It was a brilliant July morning when I first donned my regimentals for
actual service. Dugald M’Tavish, a caddy from the corner of the street,
had been parading Masaniello, fully caparisoned for action, before
the door at least half an hour before I was ready, to the no small
delectation of two servant hizzies who were sweeping out the stairs,
and a diminutive baker’s boy.
“Tak’ a cup o’ coffee afore ye get up on that muckle funking beast,
Maister George,” said Nelly; “and mind ye, that if ye are brocht hame
this day wi’ yer feet foremost, it’s no me that has the wyte o’t.”
“Confound you, Nelly! what do you keep croaking for in that way?”
“It’s a’ ane to me; but, O man, ye’re unco like Rehoboam! Atweel ye
needna flounce at that gate. Gang yer wa’s sodgerin’, and see what’ll
come o’t. It’s ae special mercy that there’s a hantle o’ lint in the
hoose, and the auld imbrocation for broken banes; and, in case o’ the
warst, I’ll ha’e the lass ready to rin for Doctor Scouther.”
This was rather too much; so, with the reverse of a benediction on
my gouvernante, I rushed from the house, and, with the assistance
of Dugald, succeeded in mounting Masaniello, a task of no small
difficulty, as that warlike quadruped persisted in effecting a series
of peripherical evolutions.
“And when wull ye be back, and what wull ye ha’e for denner?” were the
last words shouted after me as I trotted off to the rendezvous.
It was still early, and there were not many people abroad. A few
faces decorated with the picturesque mutch, occasionally appeared
at the windows, and one or two young rascals doubtless descendants
of the disaffected who fell at Bonnymuir, shouted “Dook!” as I rode
along. Presently I fell in with several of my comrades, amongst whom I
recognised with pleasure Randolph and Anthony Whaup.
“By Jove, M’Whirter!” said the former, “that’s a capital mount of
yours. I don’t think there is a finer horse in the troop; and I say,
old chap, you sit him as jauntily as a janissary!”
“He has had hard work to do it though, as I can testify,” remarked
Anthony, whose gelding seemed to be an animal of enviable placidity. “I
wish you had seen us both at Kickshaw’s a week ago.”
“I dare say, but there’s nothing like practice. Hold hard, M’Whirter!
If you keep staring up that way, you may have a shorter ride of it than
you expect. Easy--man--easy! That brute has the mettle of Beelzebub.”
The remark was not uncalled for. We were passing at that moment before
the Bogles’ house, and I could not resist the temptation of turning
round to gaze at the window of Edith, in the faint hope that she might
be a spectator of our expedition. In doing so, my left spur touched
Masaniello in the flank, a remembrancer which he acknowledged with so
violent a caper, that I was very nearly pitched from the saddle.
“Near shave that, sir!” said Hargate, who now rode up to join us “we’ll
require to put you into the rear rank this time, where, by the way,
you’ll be remarkably comfortable.”
“I hope,” said Anthony, “I may be entitled to the same privilege.”
“Of course. Pounset, I think, will be your front rank man. He’s quite
up to the whole manœuvre, only you must take care of his mare. But here
we are at Abbey-hill gate, and just in time.”
I was introduced in due form to the officers of the squadron, with
none of whom I was previously acquainted, and was directed to take my
place as Randolph’s rear rank man, so that in file we marched together.
Before us were two veteran yeomen, and behind were Anthony and Pounset.
Nothing particular occurred during our march to Portobello sands.
Masaniello behaved in a manner which did him infinite credit, and
contributed not a little to my comfort. He neither reared nor plunged
but contented him at times with a resolute shake of the head, as if he
disapproved of something, and an occasional sniff at Randolph’s filly,
whenever she brought her head too near.
On arriving at the sands we formed into column, so that Anthony and
I were once more side by side. The other squadrons of the regiment
were already drawn up, and at any other time I should no doubt have
considered the scene as sufficiently imposing. I had other things,
however, to think of besides military grandeur.
“I say, Anthony,” said I, somewhat nervously, “do you know any thing
about these twistified manoeuvres?”
“Indeed I do not!” replied Whaup, “I’ve been puzzling my brains for the
last three days over the Yeomanry Regulations, but I can make nothing
out of their ‘Reverse flanks’ and ‘Reforming by sections of threes’?”
