AT TABLE
THE matter with which we have especially to do just now is the
manners of the eater. The table may be simply or elaborately laid,
as circumstances and taste dictate. It goes without saying that
every housekeeper will have her board as attractive in appearance as
possible, and that she will never omit the bowl or vase of flowers
from the center of it. If her purse will not allow this decoration in
midwinter she may substitute a potted plant or a vase containing a few
sprays of English ivy, or wandering-jew.
* * * * *
The men never sit down until the women are seated. Each man draws out
for her the chair of the woman who sits next him. Even in the quiet
home-life this practise should be observed, and husband or son must
always draw from the table the chair in which the wife or mother is to
sit, and remain standing until she is seated. The host is seated last.
As soon as all are at the table the napkin is unfolded and placed
across the knees. It need not be opened wide, unless it is a small
breakfast or luncheon serviette.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: CARVING THE ROAST]
If a man undertakes to carve game or a roast he should learn to do it
well and quietly, _never_ sharpening his knife to the annoyance of his
guests or rising from his seat for a better “hold.” Many women carve
excellently, but as there is a feeling that it is a difficult thing
to do, a clever guest who knows his hostess well, will sometimes beg
leave to take her place for the performance of this task. When the
hostess begins to eat, the others follow her example. All food must be
eaten slowly, and, above all, noiselessly. Many a fastidious person
has had her enjoyment of her soup spoiled by the audible sipping of it
by her vis-à-vis or her next neighbor. The soup should be lifted from
the plate by an outward sweep of the spoon, and taken quietly from
the side, not the tip, of the spoon. It is bad form to break bread or
crackers into the soup, and the plate containing the liquid should
never be tipped in order to obtain every drop of the contents.
* * * * *
Fish is not to be touched with the knife. There is reason for this.
The cutting of some delicate sea-food with a steel knife affects the
flavor of it, and renders it less delicate. The flesh is so tender
that it may be cut with a silver fork, and this is the only implement
permitted in its manipulation. The same rule applies to salads, which
are never, by the followers of conventionality, touched with the knife.
Lettuce is, before serving, broken into bits of a convenient size to be
carried to the mouth. If this is not done, the eater should cut it with
the side of the fork, or fold each bit over into a convenient size for
eating.
[Sidenote: USES OF THE KNIFE]
It should not be necessary to remind people in this day that the
knife must only be used for the purpose of cutting food. When it has
fulfilled this duty, being wielded by the right hand, the food being
held in place by the fork in the left, the fork is then taken in the
right hand, and the knife laid, with the edge turned outward, across
the back of the plate. It is generally supposed that all classes know
the use of the knife, yet in a fashionable restaurant there recently
sat a handsomely-attired woman carrying French peas to her mouth with
the blade of her knife. However, it is not so long since Chesterfield
gave elaborate directions as to the proper way to eat with the knife!
“Other times, other manners!”
* * * * *
It is an atrocity to pile several kinds of food upon the fork, mold
them into a small mound with the knife, and then “dump” the load into
wide-open jaws. Each kind of viand should be lifted, a small bit at a
time, upon the fork. Mastication should be absolutely noiseless, and
the process conducted with the lips closed.
* * * * *
Bread, even when hot, may be broken off, a small piece at a time,
buttered upon the plate, then eaten. All hot bread should be torn open
or broken with the fingers, never cut into bits. To butter a slice of
bread by laying it upon the table or, more disgusting still, upon the
palm of the hand, is a relic of barbarism. At breakfast and luncheon
the small bread and butter plate, with a small knife, is set at the
upper left-hand side of the place and the bread should be kept on it.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: HOW TO EAT FRUITS]
Such fruits as apples or peaches are peeled with a small silver fruit
knife, cut into quarters and eaten with the fingers. Oranges are peeled
and then pulled apart or they may—at breakfast—be cut in halves and
eaten with the aid of the sharp-toothed orange spoon. Grapes should be
eaten from behind the half-closed hand into which skin and the seeds
then fall.
It is permissible to use one’s knife to convey salt from one’s
individual salt-cellar, if no tiny spoon for this purpose is supplied.
But the salt shaker is a much more convenient device, though in damp
weather the maid must see that the salt will “shake.”
A mouthful must never be so large as to make it impossible for the
eater to speak if a question be addressed to him while he is disposing
of it. Nor can too great stress be laid upon the duty of slow eating
and thorough mastication of all kinds of food. Not only does it add to
the grace of the table-manners, but it prevents indigestion.
* * * * *
Never touch the food on the plate with the fingers, to push it upon
the fork. If anything must be used for this purpose, let it be a bit
of bread, but, if possible, dispense altogether with assistance of any
kind. The fork should be equal to getting up all that is absolutely
essential, and comfort does not depend upon securing every particle of
meat or vegetables with which the plate is supplied.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SPOON AND THE FORK]
Every year the spoon has fewer uses, and the fork has more. Now, when
it is possible, desserts are taken with the fork where a spoon used to
be employed. Pie, cake, ice-cream and firm puddings, with all kinds of
fruit, are eaten with the fork. Some persons hold a fork awkwardly in
an up and down fashion instead of in the proper graceful horizontal
one. Of course the spoon is still essential for semi-solids, such as
custards, creams and jellies.
