_From Editor to Contributor._--We are going to have a seasonable
extra, but can't go to any unnecessary expense. Want a story of the
old kind. Snow, ice, hunting, and plum pudding. Scene must be laid in
an antiquated country-house, to bring in picture of "Downderry Grange
by Moonlight." Can you manage it?
_From Contributor to Editor._--Just the thing ready to hand. Scene
Burmah, but can easily bring all the characters to Loamshire. Central
incident. Heroine run over by a wild elephant, easily changed into an
accident on the railway. Have you any blocks you can send me?
_From Editor to Contributor._--Sending you heaps of cuts by the
parcels post. Choose those you like best, and return the remainder.
Isn't railway incident rather stale? Better stick to elephant.
Possibly introduce a topical tone. Think you will find in parcel a
sketch of the bombardment of Rio. Do your best.
_From Contributor to Editor._--Thanks for packet of blocks. I have
kept half a dozen. Have found a fellow who will do for a hero. Only
drawback he's always changing his personal appearance. However, can
make him an amateur detective. Wrong about the bombardment of Rio. No
picture of that incident. Think you must have taken "Illumination of
Jammeripore, on the occasion of the Queen's Jubilee," for it. Can work
in _that_, as it will do for one of my Burmese scenes. Rough sketch
of plot. Hero in love with heroine, who is left alone in lonely
manor-house. She meets him in a circus, where he rescues her from an
infuriated elephant. Brings in three blocks nicely. Hard at work.
_From Editor to Contributor._--Afraid I must ask you to send
back blocks you have selected. Appears I promised them to another
Contributor, who had written up to them a story called, "Farmer
Foodle's Visit to the Cattle Show." However, retain the Jubilee
illumination, as he says he doesn't want it. Sending you fresh parcel.
_From Contributor to Editor._--Rather annoyed, as I was getting on
capitally. EDWIN and ANGELINA, on their escape from the mad elephant,
were seeking shelter under the Adelphi Arches. Now come a lot of
pictures of the French Revolution! However, will do my best.
_From Editor to Contributor._--You are such a good-natured fellow,
it's a shame to bother you. Find I had promised another chap those
revolutionary subjects. He has written a story up to them, called
"Nettleby's Nightmare." Have sent you a heap more in exchange.
_From Contributor to Editor._--It's really too bad! I had put EDWIN in
the Conciergerie and ANGELINA was trying to bribe ROBESPIERRE. And
now you have altered it all! And what am I to do with a picture which
seems to be an advertisement of somebody's shirts? Haven't you made
another mistake. However, I have got on as fast as I can, and put a
heap of subjects in a mad scene. EDWIN'S brain breaks down, and he has
visions of lots of things, inclusive of some wedding-cakes.
_From Editor to Contributor._--You are quite right. I _did_ make a
mistake. The last packet of blocks were put into my room by mistake.
Please return them at once--they are required for the advertisements.
Better send in your story as it is, and then I will find something
appropriate. Why _will_ you live in the country? If you were here, you
could settle the whole matter in two twos.
_From Contributor to Editor._--I stay in the country because I can't
get inspiration in town. And that's my affair, and not your's. Pardon
this tone of irritation, but I hate altering a story after once
panning out the plot. However, I have obeyed your orders. EDWIN and
ANGELINA are born in Burmah (they are cousins), and are taken to an
old English country-house. Then they are told by an old crone
the story of their parents' past. That brings in all the French
revolutionary business. Then I get in the detective part, with a
reference to the undiscovered crime in Cannon Street. You will see it
is all right.
_From Editor to Contributor._--I have read it, and heartily
congratulate you. Just what we wanted. What do you call it?
_From Contributor to Editor._--"A Lovely Devonshire Rose." It seems to
me neat and appropriate; or, as it is a story for Christmas, how will
"A Ray of Arctic Sunlight" do?
_From Editor to Contributor._--"A Ray of Arctic Sunlight" is better
for Yule Tide. I have got the very blocks for the illustrations.
Belonged to a book called _Travels in the Soudan and Syria_. Could not
have found anything more appropriate if I had searched for centuries.
I enclose a little cheque, and offer thousands of thanks for all
the trouble you have taken. It is no idle form when I wish you the
happiest of Christmasses and the most prosperous of New Years!
_From Contributor to Editor._--Reciprocation of seasonable
compliments. But I say--hang it--you might have made it guineas!
* * * * *
[Illustration: PARLIAMENTARY FOOTBALL MATCH.--"FOWLER'S FINE
SINGLE-HANDED RUN."--(_See page 267._)]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A DILEMMA.
