About an hour before luncheon I stole away into the wood to wait for
Jette, and it was with a beating heart I listened for any approaching
footsteps; had I not kissed her, I should have felt easier in my own
mind. Ought I now to confess to her the impositions of which I had been
guilty? Perhaps it would be better to do so ... But the kiss ... would
she forgive that?
I discerned her white dress a good way off, and I almost felt inclined
to hide myself, and let her take the trouble of finding me; but again I
bethought me that it was not the part of the cavalier to be shamefaced
in a secret assignation. I therefore went forward to meet her. As soon
as she caught a glimpse of me, she stopped, and suddenly changed
colour. The poor girl--how sorry I was for her! She could not utter one
word. I led her to a rural seat near.
'Cousin,' at length she said, 'it must doubtless surprise you, and
naturally so too, that I should in such a secret manner have requested
an interview with you. If you could conceive how painful this moment is
to me, I am sure you would compassionate me.'
'My dear young lady, I owe you an explanation, and I thank you for
having given me an opportunity ...'
'Dear cousin, be not offended with me--do not speak to me in that
distant and ceremonious manner--it makes the step more painful which I
am about to take, and which cannot be longer delayed. It is I who owe
you an explanation--alas! an explanation that will deprive me of your
esteem and your friendship. I am very unhappy.'
'Do not weep so, dear cousin; you cannot imagine how it grieves me to
see you so miserable. Believe me, I have your happiness sincerely at
heart. You little know what delight it would give me if I were able to
say to myself that I had contributed to it.'
The double signification which my words might bear drew forth more
tears. Jette cried, without making any reply.
'There is comfort for every affliction,' I continued. 'God has
mercifully placed the antidote alongside of the poisonous plant. Tell
me, at least, what distresses you--let me at least endeavour to console
you, even if I cannot assist you, and do not doubt my good will, though
my power may be but limited.'
'For Heaven's sake, Carl, do not speak so kindly to me,' cried Jette,
with some impetuosity. 'Do not speak thus--I have not deserved it. If
you would be compassionate, say that you hate me--that you abhor me.'
'And if I said so, I should only deceive you. No, Jette, my
complaisance cannot go so far.'
'You would hate me--you would despise me!' she exclaimed, sobbing, 'if
you only knew ... oh! I shall never be able to tell ... if you only
knew ... how unfortunate I am ... how I ...'
'Dear Jette,' said I, in some agitation, 'you have come to enter into
an explanation with me; allow me to assist your confession, and help to
lighten the burden which weighs so heavily on your heart. You have
come, I know, to break off with me.'
'_You know!_' she exclaimed, in consternation. And she seemed as if she
were going to faint. 'Take pity on me, Carl; leave me for a few
minutes; I dare not look you in the face.'
She buried her own face in her pocket-handkerchief, and wept bitterly.
I kissed her hand, and left her.
Very much out of spirits myself, I wandered to and fro under the trees.
'How is all this to end?' said I to myself; 'the poor girl will fret
herself to death if she cannot have her Gustav, and get rid of her
cousin. Gustav is a fine fellow, and a very good match; even the father
allows that. The cousin must be an idiot to let himself be betrothed by
his father's orders to a girl he knows nothing about--and a tiresome
one too, according to what is reported of him. Jette is a girl with a
great deal of feeling--but he must be a clod with none; he can't care
in the least for her, or he would have been here long ere this. He
shall not have her. What, if I were to advise them to run away an hour
or two before I take myself off? or, suppose we were all three to elope
together? Nonsense! How can I think of such folly? Poor girl! it would
melt a heart of stone to see her crying there. What if I were to stay
and play the cousin a little longer--formally renounce her hand--give
her up to Gustav? I should like to act such a magnanimous part ... and
when it was all well over, and the real cousin arrived, to let him find
that he had come on a fool's errand, and go back to nurse his cold ...
or, it might be better to drop him a line by the post to save a scene?
I'll do it. By Jove! I'll do it! The god of love himself must have sent
me here; no man in the wide world could do the thing better than
myself. But what right have I to decide thus the fate of another man--a
man whom I have never even beheld? Right! It is time to talk about
_right_, forsooth, after I have been doing nothing but wrong for
thirty-six hours. No, no, let conscience stand to one side, for the
present at least; it has no business in this affair. I have acted most
unwarrantably, I know, but I will make up for my misdeeds by one good
deed--one blessing will I take with me; and when I am gone, two happy
persons at least will remember me kindly, and Hanne will be less harsh
in her judgment of my conduct, since it will have brought about her
sister's happiness. Let me set my shoulders to the wheel--there is no
time to lose. No, they shall not all execrate me.'
Jette was still sitting on the bench where I had left her. I placed
myself beside her, and tried to reassure her.
'I said I owed you some explanation; allow me in a few words to tell
you all you wish to communicate. You do not care for me--you love
Gustav Holm--you will be wretched if you cannot find some good pretext
for breaking off the match with me--you have many reasons to love him,
none to love me--you want to let me know how the matter stands, and to
give me a basket,[4] but to do it in so amicable a manner, that you
hope I will accept it quietly like a good Christian, and not make too
much fuss about it. All this is what you would have told me sooner or
later. Am I not right, Jette? or is there more you would have entrusted
to me?'
