LOST
We had a terrible fright the next morning, for the poor dear Wallypug
got lost, and for some time we could not imagine what had become of
him.
It happened in this way: directly after breakfast his Majesty said
that he should like to go for a walk and look at the shops.
"I'm not going," declared the Doctor-in-Law. "I have some _very_
important letters to write."
We all looked up in surprise, for we did not know that the
Doctor-in-Law had any other acquaintances in London.
"Letters from which I hope to derive a princely income," continued
the little man grandly; "and, therefore, I have no time for such
foolishness as looking into shop windows."
"He's afraid thad he bight have to sped sub buddy," remarked
A. Fish, Esq.
"Nothing of the sort," replied the Doctor-in-Law, turning very red
though.
"Well, don't waste time talking about it; let's go if we are going,"
said the Rhymester; and so, as I also had some correspondence to
attend to, it was arranged that the Wallypug, the Rhymester, and A.
Fish, Esq., should go for a little stroll by themselves. I had some
doubts in my own mind as to the advisability of letting them go alone,
but they promised not to go beyond Kensington Gardens, and to wait for
me there just inside the gates.
After they had gone I settled down to my letter-writing, and was
getting along nicely when the Doctor-in-Law interrupted me with:
"I say, I wish you would let me have about twenty sheets of
note-paper, will you, please?"
"Twenty!" I exclaimed in surprise.
"Yes, twenty," said the Doctor-in-Law. "Or you had better make it
a quire while you are about it."
I thought the quickest way to get rid of him was to give him the
paper, so I got up and got it for him.
"And a packet of envelopes, please," he said, as I handed it to him.
"Anything else?" I asked rather sarcastically.
"Stamps!" he replied, calmly holding out his hand.
"Well, really--" I expostulated.
"Oh, halfpenny ones will do. You're surely not so mean as to mind
tenpence, are you?"
"I don't think I'm mean, but--"
"Hand them over then, and don't waste so much time talking," said the
little man impatiently, and so, just to get rid of him, I gave him the
stamps and sat down to my letters again.
I had hardly begun when he came back.
"Don't you take any other newspapers than these?" he demanded, showing
me a handful.
"No, I don't, and I think it's rather extravagant of me to have
those," I replied.
"Well, then, how do you suppose that I am going to manage? I want at
least five other papers, and it's _most_ important that I should have
them."
"You might buy them," I suggested.
"They are so dear," he grumbled.
"Well, why don't you go to the Public Library then?" I suggested. "You
know where it is, and you could see all of the papers there, you
know."
"Ah, a capital idea," he said, putting on his hat and going out.
"Now," I thought, "I shall have peace at last."
I was not left undisturbed long though, for a few minutes later Mrs.
Putchy came to the door.
"Oh, please, sir, will you go down? Mr. Doctor-in-Law is having such a
bother with the postman."
I hurried out, and found the little man very angry indeed.
"This postman won't give me a letter," he cried when he saw me.
"Perhaps he hasn't one for you," I answered.
"But I saw him giving them away all down the street for nothing,"
persisted the Doctor-in-Law. "And when I asked him in a civil way for
one, he refused to give it to me. It's no use for him to say he hasn't
one, when he has a whole packet in his hand now, and a lot more in
his bag, no doubt. Are you going to give me a letter or not?" he
continued, turning to the postman.
[Illustration: "ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A LETTER OR NOT?"]
"No, sir," continued the man, smiling. "I haven't any for you."
"Very well, then," said the Doctor-in-Law decidedly, "I shall
certainly write to the Queen and tell her that if she employs you any
longer I shall take all my custom away, and I shall not send the
twenty letters, that I intended writing to-day, off at all."
I endeavoured to explain to the little man that the postman could not
possibly give him a letter if he had not one addressed to him.
"Oh, that's all nonsense," he exclaimed, going off in a huff. "Of
course you would take his part."
Before I could settle down to work again the Rhymester and A. Fish,
Esq., returned.
"Where's the Wallypug?" I demanded.
"Oh, he's coming by the next 'bus," said the Rhymester. "Haven't you
had any rain here?"
"No," I replied.
"Oh, we had quidt a sharb shower," said A. Fish, Esq., "ad I was
afraid of gettig wet, so we stopped a 'bus--there was odly roob for
two though, ad the Wallypug said thad he would cub od by the dext."
"I hope he will get home all right," I said anxiously. "I don't think
you ought to have left his Majesty by himself."
"Oh! it's only a little way," said the Rhymester; "he's sure to get
home all right."
[Illustration: "SO WE STOPPED A 'BUS"]
An hour passed and there was no signs of the Wallypug. I now began
to get seriously anxious.
It would, of course, be the easiest thing in the world for his Majesty
to take the wrong 'bus, and be taken goodness knows where.
I couldn't think what was best to be done. The Rhymester suggested
sending the Crier out, but I never remembered having seen one at
Kensington, and at last, after searching for some time ourselves in
Kensington Gardens, and making inquiries in High Street, and failing
to glean any tidings of his Majesty, I thought it best to go to the
Police Station.
Here I found a very important-looking official in uniform, with a big
book in front of him.
"What is it?" he inquired, glaring at me fiercely.
