Completely restored to health, I took leave of the Land of Cakes for
that of true hospitality, in the very centre of which I beat up the
quarters of my friends in the second battalion, in the latter end of
June 1810.
It was originally my intention to take no other notice of my services
in this part of the world, than what is to be found in the above
paragraph, and perhaps a similar one on my taking leave of the second
battalion for the Peninsula. But a much-valued friend, conceiving that
the Memoir would be incomplete, without a few articles descriptive of
the duties which soldiers are but too frequently called upon to perform
in Ireland, and of the enemies against whom they generally act, has
pressed me so strongly on this point, that I have, in deference to his
opinion, selected the following for insertion.
Athlone is a very ancient town, and stands on both banks of the river
Shannon, over which there is an old, ugly, ill-built, narrow bridge.
The general appearance of Athlone is extremely antiquated, and far
from prepossessing. It is just what we may very aptly denominate a
finished town. Dull and lifeless, however, as every thing appeared
during the day, yet with the kind attentions of the families residing
in the town and vicinity, we contrived to pass the monotonous hours
of a soldier on home service pleasantly enough. But pleasant as the
private parties generally were, they did not constitute our only
sources of amusement. We possessed within our own circle others no less
captivating, amongst which I may mention a garrison weekly club, as
not the least attractive. The expense was limited to half-a-crown, for
which each member was entitled to supper, and a couple of tumblers of
punch. The officers of the different corps always assembled at seven
o'clock, played cards, chess, or backgammon, till ten;--then attacked
the poldowdies; and after destroying a few hundreds of them, and doing
ample justice to the poteen, retired to our respective cages before the
mid-night hour, always in good humour with ourselves, and all those
friends who five hours before we were happy to meet, from whom we were
sorry to part, but with whom we would be happy to meet again.
Since that time, I have heard many individuals who arrogated to
themselves a larger share of common sense, or worldly wisdom, than
their neighbours, inveigh with considerable asperity against
regimental messes and garrison clubs, on the plea that they were apt
to lead the young officers from the path of temperance to that of
dissipation. Had those people taken a less superficial view of military
society, they would have come to a very opposite conclusion. Young
officers, like the young men in every civil society, are no doubt in
danger of being led astray by the seductive orations of the dissolute
portion of their fraternity. For the latter, on finding themselves
lowered in the estimation, and shunned by their discerning and more
honourable-minded brethren, invariably employ every stratagem they can
think of, and all the most fascinating language at their command, to
induce the inexperienced and unsuspecting youth to quit the paths of
virtue and honour; and this is too often done under the specious, but
false pretext, that dissipation, and its accompanying vices, are most
becoming the officer and gentleman. From this candid acknowledgment of
the dangers to which officers are exposed on joining their corps for a
first time, some may think it totally impossible for a youth to escape
the wiles of the enemies of virtue. But I request all those to bear
this in remembrance, that the moment an officer joins his regiment, he
is from that time surrounded with men of high character and honour,
who are ever ready to throw a protecting shield round the head of a
junior brother, against which the shafts of vice, from whatever quarter
they may be directed, usually prove pointless. Yes; I repeat that
five-sixths of the officers are always ready to act in this manner;
for as the misconduct of any one member of a battalion never fails to
cast a deep shade over the characters of the others, it is evidently
the interest, no less than the duty, of all those officers who have any
regard for themselves or their profession, to check every attempt made
by a brother officer to swerve from the paths of duty, of virtue, and
of honour, and endeavour to impress on the mind of their frail friend
the important truth, that those paths alone lead to rank and military
renown. From whatever motives, therefore, the great body of British
officers may act,--whether from a high sense of honour or interested
feeling,--it is quite obvious that their youthful associates are
equally safe, for in either case their heads must at all times be so
protected, as to render the utmost efforts of the profligate to lead
them into a ruinous course of low and degrading pleasures, altogether
unavailing.
In almost every newspaper we open, we find detailed the proceedings
of some religious meeting, convened for the purpose of raising funds
to send missionaries into foreign parts to convert the heathen to
Christianity. Now, though I readily admit that this is a most laudable
and praise-worthy object, yet I cannot help thinking, that before we
expend any more of our British gold in attempts to convert the heathen
inhabiting the burning sands of Asia and Africa, or the cold and
inhospitable wilds of Europe and America, we should endeavour to bring
the British heathen to know and adore the infinite goodness of the
All-wise and Omnipotent Ruler of heaven and earth. Some of those pious
individuals who have assisted to fill the coffers of foreign missions,
will no doubt read "British heathen" with surprise, if not with the
eyes of a sceptic. But to those who have doubts that such people really
reside within the British isles, I at once say, take a trip to the
other side of the Irish Channel and have them fully removed. Lest,
however, it may not be convenient for every one of them to take this
step, I beg to state for their information, that on every fine SUNDAY
EVENING during the summers of 1810 and 1811, an immense concourse of
people assembled a little north of the batteries at Athlone, where
two roads intersect each other, and there, to the sounds of the Irish
bag-pipe and violin, danced and gamboled till night spread her sable
mantle around the heathenish groups, and put an end to their unholy
sports.
