Sir, I have an office in Richmond wherein I shall be delighted to
enlighten you on any point of law for a consideration.
The youthful attorney, not in the least abashed, took from his pocket a
half-dollar piece, which he offered Col. Hopkins with this remark—
No time like the present. Take this, sir, tell us what you know and give
me the change.
* * * * *
Secretary Elihu Root was talking about the humanity of judges.
They are humane men, he said. I could tell you many moving stories of the
pain that they have suffered in the infliction of severe sentences. It is
not altogether pleasant to be a judge.
That is why I can not credit a story that was told me the other day about
a judge in the West. A criminal on trial before this man had been found
guilty. He was told to rise, and the judge said to him—
Have you ever been sentenced to imprisonment before?
No, your honor, said the criminal, and he burst into tears.
Well, said the judge, don’t cry, you’re going to be now.
* * * * *
This story of the election expenses of a Georgia lawyer who was defeated
for county commissioner in the recent primary, reaches us by way of the
_Newark Ledger_ in a dispatch from Atlanta. His sworn statement runs—
Lost 1,349 hours’ sleep thinking about the election. Lost two front
teeth and a whole lot of hair in a personal encounter with an opponent.
Donated one beef, four shoats, and five sheep to a county barbecue. Gave
away two pairs of suspenders, four calico dresses, $5 cash, and thirteen
baby rattles. Kissed 126 babies. Kindled fourteen kitchen fires. Put up
four stoves. Walked 4,076 miles. Shook hands with 9,508 persons. Told
10,101 lies, and talked enough to make, in print, 1,000 volumes. Attended
sixteen revival meetings, and was baptized four different times by
immersion, and twice some other way. Contributed $50 to foreign missions,
and made love to nine grass widows. Hugged forty-nine old maids. Got
dog-bit thirty-nine times, and was defeated.
* * * * *
Sam Kalleton, a member of the Arkansas Legislature, was very fond of
offering amendments to bills introduced. That was the limit of his
legislative capacity. One morning, after a night’s hilarity, he entered
the legislative hall just as the chaplain was asking divine aid. The old
man took a chew of tobacco, and listened attentively until the chaplain
closed his petition with an effective recitation of the Lord’s Prayer.
Mr. Speaker, said the old man, arising, I move to strike out the words
daily bread, and insert as much bread as may be found necessary for
twenty days. We have already done enough for the flood sufferers.
* * * * *
A prominent lawyer of New York says that many years ago he went West, but
as he got no clients, and stood a good chance of starving, he decided
to come East again. Without any money he boarded a train for Nashville,
Tenn., intending to seek employment as reporter on one of the daily
newspapers, says the _New York Telegraph_. When the conductor called for
his ticket, he said—