for a Regular Life; that may be one good instance indeed; but it can
never arrive to a proof of the whole, for his living Soberly, and by
Rule, may as well be caus'd by the defect of his Constitution, as by the
effect of his Inclination, but 'tis the Spirit and Will, by the fire of
whose other Virtues, this of Morality is kindled and illustrated. Now I
will not be so byass'd by other Peoples opinions that know him, to say,
That our devout Critick owes him seeming Piety, and good life, to his
ill habit of Body; nor will I load him with Abuse, _right or wrong, as
he has done me, particularly through a whole Chapter_, but leave that
charitably to natural Conscience, or studied Artifice, which he pleases,
and only reflect a little on the temper of his Mind, as I have found it
blazing in this last, as well as others of his Books. In the first
place, if Stubbornness, which causes wrong opinion of the present Regal
Authority and Government, is an Immoral Vice, if he is not tainted,
I know not who is; for let any one, who is not blinded with Partiality,
but read his _Desertion Discuss'd_, with the admirable Answer to it, and
I am satisfied he cannot help joining with me in this opinion, That what
he would insinuate to be the effect of Right in others, and of
Conscience in himself, is nothing but the effect of Error in one, and
Obstinacy and Stubborn Will in t'other, a humour resolv'd to defend and
carry on a hot Argument, tho it has been never so plain and reasonably
confuted: the Positions and Answers on this subject I shall not insert
here, but leave the Reader, whose curiosity obliges him, to the Papers
themselves, only I wish the _Absolver_ had made _Newgate_ the last Scene
of that part of his _Immorality_, and by an humble acknowledgment to his
Patron that redeemed him, (I hope the word will bear in this place) have
spar'd his Office of _Absolution_ in another Scene, and consequently
given no occasion to believe that his disobedient humour, and turbulent
nature, still proceeds daily, to cultivate his Party with the same
Principles as far as he can.
Another spice of _Immorality_ I believe I can make appear by his Pride,
and tho' in other places it is to be found, yet is most fairly instanc'd
in his _Book of Essays_, where, tho' we find one Chapter wholly upon
that Vice, which, to shew his Justice, begins with a Compliment upon the
same _Juvenal_, now he has use for him whom he call'd Pimp before, yet
it has not bulk enough to Skreen from us his haughtiness in another,
which he calls the _Office of a Chaplain_, for there you shall find
he has collected the Spirit of them all, and blended them into one
Character; I mean the ill Spirits of the ill _Chaplains_, _those that
are good I honour_. Here you may find his Likeness in _Don Quixot_,
_Roger_ in the _Scornful Lady_, _Bull_ in the _Relapse_, _Say-grace_,
_Cuff-cushion_, and others, all learning their Lessons of their stubborn
Superior our Reformer, and all tending to governing, brow-beating,
snubbing, commanding Families, and the like, but not one word of
_humility_ tack'd to't, for fear of spoiling the Character; there
you may find 24 pages, one after another, all written to prove most
gloriously, that 'tis impossible for a _Chaplain_ to be a Servant; that
tho' you find a poor fellow in a tatter'd Excommunicated Gown with one
sleeve, Shoes without heels, miserable Antichristian breeches, with
some two dozen of creepers brooding in the seams; and tho' you take
him charitably to your House, feed, clothe, and give him wages, yet
he belongs only _to God_, and not you, and you must not think him your
_Domestick_, but your _Superior_. Why, what a Scheme is here laid for
Vanity and Folly, add how much more shining and beautiful does gratitude
and humility appear in such a Depender, than such a bloated opinion as
this? Would any honest Gentleman, that has his sences, shew his
Indulgence and Generosity to Wit or Learning, on such terms as these?
And does not this Chapter shew more the Spirit of Pride in our
_Absolver_, relating to his own humour, than the veneration he has for
the Clergy, or the Justice he would seem to do them in it? I dare
affirm, most of them are against this Opinion, at least I'm sure all
the modest part are, who cannot but own themselves subservient to their
Patrons that maintain them, tho' at the same time they are Ministers of
_Gods holy Words and Sacraments_. Yet he buffly goes on, _He is Gods
Minister, not Mans Servant_. [Footnote: _Office of a Chaplain_, p. 178.]
