THACKERAY'S RESEARCHES AMONGST THE WRITINGS OF THE EARLY
ESSAYISTS--_Continued._
Extracts of Characteristic Passages from the Works of 'The
Humourists,' from Thackeray's Library, illustrated with Original
Marginal Sketches by the Author's Hand -- The Series of THE
'GUARDIAN,' 1713 -- Introduction -- Steele's Programme -- Authors
who contributed to the 'Guardian' -- Paragraphs and Pencillings.
INTRODUCTION TO THE 'GUARDIAN.'
[Illustration]
The seventh volume of the 'Spectator,' originally intended to be the
last, was concluded Dec. 6, 1712, and the first paper of the
'Guardian' made its appearance March 12, 1713. This work had been
actually projected by Steele before the conclusion of the 'Spectator.'
In a letter to Pope, dated Nov. 12, 1712, he thus announces his
intention: 'I desire you would let me know whether you are at leisure
or not. I have a design which I shall open in a month or two hence,
with the assistance of a few like yourself. If your thoughts are
unengaged, I shall explain myself further.'
It appears that Steele undertook this work without any previous
concert with his illustrious colleague, and that he pursued it for
many weeks with vigour and assiduity, and with very little assistance
from his friends or from the letter-box.
The views of our essayists in the choice of a name have been either to
select one that did not pledge them to any particular plan, or one
that expressed humility, or promised little, and might afterwards
excite an agreeable surprise by its unexpected fertility. Of the
former class are the 'Spectator,' 'World,' 'Mirror;' of the latter
class are the 'Tatler,' 'Rambler,' 'Idler,' 'Adventurer,' &c. The
'Connoisseur' is a name of some danger, because of great promise; and
the 'Guardian' might perhaps have been liable to the same objection,
if 'Nestor Ironside' had not tempered the austerity of the preceptor
with the playfulness of the friend and companion, and partaken of the
amusements of his pupils while he provided for their instruction. And
with respect to his 'literary speculations, as well as his merriment
and burlesque,' we may surely allow him some latitude, when we
consider that the public at large were put under his guardianship, and
that the demand for variety became consequently more extensive. The
'Guardian'--which was in effect a continuation of the 'Spectator'
under another name--was published daily until Oct. 1, 1713, No. 175,
when it was abruptly closed by Steele, in consequence of a quarrel
between him and Tonson, the bookseller. Pope informs us that Steele
stood engaged to his publisher in articles of penalty for all the
'Guardians;' and by desisting two days, and altering the title of the
paper, was quit of the obligation. Steele started the 'Englishman,'
which was printed for Buckley, with a view of carrying his politics
into a new paper in which they might be in place. Steele behaved
vindictively to Tonson, and ruthlessly destroyed the original
publisher's legitimate rights of proprietorship in the joint
enterprise by advertising the 'Englishman' _as the sequel_ of the
'Guardian.'
In his first paper he likewise declared that he had 'for valuable
considerations purchased the lion[22] (frequently alluded to in the
papers), desk, pen, ink, and paper, and all other goods of Nestor
Ironside, Esq., who had thought fit to write no more himself.'
Whatever stormy circumstances, declares Dr. Chalmers, attended the
conclusion, it appears that Steele came prepared for the commencement
of the 'Guardian,' with more industry and richer stores than usual. He
wrote a great many papers in succession, with very little assistance
from his contemporaries. Addison, for what reason is not very
obvious, unless he was then looking to higher employment, did not make
his appearance until No. 67, nor, with one exception, did he again
contribute until No. 97, when he proceeds without interruption for
twenty-seven numbers, during which time Steele's affairs are said to
have been embarrassed. Steele's share amounts to seventy-one papers,
written in his happiest vein. Addison wrote fifty-one papers, and
generally with his accustomed excellence; but it may perhaps be
thought that there is a greater proportion of serious matter, and more
frequent use made of the letter-box, than was usual with this author.
The contributors to the 'Guardian' were not numerous. The first for
quality and value was the celebrated Bishop of Cloyne, Dr. George
Berkeley, a man so uniformly amiable as to be ranked among the first
of human beings; a writer sometimes so absurd that it has been doubted
whether it was possible he could be serious in the principles he has
laid down. His actions manifested the warmest zeal for the interests
of Christianity, while some of his writings seemed intended to assist
the cause of infidelity. The respect of those who knew Dr. Berkeley,
and his own excellent character, have rescued his name from the
imputations to which his writings may have given occasion; and to
posterity he will be deservedly handed down as an able champion of
religion, although infected with an incurable love of paradox, and
somewhat tainted with the pride of philosophy, which his better sense
could not restrain.
