to say.”
“Well just so Miss Riggs and so when the mayor pastes Him one in the
eye He turns the other eye to him and so through the rest of the
strike He is shut up in His hotel room. But that don’t matter because
the bankers and the business men take charge and they gets out the
college-boys and smashes the strike with clubs and brick-bats and law
and order is safe. And when the Governor sees that it is all over He
gets out a rousing proclamation in which He says that He is determined
to put down law-breakers and of course that tickles the newspapers they
spread it all over the front page and the public that don’t know it is
over they goes wild because you know how it was Miss Riggs a few years
ago we was in the middle of smashing the Reds and shipping them back to
the country where they come from seeing they don’t like this one. And
of course the plain people was scared out of their wits to realize that
the Bolshivikis had been so clever because if Irish Catholic policemen
goes Red who would there be left to stay white?”
“I remember reading about it,” I says, “now that you tell me and I know
I was scared myself.”
“Exactly and this Strong Silent Man He was the One that had put down
the revolution so when the next party convention come off and the
politicians was looking round for somebody for Vice-Spokesman why here
He was and the convention goes wild and He is nominated in a whirlwind.
And how is anybody going to know that the Old Spokesman is going to die
and leave this scared little Office-boy the job of telling the American
people what to think?”
“Well Mr. Edgerton,” I says, “I see how it is now of course and I am
very much obliged to you for explaining and of course I will do the
best I can,” I says, “because whatever happens we have got to hold them
Reds down. Of course I have got no use for labor unions that is just a
bunch of leaders looking for a chance to wear white collars and what
do they care if they call a strike and the wives and children has got
to go hungry at home?”
“That is it exactly,” he says, “your sound common sense as usual and it
looks as if there was some more strikes coming and they will try to put
them off on the Spokesman, and you will be the little girl that will
know what to tell Him to say about it.”
Well we are walking home and I am nearly there and I tell him he had
better not go no farther because we don’t know what his wife may be
doing and we have got to be careful so we shakes hands and parts and I
climb up to my hall-bedroom and I forgot to tell you Mom my landlady
has give me an embroidered splasher that has got a red lily on it to
hang on my wall and it is a lovely decoration she done that because we
have got to be friends since she was there when Mrs. Edgerton come to
see me and insulted me. Well it is a good thing to be friends with your
landlady because some time when I get stuck for my rent for a few days
she will be more polite with me.
* * * * *
P. S. Well Mom it is the next day and I have just got back from the
Elite Beauty Parlors and my God I have sure had a time I don’t know if
I will ever go back because we have had a strike and who do you think
was the leader of it of all people in this world your own Mamie Riggs
and what do you know about that? I will tell you the story right off.
It was Florabelle that begun it I call her Floradumbelle but she is got
good business sense all the same and she says to Hattie Schoenstein,
“My landlady has raised the rent on me a dollar a week and what am
I going to do must I go without my lunches?” And Hattie that I have
called Hotaire she says, “And the madame has raised the price of a
manicuring twenty-five cents but what good does that do us?” And that
is no hot air either Mom.
And then Adaire Huggins she says, “Why shouldn’t we get a raise when
everything else is being boosted?” And I says, “I am with you girls,”
and they asks me will I be the one to do the talking because they seem
to think I am good at it because of my political experience which they
suspect I have had though of course I have not told them and they have
not found out who Mr. Edgerton is.
Well so we go to the private office but it is not so private because
Madame Lafferty lets out a yell and she says, “What you ask me for more
money and when I am on the verge of bankruptcy because the landlord is
holding me to this lease that was made in war-time?”
“Us girls is got to live too,” I says, “it is war-time for us right
now.”
“I can get a plenty to do your work for less,” she says. “And they will
be girls that will fix their hair like I tell them to and they will
behave like ladies and not be having the telephone ringing all day so
that my customers do not know whether I am running a beauty-parlor or a
date-ranch.”
Well of course I know that is a slam at me and I am hot and I says,
“All right ma’am,” I says, “and you go and find them slave-girls right
off because I am a free-born American citizen and I am through,” I
says, “and come on girls let’s get out.” And with that we turns into
the parlors and there is the customers with their fingers half done and
their hair half waved and we shouts to the girls, “It is a strike we’ll
have a dollar extra a week or we quit!”
