or three accustom’d
to respect him, finds no Difficulty in keeping them to their Duty. He
has them constantly at home with him; he can take the Hours when they
are most docible; he knows their Capacity, their Genius, and their
Inclinations. He can instruct them at leisure, and allow the necessary
Time for it.” And a little farther he adds; “What is here said of Fathers
must in Proportion be understood of Mothers, principally in regard of
their Daughters.” Here then I recommend to Parents that they do not
content themselves with laying the Foundation, but labour on till the
Superstructure is raised and the Design compleated. For as Men who
justly aim at Reputation, and who desire to fill with Honour some Post
or Profession, spare no Pains to qualify themselves for it; so those,
who would fulfil the Design of Providence in making them Parents, must
take care that they do not lead Children out upon the Stage of the World,
and leave them to act their Part alone, till they have taught them those
Duties that will best secure Happiness both to themselves and others.
It will still perhaps be expected that I should treat of the farther
Means to effect this great End; but my Readers must remember, that
besides my being unequal to the Task, besides my being confined to the
Compass of a small Volume, these important Matters have already been
handled by many abler Pens, to which I refer them. However, to answer
in some measure a reasonable Expectation, and farther to prove the
Sincerity of my Intentions, I will here touch on those Virtues which are
universally allowed to be essentially necessary; and which all, who would
be esteemed wise and good, must both know and practise.
We are now to suppose, that Children are considerably advanced; not
only that their first Lessons were Obedience, but that their Minds have
been tempered with Duty, and with such a Knowledge of Right and Wrong,
as strongly to incline them to adhere to the one and avoid the other: we
will suppose too, that their Reason, unblinded by Passion, has gained so
much Strength as to be able to exert itself to advantage: that is, that
those Perceptions and Distinctions, with many other things which natural
Logic is capable of teaching, have so far improved their Understanding,
and disposed their Will, that they are fitted to receive more important
Lessons, and practise them when taught.
Prudence then comes first under Consideration: it implies such an
orderly Conduct of our Words and Actions, as keeps us free from those
Irregularities which hurt ourselves and offend others. Prudence is a
Virtue attended with innumerable good Effects, but particularly as it
frequently shuts the Door not only against Misfortunes, but against
Injustice. It is not to be doubted but that the Prudent are sometimes
unfortunate. A thousand Evils surround us, a thousand Darts threaten our
Destruction, which cannot be obviated because they cannot be foreseen:
still it is certain that Prudence keeps off many Calamities which would
otherwise befall us.
But besides the Advantages arising from Prudence to ourselves, it makes
us pleasing and useful to others. Men naturally love to converse with the
Discreet; from them they learn the Art of shunning those Rocks which so
many others have split on; from them they discover a safer Path to tread
in; and from them they often labour to model their own Actions. Farther,
the Prudent are not only pleasing, but valuable to Society. A prudent Man
is esteemed by all who have any Dealing with him. Mankind have naturally
an Attachment to their Property; therefore are they with great Reason
inclined to trust it in the Hands of the Discreet, rather than the
Indiscreet. Hence appears the Necessity of teaching Children the Nature
and Advantages of Prudence; but as it is one of the graver Virtues, it
seldom appears in young People, unless it be those who are so happy as to
have prudent Parents, that labour to implant an early Habit of it in them.
There is a natural Consciousness in the Mind of Man of his own
Significance; and where he takes Prudence for his Guide, some real
Advantage may always be made of it. No Man is so high as not to require
the Aid of those beneath him; no one so low but he may be useful to his
Betters. Parents therefore instead of inculcating on their Children a
false Pride, or raising in them a vain-glorious Flame, should give them
a due Sense of others Significance and their own; this, accompanied with
Prudence, will shew them the true light they stand in; shew them their
just Distance from those above them, their Nearness to those beneath
them. From this View will arise not only that genuine Self-knowledge so
essentially necessary for their Conduct in Life, but that becoming Pride,
which at the same time that it proves to them the Obligation of acting
in some certain Sphere, animates them with Resolution to behave in it as
they ought.
Prudence is a Check to Extravagance, Vice, and Folly; nay, it is often
the Guide of virtuous Actions; for even Benevolence, Generosity, and
Charity, Actions greatly noble in themselves, unless well directed,
timed, and placed, will often be the Cause of others Ruin and our own.