And a little way further, he clenches this admirable Notion through and
through; therefore, says he, _for a Patron to acconnt such a Consecrated
Person, as if he belong'd to him as a Servant, is in effect to challenge
Divine Honours, and set himself up for a God_. [Footnote: Ib. _p._ 185.]
Here's Ambition, here's Perfection, here's old _Bonner_ for ye. Now by
his _Hollidame_, for I can't forbear that Oath now, what can a squeamish
Critick, that would make _Remarks_ upon the _Remarker_ call this? But
stay, he's at it again, _Dolopion_, says he, _was Priest to _Scamander_,
and regarded like the God he belong'd to_. [Footnote: Collier, _p.
113._] Pray mind him, the Priest was worshipp'd equal with the God--oh
rare Moralist--if he were, 'twas an _Ægyptian_ Worship, where only
_Calves_ and _Apes_, and _Carrots_ and _Onions_, were _Gods_. But pray
let us see a little, has not this Divine quotation a tang of _Blasphemy_
in't? Oh fie, no; what, the _Moralist_! _Reformer_ of _Vices_! Speak
_Blasphemy_! Impossible! he can't sure! Yes, yes, he may, when he thinks
no body can find him out: and faith, to my sence now, this smells as
rank of _Pandemonium_, of fire and brimstone, to the full, if not worse,
than Mr. _Dryden_'s Verse, _Whether inspir'd with a Diviner Lust his
father got him_, &c. [Footnote: Absalom _and_ Achit.] which is spoken
only in the figurative Person of _David_; yet he says 'tis _downright
defiance of the Living God, and the very Essence and Spirit of
Blasphemy_. [Footnote: Collier _p. 184._] And here now his Stomach
wambled more terribly than before; so that if his Friend were by, he
must of necessity hold the Bason. Oh me! he reaches and reaches, and
first up comes--egh--_I question whether_--egh--_the torments and
despair of the Damn'd_--egh--_dare venture at such flights as these_.
And now the Head being held by the same hand, at two reaches more it
comes all up, mix'd with a Tincture of old _Bonner_ again--egh--
_I can't forbear saying, that the next bad thing to writing these
Impieties_--egh--_is to suffer them_. And now the Fit's over, leaving
us to imagine what rare Church Discipline we should have, if this
Gentleman, and his Cat with nine Tails, were in Power; I think a Couplet
or two here, by way of Advice to him, is not improper.
Your Tribe should all be in Opinion steady,
Not turn or wind for Power or for Place,
Nor covet Wealth but in Spiritual Grace.
The Gifts of _Mammon_ you should ne'r implore,
Nor wish for Gold, unless to give the Poor;
It makes your Art contemptible appear,
Less follow'd too, and look'd into more near;
For if all those that preach up Paradise,
Will have their shares of every human Vice,
They shall Cant long enough e're I believe,
Or pin my Soul's Salvation on their sleeve.
[Footnote: Weesils, p. 11.]
Here now, ten to one, but I shall make our Reformer fall into another
fit, by pretending to Counsel him, or take his Office of Ordinary upon
my self; for in page 138, he will not give up that leave, _What, is the
Pulpit under the Discipline of the Stage? And are those fit to correct
the Church, that are not fit to come into it_? [Footnote: Collier, p.
138.] Ah! Doctor, rub your eyes a little, and see what the Vindicator
of the Stage says, quoting Divine _Herbert_:
A Verse may find him who a Sermon flies,
And turn delight into a Sacrifice.
Besides I do assure you, spite of your Ghostly Authority, and
Uncharitable Position, that we are not fit, we will come in, and not
only imbibe the Mystery of _Divinity_ from the Pulpit, but unriddle
the Mystery of _Iniquity_, if we can find any there. _Ben Johnson_
found out _Ananias_ and _Rabby Buisy_; _Fletcher_, _Hypocritical
Roger_; _Shakespear_, _Sir John_ of _Wrotham_; _Congreve_, _Say-grace_;
_Vanbrook_, _Bull_; _Shadwell_, _Smirk;_ and if _Durfey_ can find out
a proud, stubborn, immoral _Bernard_, [Footnote: The Chaplains Name
in _Don Quixot_.] one, that when he was a Country Curate, _would not
let the Children be brought to Church to be Christned for some odd
Jesuitical Reasons_ best known to himself, he shall presume to draw his
Picture, tho the _Absolver_ drop another Chapter of Abuse upon him for
so doing.