_Young Sportsman_ (_to his small nephew, the Parson's son_). "HELLO!
JIMMIE! WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT ON THE PONY? YOU'LL NEVER BE A MAN IF
YOU DON'T HUNT."
_Jimmie._ "NOW LISTEN TO THAT, MOTHER! THERE'S UNCLE JACK SAYS I SHALL
NEVER BE A MAN IF I _DON'T_. THERE'S FATHER SAYS IT'S CRUELTY IF I
_DO_. THEN OLD JOHN SAYS I SHOULD BE LAMING THE PONY; AND YOU SAY THE
PONY WOULD BE LAMING ME! WHAT AM I TO DO?"]
* * * * *
"A SINGLE-HANDED RUN."
["It is interesting to watch the methods of obstruction....
Progress (with the Parish Councils Bill) has been slow enough,
but it is impeded with an artfulness which indicates a
certain division of labour among the different sections of
the Unionist army. The first section includes the Liberal
Unionists, whose _rôle_ is ... to take no overt part in the
game of mere talkativeness; the second is the official Tories,
who mostly hate the Bill ... and lose no opportunity of
expressing a guarded but thoroughly sincere distrust of
every portion of it; the third section consists of the
go-as-you-please Lowtherites--the mere guerillas, who
are allowed to obstruct as much and as long as they
please."--_"House and Lobby" in the "Daily Chronicle."_]
(_Rough, and rather amateurish, reporter's mems. picked up on
the St. Stephen's Football Grounds during the progress of the
big match, Midlothian United_ v. _Unionists. See illustration,
p. 266._)
Football at St. Stephen's looking up! Fine exponents of the Rugby
game. Strong combinations, "Midlothian United" and "Unionists" met to
decide great--postponed--fixture. Though weather favourable, failed
somehow to attract the large crowd usual at matches between these two
"sides" of far-famed amateurs. Enthusiastic followers of the game,
however, who turned up in adequate numbers, rewarded by sight of good,
if slow and unexciting game. Both sides well represented, and the
homesters, who won the toss, played first half from pavilion end of
ground, having wind, which was blowing across ground, a trifle in
their favour.
"Midlothian United," famous team, better known as "GLADSTONE'S Men,"
play well together, and are strong lot, though less speedy perhaps
than their opponents. "Unionists" indeed (made up from two admirable
teams at one time opponents) an extremely clever, not to say artful,
combination. As pick of anciently opposed sides, wonderful how well
they are together, and how unselfishly they play the game. "Midlothian
United" team (which has undergone numerous changes of late) also
fairly well together, and admirably captain'd.
From kick-off, ball was well returned, and play settled down in
homesters' territory. Later, game of very equal character, each side
looking like scoring, but nothing definite obtained before half time.
Game then ruled a bit slow. Showing good combination, the visitors'
forwards caused home-side some anxiety. Forwards, however, played
very self-denying game, and game largely confined to the half
and three-quarter backs, and in this visitors had advantage, as
"Midlothian United" do not so greatly shine in this phase of game,
whereas, among their opponents, BOWLES, LONG, LOWTHER, and one or two
more, very smart and tricky. FOWLER, however, the great Midlothian
forward, played with fine combination of energy and judgment, made
some fine runs, and proved vastly effective in scrum. BALFOUR,
GOSCHEN, and H. JAMES, played very artfully indeed, and "tackled"
strongly, and although that mighty forward CHAMBERLAIN less prominent
than usual, still, in doggerel of football-field, it may be said that,
JOE, the Brum,
Shines in scrum.
Later BOWLES, TOMLINSON, STANLEY, LEIGHTON, LOWTHER, and HANBURY,
were very active for the "Unionists," though one or two of them seemed
sometimes "within measurable distance" of being pulled up for fouls.
COLLINGS once made tracks but failed to pass RIGBY, who throughout
played a sound game at back for the Midlothianites. Not to be denied,
the "Unionists" again advanced to the attack, LONG and LEIGHTON
especially being conspicuous. FOWLER deprived latter, but BALFOUR and
CHAMBERLAIN rushing up relieved. Fast and even play then became
order, the ball being taken from one end of ground to other with great
rapidity. FOWLER broke up a determined attack by "Unionists." From a
hot scrum he got possession, and put in a fine single-handed run right
down centre of ground, closely pursued by those determined tacklers,
BALFOUR, JAMES, GOSCHEN, and the redoubtable Brum, when----
[_Here the reporter's mems. abruptly terminate, and it is
presumed they were dropped--actually or metaphorically--by the
evidently amateur scribe._
* * * * *
DIABOLUS EX MACHINA.--Dynamiting Anarchism.
* * * * *