She hid her face with her hands.
'My window was partly open the other night,' I added. 'I overheard your
conversation with Gustav Holm, and I knew immediately, of course, what
I had to expect. You will believe, I hope, that I have sufficient
feeling not to wish to force myself upon one who cannot care for me.
Forgive me that I have caused you any uneasiness; it was against my own
will. I would much rather have convinced you sooner that you have no
enemy in me, but, on the contrary, a sincere friend.'
'Dearest, best Carl! Noblest of men! You restore me to freedom--you
restore me to life! The Almighty has heard my prayers! You do not know
how earnestly I have prayed that you might find me detestable.'
'Therein your prayers have not been heard, Jette,' said I. 'If you
could have loved me, I could not have wished a better fate. I love you
and Hanne much more than you think.' I felt that every word I had just
spoken was positive truth. Jette wrung my hand.
'You have removed a mountain from my heart,' she replied. 'Would that I
could thank you as you deserve!'
I was quite ashamed of all the thanks she poured out, and all the
gratitude she expressed. It is an unspeakable pleasure to promote the
happiness of one's fellow-creatures; it is an agreeable feeling which I
would not exchange for any other.
When the first burst of joy was over, Jette consulted with me how it
would be best to break the matter to her father. I told her of his good
opinion of Gustav, and built upon it the brightest hopes.
Jette shook her head. 'He will insist that I shall keep my promise,'
said she, mournfully. 'He will not relinquish a plan which he has
cherished for so many years. How dreadful it is for me to disappoint
him!'
'Very well, take me.'
'Oh! do not jest with me, dear Carl. My only dependence is on you.'
'I shall take my departure immediately, and leave a letter renouncing
my engagement to you. That will go far to help you.'
'For Heaven's sake, stay! You are the only one who can speak to him,'
said she. 'You have already acquired much influence over him.'
'Then let us proceed at once to the _eclaircissement_. I shall tell him
that I have discovered that your heart belongs to Gustav Holm, not to
me; and that I cannot accept any woman's hand unless her heart
accompanies it.'
'Oh! what a terrible moment it will be when that is said! I tremble at
the very idea of it. You do not know what he can be when his anger is
thoroughly roused.'
'Then would you prefer to elope with Gustav? Like a loyal cousin, I
will assist you in your escape.'
'That would enrage him still more; he has always been so kind and
gentle to me.'
'I wish we had Gustav here, that something might be determined on.
These anticipated terrible moments are never so dreadful in reality as
in expectation; you have had a proof of this in the one you have just
gone through.'
'Gustav will be here soon; he knows that I had requested this private
conversation with you ... he will meet me here in the wood ... he will
come when--when....' She stopped, and blushed deeply.
'He will come when I am gone,' I said, laughing. 'That was very
sensibly arranged, but the arrangement must be annulled nevertheless,
and he must make the effort of showing himself while I am here. I dare
say he is not many miles off--perhaps within hail. Mr. Holm! Mr. Holm!'
I roared at the top of my voice. 'He knows my manner of inviting him,
and you will see that he will speedily present himself. Good morning,
Mr. Holm!' I added.
'For God's sake do not shout so loudly, you will be overheard,' said
Jette. 'Oh! how will all this end?'
'Uncommonly well,' thought I. 'Here comes the lover.'
Gustav came, almost rushing up; his countenance and manner expressed
what was passing in his mind, namely, uncertainty whether he was to
look on me as a friend or a foe.
'Gustav--Carl!...' exclaimed Jette, sinking back on the bench. She
found it impossible to command her voice; but her eyes, which dwelt
with affection on us both, filled up the pause, and expressed what
words would not.
I took his hand and led him up to Jette. He knelt at her feet, she
threw her arms round his neck, while I bent over them, and beheld my
work with sincere satisfaction. There was a rustling in the bushes, and
Hanne and her father stood suddenly before us! The lovers did not
observe them, although I did my utmost by signs to rouse their
attention.
'What the devil is all this?' exclaimed the Justitsraad, in a voice of
thunder. 'What does this mean? Carl, what are you doing?'
'I am bestowing my cousinly benediction and full absolution and
remission of sins, as you ought to do, my worthy uncle,' I replied, as
cheerfully as I possibly could. It was necessary to appear to keep up
one's courage. Gustav rose hastily, and Jette threw herself into her
sister's arms.
'My dear sir!' said Gustav, imploringly.
'Mr. Holm!' cried the Justitsraad, drawing himself up.
'Dear uncle!' I exclaimed, interrupting them both, 'allow me to speak.
Gustav adores Jette, and she returns his love. There can be no more
question about me; I am her cousin, and nothing either more or less. I
am not such an idiot as to wish to force a woman to be my wife whose
heart is given to another. I have dissolved the engagement between
Jette and myself, deliberately, and after due reflection. I _could_ not
make her happy, and I _will not_ make her unhappy. There stands the
bridegroom, who only awaits your blessing. Give it, dear uncle, and let
this day become the happiest of my life, for it is the first time I
ever had an opportunity of doing good.'