We find, for many Ages past, Poets have enjoy'd this Priviledge; our
Prince of Poets, _Chaucer,_ had so much to do in this kind, that we find
him weary himself, and loth to weary others with.
Of Freers I have told before,
In a making of a Crede,
And yet I cold tell worse, or more,
But Men would werien it to read.
[Footnote: Chaucer]
This I think is pithy, but here again I think his Counsel to them is
much better.
Fly fro the Prease and dwell with soothfastness,
Suffice unto thy good, tho it be small,
For horde hath, and climbing tickleness,
Prease hath Envy, and wele is blent ore all;
Savour no more then thee behove shall,
Rede wele thy self that other folk canst rede,
And trouth thee shall deliver it is no drede.
Now if he be Moral enough to take old _Chaucer_'s Advice I shall be
glad; and so much for that subject. There is nothing now remains, before
I come to vindicate _Don Quixot_, but a large Remark of his, upon the
little or no swearing in Plays, which commonly is only a kind of an
Interjection, as gad, I cod, oonz, _&c._ which I don't defend neither,
and if any others have carelesly past the Press I'm sorry for't, for I
hate them as much as he, yet because the Doctor has quoted the Statute
Law against it and Players, to slander on one side, tho to reform on
t'other, I will in return quote another piece of Law relating to Oaths,
extreamly for his advantage, for there is only this quibbling difference
between us, 'Tis a fault in us in swearing when we should not, and in
him for not swearing when he should; but that now he may have occasion
to say my Civilities are particular to him, I will make him do't.
I _J.C._ do sincerely promise and swear, that I will be faithful,
and bear true Allegiance to His Majesty King _William_: And I do
swear that I do, from my heart, abhor, detest and abjure, as Impious
and Heretical, that damnable Doctrine and Position, that Princes
excommunicated, or depriv'd by the Pope, or any Authority of the
See of _Rome_, may be Depos'd or Murther'd by their Subjects, or
any other whatsoever.
And I do declare that no Foreign Prince, Person, Prelate, State
or Potentate, hath, or aught to have, any Jurisdiction, Power,
Superiority, Preeminence or Authority, Ecclesiastical or Spiritual,
within this Realm. _So help me God._
This now, with a sincerity proper, and coming to Church to hear our
Divine Service, with the _Prayer_ for the _King_ in't, would give one a
little satisfaction as to the Doctors present opinion, for what he has
been, if you will but examine and scan it by his Book, tho it be a
Reforming Book, is I am sure very disputable; in one Page of it he seems
very zealous for the Protestant Reformation, and says, being very much
piqu'd at _Sir John Brute_'s putting on a Clergy-man's Habit in the
_Provok'd Wife_, _that the Church of _England_, he means the Men in her,
is the only communion in the world, that will endure such insolencies as
these_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 108.]; and this, tho it be somewhat
_Bonnerish_ again, and _Switcher_-like, yet however seems to leer of
our side; but then presently in another place he's as zealous for the
_Roman_ Sect, and Jesuitically condemns a little wholesom Satyr in the
Character of a pamper'd hypocritical covetous _Spanish Fryer_, for
incivility in making him a Pimp to _Lorenzo_, and is very angry at the
Author for calling this virtuous person _a parcel of holy Guts and
Garbidge_, and telling him _that he has room in his Belly for his
Church-steeple_; [Footnote: Collier, p. 98.] and here his Lash is up
again for abusing them--oh--if _Doctor Absolution_ were Inquisitor
general, and a Satyrist against Priests came under his hand, mercy upon
us, how that poor Rascal would be flaug'd, for I find 'tis only the
person of the Priest that he would have reverenc'd, let his opinion be
what it will; nay, tho he were a _Priest of Baal_, as may be prov'd a
little further, for here his Zeal shews itself not only for Christians,
but the very _Turks_ too; and cavils again with _Jacinta_, in the _Mock
Astrologer_, for jesting with _Alla_, and honest _Mahomet_, for he was
a Brother Priest too: [Footnote: Collier, p. 61.] But stay, what's worst
of all, have but patience to walk to another Page, and here you will
find him just sinking into a downright doze and despondency, whither he
had best set up for any Religion at all, or at least for one very
indifferent.