Dr. Berkeley's share in the 'Guardian' has been ascertained, partly on
the authority of his son, who claimed Nos. 3, 27, 35, 39, 49, 55, 62,
70, 77, and 126, and partly on that of the annotators, who added to
these Nos. 83, 88, and 89.
It is asserted, on unquestionable authority, that Dr. Berkeley had a
guinea and a dinner with Steele for every paper he furnished. This is
the only circumstance that has come to light respecting the payment
received by the assistants in any of these works. In the 'Spectator'
it is probable that Addison and Steele were joint sharers or
proprietors. In the case of the 'Guardian,' as already noticed, there
was a contract between Steele and Tonson, the nature of which has not
been clearly explained.
Pope's share of the 'Guardian' can be traced with some degree of
certainty, and at least eight papers can be confidently assigned to
his pen, which entitle him to the very highest praise as an essayist.
These are Nos. 4, 11, 40, 61, 78, 91, 92, and 173.
No. 10. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_March 23, 1713._
Venit ad me sæpe clamitans ----
Vestitu nimium indulges, nimium ineptus es,
Nimium ipse est durus præter æquumque et bonum.
_Ter. Adelph._
_'To the "Guardian."_
'Oxford, 1712.
'Sir,--I foresee that you will have many correspondents in this place;
but as I have often observed, with grief of heart, that scholars are
wretchedly ignorant in the science I profess, I flatter myself that my
letter will gain a place in your papers. I have made it my study, sir,
in these seats of learning, to look into the nature of dress, and am
what they call an _academical beau_. I have often lamented that I am
obliged to wear a grave habit, since by that means I have not an
opportunity to introduce fashions amongst our young gentlemen; and so
am forced, contrary to my own inclinations, and the expectation of all
who know me, to appear in print. I have indeed met with some success
in the projects I have communicated to some sparks with whom I am
intimate, and I cannot, without a secret triumph, confess that the
sleeves turned up with green velvet, which now flourish throughout the
university, sprung originally from my invention.
[Illustration]
'As it is necessary to have the head clear, as well as the complexion,
to be perfect in this part of learning, I rarely mingle with the men
(for I abhor wine), but frequent the tea-tables of the ladies. I know
every part of their dress, and can name all their things by their
names. I am consulted about every ornament they buy; and, I speak it
without vanity, have a very pretty fancy to knots and the like.
Sometimes I take a needle and spot a piece of muslin for pretty Patty
Cross-stitch, who is my present favourite; which, she says, I do
neatly enough; or read one of your papers and explain the motto, which
they all like mightily. But then I am a sort of petty tyrant among
them, for I own I have my humours. If anything be amiss, they are sure
Mr. Sleek will find fault; if any hoity-toighty things make a fuss,
they are sure to be taken to pieces the next visit. I am the dread of
poor Celia, whose wrapping gown is not right India; and am avoided by
Thalestris in her second-hand manteau, which several masters of arts
think very fine, whereas I discovered with half an eye that it had
been scoured.
* * * * *
'Though every man cannot fill his head with learning, it is in
anyone's power to wear a pretty periwig; he who hath no knack at
writing sonnets, may however have a soft hand; and he may arch his
eye-brows, who hath not strength of genius for the mathematics.
'SIMON SLEEK.'
No. 22. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_April 6, 1713._
My next desire is, void of care and strife,
To lead a soft, secure, inglorious life;
A country cottage near a crystal flood,
A winding valley, and a lofty wood.
[Illustration]
'Pastoral poetry not only amuses the fancy most delightfully, but it
is likewise more indebted to it than any other sort whatever. It
transports us into a kind of fairy-land, where our ears are soothed
with the melody of birds, bleating flocks and purling streams; our
eyes are enchanted with flowery meadows and springing greens; we are
laid under cool shades, and entertained with all the sweets and
freshness of nature. It is a dream, it is a vision, which may be real,
and we believe that it is true.
'Another characteristic of a shepherd is simplicity of manners, or
innocence. This is so obvious that it would be but repetition to
insist long upon it. I shall only remind the reader, that as the
pastoral life is supposed to be where nature is not much depraved,
sincerity and truth will generally run through it. Some slight
transgressions, for the sake of variety, may be admitted, which in
effect will only serve to set off the simplicity of it in general. I
cannot better illustrate this rule than by the following example of a
swain who found his mistress asleep:--
Once Delia slept, on easy moss reclined,
Her lovely limbs half bare, and rude the wind;
I smooth'd her coats, and stole a silent kiss;
Condemn me, shepherds, if I did amiss.
