I slept badly, and next morning got up early, fastened a knapsack on
my back, and telling my landlady not to expect me back for the night,
set off walking to the mountains, along the upper part of the stream on
which Z. is situated. These mountains, offsets of the ridge known as
the Hundsrück, are very interesting from a geological point of view.
They are especially remarkable for the purity and regularity of the
strata of basalt; but I was in no mood for geological observations.
I did not take stock of what was passing within me. One feeling was
clear to me; a disinclination to see the Gagins. I assured myself that
the sole reason of my sudden distaste for their society was anger at
their duplicity. Who forced them to pass themselves off as brother
and sister? However, I tried not to think about them; I sauntered in
leisurely fashion about the mountains and valleys, sat in the village
inns, talking peacefully to the innkeepers and people drinking in
them, or lay on a flat stone warmed by the sun, and watched the clouds
floating by. Luckily it was exquisite weather. In such pursuits I
passed three days, and not without pleasure, though my heart did ache
at times. My own mood was in perfect harmony with the peaceful nature
of that quiet countryside.
I gave myself up entirely to the play of circumstances, of fleeting
impressions; in slow succession they flowed through my soul, and left
on it at last one general sensation, in which all I had seen, felt,
and heard in those three days was mingled--all; the delicate fragrance
of resin in the forest, the call and tap of the woodpeckers, the
never-ceasing chatter of the clear brooks, with spotted trout lying
in the sand at the bottom, the somewhat softened outlines of the
mountains, the surly rocks, the little clean villages, with respectable
old churches and trees, the storks in the meadows, the neat mills with
swiftly turning wheels, the beaming faces of the villagers, their blue
smocks and grey stockings, the creaking, deliberately-moving wagons,
drawn by sleek horses, and sometimes cows, the long-haired young men,
wandering on the clean roads, planted with apple and pear trees.…
Even now I like to recall my impressions of those days. Good luck go
with thee, modest nook of Germany, with thy simple plenty, with traces
everywhere of busy hands, of patient though leisurely toil.… Good luck
and peace to thee!
I came home at the end of the third day: I forgot to say that in my
anger with the Gagins I tried to revive the image of my cruel-hearted
widow, but my efforts were fruitless. I remember when I applied myself
to musing upon her, I saw a little peasant girl of five years old, with
a round little face and innocently staring eyes. She gazed with such
childish directness at me.… I felt ashamed before her innocent stare,
I could not lie in her presence, and at once, and once for all, said a
last good-bye to my former flame.
At home I found a note from Gagin. He wondered at the suddenness of
my plan, reproached me, asked why I had not taken him with me, and
pressed me to go and see him directly I was back. I read this note with
dissatisfaction; but the next day I set off to the Gagins.