And they all puts down their things and they shout, “Strike! Strike!”
And the madame she yells, “Out with you you bunch of hussies!” And we
grabs our things and out we troop and there is a customer coming in and
we says to him it is a gentleman, “This place is closed but two blocks
down the street you will find a beauty parlor where they pays a living
wage to their hands,” we says.
And of course he don’t go in so I says, “We will picket the old
she-devil,” and we begin walking up and down and out she comes rushing
without her hat on and she gets the copper on the corner and brings
him up and she says, “Drive these hussies away from my door they are
ruining my trade,” she says.
Well the copper he grins kind of good-natured and says, “Move along now
girls.” And I ups I and says, “Officer this here is a strike,” I says,
“and we are picketing this place.”
“Well you will have to move on because you are drawing a crowd and that
is disturbing the peace.”
But I says, “Officer do you mean to tell me that it is the business
of the police to break strikes?” I says. “Is this a free country or
is it Roossia?” But all he says is, “Move along girls move along,”
and he pushes us down the street and when we try to come back he says
he will call a patrol-wagon and so there we are it is tyranny and
injustice, such as our ancestors rose against but what can we do there
is nobody to take the part of poor working-girls on strike and so now I
am sitting at home and I don’t know if I have got a job or not and I
shall soon find out whether my landlady is as much friends with me as
my splasher seems to show.
Your worried
MAME.
LETTER XV
IN WHICH I LOSE MY LOVER
DEAR MOM:
I do hate to write such bad news but you made me promise I would tell
you everything so here it is.
I have not got no job today and the worst of it is I am the only
one that is not. I went back to the Elite Beauty Parlors this a. m.
thinking I was to go on leading the strike but what do I see but
everyone of them girls come up one by one and try to sneak into the
place. I says, “What are you doing are you going to desert your union
and your class?” And Adaire Huggins she says, “Mame, I am sorry but
I have made a fool out of myself,” and Hotaire Schoenstein she says,
“Mame I have got to eat,” and in they goes and back to work without no
raise in wages and I am left standing on the sidewalk.
I would not go in if I was to die for it and anyhow I would only
get kicked out because the madame she thinks I am the cause of that
strike. But gee Mom aint it awful to think how the working-class will
throw each other down and all they would have to do would be to stand
together and they could get anything they want!
Well I go down the street to the La Princesse Beauty Shoppe but they
have got no need for a manicurist, and then I go to the Betty Blue
Rooms and then to the Rosamonde and the La Belle and the La Coquette
and the La Charme and all the other ones that I have heard of but I
think they must of heard about what I done because they have none of
them got nothing. And gee Mom it is begun to rain and I am wetting my
new clothes and my best shoes is in the slop and is getting wore down
at the heel and I am so blue I could be made into paint. At last I am
clean done up and come home and flop down on my bed and cry. I have got
only three dollars in my pocket and here I was hoping to save up so as
I could send a little to you!
The worst is I have lost Mr. Edgerton too because he will go to the
Elite and that old she-devil will not tell him where to find me and I
have never let him come to this house on account of his wife being so
mad and all and I do not think he even knows my number and if I write
to his home his wife will get it and he has told me never to ring him
up nor to write to him to the big white house for fear the Spokesman or
somebody might get in. What I am to do I cannot think but tomorrow I
will have to look for a job in some barber-shop.
* * * * *
P. S. Well has been another rainy day and I have tried the barber-shops
and gee Mom there was some awful holes where a decent girl would not
work if it was to save her life but even so I did not find nothing.
There was one feller that said he would give me a table for half what I
earned but I would have to of had my own set and I have not got no set
and no money to buy one. And gee Mom I see I should of saved some of my
money but what it is I should of gone without I cannot see. And some
fellers was rude to me and some called me sweet-heart and I would of
liked to of batted both kinds on the jaw.
But please do not say anything to Pop about my troubles because it
would only worry him and I am going to find some way out. My rent is
not due till two days, and I guess I have got a few days credit with
Mrs. Budd seeing that she had such a fine lot of gossip out of that
time that Mrs. Edgerton come to bawl me out for going to dinner with
her husband.
