If _Hansard_ would only introduce a little brightness into its bald
and unconvincing narrative of Parliamentary procedure it would provide
reading-matter which would grip the heart and stir the emotions,
winning many new readers from the students of fiction and other light
literature. _Hansard_ will otherwise never find it worth while to
organise sand-castle competitions for the little ones about its
certified net sales.
It suffers under the disadvantage of having no sporting expert, no
front-rank descriptive writer and no specialist in the humanities
(sometimes known as a sob-artist) on its staff. That is why it reports
a soul-stirring incident in the following terms?--
"Mr. X. struck out, and unintentionally hit an hon. member (Mr. Y.),
who was sitting in close proximity. Grave disorder having thus arisen,
Mr. Speaker rose and ordered the suspension of the sitting under
Standing Order No. 21."
How differently the thing might have been done if put into competent
hands. Would not something like the following (though far short
of perfection, we admit) have been more acceptable to the general
reader?--
Mr. X's erstwhile florid face paled. An ugly look invaded his features
of normally classic beauty. Flinging off his braided morning-coat he
flew at his opponent. Parrying with his right he brought his left well
home with a middle-and-off jab, tapping the claret--a pretty blow,
whose only defect was that it struck the wrong face.
Other honourable Members hastened to join the _mêlée_. Pince-nez flew
in every direction, toupées were disarranged, dental plates shook to
their very foundations. The opposition pack worked well, displaying
brilliant footwork, tackling low and dodging neatly the dangerous
cross-kicks of their opponents. The heel-work, while above the
average, was too often below the belt.
Meanwhile the only lady Member present sat pale and bright-eyed, a
silent spectator. Her mind, working rapidly, sensed an impending
catastrophe. What could she do to emphasise the woman's point of view?
At the sight of blood she nerved herself with a supreme effort to
remain in her place. Then, springing to action, she tore her dainty
handkerchief into strips with which to provide the bandages which it
seemed would inevitably be needed.
At last silence reigned. The collar-studs were collected from the
floor of the House and the few remaining Members breathlessly awaited
the resumption of the sitting.
As the hon. Member apologised every throat was dry, but most of the
eyes were moist. The gracious acceptance of the apology moved strong
men to weep aloud until called to order. And there, in the background,
sat she whose woman's wit had shown the better way.
* * * * *
=Commercial Menace.=
"Taxis for Hire. Boats and Trains met. Picnic and Wedding Parties
promptly attended to and executed with reliability."
* * * * *
"There were only 67 persons enjoying annual incomes of £200,000
or over in 1918, upon whom a tax of about £28,000,000 was
levied."--_Daily Paper._
What are we coming to!
* * * * *
"THE GARDEN.