_Our Poets, I suppose, would call this Preaching, and think it a dull
business; however, I can't forbear saying, an honest Heathen is none
of the worst men, a very indifferent Religion well believ'd, will go a
great way._ [Footnote: Collier, p. 28.] --Will it so, pray friends de'e
not think our hot reforming Gentleman is very Luke-warm here, or not a
little craz'd when he writ this, or, as the vulgar have it, was not his
mighty Wit run a Wool-gathering; for if he be for _Protestantism_, and
_Popery_, and then whip--amongst the _Bens of the _Arabians_ for _Alla_
and _Mahomet_,_ and at last for little or no Religion at all, I'm afraid
I shall never bring my self to be reform'd by him. And so at him agen
Weesil.
For who with Reason, if this be your way,
Will ever value what you Preach or Pray.
[Footnote: _Weesils_.]
But now I think I have said enough for the Plays, whose Authors are much
better able to speak for themselves; and therefore will fall off to
vindicate my self a little, and my Acquaintance _Don Quixot_; in which
I will endeavour to prove another Immoral Vice in our Stage-Reformer,
which is
_Injustice and Error in Criticism._
And first, his _Injustice_ appears by his ungentlemanlike exposing me
and others by name, upon a scandalous occasion (as he endeavours to
make it) without any Injury done by me to him, or ever giving him any
provocation, or the Play's any way deserving it. Oh, but he'll say his
Conscience urg'd him to do it--No--not a jot; 'twas dear darling
Interest, in good faith, as shall hereafter appear; but in the mean
time I am planted upon the shoulders of a Gyant, which is the Ingenious
Author of the History of _Don Quixote_; and there indeed he guesses
right, tho he knows nothing of him or of his History, as I will prove
by and by, yet confidently, and Absolver-like, he ranges his objections
under three heads, which are every one malicious and false, _viz._
First, _The Prophaneness, with respect to Religion and the Holy
Scriptures_.
Secondly, _The Abuse of the Clergy_.
Thirdly, _The want of Modesty, and Regard to the Audience_.
Well, to prove the Prophaneness, he first instances a bold Song of mine,
as he calls it, against Providence; four of the last lines of which he
is only pleas'd to shew ye.
But Providence, that form'd the fair
In such a charming skin,
Their outside made its only care,
And never look'd within.
[Footnote: D. Quix. p. 1. p. 20.]
_Here_, says he, _the Poet tells ye Providence makes Mankind by halves,
huddles up the Soul, and takes the least care of the better Moyety; this
is direct blaspheming the Creation, and a Satyr upon God Almighty_.
[Footnote: Collier p. 97.] Why, now this, I confess, is enough to
provoke some heat in a fellow of my Constitution, to hear this Religious
Raving; but yet it looks so like _Oliver's Porter's in Bedlam_, that I
will be calm, and patiently holding up my hand, plead _Not Guilty_--to
all of these objections. But first, pray why does he foyst in the word
Mankind here to express the Female Sex, when t'other word is so much
more proper. I did intend indeed a small Satyr upon _Womankind_,
pursuant to _Marcella_'s Character, and he has vary'd from that word,
I suppose, to amuse the Reader--I'll give ye the whole Stanza.
Did coy _Marcella_ own a Soul
As beauteous as her Eyes,
Her Judgment wou'd her Sence controul,
And teach her how to prize.
But Providence, that form'd the fair
In such a charming Skin,
Their outside made its only care,
And never look'd within.
