put it up. That must have been an unusually obstinate pipe, for it
steadily refused to go together. The minds of Mrs. Smith and her housemaid
were sufficiently broad to grasp this fact after a few trials; therefore
they did not waste their strength in vain attempts, but rested, and in an
exceedingly un-masculine way held a consultation. The girl went for a
hammer, and brought also a bit of board. She placed this on the top of the
pipe, raised her hammer, Mrs. Smith held the pipe in place below, two
slight raps, and, lo, it was done.
See what a woman can do. This story is true, with the exception of the
names and a few other unimportant items. I say, and will maintain it, that
as a general thing a woman has more brains and patience and less stupidity
than a man. I challenge any one to prove the contrary.--_N. E. Homestead._
Progress.
In the course of a lecture on the resources of New Brunswick, Professor
Brown, of the Ontario Agricultural College, told the following story by an
Arabian writer:
"I passed one day by a very rude and beautifully situated hamlet in a vast
forest, and asked a savage whom I saw how long it had been there. 'It is
indeed an old place,' replied he. 'We know it has stood there for 100 years
as the hunting home of the great St. John, but how long previous to that
we do not know.'
"One century afterward, as I passed by the same place, I found a busy
little city reaching down to the sea, where ships were loading timber for
distant lands. On asking one of the inhabitants how long this had
flourished, he replied: 'I am looking to the future years, and not to what
has gone past, and have no time to answer such questions.'
"On my return there 100 years afterward, I found a very smoky and
wonderfully-populous city, with many tall chimneys, and asked one of the
inhabitants how long it had been founded. 'It is indeed a mighty city,'
replied he. 'We know not how long it has existed, and our ancestors there
on this subject are as ignorant as ourselves.'
"Another century after that as I passed by the same place, I found a much
greater city than before, but could not see the tall chimneys, and the air
was pure as crystal; the country to the north and the east and the west,
was covered with noble mansions and great farms, full of many cattle and
sheep. I demanded of a peasant, who was reaping grain on the sands of the
sea-shore, how long ago this change took place? 'In sooth, a strange
question!' replied he. 'This ground and city have never been different
from what you now behold them.' 'Were there not of old,' said I, 'many
great manufacturers in this city?' 'Never,' answered he, 'so far as we
have seen, and never did our fathers speak to us of any such.'
"On my return there, 100 years afterward, I found the city was built
across the sea east-ward into the opposite country; there were no horses,
and no smoke of any kind came from the dwellings.
"The inhabitants were traveling through the air on wires which stretched
far into the country on every side, and the whole land was covered with
many mighty trees and great vineyards, so that the noble mansions could
not be seen for the magnitude of the fruit thereof.
"Lastly, on coming back again, after an equal lapse of time, I could not
perceive the slightest vestige of the city. I inquired of a very old and
saintly man, who appeared to be under deep emotion, and who stood alone
upon the spot, how long it had been destroyed. 'Is this a question,' said
he, 'from a man like you? Know ye not that cities are not now part of the
human economy? Every one travels through the air on wings of electricity,
and lives in separate dwellings scattered all over the land; the ships of
the sea are driven by the same power, and go above or below as found to be
best for them. In the cultivation of the soil,' said he, 'neither horse
nor steam-power are employed; the plow is not known, nor are fertilizers
of any more value in growing the crops of the field. Electricity is
carried under the surface of every farm and all over-head like a net; when
the inhabitants require rain for any particular purpose, it is drawn down
from the heavens by similar means. The influence of electricity has
destroyed all evil things, and removed all diseases from among men and
beasts, and every living thing upon the earth. All things have changed,
and what was once the noble city of my name is to become the great meeting
place of all the leaders of science throughout the whole world.'"
A Family Jar.
"Yes," said Mrs. Gunkettle, as she spanked the baby in her calm, motherly
way, "it's a perfect shame, Mr. G., that you never bring me home anything
to read! I might as well be shut up in a lunatic asylum."