'A third sign of a swain is, that something of religion, and even
superstition, is part of his character. For we find that those who
have lived easy lives in the country, and contemplate the works of
nature, live in the greatest awe of their author; nor doth this humour
prevail less now than of old. Our peasants as sincerely believe the
tales of goblins and fairies as the heathens those of fawns, nymphs,
and satyrs. Hence we find the works of Virgil and Theocritus sprinkled
with left-handed ravens, blasted oaks, witchcrafts, evil eyes, and the
like. And I observe with great pleasure, that our English author of
the pastorals I have quoted hath practised this secret with admirable
judgment.'
No. 29. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_April 14, 1713._
Ride si sapis--_Mart. Epig._
Laugh if you're wise.
'In order to look into any person's temper I generally make my first
observation upon his laugh; whether he is easily moved, and what are
the passages which throw him into that agreeable kind of convulsion.
People are never so unguarded as when they are pleased; and laughter
being a visible symptom of some inward satisfaction, it is then, if
ever, we may believe the face. It may be remarked in general under
this head, that the laugh of men of wit is, for the most part, but a
faint, constrained kind of half laugh, as such persons are never
without some diffidence about them; but that of fools is the most
honest, natural, open laugh in the world.
'As the playhouse affords us the most occasions of observing upon the
behaviour of the face, it may be useful (for the direction of those
who would be critics this way) to remark, that the virgin ladies
usually dispose themselves in front of the boxes; the young married
women compose the second row; while the rear is generally made up of
mothers of long standing, undesigning maids, and contented widows.
Whoever will cast his eye upon them under this view, during the
representation of a play, will find me so far in the right that a
_double entendre_ strikes the first row into an affected gravity, or
careless indolence; the second will venture at a smile; but the third
take the conceit entirely, and express their mirth in a downright
laugh.
'When I descend to particulars, I find the reserved prude will relapse
into a smile at the extravagant freedoms of the coquette, the coquette
in her turn laughs at the starchness and awkward affectation of the
prude; the man of letters is tickled with the vanity and ignorance of
the fop, and the fop confesses his ridicule at the unpoliteness of the
pedant.
'I fancy we may range the several kinds of laughers under the
following heads:--
The Dimplers, The Laughers,
The Smilers, The Grinners,
The Horse-laughers.
'The Dimple is practised to give a grace to the features, and is
frequently made a bait to entangle a gazing lover. This was called by
the ancients the Chian laugh.
[Illustration]
'The Smile is for the most part confined to the fair sex, and their
male retinue. It expresses our satisfaction in a silent sort of
approbation, doth not too much disorder the features, and is practised
by lovers of the most delicate address. This tender motion of the
physiognomy the ancients called the Ionic laugh.
'The Laugh among us is the common _risus_ of the ancients.
'The Grin, by writers of antiquity, is called the Syncrusian, and was
then, as it is at this time, made use of to display a beautiful set of
teeth.
'The Horse-laugh, or the Sardonic, is made use of with great success
in all kinds of disputation. The proficients in this kind, by a
well-timed laugh, will baffle the most solid argument. This upon all
occasions supplies the want of reason, is always received with great
applause in coffee-house disputes; and that side the laugh joins with
is generally observed to gain the better of his antagonist.
'The prude hath a wonderful esteem for the Chian laugh, or Dimple; she
looks upon all the other kinds of laughter as excesses of levity, and
is never seen upon the most extravagant jests to disorder her
countenance with the ruffle of a smile. Her lips are composed with a
primness peculiar to her character; all her modesty seems collected
into her face, and she but very rarely takes the freedom to sink her
cheek into a dimple.
'The coquette is a proficient in laughter, and can run through the
whole exercise of the features. She subdues the formal lover with the
dimple, accosts the fop with the smile, joins with the wit in the
downright laugh; to vary the air of her countenance frequently rallies
with the grin; and when she has ridiculed her lover quite out of his
understanding, to complete his misfortune, strikes him dumb with the
horse-laugh.'
No. 34. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_April 20, 1713._
Mores multorum vidit.--_Hor._
He many men and many manners saw.
'I happened to fall in with a circle of young ladies very lately, at
their afternoon tea, when the conversation ran upon fine gentlemen.
From the several characters that were given, and the exceptions that
were made, as this or that gentleman happened to be named, I found
that a lady is not difficult to be pleased, and that the town swarms
with fine gentlemen. A nimble pair of heels, a smooth complexion, a
full-bottomed wig, a laced shirt, an embroidered suit, a pair of
fringed gloves, a hat and feather, alike, one and all, ennoble a man,
and raise him above the vulgar in female imagination.