Now, as this unhallowed sport was not confined to Athlone, but was
equally common in various other parts of Ireland, I was then of
opinion, and I have seen no reason to change it, that to this open
profanation of the Lord's day a great proportion of the outrages
which have so long disgraced that country must be ascribed. For when
people of either sex totally disregard these sacred duties which the
day of rest imposes on them as Christians, it is not to be expected
that they will be more attentive to the moral and political duties of
their station. When a man once breaks the Sabbath, he is then easily
led on from one crime to another, until he becomes so involved in the
vortex of vice, that all other pleasures, save the most sinful and
detestable, are at length perfectly abhorrent to his nature. Whenever
religion loses its hold in the mind,--when the day set apart for
rest, prayer, humiliation, and thanksgiving, is converted into one of
dissipation, riot, and profanity, what check remains, I ask, to curb
the unruly passions of men, and restrain them from the commission of
every description of crime, but the dread of a capital punishment on
earth? Now, as the man who knows not the great Author of his being,
cannot be supposed to dread the power of his Almighty arm, and as men,
when engaging in any criminal enterprize, generally indulge the hope of
eluding the lynx-eye of justice, they,--on having their hopes realized,
are frequently so much elated with their good fortune, that they
gradually get rid of that terror which the law inspires, and are soon
prepared to execute the most hazardous and most atrocious offences.
Have we not lamentable proofs of this afforded us every day, by the
confessions of those whose lives have become forfeited to the laws of
their country?
One market-day, a countryman all in his glory, with a "sprig of
shilellah" poised above his head, and a "shamrock so green" neatly
entwined in the band of what had once been a hat, made his appearance
at the upper part of the market-place of Athlone, challenging to mortal
combat all and sundry the lieges, from the veteran of threescore and
ten, down to the stripling of sixteen. After capering and vapouring
for some time, to the great terror of egg and crockery merchants, and
no one appearing inclined to volunteer a tilt with him, Pat, afraid
that he would be done out of a customer, knocked a neighbour down for
pure love, in order to procure the grand object of his ambition--a row.
The whack had scarcely been given, when more than fifty shilellahs
flew like flails round as many heads, with which they instantly came
in contact. A few of them fell on the head of the aggressor, but,
as on all similar occasions in Ireland, the principal object of the
belligerents is to keep up the row at whatever expense, the greater
proportion of the weapons came in collision with the craniums of
individuals, who were no otherwise interested in the matter than that
their skulls lay rather more convenient for a crack than that of the
object of their rage. One man after another continuing to join in the
grand fracas, the combatants at length became so numerous, and their
conduct so extremely outrageous, that the local authorities found it
necessary to apply for military aid. One hundred men were instantly
dispatched from the barracks to the scene of action, and by charging
along the market-place, separated the combatants, and caused a
suspension of hostilities. Pat, however, far from being satisfied with
the issue of the conflict, embraced the earliest opportunity, after
the soldiers retired, to renew the sport. To it again they went as
gallantly as before. For the following half-hour there was no scarcity
of men--of shilellahs--of blows--or of blood, which ultimately flowed
copiously from numerous wounds. Heads were cracked--arms damaged--and
many an odd bone complained of fractures--and yet none thought of
yielding. Every thing in fact was progressing as favourably as Pat
could wish, when the same party of "lobsters," as Jack would say, put
an end to the glorious sport, by charging a second time the motley
assemblage, which, but for the officers, would have received a hearty
drubbing from the soldiers, as a proper reward for their barbarous
foolery. After clearing the market-place, the soldiers retired, and
left the combatants to bind up their wounds, and splice their fractured
limbs in the best manner they could. As for the unfortunate wretch,
the _sole cause_ of the bloodshed, he was found in the evening on the
banks of the canal, close to the town, beat almost to a mummy, but in
life; and such was his ghastly appearance, that it was with the utmost
difficulty that any person could be prevailed upon to admit him within
their door, even for a single night.