"I think so, too," responded the unfeeling man.
"Other people," continued Mrs. Gunkettle, as she gave the baby a marble to
swallow, to stop its noise, "have magazines till they can't rest."
"There's one," said Mr. G., throwing a pamphlet on the table.
"Oh, yes; a horrid old report of the fruit interests of Michigan; lots of
news in that!" and she sat down on the baby with renewed vigor.
"I'm sure it's plum full of currant news of the latest dates," said the
miserable man. Mrs. Gunkettle retorted that she wouldn't give a fig for a
whole library of such reading, when 'apple-ly the baby shrieked loud
enough to drown all other sounds, and peace was at once restored.
Mouce Traps and Other Sweetemetes.
The following advertisement is copied from the Fairfield Gazette of
September 21, 1786, or ninety-seven years ago, which paper was "printed in
Fairfield by W. Miller and F. Fogrue, at their printing office near the
meeting house."
Beards taken, taken of, and Registurd
by
ISSAC FAC-TOTUM
Barber, Peri-wig maker, Surgeon,
Parish Clerk, School Master,
Blacksmith and Man-midwife.
SHAVES for a penne, cuts hair for two pense, and oyld and
powdird into the bargain. Young ladys genteeely Edicated;
Lamps lited by the year or quarter. Young gentlemen also
taut their Grammer langwage in the neatest manner, and
great care takin of morels and spelin. Also Salme singing
and horse Shewing by the real maker! Likewice makes and
Mends, All Sorts of Butes and Shoes, teches the Ho! boy and
Jewsharp, cuts corns, bleeds. On the lowes Term--Glisters
and Pur is, at a peny a piece. Cow-tillions and other
dances taut at hoam and abrode. Also deals holesale and
retale--Pirfumerry in all its branchis. Sells all sorts of
stationary wair, together with blacking balls, red herrins,
ginger bread and coles, scrubbing brushes, trycle, Mouce
traps, and other sweetemetes, Likewise. Red nuts, Tatoes,
sassages and other gardin stuff.
P. T. I teches Joggrefy, and them outlandish kind of
things----A bawl on Wednesday and Friday. All pirformed by
Me. ISAAC FAC-TOTUM.
* * * * *
A SONNET ON A BONNET.
A film of lace and a droop of feather,
With sky-blue ribbons to knot them together;
A facing (at times) of bronze-brown tresses,
Into whose splendor each furbelow presses;
Two strings of blue to fall in a tangle,
And chain of pink chin In decorous angle;
The tip of the plume right artfully twining
Where a firm neck steals under the lining;
And the curls and braids, the plume and the laces.
Circle about the shyest of faces,
Bonnet there is not frames dimples sweeter!
Bonnet there is not that shades eyes completer!
Fated is he that but glances upon it,
Sighing to dream of that face in the bonnet.
--_Winnifred Wise Jenks._
* * * * *
Little Pleasantries.
A Sweet thing in bonnets: A honey bee.
It will get so in Illinois, by and by, that the marriage ceremony will run
thus: "Until death--or divorce--do us part."
He had been ridiculing her big feet, and to get even with him she replied
that he might have her old sealskin sacque made over into a pair of
ear-muffs.
A Toronto man waited until he was 85 years old before he got married. He
waited until he was sure that if he didn't like it he wouldn't have long
to repent.
How a woman always does up a newspaper she sends to a friend, so that it
looks like a well stuffed pillow, is something that no man is woman enough
to understand.
"Yes, my dear," said Mrs. Ramsbothom, speaking of her invalid uncle, "the
poor old gentleman has had a stroke of parenthesis, and when I last saw
him he was in a state of comma."
"Uncle, when sis sings in the choir Sunday nights, why does she go behind
the organ and taste the tenor's mustache?" "Oh, don't bother me, sonny; I
suppose they have to do it to find out if they are in tune."
