RESULTS OF A BREAKDOWN
It took three days for me to find that the Kansas City I was in was not
the Kansas City I thought I was in. I took it for granted that Kansas
City would be in Kansas State. But it was not. _My_ Kansas City was in
Missouri, but after searching diligently at the post office for mail
that wasn't there, I found there was another Kansas City on the other
bank of the river. All good citizens of Kansas City, Mo., turn up their
noses at the mention of Kansas City, Kan.,--"no connection with the
firm opposite" sort of thing.
Of the two, Kansas City, Mo., is by far the more commendable town. It
hustles and bustles just as every good American city should do. It is
exactly "one hundred per cent American." The advertisements in the
papers said so. I believe it, because any city that boasts of being
four times larger than it really is must be 100 per cent. American!
But I must give Kansas City its due. It represents the essence of
keenness and enterprise in business and farming circles. It has that
"breezy" air that is so healthy in city life, compared with the dull,
gloomy inertness so characteristic of most manufacturing towns,
especially here in England. Kansas City has some excellent streets and
some magnificent buildings, and has undoubtedly grown at a remarkable
rate during the last ten years. Being the last city of really large
dimensions that one meets until the Pacific Coast is reached, it is
the connecting link between the East and the Far West. Grain and farm
produce from the vast States of the West flow unceasingly through its
warehouses and stockyards. A network of railways concentrates to a
focus at Kansas City, railways bringing in and taking out millions of
tons of produce annually.
The next day, when I visited the motor-cycle agency, Lizzie was
standing disconsolately where I had left her the day before. I begged,
entreated, exhorted, and threatened that she be given immediate
attention. I lied abominably to the manager that I was putting up a
record between the coasts and every minute was important.
How could I expect to beat all existing records if they kept my machine
in dock for a week? I was promised that it would be started on "right
now." That term "right now" has a significance unknown to Europeans. It
is subtle and evasive, intangible and incomprehensible. It conveys a
sense of such utter obligation on the part of the speaker that one has
not the heart to query its exact purport. As far as I can ascertain, or
at any rate as far as I have experienced its application, it is more
similar to the French "tout de suite" than any other expression I can
identify, in that it might imply anything between the immediate present
and the indefinite future.
Lizzie required several replacements, including a new set of bearings,
a cylinder and two gudgeon pins, these latter being broken in half at
the middle. The agent told me that they always were liable to break. If
they were put in upside-down, as he always fitted them, so that the oil
hole was at the bottom instead of the top, they would not break at all.
Further he hinted that my particular machine was turned out while a
good fat strike was in progress at the factory.
"Well, you can stick it together so that it will take me to the coast
all right?" I queried anxiously.
"Well, yes, I guess I can," was his studied reply.
"Go right ahead then, boss, but do it quick! I'm running short of money
and can't afford to stay in your metropolis right here for the benefit
of my health."
Being destined then to remain in Kansas City for four or five days
more, I found myself with ample leisure in which to collect my thoughts
and prepare for the journey through the "wild west" ahead.
One result of my leisure was that I paid a visit to the editor of the
_Kansas City Star_. This is one of the most progressive newspapers in
the United States, and circulates everywhere in the West. The extent of
its circulation and the results of its progressiveness I was, however,
still to learn.
The editor was found as usual at his desk in the middle of a large
room, surrounded by his myrmidons in typical American style. He greeted
me with extreme cordiality. "No need to tell you I'm English, I
suppose?" I said.
"See that door over there?" (pointing to the one in the far distance
through which I had entered). "Well, I spotted you were an Englishman
the minute you came in there."
I explained with complete humiliation that I was travelling across the
United States of America on a motor-cycle and wondered whether his
readers would be interested in the point of view of such a despicable
object as an English motor-cyclist on this great and wonderful country.
"Not for the love of the thing, you know," I added, "I don't see why I
shouldn't earn a dollar or two on the wayside."
He pointed to a typewriter standing idle at a desk. "Let's have the
story right now, and give us something about roads. There's a big
movement just started to get good roads, so you can just hand out the
straight dope to everybody on the subject. Get me? Something good and
snappy."
I explained that while no one was more eminently capable of writing
about American roads than myself, I had never graduated as a typist in
the course of my business career. I should, therefore, have to retire
and push the modest pen.
"What! a business man who can't use a typewriter? I didn't know there
was such a thing," was his rejoinder.
I let them have it about roads. I referred also to their commendable
system of arresting road-hogs. This with a few pro-American
embellishments such as "wonderful country," "indescribable beauty,"
"inexhaustible wealth," etc. etc., rounded off the theme.
My friend the editor not only rewarded me at the noble rate of a dime
a line (5_d._), thus assuring the hotel expenses for my stay in the
city, but also gave me about an hour of his valuable time in talking
about almost everything under the sun--mainly American. It is rather
surprising to an Englishman to find that practically any worthy
American business man, no matter how busy he may be or how valuable the
time lost thereby, will entertain a visitor for an incredible length of
time. If the visitor happens to be an Englishman, he is all the more
pleased to do so because then he can talk uninterruptedly about America
and what a wonderful country it is. All the noted men of Europe, I
learned, had been in the office and sat in that same chair. The editor
told me so. Lord Northcliffe spent all his leisure hours there while
in the States. So also did many other notorieties, some unknown to
me. Leastways, so the editor told me. I took his money and bade him
farewell.