THE IRRITABLE TEMPERAMENT
Irritability is not merely that quality in a person which makes his
friends carefully guard their every word, lest inadvertently they
should cause an outburst of temper, in its fullest sense it means
over-sensitiveness to unpleasant stimuli, followed by over-reaction of
any kind whatsoever. Thus, if a person by accident damage his clothing,
his over-sensitiveness and over-reaction might result in an oath, in
abusing the nail which tore his clothing or in abusing the workman who
put the nail in place originally. It might again result in a feeling of
depression, with anger displaced on to anyone who was present during
the next hour, on the smallest pretext; or in an over-sensitive woman,
it might result in an outburst of tears, or perhaps merely in volubly
deploring the accident for half-an-hour with the next visitor who
called; or she might merely “worry” about it, and keep turning the
memory of it over and over in her mind, refusing to allow the fact to
separate itself from her fancy.
All these various results, with many others which may be imagined,
can be gathered together under the one term “irritability,” or the
term “over-sensitiveness” would do equally well. This irritability or
over-sensitiveness may apply to material things or to purely mental
ones. Narcissism may lead to an irritability of the body, and again it
may lead to irritability merely of the mind. When Narcissism leads to
an extremely sensitive body, it reacts to pain of every sort, however
mild, as though it were acute. The omnipotent mind cannot bear to have
its body disturbed. I gave an example a short while back of the lady
who could not take a fly out of my eye, because her own eyes were so
sensitive. Not only was this particular lady sensitive as regards her
eyes, but at that period she was as afraid of the dentist touching a
tooth as if it had been a serious abdominal operation. Pain of any sort
or even slight accidents involving practically no pain, were reacted
to as though they had been overwhelming misfortunes. Here we had
an excellent example of one in whom Narcissism had produced extreme
irritability of a physical nature.[6]
On the other hand, one finds a mental sensitivity equally pronounced.
People who are always in fear lest somebody should find fault with
them, with their mode of behaviour, with their manner of dress, even
with their habit of thought. Unconsciously, to themselves they are the
acme of perfection, they are the centre of importance, and they are
inclined to think that people are paying very much more attention to
them than is actually the case. They may consciously realise that they
are not important at all, that other people do not give them a thought;
but their unconscious Narcissism will not accept this slight upon their
importance, and they remain miserably self-conscious in all their acts,
reacting with exaggerated feeling whenever some slight criticism of
their thoughts and actions appear even to be implied.
Pride, vanity, and self importance are other manifestations of this
temperament. The person who feels slighted, or whose feelings are hurt
when other persons think too little of his opinions, or pay too little
attention to his actions, or, in fact, whose feelings are hurt easily
by anything whatsoever, is for the most part a Narcissist, in whom once
again the infantile omnipotence has been disturbed.
Jealousy very often represents the Narcissistic idea. The
“dog-in-the-manger” attitude, which finding it cannot possess for
itself, cannot bear anybody else to possess, is largely the attitude
of unconscious phantasy, in which the individual cannot relinquish the
idea that somehow he will succeed by means of his omnipotent mind in
possessing the desired object, and his unconscious mind retains this
idea so long as the object has not become the property of somebody else
in such a definite and irrefutable manner as to prove in spite of his
unconscious phantasy that he cannot possibly possess it himself.
The “dog-in-the-manger” attitude is one which simply refuses to
recognise the impossibility of possessing something, although the
desire for possession in any particular case may unconsciously mean
nothing except the desire to prove to oneself one’s own omnipotence.
And many a case of jealousy in love-affairs is nothing but this
unconscious desire to prove to oneself the possession of power; it is
the hatred of acknowledging the fact that one has not control where
one desires to have it most. Curious as it may seem jealousy is bred
mostly out of self-love rather than out of love for the other person,
although, of course, except in extreme cases, love for the other person
may also exist.
The reaction which takes place whenever the Narcissistic element
is hurt, almost always takes the form of a regression. It will be
remembered that a regression implies a return to an infantile method
of expression. The Narcissist unfailingly hopes, in his unconscious
that his omnipotence will enable him to avoid an unpleasant fact, and
to controvert it magically. He therefore falls back on those acts of
infancy, which he found useful at that early period of his life as
magical means of attaining his ends. Let us assume, for example, that
our Narcissist has entered quietly into an argument with a friend, with
full faith in himself and his argument that he will convert his friend
to his own point of view. He finds, however, that he is getting the
worst of the argument. This is unbelievable to him, he cannot realise
it; his friend must be pig-headed. Rapidly his unconscious mind says to
itself, “What methods did I employ in my childhood, what magic formula
did I use then to obtain what I wished?” “Ah!” says the unconscious, “I
remember; I used abusive terms to my nurse, and the dear thing did what
I wanted at once.” Very soon he is using abusive terms to his friend,
who, however does not later on remark, “Oh! that man is a Narcissist.”