A couple of Vassar girls were found by a professor fencing with
broomsticks in a gymnasium. He reminded the young girls that such an
accomplishment would not aid them in securing husbands. "It will help us
keep them in," replied one of the girls.
A clergyman's daughter, looking over the MSS. left by her father in his
study, chanced upon the following sentence: "I love to look upon a young
man. There is a hidden potency concealed within his breast which charms
and pains me." She sat down, and blushingly added: "Them's my sentiments
exactly, papa--all but the pains."
"My dear," said a sensible Dutchman to his wife, who for the last hour had
been shaking her baby up and down on her knee: "I don't think so much
butter is good for the child." "Butter? I never give my Artie any butter;
what an idea!" "I mean to say you have been giving him a good feed of milk
out of the bottle, and now you have been an hour churning it!"
We wish to keep the attention of wheat-raisers fixed upon the Saskatchewan
variety of wheat until seeding time is over, for we believe it worthy of
extended trial. Read the advertisement of W. J. Abernethy & Co. They will
sell the seed at reasonable figures, and its reliability can be depended
upon.
[Illustration: OUR YOUNG FOLKS]
LITTLE DILLY-DALLY.
I don't believe you ever
Knew any one so silly
As the girl I'm going to tell about--
A little girl named Dilly,
Dilly-dally Dilly,
Oh, she is very slow,
She drags her feet
Along the street,
And dilly-dallies so!
She's always late to breakfast
Without a bit of reason,
For Bridget rings and rings the bell
And wakes her up in season.
Dilly-dally Dilly,
How can you be so slow?
Why don't you try
To be more spry,
And not dilly-dally so?
'Tis just the same at evening;
And it's really quite distressing
To see the time that Dilly wastes
In dreaming and undressing.
Dilly-dally Dilly
Is always in a huff;
If you hurry her
Or worry her
She says, "There's time enough."
Since she's neither sick nor helpless,
It is quite a serious matter
That she should be so lazy that
We still keep scolding at her.
Dilly-dally Dilly,
It's very wrong you know,
To do no work
That you can shirk,
And dilly-dally so.
Uncle Jim's Yarn.
Old "Uncle Jim," of Stonington, Conn., ought to have a whole drawer to
himself, for nothing short of it could express the easy-going enlargement
of his mind in narratives. Uncle Jim was a retired sea captain, sealer,
and whaler, universally beloved and respected for his lovely disposition
and genuine good-heartedness, not less than for the moderation of his
statements and the truthful candor of his narrations. It happened that one
of the Yale Professors, who devoted himself to ethnological studies, was
interested in the Patagonians, and very much desired information as to the
alleged gigantic stature of the race. A scientific friend, who knew the
Stonington romancer, told the Professor that he could no doubt get
valuable information from Uncle Jim, a Captain who was familiar with all
the region about Cape Horn. And the Professor, without any hint about
Uncle Jim's real ability, eagerly accompanied his friend to make the
visit. Uncle Jim was found in one of his usual haunts, and something like
the following ethnological conversation ensued:
Professor--They tell me, Capt. Pennington, that you have been a good deal
in Patagonia.
Uncle Jim--Made thirty or forty voyages there, sir.
Professor--And I suppose you know something about the Patagonians and
their habits?
Uncle Jim--Know all about 'em, sir. Know the Patagonians, sir, all, all of
'em, as well as I know the Stonington folks.
Professor--I wanted to ask you, Captain, about the size of the
Patagonians--whether they are giants, as travelers have reported?
Uncle Jim--No, sir--shaking his head slowly, and speaking with the modest
tone of indifference--no, sir, they are not. (It was quite probable that
the Captain never had heard the suggestion before). The height of the
Patagonian, sir, is just five feet nine inches and a half.
Professor--How did you ascertain this fact, Captain?
Uncle Jim--Measured 'em, sir--measured 'em. One day when the mate and I
were ashore down there, I called up a lot of the Patagonians, and the mate
and I measured about 500 of them, and every one of them measured five feet
nine inches and a half--that's their exact height.
