A SILLY PAIR.
I have often been taunted, by people who know nothing (multiplied into a
million fibs) about me, that my mind is as volatile as my body, and goes
about, in an unsettled manner, for want of the leaden belt, which
motherly care so long kept round my stomach. It is equally needless, and
useless, to present reason to such irrationals; and I try to be proud,
in my loftier moments, of affording them amusement, which amuses me.
But, to reasonable persons, who can hearken to a thing, and take it into
common sense, and weigh it--whenever it concerns their own affairs
enough--to these (if any) I would simply say, "follow my own history of
my own acts, and judge, by my own account, of what nobody else can know
so well." And any one, proceeding upon this fair principle, will find
more to approve than to condemn in me, however much I may tell against
myself.
Hoping that fair-play will prevail--as it generally does in the end--I
confess, that at this very tender age of fifteen, I proved for the rest
of my holidays, untrue to the image of Polly Windsor. Polly was not
there; and even if she had been, how would she have looked, I should
like to know, by the side of Laura Twentifold? She was double her size,
that is certain at the least; but in quality, oh what a difference! And
yet again, manners, and the fear of what I might say greatly against my
own interest, enable me to speak in a chastened style; and to do that, I
had better leave Polly still absent.
On the very day after Professor Megalow returned to his duties in
London, my dear lady comforted her mind, by returning to the place still
full of him. You must understand, that the Professor had never been
actually staying at the Towers; because, without any other fullgrown
gentleman dwelling in the house, it might have looked amiss. So he had
his own camping place at Crowton-on-the-Naze, which is ten miles further
up the coast than the rising watering-place, called Happystowe. Yet
there had not been many days, when he failed to put himself into spruce
attire--so far as his nature permitted--and to dine, and make a pleasant
evening, with my lady, and her gallant son, Sir Roland. And when he was
gone, it could not be helped, that the evenings should grow long, and
dull.
It must have been August, and about the middle of it (according to our
holidays, which were sadly near their end), when my dear Lady walked
down the sands, to talk to an ancient fisherman, about keeping the
relics of the whale upright. Roly was gone, with the Keeper, inland, to
see about exercising some young dogs, in preparation for the
shooting-time; and the lovely little lady, and myself, were left, to
look for pretty shells, and to amuse each other. And I never grew tired
of obeying her commands; so sweet was her voice, and so gentle were her
eyes.
"Now I want to show all these," she said, "to my darling Dorothea, that
she may choose exactly what she likes; and it is high time to put her
necklace on, that you have made so beautifully, Ariel."
She always called me "Ariel;" because she had heard her mother do it,
once or twice, and she said it was so much prettier than "Tommy." And
although she was more than ten years old, she had not outgrown the
wholesome joy of a little woman in her baby-doll. Dorothea, moreover,
was quite young at present, and sweetly instructive in the newest
fashions, having only come two days ago from Paris, with the kind
introduction of Professor Megalow.
"You may sit down quite close to dear Dorothea; because you are not
clumsy and rough, like Roly; who cannot at all enter into the feelings
of a lovely and delicate creature, like this. And, Ariel, I am quite
sure that Dolly will like you, as soon as she opens her eyes, which are
shut now--you must understand--from the sea-air being too much for her.
But you must let me put her necklace on, although you have made it so
beautifully; not that I would not trust you to do it, but because you
cannot understand her hair. It would hardly be proper, if you did, you
know."
She was always like this, such a sweet little love; so afraid of hurting
anybody's feelings, and so ready to think everybody good. When I sat
down near her, on a bank of bed-rushes, with the doll sitting carefully
between us, I could not help feeling ungrateful in my heart, for the
prospect of Miss Polly Windsor to-morrow. And I could not quite fancy
that Maiden Lane--though alive with delights of its proper class--could
supply such contentment to sight, and thought (not that I put it so
grandly then) as the place I sate in, and the things I saw. For the tide
was coming in, with pleasant feeling of the air, and ready briskness of
the things, that had been waiting for it. At every short step that it
made in advance--for the waves toddled in, like babies--there was some
pretty thing, starting up in front, to run, and to glisten before it.
But the prettiest thing of all sate there by me.
"You are always at work," she said, "always doing something. Why do
people want us to be educated so? Those funny letters are all Greek, I
know; because Roly has got some that he learns at Harrow. But he doesn't
seem to like it, more than I like French; and he puts it in a cupboard,
for the holidays. Ariel, why should you work more than Roly does? He
never does a thing, unless he likes it."
I had thought this out, and my reply was ready. "Roly will be a rich
man, and I shall not. He belongs to great people, and I belong to small
ones. He will get on all the same, whether he works, or not."