* * * * *
P. S. Again. Well I have went to about fifty hotels big and little and
to a lot more barber-shops but nothing doing. And I have only et some
milk and crackers because I am scared of spending my last money. But
I had to buy a paper of course for I must not get out of touch with
international affairs. And I see there is a great coal strike being
threatened and the whole country will be without coal and nobody knows
what to do about it and it says the Spokesman announced that He has
took the matter under advisement and of course I know what that means
He does not know what to say about it and He is waiting for me to tell
Mr. Edgerton to tell Him what to say. I picture Mr. Edgerton rushing
around frantic trying to find out where I am and maybe having to call
in the secret service and so I am desperate and tonight I have wrote
him a letter to the big white house and I have wrote it like this, Dear
Sir, My father Mr. James Riggs wishes me to advise you that he has
changed his address, and then I give the address of this room and I
think that is not suspicious and I will come home early tomorrow and
see if he has sent me a telegram or maybe a special delivery letter.
* * * * *
P. S. Another. Well Mom I have had an awful grief and you sure do get
troubles when you go into public life it is more dangerous than any
Western I have ever saw. I have been trying to get a job as a waitress
or anything and about five o’clock I come home tired as a dog and who
should I see going up the steps of the house but Walter. He is just
about to ring the bell when I hollers and he turns round and in about
three seconds more he is got me in his arms and gee Mom it is awful
what muscles that boy is got packing crates all day and throwing them
onto trucks. And there he makes a show of me in the street and pulls me
to pieces and I am so excited that I am crying. And he tells me that
the warehouse shut up for a day on account of the boss’s wife having
died and it is Saturday and so he is got two days off and has throwed
away all this money for a trip to Washington just to see me.
He wants me to go to dinner of course and I tell him to hold his horses
while I run upstairs and powder my nose and so I go and when I come
down again what do I see? Walter is still standing down on the sidewalk
and up at the top of the step is Mr. Edgerton just about to ring the
bell! You see how it is they do not know each other of course and Mr.
Edgerton is come right at that inconvenient moment and there he is.
When he sees me of course he lifts his hat and he says, “How do you do
Miss Riggs?” he says. “Well I am sure glad to get in touch with you I
have not had nobody to go to dinner with and I am so lonesome I do not
know where to go.” He says that kind of jolly like he always is you
know but he is got a pretty loud voice and there is Walter listening
to every word of it and then looking at the taxi-cab that is brought
Mr. Edgerton and his face is as black as the thunderstorm we had this
morning.
Well a women that is trained to social life like me had ought to know
what to do but I don’t and all I can say is, “Mr. Edgerton I have a
friend that is just come to see me.” And Mr. Edgerton is rattled too
because of course he don’t want to meet nobody. But there is nothing to
do but go down the steps and I says, “Mr. Edgerton meet Mr. Rigley,”
I says and Walter is not got sense to shake hands but just growls
how-de-do and I am thinking as fast as a runaway express train.
Walter he says, “Well I see you have a previous engagement,” and he
turns on his heel and starts to walk off but of course I grabs him by
the arm and makes him turn round and I says, “Look here Walter this
is not what you think this is a business matter and this gentleman is
a government official and I am doing important work for him,” I says.
“What sort of work?” says Walter and you know that kind of pug-nose
face that he has got it is already made up for a fight.
And of course I can’t answer him because Mr. Edgerton has forbid me to.
So what can I do but put it up to Mr. Edgerton? I says, “Mr. Edgerton,
Walter Rigley is my fyansay,” I says. And Mr. Edgerton says, “Oh I did
not know you was engaged,” and I says, “I have never had occasion to
tell you. But now Walter is got two days off from the job of packing
goods in a warehouse and he has come to see me as a surprise party. And
I think I have got to explain matters to him if you will please let
me because he is a very good boy and a one hundred percent American
and when he knows that this is government work that we are doing and
that it is because we have got to educate the people and keep the
Bolshivikis from getting a hold of them he will keep the secret and you
can trust him the same as me.”
So Mr. Edgerton can’t do nothing else but say, “All right Miss Riggs I
will take your word for Mr. Rigley.” And I turns to Walter and says,
“There is nobody in the world but my mom and my pop that I have trusted
with this but it is all straight and it will be explained to you.”