"I've called to know if you could assist me in finding a friend who, I
fear, has lost his way," I replied.
The official did not answer me, but reached down another large book.
"What's his name?" he inquired gruffly.
"His name? Oh--er--his name is--er--that is to say he is the--" I had
not the least idea what the Wallypug's name really was, so I couldn't
very well say.
"What's his name?" shouted the official. "I'll ask you what he _is_
presently."
"Well, I'm very sorry, but I really do not know his name."
The man glanced at me very suspiciously.
"You said he was a friend of yours--it's a very odd thing that you
don't know his name. What is he?"
"He's a--a--Wallypug," I stammered. "That is to say he--er--"
"Wallypug!" exclaimed the man contemptuously. "What's that?"
"Why, it's a kind of king, you know," I explained, feeling that the
explanation was rather a lame one.
"A _kind_ of king!" exclaimed the police officer. "Explain yourself."
"Well, I'm afraid I can't explain more clearly than that," I replied.
"This gentleman has been staying with me for a couple of days, and
went out this morning and lost his way."
"Where did he come from?" asked the man.
"Why," I answered.
"Why? Because I want to know," he shouted. "Don't let me have any
further prevarication. Where did the man, or Wallypug, or whatever you
call him, come from?"
"From Why. From a place called Why, you know," I repeated.
"I _don't_ know," said the officer. "I've never heard of such a place.
Where is it?"
"Well, really," I said, "I'm very sorry, but I cannot tell you. I
don't know myself."
"This is _very_ remarkable," said the man, glaring at me through his
glasses. "You don't know your friend's name; you call him a Wallypug,
and can't explain what that is, you don't know where he comes
from--perhaps you can tell me how he reached your house?"
I was now really in a fix, for how could I tell this man that his
Majesty had stepped out of a picture.
I thought the best thing to do was to hold my tongue.
"How did he come?" repeated the officer. "By train?"
I shook my head.
"By steamer?"
I shook my head again.
"Did he drive?--or come on a bicycle, or walk?"
I remained silent.
The police officer stared at me for a moment or two, waiting for my
answer.
"Look here, young man," said he at last, evidently very angry indeed.
"It strikes me that you are having a game with me. You had better go
away quietly or I shall be obliged to take you in charge as a
lunatic."
"But I assure you that--"
"How was your friend dressed?"
"Oh, he wore a somewhat battered gold crown, and carried an orb and
sceptre, and was dressed in knee breeches and a velvet cloak with an
ermine collar."
The man gave me a keen glance and then rang a bell. A policeman
appeared a moment or two afterwards, and the officer whispered
something to him, of which I only caught the words, "harmless
lunatic."
"Lunatic, sir; yes, sir. Step this way, please," said the policeman,
and before I could realize what had happened I was bundled into a
small bare room, and the key was turned in the lock and I was a
prisoner.
Here was a pretty state of affairs. The stupid people had mistaken me
for a lunatic, and I was no doubt to be locked up here till a doctor
arrived.
Of course the only thing for me to do was to sit still and wait as
patiently as I could. Fortunately the police people thought of
telegraphing to the other stations to find out if anything was known
of an escaped lunatic; and from Fulham came the reply, "We have found
one ourselves. He calls himself a Wallypug, and is dressed like a
second-hand king." This caused inquiries to be made, and eventually I
was taken in a cab to Fulham, where we found his Majesty in the charge
of the police, he having been found wandering about the Fulham Road
quite unable to give what they considered a satisfactory account of
himself.
It was most unfortunate that his Majesty should have taken the wrong
'bus, for, not having any money with him, he was set down in a totally
strange neighbourhood, and had quite forgotten my address. Of course,
now that we had been brought face to face, we had no difficulty in
convincing the police people that we were what we represented
ourselves to be, and were soon, to our great relief, on our way
home again.
"I don't think that I should like to be a policeman," remarked the
Wallypug, on our way there.
"No?" I answered. "Why not?"
"They have to catch dogs for a living?" remarked his Majesty solemnly.
"There were several brought in while I was waiting, and the policeman
who had caught them seemed so pleased about it."
I explained to the Wallypug as well as I was able about the muzzling
order, and his Majesty was highly indignant, and when I pointed out
several dogs with muzzles on he was more indignant still.
"And are they always obliged to wear those horrible wire cages over
their heads?" he inquired.
I told his Majesty that in London the order for wearing them had been
in force for some considerable time, and we had a long talk over the
matter, his Majesty declaring that he should try and invent a new
muzzle which should be more comfortable for the poor dogs.
[Illustration: UNABLE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF HIMSELF]
"Oh, here we are at last," he exclaimed, as we turned the corner near
my house. "And there are the others on the steps!"
"Here they are! Here they are!" shouted the Rhymester to the others,
and everyone rushed forward to assist his Majesty to alight, seemingly
very glad to see us back again.
We were quite as delighted to get back, I can tell you, and I was so
relieved at having found the Wallypug that I hadn't the heart to
refuse the Doctor-in-Law's request that I would give him ten shillings
worth of penny stamps to put into the letters which he had been
writing while we had been away, although he would not give me the
slightest clue as to what they were wanted for.