'Heavens and earth! a pretty piece of work, indeed!' The Justitsraad
was as blustering as a German, and would on no account allow himself to
hear reason. A great deal of his anger was naturally directed against
me. I tried to smooth matters down. Jette wept and sobbed. It was a
hundred to one against us. 'I shall write to your father this very
day,' he said, at length; 'he only can absolve me from my vow; but that
he will not do--that he certainly will not do on any account. This
marriage has been his greatest wish, for I do not know how many years,
as well as mine.'
'But he will be obliged to do it,' said I; 'this very afternoon I shall
take my departure, and you shall never hear of me more. My father's
power over me by no means extends so far as you seem to fancy. I will
not make Jette miserable, merely to indulge his whims. Dear uncle, let
me persuade you to believe that your contract is null and void: give
your blessing to Gustav and Jette, and leave me to settle the matter
with my father. Feelings cannot be forced. Jette does not care for me,
and you ought not, in this affair, to be less liberal than I am.'
'Liberal--liberal indeed! He is always prating about such folly,'
exclaimed the Justitsraad, in a rage. 'It is that abominable Berlin
liberality that has entirely ruined him.'
Berlin liberality! It was the first time I had ever heard _that_
bewailed. But what absurd things do people not stumble upon when they
are angry, and speak without reflection.
'Well, it was Berlin that ruined me, according to my uncle, and so
utterly ruined me ... that I am betrothed in Berlin, and cannot be
betrothed again. It is against the law both here and in Prussia to have
two wives.'
This was an inspiration prompted by the exigency of the occasion; what
did one untruth more or less signify? I was a Jesuit at that moment,
and excused myself with Loyola's doctrine--that the motive sanctifies
the means.
'Betrothed!' exclaimed the Justitsraad--'betrothed in Berlin! Make a
fool of me! Hark ye, Carl ...'
'Betrothed!' interrupted Hanne. 'Upon my word, you are a fine fellow,
cousin. That is the reason he does not wear Jette's betrothal-ring. And
I to be standing here admiring his magnanimity!'
Jette silently held out her hand to me from one side, Gustav from the
other; these were well-meant congratulations.
'Yes, betrothed,' I continued. 'Abuse me at your will, hate me, curse
me, say and do what you please, but betrothed I am, and betrothed I
must remain.'
This was a settler. The wrath of the Justitsraad cooled by degrees;
that really kind-hearted man could not withstand so many anxious looks
and earnest prayers; and fear of all the gossip and ridicule to which
his holding out longer under the circumstances might give rise, also
had effect upon him.
'You are a sad scapegrace, Carl,' he said, 'and Jette may be thankful
she is not to have you for her husband; but she shall not be left in
the lurch on account of your foolish freaks.' He took her hand and
placed it in Gustav's, saying, 'You must make up to me for the failure
of those hopes which I have cherished through so many years. But,' he
added, with a sigh, 'what will my brother say when he hears this
history?'
Jette cast herself upon his neck; she almost fainted in his arms; the
rest of us surrounded him. There was no end to embraces and thanks.
'And now let us hasten to my mother,' said Hanne; 'the revolution shall
end there. I would not be in your place, cousin, for any money; you
will be soundly rated.'
'You shall be my advocate, Hanne, and shall defend my case; it is only
under your protection that I dare appear before my aunt. Take me under
your wing--I positively will not leave you.'
I slipped my arm round her waist, and I think, if I remember aright, I
was going to kiss her.
'Hands off, Mr. Cousin! Now that you are not to be my brother-in-law
you must not make so free. Remember your intended in Berlin.'
Alas! to help others I had injured myself. Hanne, her father, and I
walked on first, the lovers followed us a little way behind. As we came
along we met some of the peasantry on the estate going to their work.
'Hollo! good people!' cried I to them, 'this evening we must be all
merry, and drink your master's good health, and dance on Miss Jette's
betrothal-day. Hurrah for Miss Jette and Mr. Holm!'
'Hurrah!' cried the people. And the declaration was made.
'Be quiet, you good-for-nothing!' cried the Justitsraad, 'and don't
turn everything topsy-turvy in a place that does not belong to you. A
feast, forsooth--drink my health, indeed! It is easy for you to be
generous at another's man's expense. I declare the fellow is determined
to take the whip-hand of us all.'
My aunt heard the noise, and came out on the steps to ask what was the
matter. I crept behind Hanne and hid myself.
'A complete revolution, my dear, which that precious fellow Carl has
brought about. When the luncheon-bell had rung for some time in vain,
without their making their appearance, Hanne and I went to look for
Jette and Carl in the wood; I expected to have found him at Jette's
feet; but instead of him there lay another, and he was actually busying
himself in making up a match between them. Truly, it is an edifying
story. Come in, and I will tell you all about it, and you will see to
what purpose he has travelled. He has betrothed himself in Berlin,
fancy--and very probably in Hamburg, in Paris, in Vienna, wherever he
may have been. He is a fine fellow! A pretty viper we were nourishing
in our hearts!'