Professor--That's very interesting. But, Captain, don't you suppose there
were giants there long ago, in the former generations? All the travelers
say so.
Uncle Jim--Not a word of truth in it, sir--not a word. I'd heard that
story and I thought I'd settle it. I satisfied myself there was nothing in
it.
Professor--But how could you know that they used not to be giants? What
evidence could you get? Mightn't the former race have been giants?
Uncle Jim--Impossible, sir, impossible.
Professor--But how did you satisfy yourself?
Uncle Jim--Dug 'em up, sir--dug 'em up speaking with more than usual
moderation. I'd heard that yarn. The next voyage, I took the bo'sen and
went ashore; we dug up 275 old Patagonians and measured 'em. They all
measured exactly five feet nine inches and a half; no difference in
'em--men, women, and all ages just the same. Five feet nine inches and a
half is the natural height of a Patagonian. They've always been just that.
Not a word of truth in the stories about giants, sir.--_Harper's
Magazine_.
Puddin' Tame's Fun.
"Nice child, very nice child," observed an old gentleman, crossing the
aisle and addressing the mother of the boy who had just hit him in the eye
with a wad of paper. "How old are you, my son?"
"None of your business," replied the youngster, taking aim at another
passenger.
"Fine boy," smiled the old man, as the parent regarded her offspring with
pride. "A remarkably fine boy. What is your name, my son?"
"Puddin' Tame!" shouted the youngster, with a giggle at his own wit.
"I thought so," continued the old man, pleasantly. "If you had given me
three guesses at it, that would have been the first one I would have
struck on. Now, Puddin', you can blow those things pretty straight, can't
you?"
"You bet!" squealed the boy, delighted at the compliment. "See me take
that old fellow over there!"
"No, no!" exclaimed the old gentleman, hastily. "Try it on the old woman I
was sitting with. She has boys of her own, and she won't mind."
"Can you hit the lady for the gentleman, Johnny?" asked the fond parent.
Johnny drew a bead and landed the pellet on the end of the old woman's
nose. But she did mind it, and, rising in her wrath, soared down on the
small boy like a blizzard. She put him over the line, reversed him, ran
him backward till he didn't know which end of him was front, and finally
dropped him into the lap of the scared mother, with a benediction whereof
the purport was that she'd be back in a moment and skin him alive.
"She didn't seem to like it, Puddin'," smiled the gentleman, softly.
"She's a perfect stranger to me, but I understand she is a matron of
truants' home, and I thought she would like a little fun; but I was
mistaken."
And the old gentleman sighed sweetly as he went back to his seat.
The Alphabet.
The discovery of the alphabet is at once the triumph, the instrument and
the register of the progress of our race. The oldest abecedarium in
existence is a child's alphabet on a little ink-bottle of black ware found
on the site of Cere, one of the oldest of the Greek settlements in Central
Italy, certainly older than the end of the sixth century B. C. The
Phoenician alphabet has been reconstructed from several hundred
inscriptions. The "Moabite Stone" has yielded the honor of being the most
ancient of alphabetic records to the bronze plates found in Lebanon in
1872, fixed as of the tenth or eleventh century, and therefore the
earliest extant monuments of the Semitic alphabet. The lions of Nineveh
and an inscribed scarab found at Khorsabad have furnished other early
alphabets; while scarabs and cylinders, seals and gems, from Babylon and
Nineveh, with some inscriptions, are the scanty records of the first epoch
of the Phoenician alphabet. For the second period, a sarcophagus found in
1855, with an inscription of twenty-two lines, has tasked the skill of
more than forty of the most eminent Semitic scholars of the day, and the
literature connected with it is overwhelming. An unbroken series of coins
extending over seven centuries from 522 B. C. to 153 A. D., Hebrew
engraved gems, the Siloam inscription discovered in Jerusalem in 1880,
early Jewish coins, have each and all found special students whose
successive progress is fully detailed by Taylor. The Aramaean alphabet
lived only for seven or eight centuries; but from it sprang the scripts of
five great faiths of Asia and the three great literary alphabets of the
East. Nineveh and its public records supply most curious revelations of
the social life and commercial transactions of those primitive times.
