DOGS AND HUMAN BEINGS!

Lorillard, the New York tobacco man, had a poodle dog stolen, and has

offered a reward of five hundred dollars for the arrest of the thief, and

he informs a reporter that he will spend $10,000, if necessary, for the

capture and conviction of the thief. [Applause.]

The applause marked in there will be from human skye terriers, who have

forgotten that only a few weeks ago several hundred girls, who had been

working in Lorillard's factory, went on a strike because as they allege,

they were treated like dogs. We doubt if they were treated as well as this

poodle was treated. We doubt, in case one of these poor, virtuous girls

was kidnapped, if the great Lorillard would have offered as big a reward

for the conviction of the human thief, as he has for the conviction of the

person who has eloped with his poodle.

We hope that the aristocracy of this country will never get to valuing a

dog higher than it does a human being. When it gets so that a rich person

would not permit a poodle to do the work in a tobacco factory that a poor

girl does to support a sick mother, hell had better be opened for summer

boarders. When girls work ten hours a day stripping nasty tobacco, and

find at the end of the week that the fines for speaking are larger than

the wages, and the fines go for the conviction of thieves who steal the

girl's master's dog, no one need come around here lecturing at a dollar a

head and telling us there is no hell.

When a poor girl, who has gone creeping to her work at daylight, looks out

of the window at noon to see her master's carriage go by, in which there

is a five hundred dollar dog with a hundred dollar blanket on, and a

collar set with diamonds, lolling on satin cushions, and the girl is fined

ten cents for looking out of, the window, you don't want to fool

away any time trying to get us to go to a heaven where such heartless

employers are expected.

It is seldom the _Sun_ gets on its ear, but it can say with great

fervency, "Damn a man that will work poor girls like slaves, and pay them

next to nothing, and spend ten thousand dollars to catch a dog-thief!" If

these sentiments are sinful, and for expressing them we are a candidate

for fire and brimstone, it is all right, and the devil can stoke up and

make up our bunk when he hears that we are on the through train.

It seems now--though we may change our mind the first day at the fire--as

though we had rather be in hades with a hundred million people who have

always done the square thing, than to be in any heaven that will pass a

man in who has starved the poor and paid ten thousand dollars to catch a

dog-thief. We could have a confounded sight better time, even if we had

our ulster all burned off. It would be worth the price of admission to

stand with our back to the fire, and as we began to smell woolen burning

near the pistol pocket, to make up faces at the ten-thousand-dollar-dog

millionaires that were putting on style at the other place.

Peck's Compendium of Fun Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist · 第 137 / 191 题