My aunt was easily reconciled to the course of events, and she gave the
young couple her maternal blessing. But it was me whom they all wanted
for a son-in-law and a brother-in-law. It was very flattering to be
such a favourite; however, as I was not to be had, they received Gustav
(for whom they had a great regard) with open arms. We all became as
sprightly as a parcel of children, and I would have been very happy had
not the many affectionate good wishes for the future welfare of myself
and my unknown _fiancee_ in Berlin fallen like burning drops of molten
lead on my soul, and had I not had constantly before me the remembrance
that I must soon leave this pleasant circle, and for ever! My
proposition to spend that day entirely by ourselves was agreed to, and
orders were given to admit no visitors.
'Let me but live this day undisturbed to the end,' thought I, 'and I
shall demand nothing more from Fortune, which has hitherto been so kind
to me.' It was a day, the like of which I have never spent. You will,
perhaps, think it strange, dear reader, that my conscience should be so
much at ease; but I must frankly confess that the good action I had
accomplished, and the happiness I had bestowed, had entirely had the
effect of quieting that internal monitor. Jette was right when she said
that I had already obtained some influence over her father; for I can
positively assert that my sudden and public announcement of the state
of affairs had been taken in good part. I was all activity and
excitement; and my exuberant mirth, which was almost without bounds,
did not permit a serious word, scarcely a serious thought. I obliged
them all to exert themselves, and fly about in order to make
preparations for a little dance in a round summer-house at one end of
the garden: the Justitsraad had to send to the village for two
fiddlers; his wife had to give out sheets and curtains to make hangings
for the walls; the young ladies wove garlands; Gustav and I
manufactured chandeliers out of barrel-hoops and vegetables. Everybody
was set to work, and before the evening the prettiest little ball-room
that could be was arranged; and the people on the estate declared they
had never seen anything so splendid before; 'but, to be sure, there had
never been a betrothal feast in the family before.'
'You are a clever fellow, Carl,' said the Justitsraad; 'you have got
this up so prettily and so well, that one might almost give a real
ball. Were it not that I should have my wife and children up in arms
against me, I really fancy I should like a dance. But there would be
too many difficulties in the way.'
Hanne flew up to her father, and hugged him in her joy; he was taken at
his word, and nothing else was talked of but the ball, which in the
course of eight days was to be given to celebrate Jette's betrothal.
'We will set about writing the invitations at once,' said Hanne; 'there
is an hour or more yet before the people are to begin to dance, and we
have nothing to do. Let us fetch pen, ink, and paper; I will dictate,
and Carl shall write; it will be done directly, almost, and early
to-morrow morning we shall send off the invitations. So, all the
difficulties are overcome. Now, cousin, mend your pen; you write a good
hand,' said Hanne.
'Write! No, that I won't,' thought I. 'I shall take good care not to
betray myself by that.'
'Gustav can write what you want; I have hurt my hand,' said I, looking
round; but Gustav and Jette had both disappeared.
'How? Let me see,' said Hanne. 'It is not true. Gustav and Jette have
gone into the garden; we must let them alone; so you shall come, and
you may as well do it at once.'
'But I have really hurt my finger, Hanne; it is extremely painful. I
shall not be able to make the most wretched pothooks--my finger is
quite swollen.'
'Or rather you are extremely lazy, and won't take the trouble,' said
Hanne. 'But at least you shall help me to write a list of the people to
be invited, before I forget half of them; I have got them all in my
head just now, and your pothooks are good enough for that. Begin now!
Put down first our neighbours who were here yesterday. Kammerraad[5]
Tvede, with his wife, his two daughters, his son, and the tutor. Have
you got them down?' Hanne looked over my shoulder at the paper. 'But
what in the world stands there?' she asked.
'Kammerraad Tvede, with his wife, his two daughters, his son, and the
tutor,' I replied. 'These are Greek characters, Hanne; I can write
nothing but Greek with this finger.'
'But I can't read Greek, you refractory monster!' cried Hanne,
dolefully.
'You must learn it, then, Hanne. Task for task; if you force me to
write the list, I will force you to read Greek.'
'That's right, my boy!' exclaimed the Justitsraad, laughing heartily.
'If one gives the girls an inch, they are sure to take an ell; they
would take the command of us altogether, if they could.'
After a great deal of joking and foolery, we accomplished making out
the list, and the last name given was that of my good uncle, the worthy
pastor, whom it was my purpose to visit, and whose guest I would be
before the sun rose on the following day.
'Do you know him, too?' I asked, with a feeling of mingled surprise and
annoyance.
'He confirmed both Jette and me,' said Hanne; 'he is an excellent man,
therefore I kept him to the last. You can hardly imagine how much we
are all attached to him. If ever I marry, he shall perform the
ceremony, I think you must remember him; at least, you saw him in this
house more than once when you were here as a child.'
'Very true. I think I recollect him; he is a tall, old man, with a
hooked nose. Yes, I remember him distinctly.'
This time, at least, I had no need to help myself out with lies! In a
situation such as mine, one seizes with avidity every opportunity to
speak truth; it is so very refreshing when one is up to the ears in
untruth.