With a party of fourteen men, and an excise-officer, I left Athlone one
evening at 10 o'clock, on a _still_-hunting excursion. At day-break
we seized upon one of the delinquents engaged in the illicit traffic,
who, with all his apparatus, but no whisky, we lodged in safe keeping
in Athlone. This duty every officer most cordially detested, but it
was much relished by the greater portion of the men, who, for _every
still captured_, received, in addition to their pay, serjeants 18s.,
corporals 10s. 6d., and privates 7s. In the spring of 1811, a party
of our corps, and a few dragoons, captured in thirty hours, no fewer
than twenty-two stills, and for each every man received payment in the
foregoing proportions. These are no doubt startling facts, and ought,
I think, to convince those who have the Irish revenue laws in their
keeping, that a system which requires so much money to keep it in a
working condition, must be founded on principles radically unsound.
Parties of the lawless portion of the peasantry then denominated
_Carders_, having administered an unlawful oath to a considerable
number of rather respectable people in the counties of Roscommon and
Galway, detachments were ordered from our garrison in the month of
February 1811, to various places from fifteen to thirty miles from
Athlone, in order to put a stop to their treasonable proceedings. Those
parties having been recalled, and others ordered out to replace them,
I, at the head of one of those detachments, marched from Athlone on
the 11th of April, and having taken an early dinner with a brother
officer at Roscommon, proceeded in the evening to Ballymoe Bagot, in
the county of Galway. In this village my quarters were of the most
miserable description, the only apartments I could procure, being a
small room and closet, neither of which had any ceiling. In fact, the
only thing between the _clay_ under my feet, and the thatch above my
head, was large quantities of soot, so neatly suspended from the roof,
in long and beautifully curled rows, that the whole dangled in nearly
as becoming a manner, as the black feathers on a Highlander's bonnet.
Notwithstanding this, it was with more than ordinary regret that I
quitted Ballymoe, after a six weeks residence, for I never experienced
more genuine hospitality than I did during my stay in that rural
village.
Soon after I parted with my friend at Roscommon, a large assemblage of
town and country people attacked his barracks, broke all his windows,
and threatened to break his head also, and those of the men under his
command. These threats, and the entire demolition of his windows,
raised the temperature of my friend's blood to such a degree, that,
regardless of the consequences, he moved his band of twenty out of the
barracks, fixed bayonets, charged along the market-square, and in an
instant cleared it of the rioters, one of whom received a deep probe in
the breech. Called upon for a detail of his operations, the _gallant
commander_ transmitted to General Sir James Affleck, then commanding
the western district, a long and whimsical dispatch, in which, after
enumerating the names of all those who had distinguished themselves
in the engagement, (and which I believe included every man in the
detachment) he concluded, "It now only remains for me to express my
sincere regret, that the nature of the service on which I have lately
been engaged, will not permit me to recommend any of my brave followers
for promotion." Poor L----! he fell in a more memorable conflict--that
of Quatre Bras.
One afternoon, during my stay in Ballymoe, a brawny, squat, real
son of Erin, came running to my quarters all covered with mud and
perspiration, and foaming at the mouth like an enraged mastiff. Hat
or shoes he had none; and his inexpressibles, and other toggery, as
the members of the fair-play club would say, were such as would have
secured him ready employment as a scare-crow in any part of Ireland.
Conceiving that something was wrong, I hurried to meet him, and rather
eagerly inquired the cause of his visit, but the only answer I could
obtain was, Och! murder--murder, your honour! And as he continued
to return similar answers to my subsequent interrogatories, I was
at length induced to look upon the frightful figure before me as a
murderer, craving protection from a host of pursuers. Under this
impression, I inquired if my suspicions were well-founded. At first
he made no reply; but on the question being repeated, he stammered
out,--"Och! is it me, your honour, that is a murderer? No, no; I am no
murderer; but a murder, and a bloody-murder too, your honour, has been
committed in my presence within the last half-hour, and I am come to
ask your honour for five or six of your men, to help us to take the
vile murderer." On requesting him to favour me with the particulars,
he informed me, that a few men and women being at work together in
a field between three and four miles from Ballymoe, one of the men
raised a pitch-fork, and without the smallest provocation, plunged it
into the bowels of a bosom friend. On hearing these facts, I instantly
dispatched a sergeant and six men to the scene of blood, but previous
to their arrival, the monster had unfortunately escaped.
