If you have the talent to act in pictures and can qualify I will
put you on the screen and register your type and personality in a
series of scenes, flashes and close-ups running from 200 to 500
feet and record your screen adaptability; a wonderful chance for a
few ambitious beginners of both sexes to make good in pictures.
Director Brennan, New Idea Films, 2 West 123d street.
We must say that “Director Brennan” has our admiration. If “Safety
First” is a nation’s motto, “Safety Always” is “Director Brennan’s”
bible. His proposition is legally correct, and technically true. This
may mean a lot to a sucker but it’s a ha-ha to us. Nevertheless, though
Post Office Inspectors have looked him over, and our old friend Bill
Hicks, the valiant crusader of the _Specialty Salesman_, has tested his
spear on him, it must be stated in loud and certain terms that “Director
Brennan” is “within the law.”
So line up, members of the clan. If you desire a part ownership in “When
Dreams Come True”--go to it. If the dreams are slow in coming try “Time
Will Tell.” After the pictures have been completed by the “successful
motion picture playwright and director” and you’re wondering what the
devil to do with them--ask “Inspector Flynn.” After that, get out of the
line and clear the way. There was another one born the same minute that
you were--and he is pleading for a “part ownership.” All we can assure
you is that if “Director Brennan” offers to sell you a “part ownership”
you’ll get a “part ownership.” There’s nothing wrong with that
proposition.
Neither is there anything corkscrewey about the “Genuine Opportunity to
Make Good in Pictures.” “If you have the talent and can qualify,” it is
very simple. Of course you are not expected to be surprised when you
learn that you “qualify” by having coin sufficient to pay for a test
print of yourself. If the price seems pretty high for two hundred feet
of film that costs about four cents a foot, be comforted by the
compensating fact that despite the ad you didn’t have to show a heluva
lot of “talent.”
What are you going to do with the “series of scenes, flashes and
close-ups” after you get it? Search us! Perhaps it will make a dainty
watch-fob. Our best society is now using a strip of moving picture film
as a visiting card. There is nothing better to start a good fire on a
wintry night; and we have even known of films that could be substituted
for gorgonzola. Maybe yours will qualify as camembert.
At least you cannot say that “Director Brennan” did not live up to his
promises and the letter of the law. He offered you a “wonderful chance
to make good in pictures.” You’ve made good. Yes, sir! Cash in advance.
You’ve made good, suckling, don’t worry.
You’ve been “made”--and _good_.
[Illustration: open book decoration]