“And I’m as ignorant as a baby! What on earth are we to do? That big
fellow of a sergeant won’t let us stand quietly, I suppose.”
“I stick to Pounset,” said Whaup. “Whatever he does I do, and I advise
you to do the same by Randolph.”
“But what if they should ride away? Isn’t there some disgusting
nonsense about forming from threes?”
“I suppose the horses know something about it, else what’s the
use of them? That brute of yours must have gone through the
evolutions a thousand times, and ought to know the word of command by
heart--Hallo!--I say, Pounset, just take care of that mare of yours,
will ye! She’s kicking like the very devil, and my beast is beginning
to plunge!”
“I wouldn’t be Pounset’s rear-rank for twenty pounds,” said a stalwart
trooper to the left. “She has the ugliest trick of using her heels of
any mare in Christendom.”
“Much obliged to you, sir, for the information,” said Whaup,
controlling, with some difficulty, the incessant curveting of his
steed. “I say, Pounset, if she tries that trick again I’ll hamstring
her without the slightest ceremony.”
“Pooh--nonsense!” replied Pounset. “Woa, Miss Frolic--woa, lass!--she’s
the gentlest creature in the creation--a child might ride her with a
feather. Mere playfulness, my dear fellow, I assure you!”
“Rot her playfulness!” cried Anthony; “I’ve no idea of having my brains
made a batter pudding for the amusement of a jade like that.”
“Are you sure, Whaup, that you did not tickle her tail?” asked Pounset,
with provoking coolness. “She’s a rare ’un to scatter a crowd.”
“Hang me if I’d come within three yards of her if I possibly could help
it,” quoth Anthony. “If any gentleman in the neighbourhood has a fancy
to exchange places, I’m his man.”
“Threes right!” cried the commanding-officer, and we executed a
movement of which I am wholly unconscious; for, to the credit of
Masaniello be it said, he took the direction in his own mouth, and
performed it so as to save his rider from reproach.
Then came the sword exercise, consisting of a series of slashes, which
went off tolerably well--then the skirmishing, when one of our flank
men was capsized--and at last, to my great joy, we were permitted
to sit at ease; that is, as easily as our previous exertions would
allow. I then learned to appreciate the considerate attention of the
authorities in abrogating the use of pistols. In each man’s holsters
was a soda-water bottle, filled for the nonce with something more
pungent than the original Schweppe, and a cigar case. These were now
called into requisition, and a dense wreath of smoke arose along
the lines of the squadron. The officer then in command embraced the
opportunity of addressing us in a pithy oration.
“Gentlemen!” said he, “I would not be performing my duty to my Queen
and my country, (cheers,) if I did not express to you my extreme
surprise and satisfaction at the manner in which the new recruits have
gone through the preliminary drill. Upon my honour I expected that more
than one-half of you would have been spilt--a spectacle which might
possibly have been pleasing to those veteran warriors of Dalmahoy, but
which I should have witnessed with extraordinary pain. As it is, you
rode like bricks. However, it is my duty to inform you, that a more
serious trial of your fortitude is about to come. The squadrons will
presently form together, and you will be called upon to charge. Many of
you know very well how to do that already”----
“Especially the Writers to the Signet,” muttered Anthony.
“But there are others who are new to the movement. To these gentlemen,
therefore, I shall address a few words of caution; they are short
and simple. Screw yourselves tight in your saddles--hold hard at
first--keep together as you best can--think that the enemy are before
you--and go at it like blazes!”
A shout of approval followed this doughty address, and the heart of
every trooper burned with military ardour. For my own part, I was
becoming quite reconciled to the thing. I perfectly coincided with my
commanding-officer in his amazement at the adhesive powers of myself
and several others, and with desperate recklessness I resolved to test
them to the utmost. The bugle now sounded the signal to fall in. Soda
bottles and cigar cases were returned to their original concealment,
and we once more took our respective places in the ranks.
“Now comes the fun,” said Randolph, after the leading squadron had
charged in line. “Mind yourselves, boys!”
“March--trot--gallop.”
