The names of Indians are sometimes so peculiar that people are made to
wonder how the red men became possessed of them. That of "Sitting Bull,"
"Crazy Horse," "Man Afraid of his Horses," "Red Cloud," etc., cause a good
deal of thought to those who do not know how the names are given. The fact
of the matter is that after a child of the forest is born the medicine man
goes to the door and looks out, and the first object that attracts his
attention is made use of to name the child. When the mother of that great
warrior gave birth to her child, the medicine man looked out and saw a
bull seated on its haunches, hence the name "Sitting Bull." It is an
evidence of our superior civilization that we name children on a different
plan, taking the name of some eminent man or woman, some uncle or aunt to
fasten on to the unsuspecting stranger. Suppose that the custom that is in
vogue among the Indians should be in use among us, we would have instead
of "George Washington" and "Hanner Jane," and such beautiful names, some
of the worst jaw-breakers that ever was. Suppose the attending physician
should go to the door after a child was born and name it after the first
object he saw. We might have some future statesman named "Red Headed
Servant Girl with a Rubber Bag of Hot Water," or "Bald Headed Husband
Walking Up and Down the Alley with His Hands in His Pockets swearing this
thing shall never Happen Again." If the doctor happened to go to the door
when the grocery delivery wagon was there, he would name the child "Boy
from Dickson's Grocery with a Codfish by the Tail and a Bag of Oatmeal,"
or if the ice man was the first object the doctor saw, some beautiful girl
might go down to history with the name, "Pirate with a Lump of Ice About
as Big as a Soltaire Diamond." Or suppose it was about election time and
the doctor should look out, he might name a child that had a
right to grow up a minister, "Candidate for Office so full of Bug Juice
that His Back Teeth are afloat;" or suppose he should look out and see a
woman crossing a muddy street, he might name a child "Woman with a
Sealskin Cloak and a Hole in Her Stocking going Down Town to Buy a Red
Hat." It wouldn't do at all to name children the way Indians do, because
the doctors would have the whole business in their hands, and the
directories are big enough now.