Damocles’ bedroom smelt horribly of medicines. Low and very narrow, it
was lighted gloomily by two night-lights. In an alcove, covered with
innumerable blankets, one could see Damocles tossing about. He spoke
all the time, although there was no one near him. His voice was hoarse
and thick. Full of horror Prometheus and Cocles looked at each other;
he did not hear them approach and continued his moaning as if he were
alone.
--And from that day, he was saying, it seemed to me, both that my life
began to have another meaning and that I could no longer live! That
hated bank-note I believed I owed it to every one and I dared not give
it to any one--without depriving all the others. I only dreamed of
getting rid of it--but how?--The Savings Bank! but this increased my
trouble; my debt was augmented by the interest on the money; and, on
the other hand, the idea of letting it stagnate was intolerable to me;
so I thought it best to circulate the sum; I carried it always upon
me; regularly every week I changed the note into silver, and then the
silver into another note. Nothing is lost or gained in this exchange.
It is circular insanity.--And to this was added another torture: that
it was through a blow given to another that I received this note!
One day, you know well, I met you in a restaurant....
--He is speaking of you, said the waiter.
--The eagle of Prometheus broke the window of the restaurant
and put out Cocles’ eye.... Saved!!--Gratuitously, fortuitously,
providentially! I will slip my bank-note into the interstices of these
events. No more debt! Saved! Ah! gentlemen! what an error.... It was
from that day that I became a dying man. How can I explain this to you?
Will you ever understand my anguish? I am still in debt for this note,
and now it is no longer in my possession! I tried like a coward to get
rid of my debt, but I have not acquitted it. In my nightmares I awake
covered with perspiration. Kneeling down, I cry aloud: Lord! Lord! to
whom do I owe this? I know nothing of it, but I owe--owing is like
duty. Duty, gentlemen, is a horrible thing; look at me, I am dying of
it.
And now I am more tormented than ever because I have passed this debt
on to you, Cocles.... Cocles! it does not belong to you that eye, as
the money it was bought with did not belong to me. And what hast thou
that thou didst not receive? says the Bible ... received from whom?
whom?? Whom??... My distress is intolerable.
The wretched man spoke in short, sharp jerks; his voice grew
inarticulate, choked as it was by gasps, sobs and tears. Anxiously
Prometheus and Cocles listened; they took each other’s hand and
trembled. Damocles said, seeming to see them:
Debt is a terrible duty, gentlemen ... but how much more terrible is
the remorse of having wished to evade a duty.... As if the debt could
cease to exist because it was transferred to another.... But your eye
burns you, Cocles!--Cocles!! I am certain it burns you, your glass
eye; tear it out!--If it does not burn you, it ought to burn you, for
it is not yours--your eye ... and if it is not yours it must be your
brother’s ... whose is it? whose? Whose??
The miserable man wept; he became delirious and lost strength; now and
again fixing his eyes on Prometheus and Cocles he seemed to recognize
them, crying:
--But understand me for pity’s sake! The pity I claim from you is not
simply a compress on my forehead, a bowl of fresh water, a soothing
drink; it is to understand me. Help me to understand myself, for pity’s
sake! _This_ which has come to me from I know not where, to whom do
I owe it? to whom?? to Whom??--And, in order to cease one day from
owing it one day, believing, I made with _this_ a present to others!
To others!!--to Cocles--the gift of an eye!! but it is not yours, that
eye, Cocles! Cocles!! give it back. Give it back, but to whom? to whom?
to Whom??
Not wishing to hear more, Cocles and Prometheus went away.