Prudence therefore, of all Virtues, may justly be call’d the Balance that
keeps us from Extremes.
I have elsewhere observed how dangerous it is for Parents to rate their
Children too high; nor is it less so to sink them too low: there is
a certain Spirit to be maintained, without which our Children will
degenerate into Meanness; there is a Degree of Dignity they must support,
without which they will become not merely useless, but burthensome:
Parents therefore must carefully attend to this, lest in avoiding one
Evil they fall into another: And no Means so likely to gain the Medium,
as Self-knowledge under the Direction of Prudence. By this they are
check’d in the Pride of towering too high; and by this they are lifted
from that Meanness which Sloth, Ignorance, or false Humility is apt to
plunge them into.
Here I might expatiate on the Cruelty of some Parents, who use every
body well but their own Children; who act not only the Sovereign, but
the Brute, the Tyrant, and the Monster over those whom Nature calls on
them to cherish, comfort, and love: and often, under the Pretext of
making their Children humble, harrass them into Misery, and fix a Hatred
to themselves. However, I will not pursue a Reflection so shocking to
Nature; but rather hope that once to know it will be a sufficient Motive
for it’s Banishment.
But of all the Advantages attending Prudence, there is none equal to
the Bar it puts against the Rashness of young People in plunging
themselves into the Mistake of an inconsiderate Marriage: and indeed
were it the sure Means of preventing this Evil alone, it would both
demand and deserve all the Attention of Parents to lead their Children
into the Knowledge and Practice of it. How few are those whose Passions
never rise above the Mark of Reason; how few whose Duty never nods; what
Grief does such a mistaken Step bring on the Parents; what Care, what
Sorrow, what Misery on the Children! Here, in the strongest Light, we
may view the necessity of Prudence. Suppose a Father (one of some Figure
and Circumstances) educates his Son suitable to his Condition in Life;
and then engages him in Business, either as a Clerk, an Apprentice,
or whatever Station occurs: at this Age, and in this Situation, he is
exposed to a thousand Dangers; but particularly to that of a rash and an
unequal Marriage. The young Fellow, if unguarded by Prudence, is open
to all the Arts, the Smiles, the Hypocrisy of some one at least of the
opposite Sex, who thinks it her Business to make her Fortune; while he,
a Stranger to his own Heart, and ignorant of the Consequences of such a
Step, involves himself in Sorrow, if not in Destruction. The transient
pleasing Dream once past, he looks around him with Amazement! but ’tis
now too late! the Chain is link’d, the Fetters are tied, and nothing
but Death can break them! After various Contrivances to conceal the rash
Deed, at length it reaches the Parents Ears. What a Scene of Affliction
is here! Not the lively Picture of a Poet’s Fancy; not the fabled
Representation of romantic Distress; but real Life overwhelmed with
boundless Grief. A generous Father who has spared no Cost to promote his
Son’s Felicity; a tender Mother, who with endless Anxiety has sought the
fairest Prospect for her favourite Boy; view them alternately struggling
with Love, and Rage, and Fear, and Resentment! What must they feel to
see their Expectations frustrated, their utmost Wishes vanished, their
darling Child undone! We say, it is dangerous to rouze a sleeping Lion;
nor is it less so, to kindle the Resentment of Parents: for to be greatly
exasperated is to fall into a Frenzy, which we cannot stop at Will. Thus
it often happens with those whose Children precipitate themselves into
Misery; their Rage becomes a continual Resentment, or an unconquerable
Hatred. And alas! how dreadful are the Effects! What more common than
for a Child to be banished from his Parents for a Step like this. I
know not what Effect a Description may have on those who hear or read
it, but, for my own Part, I think a Child, who thro’ such gross Folly
and Disobedience has shut himself out from the Doors, the Hearts, the
Affection of his Parents, is in the most calamitous Situation upon Earth.