[Illustration]
'I could not forbear smiling at one of the prettiest and liveliest of
this gay assembly, who excepted to the gentility of Sir William
Hearty, because he wore a frieze coat, and breakfasted upon toast and
ale. I pretended to admire the fineness of her taste, and to strike in
with her in ridiculing those awkward healthy gentlemen who seek to
make nourishment the chief end of eating. I gave her an account of an
honest Yorkshire gentleman, who, when I was a traveller, used to
invite his acquaintances at Paris to break their fast with him upon
cold roast beef and mum. There was, I remember, a little French
marquis, who was often pleased to rally him unmercifully upon beef and
pudding, of which our countryman would despatch a pound or two with
great alacrity, while his antagonist was picking at a mushroom or the
haunch of a frog. I could perceive the lady was pleased with what I
said, and we parted very good friends, by virtue of a maxim I always
observe, never to contradict or reason with a sprightly female. I went
home, however, full of a great many serious reflections upon what had
passed; and though in complaisance I disguised my sentiments, to keep
up the good humour of my fair companions, and to avoid being looked
upon as a testy old fellow; yet, out of the good-will I bear the sex,
and to prevent for the future their being imposed upon by
counterfeits, I shall give them the distinguishing marks of a true
fine gentleman.
* * * * *
'ADVERTISEMENT.
_'For the Benefit of my Female Readers._
'N.B.--The gilt chariot, the diamond ring, the gold snuff-box, and
brocade sword-knot are no essential parts of a fine gentleman; but may
be used by him, provided he casts his eye upon them but once a day.'
No. 44. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_May 1, 1713._
This path conducts us to the Elysian fields.
'I have frequently observed in the walks belonging to all the inns of
court, a set of old fellows who appear to be humourists, and wrapped
up in themselves. I am very glad to observe that these sages of this
peripatetic sect study tranquillity and indolence of body and mind in
the neighbourhood of so much contention as is carried on among the
students of Littleton. Now these, who are the jest of such as take
themselves, and the world usually takes to be in prosperity, are the
very persons whose happiness, were it understood, would be looked upon
with burning envy.
[Illustration]
'I fell into the discovery of them in the following manner: One day
last summer, being particularly under the dominion of the spleen, I
resolved to soothe my melancholy in the company of such, whose
appearance promised a full return of any complaints I could possibly
utter. Living near Gray's Inn walks, I went thither in search of the
persons above described, and found some of them seated upon a bench,
where, as Milton sings--
The unpierced shade imbrown'd their noontide bow'r.
'I squeezed in among them; and they did not only receive my moanings
with singular humanity, but gave me all possible encouragement to
enlarge them. If the blackness of my spleen raised an imaginary
distemper of body, some one of them immediately sympathised with me.
If I spake of any disappointment in my fortune, another of them would
abate my sorrowing by recounting to me his own defeat upon the very
same circumstances. If I touched upon overlooked merit, the whole
assembly seemed to condole with me very feelingly upon that
particular. In short, I could not make myself so calamitous in mind,
body, or circumstances, but some one of them was upon a level with
me. When I had wound up my discourse, and was ripe for their intended
raillery, at first they crowned my narration with several piteous
sighs and groans; but after a short pause, and a signal given for the
onset, they burst out into a most incomprehensible fit of laughter.
You may be sure I was notably out of countenance, which gave occasion
to a second explosion of the same mirth. What troubled me most was,
that their figure, age, and short sword preserved them from any
imputation of cowardice upon refusal of battle, and their number from
insult. I had now no other way to be upon good terms with them, but
desiring I might be admitted into this fraternity. This was at first
vigorously opposed, it being objected to me that I affected too much
the appearance of a happy man to be received into a society so proud
of appearing the most afflicted. However, as I only seemed to be what
they really were, I am admitted, by way of triumph, upon probation for
a year; and if within that time it shall be possible for them to
infuse any of their gaiety into me, I can, at Monmouth Street, upon
mighty easy terms, purchase the robes necessary for my instalment into
this order; and when they have made me as happy, shall be willing to
appear as miserable, as any of this assembly.'
No. 60. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_May 20, 1713._
Nihil legebat quod non excerperet.--_Plin._
He picked something out of everything he read.
[Illustration]
'There is nothing in which men deceive themselves more ridiculously
than in point of reading, and which, as it is constantly practised
under the notion of improvement, has less advantage.
'When I was sent to Oxford, my chiefest expense ran upon books, and my
only expense upon numbers; so that you may be sure I had what they
call a choice collection, sometimes buying by the pound, sometimes by
the dozen, at others by the hundred.
'As I always held it necessary to read in public places, by way of
ostentation, but could not possibly travel with a library in my
pockets, I took the following method to gratify this errantry of mine.
I contrived a little pocket-book, each leaf of which was a different
author, so that my wandering was indulged and concealed within the
same enclosure.