"Then I call that as unfair as anything can be. And I could not have
believed it, though I know you tell the truth, unless I had heard of
such things before. We all ought to work, to do good, of course; but not
in the middle of the holidays."
"I have got to go back to old Rum, on Monday;" I answered, with a
wistful gaze at her; "and unless I can say a hundred lines of Homer,
beginning at the place where we left off, cracks will be the word, and
no mistake. And he's come to be so sharp, from being done so often, that
there's not a fellow now with the pluck to run a tib, or a crib, or a
leary round the corner. _Ton d' apameibomenos_ is the only cock that
fights."
"What a lucky thing it is to be a girl!" She cast her eyes down, after
looking at me, to learn my opinion of this sentiment; for that opinion
showed itself as opposite as could be, to hers. "I only mean because we
don't get cracks, and we don't jump on one another, as they do to you
sometimes; oh, Ariel, how can you put up with that? And then they tie a
string to your toe at night. What courage it must take, to be a boy!"
"Before Bill Chumps went to Oxford," I replied, while looking at the
tiny foot, she put forth on the sand; "he shut up all bullying, in our
school. There used to be a lot of it; and after getting taw, or togy, in
the playground, and rats in school, a fellow couldn't sleep, for fear of
cramp. But Bill set up a different fashion altogether; and the little
fellows now begin to cock over us, who are their seniors. I am getting
bigger than I used to be, and so well up in the school, that I am very
useful, in doing the big fellows' exercises. And they never jump on me,
as they used to do, when I couldn't try to fly for them. _Grip_ would
have something to say to them, next morning, if they tried it."
"Oh, I do love _Grip_, because he is so ugly; and I love you, Ariel,
because you are so pretty, and so kind, and gentle; and you never do
mischief, unless Roly sets you the example. I shall cry, when you go
away; I'm sure I shall; and I shall put Dorothea into mourning for you.
I don't believe a bit that your papa makes candles; and if he does--how
could we go to bed, without them? I should just like to ask people that.
And what could they say, I should be glad to know?"
To me this appeared an extremely sensible, and large-minded view of the
case, and I did not hesitate to promote it.
"And what would you do without soap, Lady Laura? My father makes soap of
the finest quality. A great deal better, as everybody says, than any
turned out by Mr. Windsor, though he put his name on every
cake--'Windsor's best brown Windsor.' And no better than curds, every
square of it."
"Then if I see any of it in my room, I shall throw it straight out of
the window, and say 'Please to bring me Ariel's soap.' But you must not
call me 'Lady Laura.' My mother is a lady, but I am not; till I marry my
cousin, Lord Counterpagne; as they say I shall have to do, when I grow
up. But I don't care about him at all, till then. He has got red hair,
and his eyes are crooked."
Although it was no concern of mine, this arrangement appeared to me most
unfair. But I did not dare to say a word against it.
"Oh, Ariel," my little beauty went on, after taking up her doll, and
coaxing it; "can you think of anything so bad, as marrying a person you
don't like? Because you can never get away, you know; according to the
law of the land, I believe, and according to the Bible. My mother has
never said a word about it; but Roly declares that I am bound to do it,
and he is always determined to have his own way. Oh, Dorothea, what
would you do?"
I knew very little of the world as yet, and in matters above me, I was
loth to speak; but I could not help saying--"There is lots of time yet.
You may trust me to help you, if you only let me know."
"How stupid I am! I never thought of that;" she turned over towards me,
and put up her hands, as if for me to help her; and then suddenly began
to stroke my hair, as she had often longed to do, but had hitherto
refused my invitation. "I must do it once, before you go, to see how the
whole of it is fastened on. Don't be afraid; I won't hurt you, Ariel. I
know how Ethel Jones does mine. And if they want to marry me, and I
don't like it, all you will have to do, is this--to get into the train,
and come down here, and then take off your lead, and fly away with me,
and come back when the ceremony is over."
"But how could they do it, without you?" I asked.
"You musn't expect me to be reasonable always;" she answered, and began
to play with me, gently, and beautifully, and laughing all the time.
"What a pair of silly little things you are!" Lady Twentifold came upon
us suddenly, while Laura was trying to uncurl my hair, and I was
offering to kiss her, but afraid to do it; while she was dodging in and
out, to tempt me more; "Ariel, you told me this morning, that unless you
learned a hundred lines of Greek to-day, you had better not be born,
next Monday. And you asked me to write a letter of apology, to your
learned Dr. Rumbelow. He is likely to be our new Bishop, I was told
this morning; and it will put Roly down, for he made sure that his
Master would receive the offer. So I hope that you will never call him
'Old Rum,' any more."
