On the ensuing day, the pacha was sitting at his divan, according to his
custom, Mustapha by his side, lending his ear to the whispers of divers
people who came to him in an attitude of profound respect. Still they
were most graciously received, as the purport of their intrusion was to
induce the vizier to interest himself in their behalves when their cause
came forward to be heard and decided upon by the pacha, who in all cases
was guided by the whispered opinion of Mustapha. Mustapha was a
good-hearted man: he was always grateful, and if any one did him a good
turn he never forgot it. The consequence was, that an intimation that a
purse of so many sequins would be laid at his feet if the cause to be
heard was decided in favour of the applicant, invariably interested
Mustapha in the favour of that party; and Mustapha's opinion was always
coincided in by the pacha, because he had (or supposed that he had) half
of the sequins so obtained. True, the proverb says, "you should be just
before you are generous;" but Mustapha's arguments when he first
proposed to the pacha this method of filling the royal treasury, were so
excellent, that we shall hand them down to posterity. "In the first
place," said Mustapha, "it is evident that in all these causes the
plaintiffs and defendants are both rascals. In the second place, it is
impossible to believe a word on either side. In the third place,
exercising the best of your judgment, you are just as likely to go wrong
as right. In the fourth place, if a man happens to be wronged by our
decision, he deserves it as a punishment for his other misdeeds. In the
fifth place, as the only respectability existing in either party
consists in their worldly wealth, by deciding for him who gives most,
you decide for the most respectable man. In the sixth place, it is our
duty to be grateful for good done to us, and in so deciding, we exercise
a virtue strongly inculcated by the Koran. In the seventh place, we
benefit both parties by deciding quickly, as a loss is better than a
law-suit. And in the eighth and last place, we want money."
On this day a cause was being heard; and, although weighty reasons had
already decided the verdict, still, _pro forma_, the witnesses on both
sides were examined; one of these, upon being asked whether he witnessed
the proceedings, replied, "That he had no doubt, but there was doubt on
the subject; but that he doubted whether the doubts were correct."
"Doubt--no doubt--what is all this? do you laugh at our beards?" said
Mustapha sternly, who always made a show of justice. "Is it the fact or
not?"
"Your highness, I seldom met a fact, as it is called, without having
half a dozen doubts hanging to it," replied the man: "I will not,
therefore, make any assertion without the reservation of a doubt."
"Answer me plainly," replied the vizier, "or the ferashes and bamboo
will be busy with you very shortly. Did you see the money paid?"
"I believe as much as I can believe any thing in this world, that I did
see money paid; but I doubt the sum, and I doubt the metal, and I have
also my other doubts. May it please your highness, I am an unfortunate
man, I have been under the influence of doubts from my birth; and it has
become a disease which I have no doubt will only end with my existence.
I always doubt a fact, unless--"
"What does the ass say? What is all this but bosh?--nothing. Let him
have a fact."
The pacha gave the sign--the ferashes appeared--the man was thrown, and
received fifty blows of the bastinado. The pacha then commanded them to
desist. "Now, by our beard, is it not a fact that you have received the
bastinado? If you still doubt the fact, we will proceed."
"The fact is beyond a doubt," replied the man, prostrating himself.
"But excuse me, your sublime highness, if I do continue to assert that I
cannot always acknowledge a fact, without such undeniable proofs as your
wisdom has been pleased to bring forward. If your highness were to hear
the history of my life, you would then allow that I have cause to
doubt."
"History of his life! Mustapha, we shall have a story."
"Another fifty blows on his feet would remove all his doubts, your
highness," replied Mustapha.
"Yes; but then he will be beaten out of his story. No, no; let him he
taken away till the evening, and then we shall see how he will make out
his case."
Mustapha gave directions, in obedience to the wish of the pacha. In the
evening, as soon as they had lighted their pipes, the man was ordered
in; and, in consideration of his swelled feet, was permitted to sit
down, that he might be more at ease when he narrated his story, which
was as follows:--