"Can you do without what we have?"
"Oh, no!" she said passionately. "Oh, no! No!"
"Nor can I--without the hope and the prospect of an occasional hour
with you, of the sympathy and understanding which has grown up between
us. I have conquered myself many times, relinquished many hopes, and I
think and believe that my self-control is as great as a man's can be. I
shall not let myself go with you unless you tempt me beyond endurance;
for as I said before, if I find that I am not strong enough, I shall
leave you. You are a beautiful and seductive woman, and your power if
you chose to exert it would madden any man. Will you forget it? Will
you help me?"
She dropped her hands. "Yes," she said, "I'd rather suffer anything;
I'd rather make myself over than do without you. And I couldn't! I
couldn't! Every least thing that happens, I want to go straight to you
about it. I know that trouble is ahead, although I haven't admitted it
before. I want you in every way! in every way! And I can't even have
you in that. I never will speak like this again, but I'd like you to
know. If you love me, you must know how terrible it is. I am not a
child. I am twenty-seven years old."
"I know," he replied; and for a few moments he said no more, but looked
down into the water. "I am not a believer in people parting because
they can't have everything," he continued finally. "It is only the very
young who do that. They take the thing tragically; passion and
disappointment trample down common-sense. If love is the very best
thing in life, it is not the only thing. Every time I have seen you I
have wanted to take you in my arms, and yet I have enjoyed every moment
spent in your presence. The thought of giving you up is intolerable. We
both are old enough to control ourselves. And I believe that any habit
can be acquired."
"And will you never take me in your arms? Have I got to go through life
without that? I must say everything to-day--I will row out into the
middle of the lake if you like, but I must know that."
"You can stay here. There are certain things that no man can say,
Betty, even to the most loved and trusted of women. The only answer
that I can make to your question is, that if I find I must leave you, I
certainly shall take you in my arms once."
"Are you sorry I told you I loved you? Would it be easier if I had not?"
"Probably. But I am not sorry! Love can give happiness even when one is
denied the expression of it."
"I never intended to tell you. I was afraid if I did you would leave me
at once."
"So I should if you were not--you. But I should think myself a fool if
I did not make an attempt to achieve the second best. I may fail, but I
shall try. And life is made up of compromises."
"You are more certain of smashing the Trusts," she said with the humour
which never bore repression for long. "In dealing with methodical
scoundrels you know at least where you are. A man and woman never can
be too certain of what five minutes will bring forth. That ends it. We
never will discuss the question again until it comes up for the last
time--if it does. I do not mean that I shall not tell you again that I
love you, for I shall. I have no desire that you shall forget it. I
mean that we will not discuss possibilities again, nor give expression
to the passionate regret we both must feel. Is it a compact?"
"I will keep my part in it. I promise to be good. I have prided myself
on my intelligence. I am not going to disgrace it by ruining the only
happiness I ever shall have. I love you, and I will prove it by making
your part as easy as I can, and by giving you all the happiness I am
permitted to give you."
He leaned toward her for the first time, but he did not touch her.
"And I promise you this, my darling," he said softly: "if you ever
should be in great trouble and should send for me--as of course you
would do--I will take you in my arms then and forget myself. Now,
change seats with me and I will row you part of the way home; I shall
get out a half-mile from the hotel. There really was no reason why you
should have made me walk nearly the entire length of the lake."
"I had fancied you in this particular part of the forest, and I wanted
to find you here."
"That is so like a woman," he said humorously. "But all of us make an
occasional attempt to realize a dream, I suppose."