And then Mr. Edgerton says for Walter to go to dinner with us but
Walter he says, “Not on your life I ast her first,” he says, “and if
there is any dinner you will go with me.” So I says, “It will have to
be that way Mr. Edgerton because I know this boy and he is only got one
fault and that is that he is a mule.”
So Mr. Edgerton says all right and we gets into the taxi and Walter’s
shoulders is so broad that there is no room for mine in the seat but he
puts me on his knees and you can see he is not going to let me be in
Mr. Edgerton’s way. And I am telling Walter about who Mr. Edgerton is
and what we are doing and gee you can see that it is a hard lump for
Walter to swallow he don’t know what to make of it whether I am kidding
him or not but Walter is like the Spokesman in one way when he don’t
know what to say it don’t hurt him none to say nothing.
Well the Greek restaurant is nearest and so we are pretty soon eating
some more dinner cooked in mutton suet but gee Mom I could eat it if it
was axel-grease I am so hungry. But I have got to play the social game
and keep these two male animals from biting each other so I says, “Mr.
Edgerton I have not had no chance to ask you but I can see that the
Spokesman is in trouble because He does not know what to say about this
here coal strike.”
And he says, “That is right it is a very great worry to Him, and what
do you think about it?” And I says, “Well Pop says you can’t make no
gas without coal and what would I do if I come home to my room in the
evening and there was no light in it?” And Mr. Edgerton says, “That is
true, coal is a necessity of modern civilization.” “Well then,” I says,
“is a lot of Hunkies and Dagoes to be allowed to get together and hold
a pistol at people’s heads and get any price they please for work? No
Mr. Edgerton,” I says, “it is the duty of the Spokesman to take a firm
stand and say that there will not be no such strike allowed.”
And he says, “I guess you are right and we will work it out on that
basis.”
But I says, “Mr. Edgerton He must not go and say that unless He means
to act on it.”
And he says, “But why not?” and I says, “Because it will not do.” And
he says, “Well Miss Riggs but you cannot do business with the Spokesman
that way because you would never be able to say nothing because He will
never do nothing.”
But I says, “If He says He won’t allow the strike and then He does
allow it, what will people think of Him?” And he says, “It will be like
it has always been and when the time comes people will of forgot it.”
“But that is nonsense,” I says, “it will be quoted against Him what
He said at the beginning.” And Mr. Edgerton says, “By who? A bunch of
cranks here and there? The newspapers will not say nothing because we
have got them and what else does it matter?”
Well of course I don’t like that but I have learned that it is what you
have got to do with the Spokesman so I says “All right.” But I have
forgot about Walter and my God all of a sudden what do I see his face
is got red and he is rose up and he says, “Do the pair of you really
think I am going to stand for this?” “Why Walter what do you mean?” I
says, and he says, “You are playing me for a sucker,” he says, “but you
have got the wrong one.”
“Why Walter,” I says, “what on earth? You think this is not the
Spokesman’s Secretary?” “I don’t know who it is,” he says, “but you
cannot make me believe that the Spokesman is no such poor fish as
this.” “But,” I says “look at the papers to-morrow afternoon,” I says,
“and you will see it all just as I have said it.”
And says Walter, “You want me to think that the American people is a
bunch of boobs that you can string along like this?” I says, “Walter,
I have told Mr. Edgerton that you are a patriot and a lover of your
country and that you can be trusted with these great state secrets,” I
says, “And now are you going to throw me down?”
But he looks at me and his eyes is flashing and his fists is clenched
and I think he is going to hit me or Mr. Edgerton I aint sure which and
he says with his voice trembling furious, “Mamie Riggs,” he says, “I
thought you was a decent girl but I see you have took the easy road,”
he says. “But it was enough to insult our love,” he says, “you needn’t
of insulted my brains too. I leave you to your new gentleman and I hope
he keeps you good and that’s all.” And with that he turns and walks off
quick and I lets out a yell that scares the whole dining room and I
runs to grab him but he is gone out the door and lost in the crowd and
there I am standing and crying like Lucy Lonesome in “The Broken Love.”
Your miserable
MAME.