He merely says, “You know, So-and-So never can keep his temper in an
argument.” And the poor Narcissist all the time feels and thinks that
he has been hardly dealt with, that people do not understand him, that
they deliberately will not follow his arguments.
Of course, the last is very likely to be right, for in argument there
is generally more rationalization than there is about most things in
life. Nevertheless, the fact remains that it is not really important
that his friend should understand either him or his argument as a
rule, and if he were not Narcissistic he would not over-react to this
stimulus.
Other methods of reaction in a like manner are all regressions to
infancy. Some Narcissists, when they ask their unconscious memory,
“What magic did I employ as a child?” find that it was the magic of
words, and they use expletives of various kinds, which correspond
in every way to the magic words which a conjuror whispers over his
tricks when he performs the apparently impossible. Others remember in
their unconscious mind that they wept copiously, that when they wept
the feeding bottle was returned to their lips, or the toy to their
hands. Others go back a stage further. They withdraw in to themselves,
they refuse to speak, or they say, “I am so upset, I must go and lie
down.” They attempt to return, in fact, to the condition of isolation
and rest, if not of pre-birth, at least of that period immediately
following birth, when if they cried, they were rocked and crooned over
and put to sleep.
Another form of regression largely due to Narcissism is that of
alcoholism. Here again, there are other causes at work in the
unconscious, but Narcissism is one of the most important of them.
The Narcissist does not like real responsibility; he certainly
thinks that he is always desiring responsible posts and positions,
but this is merely because to hold a responsible position or to have
responsibility signifies importance and power. As a matter of fact,
when responsibility is thrust upon him, he often has a strong tendency
to avoid it, because responsibility entails dealing with facts as
they are, and not with phantasies; and the responsibility which the
Narcissist seeks is largely that of phantasy. In spite, therefore, of
his statements to the contrary, we know that he wishes to run away from
responsible positions, and alcohol has a peculiar power of enabling
one to forget the responsibilities of the moment, and at the same time
to give one a feeling of potency and well-being. Consequently, when
the Narcissist comes up against an unpleasant fact, a responsibility
which he does not wish to take, anything in fact which disturbs his
sense of well-being, alcohol serves the purpose of allowing regression
to infancy. It returns him very swiftly to that early period when he
had no responsibility, when he need take no thought of the facts around
him, when he had a sense of well-being and omnipotence. This potency
is increased by the fact that it also removes, simultaneously, other
repressions, that is, it allows other forms of infantile energy to be
expressed without conscious criticism or hindrance.
Exactly the same thing may be said of drug-taking. The drug-taker is
simply habitually seeking something to remove his responsibilities, to
lead him away from his conflicts which he does not wish to face, away
from the world of reality into an infantile world, where whatever his
surroundings, whatever the facts that exist, he is able to ignore them,
and feel himself in phantasy their master.
But the curious thing about all these regressions is that, in a sense,
they serve to satisfy the individual. They comfort him with the
unconscious assurance at the moment they are performed, that all will,
somehow, be well, that these reactions will somehow bring about the
desired end, that the abuse will succeed where the argument did not,
that the tears will somehow perform their magic act, that a rest in bed
will bring about new life, and that the new life will succeed where the
old life failed.
Never does the Narcissist realise facts as they are, deal with them as
facts, see them in their proper proportions, and leave them alone when
he cannot use them.
Impatience of a different kind is also one of the common reactions. A
man may go into a restaurant; he finds it is full, and quite naturally
he is kept waiting a few minutes before the busy waiter can bring him
the menu. He refuses to recognise the fact that he is only one of a
hundred persons present, that the restaurant has to be run at a profit
to the proprietor, that innumerable waiters cannot therefore be kept
to serve his high omnipotence; he frets with impatience and he cannot
resign himself to the inevitable waiting. He will not understand that
_time_ is one of the factors over which he has no power. In fact,
this difficulty to realise the _factor of time_ is an extremely common
one with Narcissists. No sooner has a project entered their heads than
they expect to see it fulfilled. Such fulfilment can only take place in
phantasy, just as they did indeed attain their wishes in childhood. As
children they could instantaneously create a chariot and horses from an
arm-chair with complete neglect of the time-factor, and now as adults,
they hope instantaneously to create an omelet without waiting for it to
be cooked, to create a business or a character, or fame or happiness
in the same instantaneous way, without reference to time. They are
quite unable to see, completely and wholly, any difference between the
phantasy of childhood and facts of adult life; and one of the most
essential differences between the two is this _time factor_.
It takes minutes for an omelet to be cooked, it takes years for a
business to be created, it takes a lifetime for a character to be
formed, fame they may never attain, but happiness lies within their
grasp at once, if only they could relinquish their Narcissism.
FOOTNOTE:
[6] It may be of interest to readers to know that this physical
over-sensitiveness has very largely disappeared from this particular
lady as the result of partial psycho-analysis.