["WANTED.--Loud gramophone (second-hand) for reprisals."--_Advt.
in "The Times."_]
It is just to meet such pressing demands as this that the Gramophobia
Company have introduced their remarkable instrument or weapon,
described as The Clinchophone. No home is complete without it.
It is supplied with little oil bath, B.S.A. fittings and kick start.
A child can set it in motion, but nothing on earth will stop it until
its object is achieved and there is peace with honour.
Installed in a neighbourhood bristling with pianos, amateur singers,
gramophones, and other grind boxes it saves its cost in doctors'
bills.
It is fatal at fifty yards, and there has been nothing like it since
the "Tanks." It can do almost everything except stop before its time.