'This extravagant humour, which should seem to pronounce me
irrecoverable, had the contrary effect; and my hand and eye being thus
confined to a single book, in a little time reconciled me to the
perusal of a single author. However, I chose such a one as had as
little connection as possible, turning to the Proverbs of Solomon,
where the best instructions are thrown together in the most beautiful
range imaginable, and where I found all that variety which I had
before sought in so many different authors, and which was so necessary
to beguile my attention. By these proper degrees I have made so
glorious a reformation in my studies that I can keep company with
Tully in his most extended periods, and work through the continued
narrations of the most prolix historian. I now read nothing without
making exact collections, and shall shortly give the world an instance
of this in the publication of the following discourses. The first is a
learned controversy about the existence of griffins, in which I hope
to convince the world that notwithstanding such a mixed creature has
been allowed by Ælian, Solinus, Mela, and Herodotus, that they have
been perfectly mistaken in the matter, and shall support myself by the
authority of Albertus, Pliny, Aldrovandus, and Matthias Michovius;
which two last have clearly argued that animal out of the creation.
'The second is a treatise of sternutation or sneezing, with the
original custom of saluting or blessing upon that motion; as also with
a problem from Aristotle, showing why sneezing from noon to night was
innocent enough; from night to noon, extremely unfortunate.
'The third and most curious is my discourse upon the nature of the
lake Asphaltites, or the lake of Sodom; being a very careful enquiry
whether brickbats and iron will swim in that lake, and feathers sink,
as Pliny and Mandevil have averred.
'The discussing these difficulties without perplexity or prejudice,
the labour of collecting and collating matters of this nature, will,
I hope, in a great measure atone for the idle hours I have trifled
away in matters of less importance.'
No. 77. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_June 9, 1713._
Certum voto pete finem.--_Hor. Ep._
To wishes fix an end.--_Creech._
[Illustration]
'The same weakness, or defect in the mind, from whence pedantry takes
its rise, does likewise give birth to avarice. Words and money are
both to be regarded as only marks of things; and as the knowledge of
the one, so the possession of the other is of no use, unless directed
to a farther end. A mutual commerce could not be carried on among men,
if some common standard had not been agreed upon, to which the value
of all the various productions of art and nature were reducible, and
which might be of the same use in the conveyance of property as words
are in that of ideas. Gold, by its beauty, scarceness, and durable
nature, seems designed by Providence to a purpose so excellent and
advantageous to mankind. Upon these considerations that metal came
first into esteem. But such who cannot see beyond what is nearest in
the pursuit, beholding mankind touched with an affection for gold, and
being ignorant of the true reason that introduced this odd passion
into human nature, imagine some intrinsic worth in the metal to be the
cause of it. Hence the same men who, had they been turned towards
learning, would have employed themselves in laying up words in their
memory, are by a different application employed to as much purpose in
treasuring up gold in their coffers. They differ only in the object;
the principle on which they act, and the inward frame of mind, is the
same in the critic and the miser.'
No. 84. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_June 17, 1713._
Non missura cutem nisi plena cruoris hirudo.--_Hor._
Sticking like leeches, till they burst with blood.--_Roscommon._
'_To Nestor Ironside, Esq._
'Sir,--Presuming you may sometimes condescend to take cognisance of
small enormities, I lay one here before you without farther apology.
[Illustration]
'There is a silly habit among many of our minor orators, who display
their eloquence in the several coffee-houses of this fair city, to the
no small annoyance of considerable numbers of her Majesty's spruce and
loving subjects, and that is, a humour they have got of twisting off
your buttons. These ingenious gentlemen are not able to advance three
words till they have got fast hold of one of your buttons; but as soon
as they have procured such an excellent handle for discourse, they
will indeed proceed with great elocution. I know not how well some may
have escaped; but for my part, I have often met with them to my cost;
having, I believe, within these three years last past, been argued out
of several dozen; insomuch that I have for some time ordered my tailor
to bring me home with every suit a dozen at least of spare ones, to
supply the place of such as, from time to time, are detached as a help
to discourse, by the vehement gentlemen before mentioned. In the
coffee-houses here about the Temple, you may harangue even among our
dabblers in politics for about two buttons a-day, and many times for
less. I had yesterday the good fortune to receive very considerable
additions to my knowledge in state affairs; and I find this morning
that it has not stood me in above a button. Besides the gentlemen
before mentioned, there are others who are no less active in their
harangues, but with gentle services rather than robberies. These,
while they are improving your understanding, are at the same time
setting off your person: they will new plait and adjust your
neckcloth.