I only rally a pretty coy wench here for her sullen ill nature, without
any Satyr on the Deity, or any thing like it; for as to the _Blasphemy_,
as he calls it, by naming the word _Providence_, 'tis generally intended
in Lyrical Poetry for _Goddess Nature_, or _Fortune_, as Mr _Vanbrooke_
notes; but never apply'd seriously to the true Deity, but only by Dr
_Crambo_. How often have we this phrase in Poetry, _Nature has made her
Body charming; see her bright Eyes, the charming gifts of Nature_, &c.
making use still of the second cause instead of the first, which we yet
know to be the original of all. And 'tis no more Blasphemy to say that
Providence took more care of a perverse beautiful Womans Body than her
Soul, than 'tis to say that the Sun made a gay Tulip flourish in a
Garden to delight the Eye, not caring three-pence tho it never smelt
so sweet as a Province rose.
But I have a Rigid Critick and a Severe Inquisitor to deal with--He will
have a Satyr upon the true Deity, tho I intend nothing of it. And to go
on, my next advance he says is to Droll upon the _Resurrection_; and to
prove it, squirts out these two lines, which are pick'd out of
twenty--which he thinks are fit for his purpose--
Sleep and Indulge thy self with rest,
Nor dream thou e're shalt rise again.
[Footnote: Ibid.]
Now you must know this Song was design'd a solemn piece of morality,
and sung as a Requiem or Dirge at the Funeral of _Ambrosio_--A young
Gentleman that dy'd for Love of the aforesaid _Marcella_--You shall have
it all, that you may judge what Drolling is in't.
(1.)
Sleep, sleep, poor Youth, sleep, sleep in Peace,
Reliev'd from Love, and mortal care,
Whilst we that pine in Life's disease,
Uncertain blest, less happy are.
(2.)
Couch'd in the dark and silent Grave,
No ills of Fate thou now canst fear;
No more shall Tyrant Power inslave,
Or scornful Beauty be severe.
(3.)
Wars, that do fatal storms disperse,
Far from thy happy Mansion keep;
Earthquakes, that shake the Universe,
Can't rock thee into sounder sleep.
(4.)
With all the Charms of Peace possest,
Secur'd from Life's tormentor, Pain:
Sleep and indulge thy self with rest,
Nor dream thou e're shall rise again.
(5.)
Past are the Pangs of fear and doubt,
The Sun is from the Dial gone,
The Sands are sunk, the Glass is out,
The folly of the Farce is done.
[Footnote: D. Quix. p 20.]
Now will I be judg'd by any reasonable Man, if these words comparatively
are not fitter for an _Anthem_ than a Droll, but the Reformers way of
doing me Justice, is to take bits and morsels out of things, that for
want of the connexion, they may consequently appear ridiculous, as here
he does. Again, in his third objection against my third Song, where he
says-- _I_, (that is in my own person) _make a jest of the Fall, rail
at _Adam_ and _Eve_;_ and then _Oliver's Porter_, raving again, says,
_I burlesque the Conduct of God Almighty_; [Footnote: Ibid.] now, pray
judge whether it ought to be Constru'd so or no. This Song is suppos'd
to be made and sung by _Gines de Passamonte_, a most notorious
Atheistical Villain, who, as he is going Chain'd to the Galleys, is
redeem'd from them by _Don Quixot_ in his frantick fit; after which,
being extreamly pleas'd at the success, he, to make his deliverer merry,
entertains him with this Vindication of a Rogue, which is indeed a Satyr
upon Humanity in general. I will add agen to our Criticks morsel, for he
notes but the four first lines in a place, and give ye one whole Stanza.
When the World first knew Creation,
A Rogue was a Top profession;
When there were no more
In all Nature but four,
There were two of 'em in Transgression.
And the seeds are no less
Since that we may guess,
But have in all Ages bin growing apace;
And Lying and Thieving,
Craft, Pride and Deceiving,
Rage, Murder and Roaring,
Rape, Incest and Whoring,
Branch out from Stock, the rank Vices in vogue,
And make all Mankind one Gigantical Rogue.
