* * * * *
[Illustration: _Wealthy Parvenu_ (_showing acquaintance his house,
"ancestors," etc_.). "AH! AN' THEY'RE ALL TIP-TOP AN' PRE-WAR, MIND
YER."]
* * * * *
=ELEGIA MACCHERONICA.=
[We print as it reaches us this strange incoherent ejaculatory
effusion, signed "A Lover of the Old Italian Opera." With the
general spirit of this valediction it is possible to feel a
certain amount of sympathy, but the author is clearly inaccurate
in including amongst the bygone glories of the institution which
he deplores places, persons, musical and even culinary features
which are by no means obsolete. We confess also to grave misgiving
as to the purity of the writer's style, which in some lines seems
to smack more of the debased Anglo-Italian of Soho than the
crystal-clarity of the Tuscan of Carducci.]
O TEMPI passati!--
PAGANI, FRASCATI,
MASCAGNI, SGAMBATI--
O Asti spumante!
O scena cantante!
Polenta, risotto,
O contra-fagotto!
Sordini, spaghetti,
BELLINI, confetti.
O cioppo dal grillo!
TARTINI del "trillo,"
_Barbière_, "Di tanti,"
O fiaschi di Chianti!
O dolce solfeggio!
O caro arpeggio!
Salsiccia con veggio!
O lingua Toscana!
O bocca Romana!
O voce di petto!
_Rigoletto_, _Masetto_,
Stringendo e stretto,
O notte di festa!
E poi mal di testa.
O Caffè di GATTI!
O PASTA! O PATTI!
O PATTI! O PASTA!
O Brava! O Basta!
O danza San VITO!
_Clemenza di Tito_,
CAMILLO BOÏTO,
_Sarastro_, "Qui sdegno,"
Da capo, dal segno,
ALBANI, ALBONI!
TREBELLI, GARDONI!
O coloratura!
O bella bravura!
O "Salve dimora!"
O _Norma_, _Dinorah!_
O lunga cadenza
Senza desinenza,
O tempo rubato!
Strumenti a fiato!
O pingue contralto!
O ponte di Rialto!
O basso profondo!
O fine del mondo!
O "voi che sapete!"--
PER SEMPRE VALETE!
* * * * *
=RACING AS A BUSINESS.=
[The kind of article which one may confidently look for in the
sporting columns of a penny newspaper at this time of the year.]
From the very beginning of the season I have insisted that our
objective should be "the winter's keep." Those who have stuck to me
all along and played my system are on velvet.
During the flat-racing year I have given a hundred-and-fourteen
selections. Let me just tabulate the results; I like tabulating, for
it fills my column in no time.
Selections. Won. Second. Third. Unplaced.
114 5 8 1 100
N.B.--Non-starters neglected.
The above is a statement of which I may well be proud. I assert with
confidence that few sporting journalists can show anything like this
record.
Certain captious correspondents like "O. T." and "Disgusted" have
pointed out that my selections during this period show a loss of £104
9s. 11-1/2d. on a _flat stake_ of £1. All I can say is that people who
bet increasing stakes are increasing, while people who bet flat stakes
are---- Well, that disposes of "Disgusted" and "O. T." My readers know
that my system is to have the minimum stake on the losers and the
maximum stake on the winners. We shall never attain that abstract
perfection, but we should keep this ideal before us. I believe in
idealism; it pays.
Take yesterday's selections, for instance. Here they are, with results
tabulated:--
1.00 Breathing Time _Unplaced._
1.30 Taddenham _Unplaced._
2.00 Aminta I. _Unplaced._
2.30 Giddy Gertie _Non-starter._
3.00 Transformation _Unplaced._
3.30 Likely Case _Won--20 to 1 on._
That I consider a highly successful day's racing, provided your
stakes were proportionally placed; and here again I must insist on my
principle of maximum and minimum stakes.
Let us suppose, as naturally most of my readers did, that a backer
went to the course with a bookmaker's credit of twenty thousand pounds
and a thousand or so spare cash in his pocket. Being a shrewd man he
would place £1 on Breathing Time to win. (I daresay even "O. T." and
"Disgusted" did me the honour of following me so far.) On Taddenham,
true to my principles, our backer would raise his stake to £1 10s.
Aminta I. would carry £2, or £2 10s. if he were punting. But I cannot
too strongly discourage this habit of making violent increases in
stake; it is almost gambling. Much better put on only £2 with a
safe bookmaker, such as Mr. Bob Mowbray, of Conduit Street, whose
advertisement appears elsewhere in our columns.
To proceed, our backer finds to his relief that Giddy Gertie is a
non-starter and retires to the refreshment bar for a bracer. The 2.30
race being run off he returns to the Ring for the serious business of
the day. After examining Transformation in the paddock and listening
to the comments of the knowing ones--"Too thick in the barrel," "Too
long in the pastern," "Too moth-eaten in the coat"--he will exercise
caution and, instead of "putting his shirt" on Transformation and
plunging to the extent of, say, £5, will put up not more than £3 10s.
and await the result with calmness. When Transformation is returned
unplaced (or, as "O. T." and "Disgusted" would say, "also ran") our
backer is not abashed. Taking full advantage of his credit he places
his twenty thousand on Likely Case, together perhaps with the odd
thousand or so in his pocket, being careful, however, to ascertain
that his return ticket is still safely in his possession.
Our backer is shrewd enough to understand that this is a case for the
maximum stake. Strong in his faith in my principle he sees Likely Case
win with little surprise.
Returning to Town that evening he records his day's dealings in this
manner:
Lost. Won.
_£ s. d. £ s. d._
Breathing Time 1 0 0 --
Taddenham 1 10 0 --
Aminta I. 2 0 0 --
Giddy Gertie -- --
Transformation 3 10 0 --
Likely Case -- 1,000 0 0
Expenses: Return
ticket, entrances,
three double
b. & s., etc. 2 0 4 --
--------- -----------
10 0 4 1,000 0 0
10 0 4
------------
Balance £989 19 8
I may mention that the official s.p. of 20 to 1 on Likely Case is
distinctly cramped. On the course it was possible to obtain more
generous terms and lay only 19 to 1 on.
Thus one sportsman by careful observance of my principle has stacked
up a goodly array of chips towards his winter's keep. All this goes to
show that if a man will bet sanely and avoid "going for the gloves" he
can make a modest competence on the Turf.
This afternoon the Vale Selling Plate of 300 sovs. is down for
decision. To fill my space I cannot do better than give a list of