A few days after this melancholy affair, my assistance was required
to root out a band of free-booters, who were so entrenched in the
affections of a village peasantry, from ten to twelve miles from
Ballymoe, that they committed offences with impunity, and bade the law
defiance. At eleven, P.M. I left Ballymoe, taking with me a sergeant,
corporal, and sixteen privates. About three o'clock, A.M., I received
an addition to my force of eighteen strapping young Irishmen, armed
with shilellahs, all of whom had some knowledge of the parties, against
which we were marching. At day-break we arrived in sight of the abode
of the lawless banditti. On approaching which, I detached four of my
own men, and six of my auxiliary corps to the right, and as many to
the left of the village, to watch the motions of the nine individuals
we were in search of, and with the rest of the soldiers and Irishmen,
I pushed forward into the centre of the village to take the whole
napping. In this, however, I was disappointed, for early as it was,
they had obtained intelligence of our approach, and had all left their
houses, save one woman whom we secured. But the non military part of my
detachment, who were well acquainted with the village, had their eyes
rivetted on the avenues of escape, and consequently, that portion of
them who filed round the town, were ready to pounce upon their game, as
soon as they made their appearance. The latter being completely rigged
for a flight, flew like lightning across dub and mire, and over hedge,
ditch, and dykes, till they reached the summit of a gentle acclivity,
when, being considerably blown, and seeing some of their bare-kneed
assailants gaining rapidly upon them, three of them joined, and with
their backs to a stone-wall, offered battle. The challenge being
accepted, a bloody affair ensued, which ended in the capture of those
three, and another of their associates. All the others escaped.
By this time all the village population had turned out, and hundreds
were fast approaching us from all quarters, and as I soon learnt, for
the express purpose of releasing the prisoners. Being of opinion that
it is at all times infinitely better to prevent crime than to punish
it, I caused the men to load, and on doing so, to shew the deluded
creatures their _balls_, before ramming home their cartridges, in
hopes of deterring them from making the meditated attempt, which could
only have produced streams of blood. And I am happy to state, that the
object I had in view was completely obtained, for in a few minutes the
whole multitude retired peaceably to their respective places of abode,
and left us at liberty to remove the prisoners wheresoever we pleased.
Having dispatched the prisoners to a place of safety, we retraced our
steps towards Ballymoe. Ravenous as wolves, we took the liberty to walk
into a snug-looking cabin, where two riddles, well filled with smoking
_murphies_, appeared in a most inviting condition for hungry men.
Having asked and obtained permission to join the rustic party at their
frugal morning repast, we were not long in seating ourselves, and doing
ample justice to the _praties_ and butter-milk. During our operations,
I could scarcely refrain from smiling at the innocent simplicity which
played on the countenances of the little half-clad urchins, who, as
each potatoe disappeared, looked wistfully, first at the riddle, then
at their mother, and finally, cast a significant glance towards us,
as much as to say, "Bad luck to you, be off, or we shall be compelled
to honour Duke Humphrey with our company to breakfast." On preparing
to resume our journey, I tendered the poor woman a trifle for her
excellent fare; but so determined was she _not to accept_ of any thing
in the shape of remuneration, that I had no alternative left, but to
sprinkle a few small pieces in such a manner on the floor, that they
could not be collected till we were completely out of the reach of
pursuit.
I shall conclude this chapter with the following anecdote, which was
related to me by the gallant major himself.
Major C----, on joining the regiment in November 1810, being obliged to
take lodgings in town, was, one morning before day-break, roused by a
hideous noise under his windows. Conceiving that this proceeded from a
body of _carders_, on their way to attack the barracks, the major paced
the floor in a twinkling, decorated in his military paraphernalia.
John, whom the sonorous voice of his master had awakened from dreams of
earthly bliss, to ruminate on the troubles of the other world, entered
the major's apartment just as the latter was buckling on his sword,
and with extended mouth, and eyes half open, eagerly inquired what had
happened. "The carders are by this time at the barracks," replied the
major. "Did you see them, Sir?" said John, rather anxiously. "Why,
no," answered the major, "but I heard their unearthly screams as they
passed under the windows." Here a considerable pause ensued; for John,
having some doubts on the subject, scratched his head, shrugged his
shoulders, and with an unmeaning grin on his countenance, stood as if
anxious to state them, but yet afraid to do so. Silence being at length
broken by the major inquiring the cause of John's grimaces and shrugs,
the latter instantly replied, "I have just been thinking, Sir, that
what ye ha'e ta'en for the cheers of thae blackguards, the carders,
has probably been the skirlings of some country lassies at a funeral."
The morning being uncommonly dark, and the major totally unacquainted
with the mode of conducting funerals in Ireland, John's remark,
instead of producing any change in the major's original intention,
only tended to convince him, that his servant was better fitted for
a snug berth in Bedlam, than the one which he held near his person.
Fully satisfied, therefore, that the garrison would derive but little
assistance from John, Major C----, after bestowing on his servant a
few well dove-tailed epithets, was descending the stair on his way to
the barracks, when his landlord, who had overheard the latter part of
the conversation, pursued his gallant tenant, and soon succeeded in
convincing him, that the noise was nothing more than the mellifluous
notes of a few of his fair country-women accompanying some departed
friend to the place of everlasting repose.
Having thus gratified the wishes of my friend, though perhaps not to
the extent he may have expected, we shall now, with his permission,
take a temporary leave of Erin, and by easy stages, proceed to the
theatre of war in the Peninsula,
"And join the gallant quarrel."