'I am of opinion that no orator or speaker in public or private has
any right to meddle with anybody's clothes but his own. I indulge men
in the liberty of playing with their own hats, fumbling in their own
pockets, settling their own periwigs, tossing or twisting their heads,
and all other gesticulations which may contribute to their elocution,
but pronounce it an infringement of the English liberty, for a man to
keep his neighbour's person in custody in order to force a hearing;
and farther declare, that all assent given by an auditor under such
constraint is of itself void and of no effect.'
No. 92. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_June 26, 1713._
Homunculi quanti sunt, cum recognito!--_Plautus._
Now I recollect, how considerable are these little men.
'The most eminent persons of our club are, a little poet, a little
lover, a little politician, and a little hero.
[Illustration]
'Tom Tiptoe, a dapper little fellow, is the most gallant lover of the
age. He is particularly nice in his habiliments; and to the end
justice may be done in that way, constantly employs the same artist
who makes attire for the neighbouring princes, and ladies of quality.
The vivacity of his temper inclines him sometimes to boast of the
favours of the fair. He was the other night excusing his absence from
the club on account of an assignation with a lady (and, as he had the
vanity to tell us, a tall one too), but one of the company, who was
his confidant, assured us she was a woman of humour, and consented she
would permit him to kiss her, but only on the condition that his toe
must be tied to hers.'
No. 100. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_July 6, 1713._
If snowy-white your neck, you still should wear
That, and the shoulder of the left arm, bare;
Such sights ne'er fail to fire my am'rous heart,
And make me pant to kiss the naked part.--_Congreve._
[Illustration]
'There is a certain female ornament, by some called a _tucker_, and by
others the _neckpiece_, being a slip of fine linen or muslin, that
used to run in a small kind of ruffle round the uppermost verge of the
women's stays, and by that means covered a great part of the shoulders
and bosom. Having thus given a definition, or rather description, of
the tucker, I must take notice, that our ladies have of late thrown
aside this fig-leaf, and exposed in its primitive nakedness that
gentle swelling of the breast which it was used to conceal.
'If we survey the pictures of our great-grandmothers in Queen
Elizabeth's time, we see them clothed down to the very wrists, and up
to the very chin. The hands and face were the only samples they gave
of their beautiful persons. The following age of females made larger
discoveries of their complexion. They first of all tucked up their
garments to the elbow; and, notwithstanding the tenderness of the sex,
were content, for the information of mankind, to expose their arms to
the coldness of the air, and injuries of the weather. This artifice
hath succeeded to their wishes, and betrayed many to their arms, who
might have escaped them had they been still concealed.
'About the same time, the ladies considering that the neck was a very
modest part in a human body, they freed it from those yokes, I mean
those monstrous linen ruffs in which the simplicity of their
grandmothers had enclosed it. In proportion as the age refined, the
dress still sunk lower; so that when we now say a woman has a handsome
neck, we reckon into it many of the adjacent parts. The disuse of the
tucker has still enlarged it, insomuch that the neck of a fine woman
at present takes in almost half the body.'
No. 114. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_July 22, 1713._
Take the hives, and fall to work upon the honeycombs; the
drones refuse, the bees accept the proposal.
[Illustration]
'I think myself obliged to acquaint the public that the lion's head,
of which I advertised them about a fortnight ago, is now erected at
Button's coffee-house, in Russell Street, Covent Garden, where it
opens its mouth at all hours for the reception of such intelligence as
shall be thrown into it. It is reckoned an excellent piece of
workmanship, and was designed by a great hand in imitation of the
antique Egyptian lion, the face of it being compounded out of that of
a lion and a wizard. The features are strong and well furrowed. The
whiskers are admired by all that have seen them. It is planted on the
western side of the coffee-house, holding its paws under the chin upon
a box, which contains everything that he swallows. He is indeed a
proper emblem of knowledge and action, being all head and paws.
'I need not acquaint my readers that my lion, like a moth or bookworm,
feeds upon nothing but paper, and shall only beg of them to diet him
with wholesome and substantial food. I must therefore desire that they
will not gorge him either with nonsense or obscenity; and must
likewise insist that his mouth must not be defiled with scandal, for I
would not make use of him to revile the human species, and satirise
those who are his betters. I shall not suffer him to worry any man's
reputation; nor indeed fall on any person whatsoever, such only
excepted as disgrace the name of this generous animal, and under the
title of lions contrive the ruin of their fellow-subjects. Those who
read the history of the Popes, observe that the Leos have been the
best and the Innocents the worst of that species; and I hope I shall
not be thought to derogate from my lion's character, by representing
him as such a peaceable, good-natured, well-designing beast.'
No. 129. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_Aug. 8, 1713._
And part with life, only to wound their foe.