Our chandeliers answered their purpose exceedingly well: the fiddlers
scraped loudly and merrily, and the floor shook under the powerful
springs and somewhat weighty footing of the country swains and damsels
who were dancing in honour of Miss Jette's betrothal. I had taken a
turn in the waltz with each of the village belles, and danced that
furious _Fangedands_ with Hanne--a dance that one must have seen the
peasantry execute, in order to form an idea how violent it is. Glee and
good-humour reigned around, and even the Justitsraad entered heartily
into the joyous spirit which seemed to prevail. And, although from time
to time, he whispered to me, 'I ought to be very angry at you--you have
played me a pretty trick,' yet he was not in the slightest degree
angry; on the contrary, he submitted with an extremely good grace to
what he could not help. But I--I who had been the originator and cause
of all this gaiety and gladness--I felt only profound melancholy, and
stole away to indulge in it amidst the most lonely walks of the garden,
or in the wood beyond. The hour of my departure was drawing rapidly
near.
Perhaps you may imagine, dear reader, that it would be impossible for
me to be sad or serious. Could you have beheld me wandering about the
grounds alone, that September evening, when every one else was dancing,
you would have found that you were mistaken in your opinion of me. I
ascended the sloping hill, on which stands Hanne's favourite swing. By
day the view from thence is beautiful; and even at night it is a place
not to be despised. The garden, stretching out darkly immediately
beneath, looked like an impenetrable wood. The moon was in its first
quarter, and therefore shed but a faint uncertain light over objects at
a little distance, while its trembling rays fell more brightly on the
far-off waves of the Baltic Sea, making them appear nearer than they
really were. On the right, the walls and chimneys of the dwelling-house
gleamed through the openings of the trees; on the left, light blazed
from the illuminated summer-house, whence came the sound of a hundred
feet, tramping in time to the overpowered music. All else was as still
around me as it generally is in the evening in the country, where the
occasional bark of some distant dog, with its echo resounding from the
wood, is the only sign of life. Behind me lay the pretty grove; and
above my head stood the swing, on one of whose tall supporters my name
was fastened in derision.
Had you seen how carefully I detached the piece of paper from the wood,
and placing myself in the swing where I had sat with Hanne, allowed
myself to rock gently backwards and forwards, while I gazed on the
strange name that had become dearer to me than my own, because _she_
had pronounced it and written it, you would have perceived that I also
could have my sad and serious moments. But people of my temperament
seek to avoid observation when a fit of blue-devils seizes them, and
only go forth among their fellow-beings when the fit has subsided.
Jette and Gustav took me by surprise. They had passed in silence
through the garden, and arm-in-arm they had as silently ascended the
little eminence.
'What, you here! in solitude, and so serious, dear cousin?' said Jette;
'you look quite out of spirits. Everyone connected with me should be
happy on this my betrothal day, and I must reckon you among the nearest
of those--you, whom I have to thank for my happiness. Come and take a
share in the joy you have created; if I did not know better, I might be
inclined to fancy that you are grieving over the irreparable loss you
have had in me: you really do assume such a miserable countenance.'
'Do not ridicule me, Jette; I have perhaps just lost more than I can
ever be compensated for.'
'It is well that a certain person in Berlin cannot overhear what
politeness induces you to say in Zealand,' replied Jette. 'But a truce
to compliments at present, they only cast a shade of doubt over your
truthfulness: keep them for those who know less of your affairs than I
do, and let us speak honestly to each other. In reality, you are glad
not to become more nearly connected with us than you are already: you
cannot deny that.'
'Do you think so? And if that were far from the fact?--if, on the
contrary, that were the cause of my melancholy--the knowledge of the
impossibility of my being so--what would you say?'
'I should be under the necessity of pitying you very much, poor
fellow!' said Jette, laughing. 'But who would have thought that this
morning?'
'You may indeed pity me, Jette, for when I leave this place my heart
and my thoughts will remain behind, with you--with all your dear
family; and I must leave you soon.'
'Soon! Are you going abroad again?' asked Gustav.
'Two days after your arrival among us!' exclaimed Jette; 'no, no, we
cannot agree to that.'
'And yet it must be,' I said. 'I shall be gone, perhaps, sooner than
you think. I have my own peculiar manner of coming and going, and ...'
'But what whim is this, Carl?' asked Jette, interrupting me. 'Did you
not come to spend some time with us? You may depend on it my father
will not hear of your going, though our wishes and requests may have no
influence over you.'
'I am compelled to go, dear Jette; I must leave you for some time.
Perhaps we shall meet again ... but should that be impossible, I shall
write you, if you will permit me. And when I am gone, will you take my
part, if I should be made the subject of animadversion? Let me hope,
dear Jette, that you and Gustav will think kindly of me, and that on
the anniversary of this day you will not forget me when you stroll
together through that wood which was this morning the scene of my
dismissal.'
They both shook hands with me.
'But Carl, I hardly understand you,' said Jette; 'you are so grave, so
strange; you speak as if we were about to part for ever. Have you any
idea of settling in Berlin?'
'I beseech you, Jette, speak not of Berlin--that was a subterfuge, a
story, which came suddenly into my mind; I could not pitch upon any
better excuse wherewith to upset your father's plan in a hurry, or I
would not have lied against myself. I assure you I have never put my
foot in Berlin, nor am I betrothed to anyone.'
Jette stepped back a few paces, and fixed on me a look of surprise and
earnest inquiry.