LETTER XVI
IN WHICH I AM MADE A GRAMMARIAN
DEAR MOM:
Well here it is a Sunday morning and I have got no job and I have got
no lover and I am sure in the dumps. But Mom you have got to see Walter
for me quick as you can and explain to him how foolish he is been
to quarrel with me because it is all true like I told him. You must
make him understand that Mr. Edgerton really is the Secretary to the
Spokesman and that the great Man up at the big white house does really
say everything that me and Mr. Edgerton says for Him to say. And if it
is not always true what He says well I know how shocked I was when I
first found it out but you that have been a great actress can explain
to that poor kid Walter how it is that you have got to play the play
the way it is wrote and not the way you think it had ought to be.
And if you can fix it up with Walter you do not have to worry about
me Mom for I will sure get some job even if I have to go to work in a
factory. And I am going to go straight for your sake and Pop’s even if
Walter does believe all them hateful things about me that he said to me
and right before Mr. Edgerton. Well I am going to rest my tired feet
today and tomorrow I will start out looking for a job in a department
store.
* * * * *
P. S. Oh Mom I have had the most wonderful good fortune! I told you
onst that I am Cinderella and that the fairy coach was waiting for me
and now it is going to take me right almost into the palace!
Well Monday a. m. I start out hunting a job and the sun is come out hot
and it is like summer and I have got on my winter suit and I am nearly
fainting so I have to go home and change it and gee all that I have got
is a shirtwaist that is got a darn in the elbow and my old blue skirt
that is all faded and it sure does make me miserable to look like that
when I have been such a real lady all winter. But I put it on and am
starting out again when my landlady calls me she is got a telegram that
is come for me it is got no name signed but it says for me to come to
lunch at the little cheap place where we have et when we was scared of
Mrs. Edgerton. And of course I know it is Mr. Edgerton and I want to
run back and get my good clothes on but I am late already and have got
to hustle for the street car.
Well there is Mr. Edgerton waiting for me and he has been there
quite a while and he says there is a serious emergency in the
government and he needs my advice and it is very inconvenient not to be
able to get me quick when he needs me. And I says, “I am so sorry but I
was out hunting for a job.”
“What?” he says. “A job? Why is that?”
“Did you not understand that I am no more at the Elite Beauty Parlors?”
I says.
“Yes,” he says, “but I thought you must of got something better.”
“I have not got nothing,” I says. “I left that place because I am a
free American citizen,” I says, “and I would not stand for having that
old she-devil bossing me about. And all them girls is a pack of sheep
but I am one that is got some spirit.”
“Of course,” he says. “And what are your plans?”
“I am trying to get into a department store.”
“Oh Miss Riggs,” he says, “but do not do that because you had ought to
have some job that will leave you time to get off now and then when
your country needs you,” he says.
“That is all very well,” I says, “but my country has never showed me no
such job,” I says.
“But why did you not tell me about it?” he says.
“I did not have a chanced,” I says, “what with the way that crazy boy
Walter behaved and made me so ashamed and anyhow I am not going to put
my troubles off on you,” I says.
“Troubles?” he says. “But that is absurd Miss Riggs. What is an
Administration for if it is not to have jobs?”
“You mean that you can find me one?” I says and my heart is give a jump
with excitement.
“Why of course,” he says. “I am the Grand Mogul of Jobs,” he says. “I
carry lists of them around with me I sometimes have more jobs than I
can find people,” he says.
And sure enough he pulls out some papers from his pocket and there is
a long printed list and he says these is civil service jobs for which
there is to be examinations. “And let us see now,” and he studies it
and he reads, “Geographer,” and he says, “Do you think you would like
to be a Geographer?” And I says, “My God what does that do?” And then
he reads, “Geologist,” and he says, “That might sound pretty good.”
But I says, “How can I pass an examination for such jobs as them?” and
he says, “You do not have to worry about that we can pay somebody to do
that for you,” he says, and then he reads, “Grammarian,” and he says,
“There now I think that would be a fine job for you there is something
cultured about being a Grammarian.”
“But dear me,” I says, “what would I have to do?” And he says, “You
will not have to do nothing,” he says, “there is always an assistant
that does the work for half as much,” he says. And I says, “Is that
what they call economy?” and he says, “It is a system,” he says.
“How could you keep politics going unless people had jobs in between
elections? But it is common sense you can see that politicians do not
have no time to learn to be geographers and geologists and grammarians
and so there have got to be assistants that know that sort of work and
keep the assistants’ jobs all the time no matter who gets elected,” he
says.