On we went like waves of the sea, regularly enough at first, then
slightly inclining to the line of beauty, as some of the weaker hacks
began to show symptoms of bellows.
“Cha--a--rge!”
“Go ahead!” cried Randolph, sticking his spurs into his Bucephalus.
Masaniello, with a snort, fairly took the bridle into his teeth, and
dashed off with me at a speed which threatened to throw the ranks into
utter confusion. As for Pounset, he appeared to be possessed with the
fury of a demon. His kicking mare sent up at every stride large clods
of sand in the teeth of the unfortunate Anthony Whaup, whose presence
of mind seemed at last to have forsaken him.
“What the mischief are you after, Whaup?” panted the trooper on his
left. “Just take your foot out of my stirrup, will you?”
“Devil a bit!” quoth Anthony “I’m too glad to get any thing to hold on
by.”
“If you don’t, you’re a gone ’coon. There!--I told you.” And the steed
of Anthony was rushing riderless among the press.
I don’t know exactly how we pulled up. I have an indistinct notion that
I owed my own arrest to Neptune, and that Masaniello was chest deep in
the sea before he paid the slightest attention to my convulsive tugs
at the bridle. Above the rush of waves I heard a yell of affright,
and perceived that I had nearly ridden over the carcass of a fat old
gentleman, who, _in puris naturalibus_, was disporting himself in the
water; and who now, in an agony of terror, and apparently under the
impression that he was a selected victim for the tender mercies of the
yeomanry, struck out vigorously for Inchkeith. I did not tarry to watch
his progress, but returned as rapidly as possible to the squadron.
By this time the shores of Portobello were crowded with habitual
bathers. There is a graceful _abandon_, and total absence of prudery,
which peculiarly characterise the frequenters of that interesting spot,
and reminds one forcibly of the manners of the Golden Age. Hirsute
Triton and dishevelled Nereid there float in unabashed proximity;
and, judging from the usual number of spectators, there is something
remarkably attractive in the style of these aquatic exercises.
The tide was pretty far out, so that of course there was a wide tract
of sand between the shingle and the sea. Our squadron was again formed
in line, when a bathing-machine was observed leisurely bearing down
upon our very centre, conveying its freight towards the salubrious
waters.
“Confound that boy!” cried the commanding-officer; “he will be among
the ranks in a minute. Sergeant! ride out, and warn the young scoundrel
off at his peril.”
The sergeant galloped towards the machine.
“Where are you going, you young scum of the earth? Do you not see the
troops before you? Get back this instant!”
“I’ll do naething o’ the kind,” replied the urchin, walloping his
bare legs, by way of encouragement, against the sides of the anatomy
he bestrode. “The sands is just as free to huz as to ony o’ ye, and
I would like to ken what richt ye have tae prevent the foulks frae
bathin’.”
“Do you dare to resist, you vagabond?” cried the man of stripes, with a
terrific flourish of his sabre “Wheel back immediately, or”---- and he
went through the first four-cuts of the sword exercise.
“Eh man!” said the intrepid shrimp, “what wull ye do? Are ye no
ashamed, a great muckle fellie like you, to come majoring, an’ shakin’
yer swurd at a bit laddie? Eh, man, if I was ner yer size, I’d gie ye a
licking mysel’. Stand oot o’ the gate, I say, an I’ll sune run through
the haill o’ ye. I’m no gaun to lose saxpence for yeer nonsensical
parauds.”
“Cancel my commission!” said the lieutenant, “if the brat hasn’t
bothered the sergeant! The bathing-machine is coming down upon us like
the chariot of Queen Boadicea! This will never do. Randolph--you and
M’Whirter ride out and reinforce. That scoundrel is another Kellerman,
and will break us to a dead certainty!”
“Twa mair o’ ye!” observed the youth with incredible nonchalance, as we
rode up with ferocious gestures. “O men, but ye’re bauld bauld the day!
Little chance the Frenchies wad hae wi’ the like o’ you ’gin they were
comin’! Gee hup, Bauldy!”
“Come, come, my boy,” said Randolph, nearly choking with laughter,
“this is all very well, but you must positively be off. Come, tumble
round, my fine fellow, and you shall have leave to pass presently.”