'What!' she exclaimed, 'you have never been at Berlin? You have told
what is not true about yourself to help me? You are not engaged?'
'No; as certainly as that I stand at this moment in your presence, I am
not engaged, and have never attempted to become so. I have only put
myself in the way of receiving one refusal in my life,' I added,
smiling, as Jette began to look suspiciously at me, 'and that was this
morning in yonder wood. Were it not superfluous, I could with ease give
you the most minute particulars.'
There was a short silence; then Jette exclaimed,
'You are a noble creature, Carl; may God reward you, for I cannot. But
day and night I will pray for your welfare.' She was much affected, her
voice faltered. Gustav shook my hand cordially.
'My dear friends,' said I, 'do not accord to me more praise than I
deserve, for the higher one is praised the greater is the fall when
opinions change. Hear me before you promise to pray for me, and let me
tell you how ... but no, no, let me keep silence--let me say nothing.
Pardon my seeming caprice. Promise me that you will be my sincere and
unshaken friends, and let us go and dance again. May I have the honour
of engaging the bride for the next waltz?'
I had been on the point of confessing all my foolish pranks, and how I
was imposing on them; but false shame prevented me. Was it better or
not? I scarcely knew myself. I begged them to accompany me back to the
summer-house. In the alley of pine-trees which led to it we met Hanne,
who, according to her own account, was looking about for us; she almost
ran against us before she perceived us.
'But, good Heavens I have you all become deaf? I have been calling you
over and over, without receiving the slightest answer, and now I find
you gliding about in deep silence, like ghosts, scaring people's lives
out of them. I suppose Carl has been amusing himself, as usual, with
mischief, and has been haunting you two poor lovers, and disturbing
you. Do you not know, Carl, that you have no sort of business to be--in
short, are quite an incumbrance where Jette and Holm are? Now answer
me--do you know this, or do you not, Carl?'
'No,' I replied, shortly.
'"_No!_" Is that a fitting answer to a lady? Be so good as to reply
politely. I must take upon myself to teach you good manners before you
go abroad again, else we shall have reason to be ashamed of you.'
And then she began to hum the song of 'Die Wiener in Berlin:'
'In Berlin, sagt er,
Musz du fein, sagt er,
Und gescheut, sagt er,
Immer sein, sagt er....'
'I wish Berlin were at the devil, Hanne!' I exclaimed, interrupting
her; 'that is my most earnest desire, believe me.'
'A very Christian wish, and expressed in choicely elegant phraseology,
everyone must admit.'
'Only think, Hanne, he has _never_ been at Berlin, and is _not_
betrothed there. Carl only made these assertions because he could think
of no other way of making my father agree to our wishes,' said Jette,
almost crying.
'What! he is not engaged? He has never been in Berlin? Well! he is the
greatest story-teller I ever met. Did he not stand up, and make
positive declarations of these events, with the most cool audacity? It
is too bad. Lying is the worst of all faults--it is the root of all
evil.'
'No, my little Hanne, idleness is the root of all evil.'
'I dare say you abound in that root too. But I don't think you can ever
have studied the early lesson-books, from which all children should be
instructed. I shall myself hear you your catechism to-morrow, and
rehearse to you the first principles of right and wrong; so that when
you leave us, you may be a little better acquainted with the doctrines
of Christianity than you are at present.'
'But he leaves us to-morrow, Hanne; he has assured us of that.'
'We positively will not allow him to make his escape,' said Hanne. 'At
night we shall lock him in his room, and during the day Thomas shall
watch him. That boy sticks as fast as a burr,--he won't easily shake
him off.'
'But suppose I were to get out by the window? You cannot well fasten
that on the outside.'
'And break your neck, forsooth. No, no; that way of making your exit
won't answer.'
'Oh, people can climb up much higher than my window, and descend again
without breaking their necks,' said I.
Jette and Gustav coloured violently.
'Well, we can discuss that point to-morrow. This evening, at least, you
will remain with us, on account of its being Jette's betrothal day.
Come, give me your arm, and let us take a walk; it is charming, yonder
in the garden--within the summer-house one is like to faint from the
heat.'
We strolled on, two and two, in the sweet moonlight; sometimes each
pair sauntering at a little distance from the other--Hanne and I
chatting busily, while Gustav and Jette often walked in the silence of
a happiness too new and too deep for the language of every-day life.
'Is it really true that you are going to leave us?' asked Hanne.
'It is, indeed, too true; I must quit this place.'
'Why? if I may venture to ask. But do not tell me any untruth.'
'Because I have been here too long already--because a longer residence
among you all ... near you, dear Hanne, would but destroy my peace.'
'I expressly desired you not to tell me any lies. Good Heavens! is it
impossible for you to speak truth two minutes together?'
'And is it impossible for you to speak seriously for two minutes
together? What I have just said is the honest truth.'
'Humph! However, tell me, is it true or not true that you are engaged
in Berlin? Who have you hoaxed--Jette and me, or my father and mother?
I beseech you speak truth this once.'
'If any one is hoaxed, it is your father, Hanne; but at the moment I
could think of nothing else to shake his determination, or I certainly
should not have composed such a story, for telling which I blamed
myself severely.'