'The "Guardian" prints the following genuine letters to enlighten
readers on the cool and deliberate preparation men of honour have
beforetime made for murdering one another under the convenient
pretences of duelling:--
'"À Monsieur Sackville,--I that am in France hear how much you
attribute to yourself in this time, that I have given the world leave
to ring your praises.... If you call to memory, whereas I gave you my
hand last, I told you I reserved the heart for a truer reconciliation.
Be master of your own weapons and time; the place wheresoever I will
wait on you. By doing this you shall shorten revenge, and clear the
idle opinion the world hath of both our worths.
ED. BRUCE."
[Illustration]
'"À Monsieur le Baron de Kinloss,--As it shall be always far from me
to seek a quarrel, so will I always be ready to meet with any that
desire to make trial of my valour by so fair a course as you require.
A witness whereof yourself shall be, who within a month shall receive
a strict account of time, place, and weapon, where you shall find me
ready disposed to give you honourable satisfaction by him that shall
conduct you thither. In the meantime be as secret of the appointment
as it seems you are desirous of it.
ED. SACKVILLE."
'"Tergosa: August 10, 1613.
'"À Monsieur le Baron de Kinloss,--I am ready at Tergosa, a town in
Zealand, to give you that satisfaction your sword can tender you,
accompanied with a worthy gentleman for my second, in degree a knight;
and for your coming I will not limit you a peremptory day, but desire
you to make a definite and speedy repair, for your own honour, and
fear of prevention, until which time you shall find me there.
ED. SACKVILLE."
'"À Monsieur Sackville,--I have received your letter by your man, and
acknowledge you have dealt nobly with me; and now I come with all
possible haste to meet you.
ED. BRUCE."'
No. 140. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_Aug. 21, 1713._
A sight might thaw old Priam's frozen age,
And warm e'en Nestor into amorous rage.
'_To Pope Clement VIII. Nestor Ironside, Greeting._
[Illustration]
'I have heard, with great satisfaction, that you have forbidden your
priests to confess any woman who appears before them without a tucker;
in which you please me well. I do agree with you that it is impossible
for a good man to discharge his office as he ought, who gives an ear
to those alluring penitents that discover their hearts and necks to
him at the same time. I am labouring, as much as in me lies, to stir
up the same spirit of modesty among the women of this island, and
should be glad we might assist one another in so good a work. In order
to it, I desire that you would send me over the length of a Roman
lady's neck, as it stood before your late prohibition. We have some
here who have necks of one, two, and three feet in length; some that
have necks which reach down to their middles; and, indeed, some who
may be said to be all neck, and no body. I hope at the same time you
observe the stays of your female subjects, that you have also an eye
to their petticoats, which rise in this island daily. When the
petticoat reaches but to the knee, and the stays fall to the fifth rib
(which I hear is to be the standard of each as it has been lately
settled in a junto of the sex), I will take care to send you one of
either sort, which I advertise you of beforehand, that you may not
compute the stature of our English women from the length of their
garments. In the meantime, I have desired the master of a vessel, who
tells me that he shall touch at Civita Vecchia, to present you with a
certain female machine, which I believe will puzzle your infallibility
to discover the use of it. Not to keep you in suspense, it is what we
call, in this country, a hooped petticoat. I shall only beg of you to
let me know whether you find any garment of this nature among all the
relics of your female saints; and, in particular, whether it was ever
worn by any of your twenty thousand virgin martyrs.
'Yours, _usque ad aras_,
'NESTOR IRONSIDE.'
No. 153. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_Sept. 5, 1713._
A mighty pomp, tho' made of little things.--_Dryden._
'If there be anything which makes human nature appear ridiculous to
beings of superior faculties it must be pride. They know so well the
vanity of those imaginary perfections that swell the heart of man, and
of those little supernumerary advantages, whether of birth, fortune,
or title, which one man enjoys above another, that it must certainly
very much astonish, if it does not very much divert them, when they
see a mortal puffed up, and valuing himself above his neighbours on
any of these accounts, at the same time that he is obnoxious to all
the common calamities of the species.
'To set this thought in its true light, we will fancy, if you please,
that yonder molehill is inhabited by reasonable creatures, and that
every pismire (his shape and way of life only excepted) is endowed
with human passions. How should we smile to hear one give us an
account of the pedigrees, distinctions, and titles that reign among
them! Observe how the whole swarm divide and make way for the pismire
that passes through them! You must understand he is an emmet of
quality, and has better blood in his veins than any pismire in the
molehill. Do not you see how sensible he is of it, how slow he marches
forward, how the whole rabble of ants keep their distance? Here you
may observe one placed upon a little eminence, and looking down on a
long row of labourers. He is the richest insect on this side the
hillock; he has a walk of half a yard in length, and a quarter of an
inch in breadth; he keeps a hundred menial servants, and has at least
fifteen barleycorns in his granary. He is now chiding and beslaving
the emmet that stands before him, and who, for all that we can
discover, is as good an emmet as himself.