“Aum no gaun to lose the tide that way,” persevered the urchin. “The
sands is open to the haill o’ huz, and I’ll no gang back for nane o’
ye. Gin ye offer tae strike me, I’ll hae the haill squad o’ ye afore
the Provost o’ Portobelly, and, ma certie, there’ll be a wheen heels
sune coolin’ in the jougs!”
“By heavens! this is absolutely intolerable!” said the
sergeant--“M’Whirter, order the man in the inside to open the door, and
come out in Her Majesty’s name.”
I obeyed, as a matter of course.
“I say--you, sir, inside--do you know where you are going? Right into
the centre of a troop of the Royal Yeomanry Cavalry! If you are a
gentleman and a loyal subject, you will open the door immediately, and
desire the vehicle to be stopped.”
In order to give due effect to this remonstrance, and also to impress
the inmate with a proper sense of the consequences of interference with
martial discipline, I bestowed cut No. Seven with all my might upon
the machine. To my horror, and that of my companions, there arose from
within a prolonged and double-voiced squall.
“Hang me, if it isn’t women!” said the sergeant.
“Yer mither wull be proud o’ ye the nicht,” said the Incubus on the
atomy, “when it’s tell’t her that ye hae whanged at an auld machine,
and frichtet twa leddies to the skirlin’! Ony hoo, M’Whirter, gin
that’s your name, there’ll be half-a-croun to pay for the broken brodd!”
The small sliding-pannel at the back of the machine was now cautiously
opened.
“Goodness gracious, Mr M’Whirter!” said a voice which I instantly
recognised to be that of Edith Bogle, “is it possible that can be
you? Is it the custom, sir, of the Scottish yeomen to break in upon
the privacy of two young defenceless females, and even to raise their
weapons against the place which contains them? Fie, sir! is that your
boasted chivalry?”
“O George--go away, do! I am really quite ashamed of you!” said the
voice of my cousin, Mary Muggerland.
I thought I should have dropped from my saddle.
“Friends of yours, eh, M’Whirter?” said Randolph. “Rather an awkward
fix, I confess. What’s to be done?”
“Would the regulars have behaved thus?” cried Edith, with increased
animation. “Would _they_ have insulted a woman? Never. Begone, sir--I
am afraid I have been mistaken in you”----
“By my honour, Edith!--Miss Bogle, I mean--you do me gross injustice!
I did not know--I could not conceive that you, or Mary, or any other
lady, were in the machine, and then--consider my orders”----
“Orders, sir! There are some orders which never ought to be obeyed. But
enough of this. If you have delicacy enough to feel for our situation,
you will not protract this interview. Drive on, boy! and you, Mr
M’Whirter, if you venture to interrupt us further, never expect my
pardon.”
“Nor mine!” added Mary Muggerland.
“Who the mischief cares for yours, you monkey!” muttered I _sotto
voce_. “But Edith--one other word”----
“Don’t call me Edith, sir! This continued importunity is insufferable!
If you have any explanation to make, you must select a fitter time,”
and the sliding-pannel was instantly closed.
“Ye’ve cotched it ony hoo!” said the shrimp, with a malignant leer.
“Wauken up, Bauldy, my man, and see how cleverly ye’ll gae through
them!”
A few words of explanation satisfied our commanding-officer, and the
victorious machine rolled insultingly through the lines. I have not
spirits to narrate the further proceedings of that day. My heart was
not in the squadron; and my eyes, even when ordered to be directed
to the left, were stealthily turned in the other direction towards
two distant figures in bathing-gowns, sedulously attempting to drown
one another in fun. Shortly afterwards we dispersed, and returned to
Edinburgh. I attempted a visit of explanation, but Miss Bogle was not
at home.
I messed that evening for the first time with the squadron. Judging
from the laughter which arose on all sides, it was a merry party; but
my heart was heavy, and I could hardly bring myself to enter cordially
into the festivities. I was also rather uneasy in person, as will
happen to young cavalry soldiers. I drank, however, a good deal of
wine, and, as I was afterwards informed, recovered amazingly towards
the end of the sederunt. They also told me next morning, that I had
entered Masaniello to run for the Squadron Cup.