'Oh, of course I believe you! To make a fool of one's own excellent
uncle! It is a sin that ought to lie very heavy on your conscience,
Carl. It is almost as great a sin as to make fools of one's cousins.'
'That is a sin from which I hope you will absolve me. Ah, Hanne! what
has most distressed me was, that my character must have appeared
dubious in your eyes. From the first moment I was wretched, because I
could not tell you that it was only a pretended engagement.'
'I do not see what _I_ have to do with your being betrothed in Berlin
or not. As far as I am concerned, you might be betrothed in China, if
you liked.'
'Your gaiety of temper makes you take everything lightly, and yet it is
you who have taught me that life has serious moments. You have
transformed me, Hanne; if you could only know what an influence the
first sight of you, the night I arrived here, has exercised upon my
fate ...'
'Indeed! Do tell me all about it; what was the wondrous and fearful
effect of the sight of me?' said Hanne, laughing.
'Dear Hanne, without intending it, you have pitched upon the right
words, in calling it "wondrous and fearful." Yes, it will follow me
like a heavy sentence from a judgment-seat, ever reproaching me with my
thoughtlessness. Awake, and in dreams, will I implore forgiveness; I
will kneel and pray for it. Look at me once more with that captivating
glance which, yon evening, made me forget myself, and tell me that you
will not hate me--loathe me--despise me: see, upon my knee I entreat
one kind look--one kind word!'
I had actually fallen on one knee before Hanne, and had seized her
hand--
'Let my hand go, you are squeezing it, so that you quite hurt me. That
is not at all necessary to the part you are acting. Get up, cousin; you
will have green marks on your knees, and I can't endure to see men in
such an absurd, old-fashioned plight. You should be thankful that it is
no longer the mode, when one is making love in earnest, to fall down on
one's knees. These pastoral attitudes are very ridiculous; they savour
of a shepherd's crook, and a frisky lamb with red ribbon round its
neck.'
I arose quite crestfallen.
'At any rate I must allow that you promise to be a capital actor,'
added Hanne. 'Next Christmas, when you come back, we shall get up some
private theatricals: that will be charming! Last year we could not
manage them, because we had no lover; Holm positively refused to act
the part, unless I would undertake to be his sweetheart; and a play
without love is like a ball without music.'
'Hanne, let us speak seriously for once. I really am going away, and
shall be gone, perhaps, before you expect it; for I hate farewell
scenes. It is not without emotion that I can think of leaving my
amiable cousins, and God only knows if we shall ever meet again. Laugh
at me if you will, I cannot forbid your doing that; but believe me when
I tell you that your image will be present with me wherever I may go,
and ...'
'You will travel in very good company, then,' said Hanne, interrupting
me.
'Let me take the happy hope with me that I shall live in your friendly
remembrance. Sink the cousin if you choose, dear Hanne; cousinship is
not worth much, and let the term _friend_ supersede it. That is a
voluntary tie, for which I should have to thank but your own feelings.
It is as a friend that I shall think of you when I go from this dear
place, and as a friend that your image will follow me throughout the
world.'
'Oh, it won't be very troublesome to you,' said Hanne. 'As to me, I
don't happen to be in want of cousins, still less of friends. Let me
see, in what office shall I instal you? Make a confidant of you? We do
not employ any in our family; I am my own confidante: assuredly I could
have none safer. I shall follow in this the example of my silent
sister, who never gave me the slightest hint of her love for Gustav. A
counsellor? Truly, such an accomplished fibber would make a trustworthy
counsellor? No, I am afraid, if you throw up the post you hold, you
will find it difficult to replace it by any other.'
'Very well, let me retain it then, but not as the gift of chance. You
must yourself, of your own free will, bestow on me the title of your
cousin, your chosen cousin: that is a distinction of which I shall be
proud.'
'And will you, then, promise to come back at Christmas, and act plays
with us?'
'I promise you into the bargain a summer representation, before autumn
is over,' said I. 'The Fates only know if I shall preserve the dramatic
talent I now have until winter.'
I had caught a portion of Hanne 's gaiety, and my sentimental feelings,
so much jeered at, shrank into the background.
'Then I will dub you my cousin of cousins; and besides, on account of
your many great services and merits, I will confer on you the
distinguished title of my court story-teller.'
'And on the occasion of receiving this new title, I must, as in duty
bound, kiss your hand; wherefore I remove this little brown glove,
which henceforth shall be placed in my helmet, in token of my vassalage
to a fair lady.'
'No, stop! give up my glove, cousin--I cannot waste it upon you. It is
a good new glove, without a single hole in it. Give it up, I tell you;
the other will be of no use without it.'
She tried to snatch it from me, but I held it high above her head, and
speedily managed to seize its fellow-glove.
'You must redeem them, Hanne; a kiss for each of the pair is what I
demand; and they are well worth it, for they are really nice new
gloves. I will not part with them for less.'
'I think you must be a fool, Carl, to fancy for one moment that I would
kiss you to recover my own gloves. No, I will die first,' she
exclaimed, in a tone of comic indignation.
In answer to her mock heroics, I apostrophized the gloves in glowing
terms, finishing with--'On your smooth perfumed surface I press my
burning lips. Tell your fair mistress what I dare not say to her, what
I at this moment confide to you.' I kissed the gloves.