There are a few things besides breads of all varieties which one is
allowed to eat with the fingers. Such are Saratoga chips, olives and
small bird-bones,—these last to be taken daintily in the fingertips. It
is no longer considered good form to eat asparagus with the fingers,
although some very well-bred persons still do it. It is certainly an
ugly sight to witness one’s opposite neighbor eating asparagus in this
manner. It is possibly not so unattractive as to see him eat corn from
the cob. But no better way of disposing of this last vegetable has as
yet been invented. If corn is served on the cob, the cob should be
broken into two or three pieces before it is lifted to the mouth. If
one is so unlucky as to drop a fork or spoon, allow the maid to pick
it up and to bring a fresh one, without making any comment whatever. A
glass of wine overturned, however, demands apology and the hope that
the hostess’ cloth will not be irremediably stained.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: AFTER-DINNER COFFEE]
At breakfast, one may drink coffee with sugar and cream, but when
black, or after-dinner coffee is served in a small cup, which is known
as a _demi-tasse_, cream should be omitted. To ask for this when it
is not on the table is the height of rudeness. One should learn to
drink one’s after-dinner coffee without cream. Sugar is, of course,
permissible. There is sense in this dictate of Fashion, as in many of
the other rules laid down by this seemingly arbitrary dame. The coffee
taken at the end of a hearty meal is intended to act as a “settler”
to the repast and to aid the work of digestion. This it does much more
easily when clear than when “qualified” with milk or cream. Before
drinking from a glass of water one should brush one’s lips with the
corner of the napkin.
* * * * *
After the salad course at a dinner, and before the dessert is brought
in, the waitress removes the crumbs from the table, using a tray or
plate and folded napkin for this purpose. When she does this it is
bad form for the guest to lay in the tray any bits of bread that may
be left at his place or to assist the waitress by moving his glass,
salt-cellar, or any other article that may be left on the table. A
good waitress removes salt-cellars, pepper-cruets and such articles,
before crumbing the table, leaving only the glasses at each place. It
is her business to do all this so quietly and deftly that the guests
are scarcely conscious of it. To further this end, let the whole affair
be attended to by the waitress, and do not seem to notice any lapses on
her part.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE FINGER-BOWL]
At the end of the meal the finger-bowls are used. The ends of the
fingers are dipped in the water, and the lips touched with these; then
mouth and hands are wiped upon the napkin which is left, unfolded, at
the side of the plate, if one is taking only one meal in the house. If
a longer stay is expected, one may watch one’s hosts to see what they
do with their napkins, and follow their example.
Dinner over, the hostess makes the movement to rise, and she, with the
other ladies, proceeds to the parlor. There they are joined later by
the gentlemen. At an informal or family dinner, the men and women may
leave the table together, the men standing aside to let the women pass
out first, and in the drawing-room cigars may be lighted by the men
after they have asked permission of the women to smoke.
All these rules with regard to the company dinner apply to the family
dinner as well. One can not be too careful in observing the laws of
table etiquette in the family circle if one would be at ease in company.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: AVOID APOLOGIES]
One warning I would give to the hostess or homemaker: Do not apologize
unless necessary! If a dish is a signal failure, say with an apologetic
smile that you regret that such a thing was spoiled in the baking, or
that you fear the meat is very rare, and, unless the matter can be
remedied, let it go at that. You but embarrass your guests and put them
to the disagreeable necessity of reassuring you, if you dwell upon the
matter.
* * * * *
The host should never insist that one be served to any dish after it
has been positively declined. To do this is a mistake no matter how
kindly the intention. There is an old saying that one man’s meat is
another man’s poison. If your host insists, however, on helping you
after your refusal, you must for decorum’s sake accept the food but you
need do no more than taste it.
At a formal dinner one is not served a second time to any dish, but
at an informal dinner, what are called “second helps,” are quite
permissible and convey a compliment to the hostess. When a plate is
sent back to the carver for a fresh supply of meat, the knife and fork
should be laid side by side upon it, not held in the hand, as some
persons insist. And when one has finished eating, the knife and fork
are laid in the same manner upon the plate, the tines of the fork up.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE NAPKIN]
The napkin must never be tucked into the neck of gown or shirt, nor
must it be fastened to the belt or the waistcoat button. After one
leaves the nursery one should be able to eat without a bib.
One of the characteristics of a well-appointed house is an abundance
of fresh linen, including clean napkins, if possible, at every meal,
certainly every day at dinner. A large napkin for dinner use is
handsome, but it may be too large for convenience. No one wishes to
be smothered by a “young table-cloth,” as some one has called these
immense serviettes. Breakfast napkins are distinctly smaller than
dinner napkins.
[Sidenote: MINOR TABLE LAWS]
At breakfast a blue and white service is often liked and is certainly
pretty. At dinner the china may be as costly as one can afford. If the
purse is limited, the plain white or gold-band is a good choice, making
a quietly elegant appearance and being easily replaced.
In drinking coffee use the spoon to stir it slightly and to sip from,
but never leave the spoon in the cup.
When a fowl is carved if your host asks which piece you prefer it is
entirely correct to express a preference, and indeed you will probably
embarrass him if you decline to do so.
A wine-glass should be lifted to the lips by the stem, not by the bowl.
A waitress should be cautioned against the common practise of handing
dishes and particularly water glasses with the thumb stuck inside the
rim.
Never tip the soup plate to get the last mouthful.
The nervous habit some people have of playing with the silver or
crumbling bread on the cloth looks very bad.
Artichokes are broken apart with the fingers, the heart being conveyed
to the mouth on the fork.
One should sit easily erect at table at a convenient distance from the
board. Do not sit on your spine.
If you are in doubt as to how to proceed with any course, take a cue
from your hostess.
Eggs, when boiled, should be served in individual egg cups, opened by
lightly cracking the top of the shell with the knife, and eaten from
the shell by the aid of tiny egg spoons.
It should go without saying that when a dish is passed, one should
always take the portion one touches; do not presume to make a choice of
rolls or of fruit.
Never put salt on the cloth.
To attempt to assist the waitress by gathering together the articles
before you, is a mistake. Leave that to her, and appear unconscious of
her presence while she is so engaged.
To hand a dish across the table is distinctly bad form. This habit has
been designated as “the boarding house reach.”