But, mother, how do the large fish get the cans open?
* * * * *
A teacher had been telling her class of boys recently that worms had
become so numerous that they destroyed the crops, and it was necessary to
import the sparrow to exterminate them. The sparrows multiplied very fast
and were gradually driving away our native birds.
Johnny was apparently very inattentive, and the teacher, thinking to
catch him napping, said—
Johnny, which is worse, to have worms or sparrows?
Johnny hesitated a moment and then replied: Please, I never had the
sparrows.
* * * * *
George, George, mind; your hat will be blown off if you lean so far
out of the window! exclaimed a fond father to his little son, who was
traveling with him in a railway carriage. Quickly snatching the hat from
the head of the refractory youngster, papa hid it behind his back.
There, now, the hat has gone! he cried, pretending to be angry. And
George immediately set up a howl. After a time the father remarked—
Come, be quiet; if I whistle your hat will come back again.
Then he whistled and replaced the hat on the boy’s head. There, it’s back
again, you see. Afterward, while papa was talking to mamma, a small,
shrill voice was heard saying—
Papa, papa, I’ve thrown my hat out of the window! Whistle again, will
you?
_Frenzied Finance_
The bank teller in a snippy way said: But I don’t know you, madam!
The woman was red-headed, and she got red-headed in a minute. She said:
Oh, yes, you do. I don’t need anyone to identify me. I’m the red-headed
hen next door to you whose “imps of boys” are always running across your
garden. When you started to town this morning your wife said: Now, Henry,
if you want a dinner fit to eat this evening, you’ll have to leave me a
little money. I can’t keep this house on Christian Science.
Here is your money, interrupted the paying teller very faintly.
* * * * *
In order that his wife might become better acquainted with business
methods, Mr. Ferguson handed $100 to her, and instructed her to deposit
it in bank in her own name and pay her bills thereafter with checks.
Several weeks afterward she came to him in a high state of indignation.
George, she said, the other day those people down at the bank wrote me
a note and told me I had overdrawn my account—whatever that is—and that
I would have to send them $4.75 to balance it. I sent it to them right
away, but it didn’t satisfy them. They’re bothering me about it again.
You sent the $4.75?
Yes. Same day.
Well, that’s—by the way, Laura, how did you send it?