But let us change the Scene. Let us suppose the Parents Grief subsided,
or that Love and Pity have got the better of Resentment. How fares it
with the disproportioned Couple? Does a Reconciliation with the Parents
secure Happiness to them? Alas, no; they know but little of Life who
conclude so. There is always Danger in Disparity, especially where Vanity
or Ambition predominates. The Woman who is suddenly lifted up from a very
low Condition, commonly makes but an aukward Figure; and what is worse,
she is apt, in affecting to be like her Betters, to misuse the Dominion
she is invested with; and, instead of demeaning herself like a good
Wife, she becomes a Vixen, a Shrew or a Tyrant. Yet granting that none
of these Evils happen, granting that a Woman has really Merit, and that
the labours to improve her natural Talents, in order to suit them to her
new Condition, there are still other Evils to fear. Reflection on past
Folly naturally draws Resentment on the Object of it: and tho’ when two
Parties once become Man and Wife, they are obliged to maintain Fidelity,
Tenderness and Love to one another; yet Experience unhappily shews us
that this Obligation is often violated. He who is extravagantly fond
without Regard to Merit, will often be unreasonable without Provocation.
Thus, when a Man, in his cooler Thoughts, compares what he is, with what
he might have been; reflects on what he has lost in grasping imaginary
Happiness, or views himself, thro’ a Disparity of Years, chained to faded
Beauty, to declining Life, while himself is in his Bloom; not all the
natural or acquired Merit of his Wife, not all the Tenderness that can
flow from the sincerest Love will be able to balance his Disappointment:
he frets, and swears, and raves, he breaks out into Extravagancies, which
frequently end in the Destruction of them both; Destruction to their
Peace, and Destruction to their Fortune.
Nor is this Portrait of private Woe the only one that can be represented.
A thousand others might be produced, all essentially the same, all
fraught with Misery, and only different in circumstances or Degree. To
see the Heir of a great Estate forsake his Father’s Mansion, and marry
the Dairy-maid; to see a young Lady trained up in all the Pomp and Pride
of Wealth, throw herself into the Arms of a Man whose only Merit perhaps
is a deceitful Tongue, or a borrowed lac’d Coat; or to see another steal
to the _Fleet_ and marry her Father’s Footman; are things so preposterous
in their Nature, that one cannot reflect on them without shuddering.
Certain it is, that great Merit sometimes lies cover’d in Obscurity; and
it is but justice to render it conspicuous, by raising the Possessors of
it to an exalted Station. And farther, a young Man, who has with great
Pains and Expence qualified himself to act in a genteel Profession, tho’
he should not have a Shilling in the World, has a Title to expect a
Fortune with a Wife; nor does he know his own Significance if he neglects
it: for allowing that the Woman he marries has Personal Merit, if they
are balanced by the same good Qualities on his Side, the Prospect he
has from his Trade or Profession is often more than an Equivalent for
the Advantages he reaps by her Fortune. Nor is it these things I mean
to inveigh against; what I condemn is in general far otherwise: we see
a wild Flame seize our Youth, Inclination cherishes it, and they fall
a Sacrifice to their Imprudence. How happy then are they whom Prudence
guides; how consoling the Reflection, that by steering with this Pilot
they escape the common Wreck.
Among the moral Virtues necessary to be inculcated, among the Obligations
of Parents to their Children, nothing so much demands their Diligence,
Attention and Regard, as the teaching them a Knowledge and a Love of
Justice. How noble is this Virtue! how vast in it’s Extent! and, alas!
how little is it practised! Some Virtues stand as it were alone, and may
be separated from every other; but this, when understood and practised
in it’s utmost Latitude, seems to unite almost every Virtue to itself.
Justice teaches us all the Obligations we are bound to maintain in
Society; now it is certain that these are many more than are generally
understood. Men soon learn those things which the Laws take Cognizance
of; and therefore, unless quite wretched or abandoned, avoid them; but
what are these, if compared to many others which Nature, Reason and
Reflection make us conscious of? What are these to the many Injustices
which spring from Pride, Sloth, Lust, Avarice, Slander and Revenge?
Surely nothing. But without enquiring what Actions evade the Law, or
triumph over it, I will endeavour to give my Readers a true Idea of
Justice; and point out to them the proper Steps for leading Children into
the Exercise of it.
Here I cannot avoid returning back to the Infancy of Children, nor help
reminding Parents of the Necessity of an early Care. Virtuous Principles
are the best Foundation of virtuous Habits; and should the Seeds of
Passion be too deeply rooted in our Nature to be extirpated, Reason, we
know, has Power to keep them in Subjection. This premised, I recommend
to Parents the utmost Assiduity in shutting out the very Source of
Injustice; that is, they must counteract those Passions which tend to
produce it; not only by inculcating the opposite Virtues, but by frequent
Reflections on the Danger of cherishing irregular Desires.