Epoch-Making Assembly.
A public meeting, summoned under the auspices of the Candid Friends of
England, has just been held at the Hall of the Grousers' Company, in
Little Britain. The chair was taken by Mr. OUTHWAITE.
The Chairman, opening the meeting, said that the inception of the League
was due to a number of public-spirited men who had come to the
conclusion, very unwillingly, that the country was still insufficiently
instructed as to the inherent and abysmal incapacity of every member of
the Government. (Cheers.) It was true that certain sections of the Press
did what they could to point this out, and there was also the noble,
patriotic and self-sacrificing work carried on in the House at
Question-time. (Loud cheers.) But he was sorry to say that there still
remained a considerable and, alas! not wholly negligible number of
persons in the country who hugged the quaint superstition that a Cabinet
Minister could be earnest, capable and diligent. It was these benighted
folk whom they desired to reach and convert. Not till every Englishman
had been convinced that England was rotten could he (the speaker) and
his friends rest content. (Frantic applause.) They were met to-day to
listen to the views of various eminent gentlemen as to how best to
spread this gospel.
Sir ARTHUR MARKHAM, who was received with cheers, said that no one who
had followed his recent speeches could be in any doubt as to the
turpitude and sloth of the men whom a mischievous caprice had set at the
head of this country's affairs. He for one should never cease to clamour
for their dismissal. He begged to move a resolution that in the opinion
of that important and representative meeting a complete change of
Government was instantly necessary. (A Voice: "Not only now, but
always.") No doubt there was something in what that gentleman said, but
for the present perhaps "always" had better be omitted. The essence of
the truest patriotism was distrust of one's rulers and dissatisfaction
with one's country. (Hear! Hear!).
Mr. AUSTIN HARRISON, in seconding, said that the finest heritage of an
Englishman was freedom of speech, and the more that freedom became
licence the finer the Englishman. (Cheers.) By freedom of speech he
meant the right to say instantly whatever came into one's head,
particularly if it appeared to belittle one's own country. Because one
could not belittle England really. England was too great for that. But
it was salutary to try. It was also valuable to our Allies, because it
tended to prove to them how much in earnest and how united we must be.
A great sensation was now caused by the appearance of "An Englishman"
from Carmelite Street. This gentleman, who, like the man who dined with
the KAISER, desiring his anonymity to be respected, wore a John Bull
mask and brandished an ebony cane, made the PRIME MINISTER the special
mark of his attack. What, he asked, could be expected of a politician so
crafty and lost to shame as to bid the House wait and see? Was it not
the very essence of good statesmanship to blurt out everything at once?
Only a craven time-server would say wait and see. Waiting was a
contemptuous proceeding wherever practised, and seeing required eyes,
which Heaven knows the PREMIER woefully lacked. (Cheers.) What right had
an incorrigible hoodwinker such as Mr. ASQUITH to advise anyone to see?
It was monstrous. Let the people get rid of this impostor without a
twinge of compunction, and the sooner the better. As to swapping horses
in mid-stream being unwise, perhaps it was, but it was not unwise in the
way that waiting to see was. (Applause.)
Another masked gentleman, who was understood to be "Callisthenes" of
Oxford Street, now rose to make a few useful suggestions. He said that
as the only journalist who wrote what was practically the leading
article in four evening papers every day, he surely was entitled to
speak with some authority. The question was how to get it into the
country's head that England's only chance for recovering her
self-respect and winning the War was to cry stinking fish? (Loud
cheers.) Well, the best way was to keep on saying it in and out of
season. His experience had taught him that everything will bear saying
not merely three times, but three thousand times and three.
Mr. AMERY said it was ridiculous to suppose that any Cabinet Minister
wished the War to end or England to be victorious. The contrary was an
axiom on which the whole future of his political creed was based. One
had but to look at them to see how flabby and vacillating they were and
how devoted to the pickings of office.
Mr. HOGGE said that the Chairman in his opening remarks had disregarded
one of the most valuable media for spreading the blessed news that
England was at her last gasp, throttled by place-hunters and parasites.
That was the variety stage. It was wonderful what a good comic song
could do. He had heard one only the night before, in which its singer
had been vociferously applauded at the end of a verse which stated that
there were now no German spies in England because they had all been
naturalised and given War Office clerkships. That was the kind of home
truth which the public appreciated and even paid their money to hear.
There could not be too many songs of that kind.
Mr. BERNARD SHAW said that another way was to induce publishers to issue
new and amended editions of those popular writers who had been betrayed
by impulsiveness or short-sight into eulogies of England. He remembered
several such unfortunate outbursts in the works of the national poet.
There was, for example, that ill-balanced utterance of the dying JOHN OF
GAUNT in praise of our little isle; but of course one could not expect
the intellect to be at its best just before dissolution. Still, they
would all agree that SHAKSPEARE would be the wholesomer without that
passage. (Cheers.)
The Chairman then put the resolution to the meeting and it was carried
unanimously. In bidding the gathering farewell the Chairman impressed
upon them that their rule of life should be a constant and voluble
mistrust of our leaders. It should be a point of honour with them to
deny that the FIRST LORD OF THE ADMIRALTY could possibly know anything
about the Navy, or wish it to succeed; that the CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER could possibly know anything about finance; or the PRIME
MINISTER have the elements even of common intelligence. (Loud cheers.)
The meeting then broke up singing either "For they (the Cabinet) are
wholly bad fellows," or "Fool Britannia, Britannia's fooled and slaved."
* * * * *
Fashions for Fathers.
"The bride was given away by her father, who was daintily gowned
in a pale blue silk dress, with veil and orange blossoms lent by
the bride's eldest sister."--_Provincial Paper._
* * * * *
"Very often it happens that a blank space is seen in the press,
especially in the _Sheung Po_, the organ of the Seventy-two
Guilds. It is surprising to see to-day's issue of that paper. A
space, about one and a half feet long and six feet wide, is
vacant. Only five words remain in that space, namely, 'Taken
away by the Censor.'"--_South China Morning Post._
Some of our censors should go to China. They would have real scope
there.
* * * * *
"The French Government emphatically and categorically denounce
as lies many statements made in the German official reports on
the fighting in the Verdun theatre. Although, they say, the
Germans usually travesty the truth, they have not before issued
such fragrant lies."--_Provincial Paper._
Their offence is rank; it smells to heaven.
* * * * *