Loans, leases, notes, sales of houses, slaves, etc., all dated, show the
development of the alphabet. The early Egyptian inscriptions show which
alphabet was there in the reign of Xerxes. Fragments on stone preserved in
old Roman walls in Great Britain, Spain, France, and Jerusalem, all supply
early alphabets.
Alphabets have been affected by religious controversies, spread by
missionaries, and preserved in distant regions by holy faith, in spite of
persecution and perversion. The Arabic alphabet, next in importance after
the great Latin alphabet, followed in eighty years the widespread religion
of Mohammed; and now the few Englishmen who can read and speak it are
astonished to learn that it is collaterally related to our own alphabet,
and that both can be traced back to the primitive Phoenician source.
Greece alone had forty local alphabets, reduced by careful study to about
half a dozen generic groups, characterized by certain common local
features, and also by political connection.
Of the oldest "a, b, c's" found in Italy, several were scribbled by
school-boys on Pompeian walls, six in Greek, four in Oscan, four in Latin;
others were scratched on children's cups, buried with them in their
graves, or cut or painted for practice on unused portions of mortuary
slabs. The earliest was found as late as 1882, a plain vase of black ware
with an Etruscan inscription and a syllabary or spelling exercise, and the
Greek alphabet twice repeated.
What a Child Can Do.
"Pa, I have signed the pledge," said a little boy to his father, on coming
home one evening; "will you help me keep it?"
"Certainly," said the father.
"Well, I have brought a copy of the pledge; will you sign it, papa?"
"Nonsense, nonsense, my child! What could I do when my brother-officers
called--the father had been in the army--if I was a teetotaler?"
"But do try, papa."
"Tut, tut! why you are quite a little radical."
"Well, you won't ask me to pass the bottle, papa?"
"You are quite a fanatic, my child; but I promise not to ask you to touch
it."
Some weeks after that two officers called in to spend the evening.
"What have you to drink?" said they.
"Have you any more of that prime Scotch ale?"
"No," said he; "I have not, but I shall get some. Here, Willie, run to the
store, and tell them to send some bottles up."
The boy stood before his father respectfully, but did not go.
"Come, Willie; why, what's the matter? Come, run along." He went, but came
back presently without any bottles.
"Where's the ale, Willie?"
"I asked them for it at the store, and they put it upon the counter, but I
could not touch it. O pa, pa! don't be angry; I told them to send it up,
but I could not touch it myself!"
The father was deeply moved, and turning to his brother-officers, he said:
"Gentlemen, do you hear that? You can do as you please. When the ale comes
you may drink it, but not another drop shall be drank in my house, and not
another drop shall pass my lips. Willie, have you your temperance pledge?"
"O pa! I have."
"Bring it, then."
And the boy was back with it in a moment. The father signed it and the
little fellow clung round his father's neck with delight. The ale came,
but not one drank, and the bottles stood on the table untouched.
Children, sign the pledge, and ask your parents to help you keep it. Don't
touch the bottle, and try to keep others from touching it.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Stock Farms FOR SALE; one of the very best in Central Illinois, the
finest agricultural region in the world; 1,100 acres, highly improved;
unusual facilities for handling stock; also a smaller farm; also one of
the finest
Stock Ranches In Central Texas, 9,136 acres. Each has never-failing water,
and near railroads; must be sold; terms easy; price low. For further
particulars address
J. B. or F. C. TURNER, Jacksonville, Ill.
Cut This Out & Return to us with TEN CTS. & you'll get by mail A
GOLDEN BOX OF GOODS that will bring you in MORE MONEY, in One Month
than anything else in America. Absolute Certainty Need no capital.