[Illustration]
'But here comes an insect of figure! Do not you take notice of a
little white straw that he carries in his mouth? That straw, you must
understand, he would not part with for the longest track about the
molehill; did you but know what he has undergone to purchase it. See
how the ants of all qualities and conditions swarm about him. Should
this straw drop out of his mouth, you would see all this numerous
circle of attendants follow the next that took it up, and leave the
discarded insect, or run over his back to come at his successor.'
No. 167. THE 'GUARDIAN.'--_Sept. 22, 1713._
Fata viam invenient.--_Virg._
Fate the way will find.
The following story is translated from an Arabian manuscript:--
'"The name of Helim is still famous through all the Eastern parts of
the world. He was the Governor of the Black Palace, a man of infinite
wisdom, and chief of the physicians to Alnareschin, the great King of
Persia.
'"Alnareschin was the most dreadful tyrant that ever reigned over that
country. He was of a fearful, suspicious, and cruel nature, having put
to death, upon slight surmises, five-and-thirty of his queens, and
above twenty sons, whom he suspected of conspiring. Being at length
wearied with the exercise of so many cruelties, and fearing the whole
race of Caliphs would be extinguished, he sent for Helim, the good
physician, and confided his two remaining sons, Ibrahim and Abdallah,
then mere infants, to his charge, requesting him to bring them up in
virtuous retirement. Helim had an only child, a girl of noble soul,
and a most beautiful person. Abdallah, whose mind was of a more tender
turn than that of Ibrahim, grew by degrees so enamoured of her
conversation that he did not think he lived unless in the company of
his beloved Balsora.
'"The fame of her beauty was so great that it came to the ears of the
king, who, pretending to visit the young princes, his sons, demanded
of Helim the sight of his fair daughter. The king was so inflamed with
her beauty and behaviour that he sent for Helim the next morning, and
told him it was now his design to recompense him for all his faithful
services, and that he intended to make his daughter Queen of Persia.
'"Helim, who remembered the fate of the former queens, and who was
also acquainted with the secret love of Abdallah, contrived to
administer a sleeping draught to his daughter, and announced to the
king that the news of his intention had overcome her. The king ordered
that as he had designed to wed Balsora, her body should be laid in the
Black Palace among those of his deceased queens.
'"Abdallah soon fretted after his love, and Helim administered a
similar potion to his ward, and he was laid in the same tomb. Helim,
having charge of the Black Palace, awaited their revival, and then
secretly supplied them with sustenance, and finally contrived, by
dressing them as spirits, to convey them away from this sepulchre, and
concealed them in a palace which had been bestowed on him by the king
in reward for his recovering him from a dangerous illness.
'"About ten years after their abode in this place the old king died.
The new king, Ibrahim, being one day out hunting, and separated from
his company, found himself, almost fainting with heat and thirst, at
the foot of Mount Khacan, and, ascending the hill, he arrived at
Helim's house and requested refreshments. Helim was, very luckily,
there at that time, and after having set before the king the choicest
of wines and fruits, finding him wonderfully pleased with so
seasonable a treat, told him that the best part of his entertainment
was to come; upon which he opened to him the whole history of what had
passed. The king was at once astonished and transported at so strange
a relation, and seeing his brother enter the room with Balsora in his
hand, he leaped off from the sofa on which he sat, and cried out,
''Tis he! 'tis my Abdallah!' Having said this, he fell upon his neck
and wept.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
'"Ibrahim offered to divide his empire with his brother, but, finding
the lovers preferred their retirement, he made them a present of all
the open country as far as they could see from the top of Mount
Khacan, which Abdallah continued to improve and beautify until it
became the most delicious spot of ground within the empire, and it is,
therefore, called the garden of Persia.
'"Ibrahim, after a long and happy reign, died without children, and
was succeeded by Abdallah, the son of Abdallah and Balsora. This was
that King Abdallah who afterwards fixed the imperial residence upon
Mount Khacan, which continues at this time to be the favourite palace
of the Persian Empire."'
FOOTNOTE:
[22] The gilt lion's-head letter-box, used in the publication of the
'Guardian,' and then placed in Button's coffee-house, was afterwards
for many years at the Shakespeare tavern, in Covent Garden. The master
of this tavern becoming insolvent, the lion's head was sold among his
effects, Nov. 8, 1804, for £17 10s.