"Old Rum to be the Bishop, my dear lady!" I cried, as if I had quite
lost my place. "And who is to be our master, I should like to know? Oh,
I won't learn another line; 'twould be trouble thrown away."
My practical conclusion was borne out by facts--sad facts for all sons
of the _Partheneion_. Dr. Rumbelow's luck was a joy to us, at first;
because we all liked him, and got off a lot of work. But our joy soon
went, and a bad time followed; as we all found out, and pretty quickly
too. For the new master's name, was Crankhead, "Ernest Mauleverum
Crankhead," M.A., a Cambridge man, and a lofty Wrangler; but without
much Greek, as we soon found out.
Now, before I left Twentifold Towers, and returned to the smell of our
works,--which had changed very greatly for the worse, while I was away
down here,--Sir Roland Towers-Twentifold (being well sixteen, and tall
for his age, and of long experience, at one of our largest public
schools) took me aside into a saddle-room, wherein he was learning to
smoke cigars, and put into a nutshell all the essence of the British
Constitution. How I wish, I could remember what he said! But it sank
into my mind, too deeply ever to be brought up again; and it blended
with, and flourished in, the flower of my life; as liquid manure
reappears in bright flowers, "_inscripti nomina regum_."
"Tommy," he went on, as soon as ever he had put into ten words the
lessons of a thousand years, "you will see now, how it is that we don't
get on. We never get a man to take the lead, who knows his own mind,
and will stick to it, and throw up his situation, rather than carry it
on, against his own lights. And then, there come a lot of fellows
swarming for first pull, as we rush to the swipes-can after cricket; and
the louder any cad is for his rights (which are sure to mean the wrongs
of some quieter chap), the surer he is to get served first. Now, can you
call this Government?"
"I don't pretend to know much about it," I replied, for we had held some
conversation of this kind before; "but my father says, that any business
carried on, as the Government of this country is, would have to put its
shutters up, within three months, if it started with a hundred thousand
pounds. But you mustn't tell any one that he said this; for I believe,
by the way he would not answer me, that he has got a fine Government
contract, by this time."
"Your father is quite right; he is a man of strong sense;" Sir Roland
made answer, as soon as he could, after taking a large puff of smoke the
wrong way; "let him get every farthing he can from the Government, and
then he will be able to understand them. Why, I might not have got the
knowledge that I have, except for a trick that they wanted to play about
my cousin Counterpagne, when he comes of age. Counterpagne is soft, and
his mother no better; and being of an ancient Tory race, they expected
to have things made smooth for them. But I can't stop, to tell you all
that now. You are to come back at Christmas, and you shall hear it then.
Counterpagne is to marry little Laura, to prevent any mischief to our
property, and influence; and between us, we shall send six members up,
besides Counterpagne himself in the Peers of course, and me in the
Commons, for the Towers' own hole. But, Tommy, look at me, and tell me
this. If under a Government, that calls itself Conservative, as the
present fellows do, such things can be done, as I was going to tell you;
what is to be expected of the Radicals? I'll tell you what; if the
Constitution lasts till I am of age, which seems a most unlikely
thing--I shall want you, and every man of sense I know, to collect, and
put your shoulders to the wheel. Remember that."
I did not at all understand what he meant, although he had spoken
several times to this effect. But I promised to do all I could; and was
pleased with the thoughts of becoming so important.
"Tommy, you will rise," my friend continued, without asking what I was
thinking of; "such a fellow as you are, must go up, unless he makes a
downright fool of himself. You can beat me all to fits, in Greek and
Latin, though you have only been at a dirty little private school. You
have got a most wonderful face of your own; so easy-going, and
sweet-tempered, that it makes every fellow think you slow, and drop all
jealousy about you. And more than all,--and that alone should be enough
to make your fortune--you can draw the attention of the whole world upon
you, whenever you please, by going over their heads. I have been very
good, in letting you off, without sending you up, a lot of times. But
you know that I have done it upon one condition--you must cultivate the
art, without any one's knowledge, and be ready to go up, at some great
moment, when I give the signal. Pretend, for the present, that you
can't do it; but practise, as I told you, more and more. I have shown
you the muscles you must try to strengthen, and the places where you
must lay on fat. It is nothing in the world, but a kind of swimming; and
there everything depends upon your being quite at home. Now, remember
what I say; and when you come down at Christmas, I shall put you through
your paces, and expect to find you perfect."
"Oh, Roly," I replied, "you talk as lightly as all the men of science
did about me. I will do my very utmost to please you, I am sure. But I
never expect to be of any service to you. You are learning to smoke, and
your smoke goes up; and that makes you think that I can do the same."
"Exactly so, Tommy. A great deal of it went down, until I understood it.
And now look at that!"