M. Young, 173 Greenwich St. N. York
Self Cure Free
Nervous Debility
Lost Manhood
Weakness and Decay
A favorite prescription of a noted specialist (now retired). Druggists can
fill it. Address
DR. WARD & CO., LOUISIANA, MO.
MAP Of the United States and Canada, Printed in Colors, size 4 x 2-1/2
feet, also a copy of THE PRAIRIE FARMER for one year. Sent to any address
for $2.00.
BREEDERS DIRECTORY.
The following list embraces the names of responsible and reliable Breeders
in their line, and parties wishing to purchase or obtain information can
feel assured that they will be honorably dealt with:
SWINE.
Chester Whites.
W. A. Gilbert, Wauwatosa, Wis.
LIVE STOCK, Etc.
PUBLIC SALE OF POLLED ABERDEEN-ANGUS AND Short-Horn Cattle.
[Illustration of a cow]
We will, on March 27 and 28, at Dexter Park, Stock Yards, Chicago, offer
at public sale 64 head of Polled Aberdeen-Angus, and 21 head of
Short-horns, mostly Imported and all highly bred cattle, representing the
best strains of their respective breeds. Sale each day will begin at 1 P.
M., sharp. Catalogues now ready. Address as below.
NOTE--ENGLISH SHIRE HORSES,--Three stallions and four mares of this
breed (all imported) will be offered at the close of the second day's sale
of cattle.
Geo. Whitfield, Model Farm, Model Farm,
Geary Bros., Bli Bro. Stock Farm, London, Canada.
At Kansas City, Mo., on April 15, 16, and 17, the same parties will offer
at public sale a choice lot of Aberdeen-Angus and Short-horn cattle.
When you write mention The Prairie Farmer.
HOLSTEINS
AT
LIVING RATES.
DR. W. A. PRATT, ELGIN, ILL.,
Now has a herd of more than one hundred head of full-blooded
HOLSTEINS
mostly imported direct from Holland. These choice dairy animals are for
sale at moderate prices. Correspondence solicited or, better, call and
examine the cattle, and select your own stock.
SCOTCH COLLIE
SHEPHERD PUPS,
--FROM--
IMPORTED AND TRAINED STOCK
--ALSO--
Newfoundland Pups and Rat Terrier Pups.
Concise and practical printed instruction in Training young Shepherd Dogs
is given to buyers of Shepherd Puppies; or will be sent on receipt of 25
cents in postage stamps.
For Printed Circular, giving full particulars about Shepherd Dogs, enclose
a 3-cent stamp, and address
N. H. PAAREN,
P. O. Box 326.--CHICAGO, ILL.
VICTORIA SWINE.
[Illustration: FALSTAFF.]
Winner of First Prize Chicago Fat Stock Show 1878. Originators of this
famous breed. Also breeders of Pekin Ducks and Light Brahma Fowls. Stock
for sale. Send for circular A.
SCHIEDT & DAVIS, Dyer, Lake Co. Ind
STEWART'S HEALING POWDER.
[Illustration of two people and a horse]
SOLD BY HARNESS AND DRUG STORES. Warranted to cure all open Sores on
ANIMALS from any cause.
Chester White Pigs.
Good as the best at prices to suit the times. Also, Short-horn cattle. Send
for price list. S. H. OLMSTEAD, Freedom, La Salle Co., Ill. Reduced rates
by express.
2086 Lbs. W'ght Of Two Ohio IMPROVED CHESTER HOGS. Send for description of
this famous breed, Also Fowls,
L. B. SILVER, CLEVELAND, O.
SILVER SPRINGS HERD, JERSEY CATTLE, combining the best butter families.
Correspondence solicited.
T. L. HACKER, Madison, Wis.
PIG EXTRICATOR
To aid animals in giving birth. Send for free circular to WM. DULIN,
Avoca, Pottawattamie Co., Ia.
CARDS
40 Satin Finish Cards, New Imported designs, name on and Present Free for
10c.