'Well, well, give me back my gloves and I will let you kiss me,' said
Hanne. 'But it shall be the slightest atom of a kiss, such as they give
in the Christmas games, the most economical possible; it must not be
worth more than four marks, for that was the price of the gloves. Now,
are you not ashamed to take a kiss valued so low?'
'No, I will take it. But the value I put upon it is very different, for
the slightest kiss from your lips, Hanne, is worth at least a million.
You will make me a _millionnaire_, Hanne.'
I gave her the gloves, and was just on the point of kissing her, when
the voice of the Justitsraad broke on the silence around, calling,
'Jette, Hanne, Carl, hollo! where are you all?'
'Here,' cried Hanne, bursting away from me. 'We are coming.'
'But dearest, dearest Hanne! my kiss--my million?'
'We will see about it to-morrow; you must give me credit this evening.'
'My dearest Hanne, to-morrow will be too late; for Heaven's sake, have
compassion on me! I am going away to-night; there is no to-morrow for
me here. Give me but half the million now--but the quarter--but the
four marks' worth which you owe me! Dear Hanne, pay me but the smallest
mite of my promised treasure.'
'Nonsense! we must make the best of our way home, or we shall be well
scolded.'
Gustav and Jette joined us at that moment. The gloves and the kiss were
for ever lost!
'Why, children, what has become of you, all this time?' exclaimed the
Justitsraad. 'Come in now, and have a country-dance with the good folks
before we leave them and go to have some mulled claret. Stop, stop,
Carl, you can't dance with Hanne; she is engaged to one of the young
farmers. You must take another partner. There is poor Annie, the lame
milkmaid, she has scarcely danced at all; it is a sin that she is to
sit all the evening, because one leg is a little shorter than the
other. Go, dance with her.'
'Don't turn the poor girl's head with your enormous fibs,' cried Hanne
to me, as I was entering the summer-house. 'Have pity on her
unsophisticated heart, and do not speculate upon _a million there_; the
herdsman would probably not allow it.'
'A million? The herdsman? What is all that stuff you are talking?'
asked her father.
'Ill-nature--downright ill-nature, uncle.'
'Fie! cousin; that is not a chivalrous mode of speaking. But do go and
foot it merrily with lame Annie, and I promise you the dance shall last
at least an hour.'
The dance was over--the mulled wine was finished--the happy Gustav had
gone to his home--the family had bid each other good night, and I was
alone in my chamber.
'This was the last evening,' thought I to myself; 'the short dream was
now over, and I had to leave that pleasant house, never more to return
to it.' A deep sigh responded to these reflections. 'My deception will
soon be discovered; they will revile and despise me. I shall most
probably be the cause of their being exposed to the ridicule of the
whole neighbourhood; that will annoy them terribly, and they will be
very angry that anyone should have presumed to impose so impudently on
their frank hospitality. And my kiss ... my million ... the realization
of that delightful promise!... What if I were to remain yet another
day--half a day--another morning even? Remain!--in order to add another
link to the chain which binds me here, and which I am already almost
too weak to sever? No--I will go hence. In about an hour the moon will
set, and when its tell-tale light is gone I will go too. One short
hour! Alas! how many melancholy hours shall I not have to endure when
_that one_ has passed. It is incomprehensible to me how I became
involved in all this. Chance is sometimes a miraculous guide, when we
allow ourselves to be blindly led by it. But a truce to these tiresome
reflections; I have no time to think of anything but Hanne, now that I
am about to leave her for ever ... _For ever!_ These are two detestable
words. Everything is now quite still in the house. I hear no sound but
poor Pasop, rustling his chains in his kennel; he will not bark when he
sees it is only I passing. They are all friendly to me here, even the
very dogs; yet how false I have been to them!'
I threw my clothes and other little travelling appurtenances into my
_valise_, and opened the window.
'But ought I to run away without leaving one word behind? The worthy
family might be alarming themselves about me. What shall I write? I
suppose I must play the cousin to the end; at any rate I must try to
put them on a wrong scent. I shall address my note to Hanne, that she
may see that my last thoughts were with her.'
I seized a pencil and wrote:--
'Hanne's cruelty has caused my bankruptcy and my flight. She could
have made me a _millionnaire_, but she has left me a beggar. Poor and
sad I quit this hospitable house, leaving behind my blessings on its
much-respected and amiable inmates, including the hard-hearted fair one
who has compelled me to seek a refuge at Fredericia, which, from the
time of Axel, has afforded _jus asyli_ to unfortunate subjects.'
I stuck the paper in the dressing-glass, where it would speedily be
observed.
I had played out my comedy, and the sober realities of life were now
before me. I fell into a deep reverie, which lasted until the first
dawn of day, when I started up to prepare for my departure. First, I
threw my carpet-bag out of the window, and then, getting out myself
upon the tree, and cautiously descending from branch to branch, I
reached the ground safely and quietly. Taking a circuitous route, I at
length passed the woody village near my uncle's abode; and the sun
stood high in the heavens when, weary and dispirited, and out of humour
with the whole world, I entered the parsonage-house.