Dear Sir—Your most valued order received the other day and will
say in reply that we are sending the razor as per request, and
hope that it will prove satisfactory.
P. S.—We forgot to enclose the razor, but no doubt a man with
your cheek will have no need of it.
* * * * *
Can any lady or gentleman in the audience lend me a ten dollar gold
piece? asked the professor of magic.
On vot, eagerly shouted the pawnbroker in the front row.
* * * * *
A Philadelphia business man tells this story on himself.
You know in this city there are two telephone companies, he said, and in
my office I have a telephone of each company. Last week I hired a new
office boy, and one of his duties was to answer the telephone. The other
day, when one of the bells rang, he answered the call and then came in
and told me I was wanted on the ’phone by my wife.
Which one? I inquired quickly, thinking of the two telephones, of course.
Please, sir, stammered the boy, I don’t know how many you have.
* * * * *
William Blue was an engineer in the employ of one of the trunk railway
lines in this State. One of his duties was to haul the through freight
over the Western division, and his pet engine was No. 2. One night he had
an accident. One of the flues in the boiler of his pet engine flew out
and he was stalled, blocking the main line. He reported the matter to the
division superintendent unwittingly as follows—
Engine two blew out a flue; what’ll I do?—Bill Blue.
Then he sat down to wait instructions. This is what came over the wires
from the superintendent’s office twenty minutes later.
Bill Blue—You plug that flue in engine two and pull her through in time
to get out of the way of twenty-two.
This order is stuck up in the cab of engine 2.
* * * * *
Friend—My, vot a rotten cigar you giff me.
Storekeeper—You should worry. You got vun, I got five hundred!
* * * * *
Mother—Rachel, your beau was here to see you last night.
Kate—Oh, was he?
Mother—No, not Wuzzy, Izzy.
* * * * *