And so on: Now tho I grant this might be look'd on as prophane in it
self, without application, yet when spoken by one of his character, whom
I design to expose, it is no more than natural Character, and has so
little the quality of Prophaneness, that my impartial Reader will find a
very good Moral in it, by the odious representation of such Atheistical
impudence; yet our good natur'd Critick makes me the Prophaner. He,
cramm'd full of wonderful Justice, makes me the _Vice_ my self, that
only act the true duty of a Poet, and hold up the Glass for others to
see their _Vices_ in, but his Malice will not be Authentick with every
one, no more than his next Addle Criticism, upon my using the word
_Redeemer_ will bear the Test; for he that will argue that that word may
not be innocently spoken in Temporal Matters, because it is sometimes
us'd as a _Divine Attribute_, will prove himself rather a Coxcomb than a
Casuist: And yet for only this poor word the Cat with Nine Tails are up
again, and the Inquisitor in a rage cries out, _these insolencies are
too big for the Correction of a Pen_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 198.] Very
fine, what horrible correction this deserves, is easily judg'd, and I
believe 'twill be own'd too, that if Doctor Absolution (when the
charitable Prelates good Nature and Purse got him out of his Stone
Apartment yonder, into which _his bigotted obstinacy and not his tender
Conscience_ had thrown him) did not think him his _Redeemer_, and thank
him as his _Redeemer_, he does not only deserve Correction for his
wicked ingratitude, (which _especially in one of his Coat, is an immoral
Cheat upon Heaven_) but to have the same punishment that another of
his Coat and Kidney lately had, for a Cheat upon the Government and
People.
But to go on: In the next place he finds fault with my making sport with
Hell, and recites six Lines, which are made of Dogril Stuff, on purpose
by the Duke's Servants, who, for his diversion, Acting a kind of Farce
are to fright _Sancho_ with Goblings and Furies--but to shew his own Wit
in the first Onset here, he has notably made the two first Lines half
nonsence.
Appear ye fat Fiends that in Limbo do groan,
That were, when in flesh, the same Souls as his own.
Instead of-- _that wore when in flesh_, &c.
You that always in _Lucifer_'s Kitchin reside,
'Mongst Sea-coal and Kettles, and grease newly Try'd,
That pamper'd each day with the Garbidge of Souls,
Broil Rashers of Fools for a Break-fast on Coals.
[Footnote: Collier, p. 198.]
Words adapted only to _Sancho_'s Clownship, course Breeding, and Kitchin
Profession, and with no more intent of Impiety in them, than if one
should put on a Devils Vizard to play with a Child, does he note again
as horrible Prophaneness, and says he does me no wrong in't; now if he
insists that Hell is too serious a thing to ridicule, why, perhaps, I
think so too, in its Intense quality; but to act a Goblin, a Ghost, a
Frog, or a Fury, and to sing to a Country Clown of such Bugbear matters,
only to cause a little Diversion in a Noblemans House, has always been
very customary, especially at Festivals, and far from being thought to
ridicule the main matter. The _Absolver_, to turn back a little, affirms
indeed, That _those that bring Devils upon the stage, can hardly
believe them any where else_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 189.]; but I can
give an instance, that our famous _Ben Johnson_, who I will believe had
a Conscience as good as the Doctors, and who liv'd in as Pious an Age,
in his Comedy call'd the _Devil's an Ass_ [Footnote: Vid. _Devil's an
Ass_, p. 9.], makes his first Scene a Solemn Hell, where _Lucifer_ sits
in State with all his Privy-Council about him: and when he makes an
under Pug there beaten and fool'd by a Clod-pated Squire and his wanton
Wife, the Audience took the Representation morally, and never keck'd at
the matter. Nay, _Milton_, tho' upon his secred Subject, comes very near
the same thing too; but we must not laugh at silly _Sancho_, nor put on
a Devils face to fright him, but we must be disciplin'd; nay, more,
Presented for it. Here, tho' I digress a little, I cannot forbear
telling some, that were too busie in doing that Office, that 'tis more
easie to accuse our Writings for Blasphemous, than to prove them to be
so. To detect us indeed fairly, and prove it upon us, would deserve
severe Chastisement; but if it be mistake, and our reputations are
injur'd by Rashness and Injustice, or Ignorance, reflection upon it is
at least reasonable, and just reproof I think not improper. But to go
on; my next fault is the Ass that's brought upon the Stage in the
Epilogue, with two lines alluding to _Balaam_'s.
And as 'tis said a Parlous Ass once spoke,
When Crab-tree Cudgel did his rage provoke, &c.